Happy Birthday My Lovely Sister

Happy Birthday my beautiful sister.

You were my perfect "partner in crime" though you were always too good to be bad, if you know what I mean. Since I am almost three years older than you are, and I grew up practically alone until you came along, I can't really remember playing with you while you were a baby. I do remember our years together as children, playing games with our neighbours and cousins downstairs or along the corridors of our flat, and especially how we were angry with Julian once, and in a fit of anger and frustration, how he stormed back to our flat, only to be trapped in the lift. It was funny to us then, but not so much later when we both received a scolding from Mum for abandoning him.

I also remember how you would always stand up brave and purchase toy cars for Julian, who was always too shy to go into the store himself. You would always have your revenge when you would shout from the store with the car in your hand, pretending that you weren't sure, back to Julian who would probably be hiding near a bush, if that was the right purchase. I remember the secret delight that we both share from watching him squirm and run away immediately, but he wouldn't let us go later with his signature stares and pinches that we would suffer.

I don't know why it wasn't me because I was more like a spectator withdrawn, looking into this more intimate relationship that you share with him. Maybe, subconsciously, I was a little jealous of the two of you, or that I was trying to find my place in this world, constantly being reminded by Mum to set an example for the two of you, that I felt a little more isolated, as a result of that.

I know that I wasn't a good example of a brother because I don't think I showered my love or was capable of sheltering you or Julian, and I can only hope that I did my share in my adult years to make it all up. The only time I can remember doing so is playing truant with you for our English tuition lessons with Mrs Pathirana.

I feel guilty sometimes for doing that because she looked like she needed the money, and also because we lied to Dad and Mum. I think it was my rebellion against being cooped up in a birdcage and constantly being monitored and told what to do. Ah ... I guess it's all part of growing up. Still, part of me will never regret doing that because it was our little world that I created, and for once, I did not have to compete with anyone else. It was our secret until it was exposed. We paid a price for it, but nothing can take away the joys I felt, the first time I can remember being a good brother to you, in spite of the irony.

If there was anything I can undo and relive again, I wish that you had the opportunity like Julian and I to travel to another country and lead an independent life before you got married. The time away from our comfort zones allowed us to see ourselves for who we are, to realise and believe in what we are truly capable of. I wish you realise what a strong, wonderful, loving, giving and beautiful person you truly are, contrary to what you may believe. I hope it is not too late for you to realise that only you can make a decision on what you want in life. If you should ever need any love and support, I will always be there for you.

So, for your birthday this year, I wish you strength, love, happiness, and opportunities to many wonders of this world, be it to travel or thrilling self discovery. Thank you for everything that you bring to my life, the joys, the pain, everything, especially my beautiful niece and nephew, whom I adore, as if they were mine. Thank you for accepting and loving me just for who I am, not who you want me to be. I want you to know that I love you very much as well.

As I mentioned on the night of your wedding, there is no one else that I can think of as a better sister and friend, and I want to be there for you if you should ever feel you need someone to hang on to. Thank you Jen.

Sydney Mardi Gras Parade 2008

I had the privilege this year of sharing my Mardi Gras experience with one of my closest familial friend, Himi and her close friend from Tokyo, Keiko. It was a very late decision for them because Keiko was due to arrive the day before and since Himi expressed that Keiko made a very late decision to get the MG Party Tickets, which were sold out, I thought this outing might be a consolation prize of sorts.

Having watched the Parade from the stands in past years, they agreed readily and my advice to them was to dress up and pretend that you are dressing for 紅白, prompting much laughter from Himi, because she knows how crazy I am over Japanese pop culture.

It was an extremely interesting experience watching the proceedings, rehearsals, crowd and the planning stages of the parade right before the start, from their eyes. Participating in the Parade meant that you generally don't get to watch the Parade, but it offers a backstage look, which they were fascinated by, as probably I was during my "debut".

Since this was my sixth and probably my last for a while, I was able to play tour guide. The weather of the week leading up to the Parade was unpredictable and cool at best. The Summer of 2007/8 that never was. There is always a rumour (or truth) that Reverend Fred Nile, who has the strongest protest every year would pray for rain, but this year, since there was a float with 100 Church Ministers, his prayers for rain was probably drowned.

The sky opened up to bright sunny skies that morning and extended throughout the day, though rarely raising the temperature above 23 or 25 degrees, with a slight wind chill factor. So, imagine the slightly cold temperature that some of us had to withstand in our bare bodies, since less is always more during events like this.

Wanting to look my best (affirmation that I am indeed vain) and being spurred on by "paunch" remarks by a friend, and my dear friend Danny Bunny who has been so inspirational with his workout and abs, I took on a stricter routine of adding more cardio from the beginning of this year. I have lost some weight but somehow in my mind, sometimes the word fat still pops up when I viewed the photos of the night. Yes, we can all be so harsh, especially on ourselves.

There is always such a great buzz when the Parade begins. All these people (estimated to be approximately 100,000 people who watched the Parade this year) loving and accepting us for who we are, or just looking at us like how we look at circus performances, I wonder if they understand the significance of this event, and the issues that still affect us as a community. Has Mardi Gras become obsolete as fundamentally a protest, and is just now a giant fashion (freak) parade show, depending on how you see it?

My questions were answered by this beautiful email from Himi after the Parade:

Hi James and John

I just would like to say thank you so much for letting us walk in the parade with you.

I didn't know what to expect first when we turned up to meet you at the starbucks. But

I had a couple of moving moment such as when I was watching many old people who looks so happy practicing dancing while we're waiting on the elizabeth st. I'd ever known how special for the older gay people who survived in this society and now they can march and can be proud of themselves in public. 30 years is a such a long time, they came for long way and it was a really special parade. I was very lucky to be a part of this and see real happiness in people.

I actually got quite emotional when I saw the group holding up the boards showing the 50 legislation against gay which James told me about. I felt Sydney was a very equal and open city for everyone but I was wrong and ignorant. Reading the words on the board made me think that Australia is actually conservative and backwards!!!!

The words on the board made me reminded of gay who are not treated in equal here. I still can' t believe as we live in 2008 and in the age gay/lesbian can get married in Europe. I believe that everyone is so different anyway, we should be able to live in a society where we can be accepted as who we are.

It was a great experience to be a part of the parade and it gave me a opportunity to think and reflect about the society we live. I really hope this society is keep improving and we'll get the truly equal county for everyone.

It is such a lovely email and I hope Himi doesn't mind me sharing it because it is an affirmation that people can still get so much out from this Parade. Yes, there are many good things that have eventuated, but there are still many issues that affect us as a "minority" and many other community groups in the same situation as well. It is wonderful that an "outsider" can still view the importance of the Mardi Gras Parade that may have been forsaken by others.

It is a sign that gay people can still have fun (as in the initial meaning of the word "gay"), and we can lift our heads high and walk proud in spite of the discriminations we can face and the inequalities.

Lastly, here are some "backstage" photos of the Parade that I took personally on the evening. Since it was very chilly, I had difficulty keeping my hands steady during some of these photos. The beads that I am wearing are courtesy from my colleague Bea who grabbed them while she was watching the Mardi Gras Parade at New Orleans.

I had a lot of fun running up to the crowd and giving them high fives and hugging some of them (mostly girls). I posed for photos which I know I will never ever see from strangers but it was such a lovely high. Himi and Keiko were a little more reserved but I was happy that I could share this very special night once again with my darling John and my closest friends.