My Brother

There is something quite special about the bond that brothers share, which can transform from idolship to sibling rivalry to even best friends. It is not exactly the same as it is with brother and sister, because there is always a part of me that wants to take care of my sister, not in the same way as I would with my brother. It's a more masculine relationship, and though we might not necessarily fight, compliments and gratitude do not flow in the same natural fashion from one to another. I found that for me, we have to learn it when we speak to someone else about our brothers,

It is with boredom last night that I decided to watch my first Korean movie. My friends and family (like most of Asia now) have been swamped with Korean dramas and movies, but I have been a laggard, only succumbing a week's ago by Korean actor Won Bin's boyish charm. When I was back in Singapore, a friend had recommended this movie "My Brother" saying that it was quite good, but I didn't really act on it till a few weeks ago when it was placed in the specials bin.

In a typical story about two brothers brought up by their mother, there are many surprises along the way. The elder brother, Sung-Hyun (Shin Ha-kyun), is born hare-lipped and the mother works hard to afford him through operations to cure him. He is studious but timid. In expressing her biased love for the older boy because of his "imperfection", she openly neglects her younger son, Jong-Hyun (Won Bin) and he turns out, not surprisingly, to be stronger and rebellious. As they step through adolescence and their teenage years trying to discover themselves, they naturally grow further apart because of their differences. It takes a freak incident of their mother losing her savings to bring them closer together, understanding the sacrifices that they both make for each other, and why their mother so strongly favoured one over the other. The story might be familiar but there is surprisingly no romance, which makes for a fresh change and both actors give rather polished performances for their relative young ages, eliciting shared emotions from the viewers as well, making it a rather personal and enjoyable experience for me.

One of the most poignant scenes is when the elder brother wants his younger brother to call him "brother" once again but the wilful boy doesn't. Watching this movie reminded me of my relationship with my brother. Like them, we share a closer connection to our mother, and though our mother was not that biased, I could always tell that Julian was the apple of her eye. I didn't feel inferior or jealous, but there were few incidents along the way that made me feel like the younger (more disadvantaged) brother in the movie. On the same note, I might not see the different perception that my brother might have on my mother's "preferential" treatment towards me as well.

Julian and I moved through stages. I remember him when he was a little boy (there is a 4 year age gap) and how I would love to kiss him because he was so cute when he was a boy (and my parents were the kissy sort). He would in turn end up scratching my face, ending up with scars on my face as I grew up. He never "indulged" in hero-worship, or would not comment on it like my sister did, because I think he was terribly private, even when he was younger. We didn't fight like most brothers do, but we would do things to irritate the shits out of each other, like slapping each other for no reason and telling lies like brothers sometimes do to parents, so that the other would get into trouble. Then, he became a Christian, parted and we went different ways.

It was only through us living in Australia outside the family, that we were acquainted once again and this sharing allowed us to rekindle and redevelop the brotherhood bond that I felt never hit puberty. For the first time, I was matured enough to realise that it was my big opportunity, not only to do my part as a brother, but also to show how much I care for him. I believe that my independence in Australia and my personal acceptance for who I am allowed me to be comfortable enough to show my love. Though we would not be kissing, hugging or touching each other because I respect his privacy (that hasn't changed), I feel that through the years that we lived together, I knew him as a person instead of just my brother.

Now that he is back in Singapore and away, and in some respects, I know we will never be as closed again, I am happy we had those days together. People who really know us understand that we are poles apart, me for my openness and my emotional being, and him being very private, but I think in spite of the differences (just like the two brothers in the movie), there are many unspoken sacrifices, love and admiration for each other.

I used to grow up with him calling me "brother (哥哥)", but as we grow older, it has now changed to just "James". In some ways, it is a maturing process, but to me it is less endearing. It is interesting that Asian cultures preserve this tradition of having terms for everyone, instead of just using our names, as if it is a replacement for hugs and kisses that our Western counterparts present.

It's not that names necessarily mean anything significant but just like the elder brother in the movie, I wish he would address me as brother once again.