This is my fun garden where I explore the thoughts and feelings of my happenings or events around me, and also for my friends and future friends (also currently known as strangers) to get to know me and my favourite things. I will also bring upon reviews of movies, books or DVDs that I have watched and would like to share with everyone.
Growing up, New Years Eve was always a time for celebration, big celebrations ... wondering if there was any way to top what I did last year, more exciting adventures, huge crowds, you name it, I've thought of it. I remember dancing on Orchard Road when they closed down the street during my teens or just a phone call with my best friend Terence then, joking that we managed to stay on the phone for a year, as the clock ticked past twelve. Australian memories include celebrating with a huge crowd of strangers at the Rocks which led to sleeping on Manly Beach, and also the posh function at Sydney Opera House, which I never felt lonelier.
In the past year, I came to the realisation that nothing will mean more than the intimacy of friends and loved ones. The most mundane "routine" of gathering with the same people we love will be the ones that we will remember and miss most.
I would like to thank my loving family, John and all my friends for the wonderful year that you have given me. I am indeed a very blessed man. Lastly, here's wishing all of you a loving, healthy and prosperous 2008! May you always experience the simple joys of loving, giving and sharing.
Happiness is shared. I couldn't have had a better birthday party - lovely friends, glorious food and love. It took growing up to realise that special memories don't have to be huge, they just have to be shared with people we love. The glory of love ...
For the past five and a half years that we have been together, we have always celebrated Christmas at John's, and it's a little foreign that it's the first time that I have really felt a feelings of loss and yearning for my family. It could very well just be that I had only returned from a trip, which is the first time in almost ten years that I have timed it so close to Christmas, or just looking at the close times that John shared with his family that made me feel for my family, or just simple disbelief that my nephew and niece has forgotten my dedicated time with them just the past month, because they barely mention it anymore, especially him.
I still had a good time, but I also sensed that I was a little tired. Maybe I have indeed spread myself a little too thin during that visit and then everything that just rushed in at the end of the year, especially at work. Will I do it again? Funnily, I guess that is just who I am, and I wouldn't miss a single moment as I savour every memory as I pace through my photo album. It may not capture the moment as videos might, but memories help replay them like clockwork. I miss them.
I have been telling everyone this year I'm 36 that when I finally turn it today, it no longer feels too much of a surprise. The lines on my face are more evident, my strength is slowly diminishing, but my spirit lies happier. Happier because I have discovered that the secret to my happiness is me and my relationships.
My relationships with every beloved member of my family, relatives, friends and my wonderful lover, all of whom grace my everyday life and fill my heart with so much happiness when I think of the lovely times we share, and the ones that we are about to experience. I have lost some along the way, but this loss only reinforces my focus in life.
I may not have much riches or position in the superficial world to boast about, but if our achievements are judged by love, then I know I am a very rich man. Therefore, for my birthday, I can only wish for happiness and good health, not only for myself, but for everyone around me that I love, so that the lines on my face will not deepen with worry, but be filled with laugh lines as we share our love and our joy. Thank you.
A final special mention to my mother who gave birth to me 36 years ago, suffering almost 20 hours of labour. Thank you for bringing me into this flawed but beautiful world, and everyone for teaching me "the art of giving".
With these words, my mother bade me farewell. Not a fan of goodbyes, I was holding up well up to that point. My sister, usually the first to break down seemed calm and composed. So did my nephew and niece who gave me a hug and kiss. My dad made an exclamation at "How strong my son has become" and I turned to greet my Mum at the end. I pull myself into her soft body as she pressed her lips against my face and she murmured those words, which translates into "I love you my baby", with a tinge of sadness.
It has been such a fruitful and fulfilling trip. 2007 had flown by faster than any other year I remember but these two and a half weeks have been savoured to the last drop. Eating, greeting, sharing, that was my life for my past holiday. In some ways, I believe I might have spread myself a little too thin, but I really enjoyed spending all that time with my family and friends.
Some people wonder why I return to visit my family every year? Why not spend a real holiday at some tourist destination? Why dedicate so much time to take on a holiday to spend time with the family, which really doesn't translate into too much of a holiday.
For those who live near their parents and family, it may sometimes be difficult to understand how one can actually miss their own family. It is only when we are separated by distance that one can realise how important family is. I may be lucky to have a wonderful and loving family, but like many others, I didn't really learn to appreciate them until I hit my 20s, and eventually moved out from home.
The other overriding reason can be attributed to my "guilt". In traditional Chinese cultures, my decision to leave my family behind to pursue a life away, can be perceived as selfish and one of an unfilial son. Over my final dinner party with my relatives, my youngest male cousin questioned my decision to stay in Australia. I totally understood where he came from, that of love and filial piety, and I reassured him that there are rarely days that go by that I do not question my love for my family, and more so for my aging parents.
I explained to him that I heard all that he said, and I took all his points to heart, especially the bit where he said that my Mum would be very upset if I don't come back, but I told him that there are different ways to show love, appreciation and filial piety. I used to live under the same roof, and couldn't be more like strangers with my family. I detested their possessiveness and their need to know my whereabouts all the time. If I am not home by 3 am, I would receive a phone call asking where I am. This may sound all warm and fuzzy, but it isn't when you are in your late 20s.
Leaving Singapore allowed my parents to accept that I have grown up and that I am an adult. It is not easy surviving in a new country but I proved myself and everyone that I could do it. To make sure that my family understands how much I love them more for giving me this wonderful gift of unconditional love, I do everything I can to soothe my guilt of filial piety. I call my parents at least thrice a week, making sure that they are healthy and fine. I bump that up to a call everyday if anyone is unwell to let them know that I care and that I am there. I do my best to spend as much time with them as I can when I am back in Singapore. Even when I am fatigued, I will do my best to accompany them in whatever they want to do.
I don't answer back when I sometimes want to, I accept. I know that it is a "routine" that they don't get to play very often because I am not home, so I listen. I give them encouragement and feedback and we would have conversations that we would never be able to have, if I am always at home. In appreciation for their love, I turn into the perfect son, and I love it. I love their dedication and their devotion. I love the times we spend together and the most mundane things we do. I appreciate and cherish every single moment we spend together because I know that time is limited. It is because of this limitation that I believe we make better use of the moments we have.
I am not saying that I am perfect and a self sacrificing human being. I just wanted to say that I don't love my parents less because I do not live with them. In many ways, I believe I love and cherish them even more. I may be selfish because I choose to live in Australia, but I am still after all, a human being.
I am eternally thankful to my family for loving me so much that they allow me to stay in Australia even though they miss me dearly, because they know I am happy here. That is what my sister wrote in an sms to me. Will we have such a wonderful loving relationship if I was at home? Will I be the perfect son if I was home or would I be looking for ways to live the life I want? These are hypotheses that I cannot confirm. All I know is that a true home lies in the heart, mine and the hearts of loved ones. In my heart, I will always be home, at home with my loved ones. 母亲这一句别辞“我亲爱的宝宝”把我愣住了， 母亲爱的呼唤，我听见了。 泪光莹莹，家人挥别的影像逐渐模糊， 我赤裸的心往熟悉的情景徘回。 不孝之道又浮上心头， 我的选择真的那么自私吗？ 选择自己生活方式就真的代表不孝吗？
If you are reading this section without reading parts 1 to 5, I would strongly encourage you to start from Part 1 because there is a good reason why I classified them into four different parts. It is a segment on my friendships in chronological order, and I hope you will enjoy walking this journey with me.
Lynette and Meei Suey were Leslie's friends first before being mine, and so was Jason. I believe my first meeting with Lynette was during the days when Leslie was experimenting with photography and would draw us out to be his models. We developed a quick friendship and I remember inviting Lynette to be my first date for my Basic Military Training Graduation Ball.
Like Andy and Marcus, both of them are more Westernized, so we got on very well together. We have been keeping email contact over the years and we had a really nice time this year when we met earlier in the morning and ate all the way from breakfast to lunch and then finally dessert at Swensens.
Time flew in those six hours or so that we spent on that day, chatting about our lives, children, Leslie and the past. It was wonderful to feel so comfortable in the company of friends and I believe that we will continue to remain friends long into our older years.
As for Jasone, he is also an Akina fan, but I am grouping him here because he was closer to Leslie than to me. We know another mutual friend Zing, who is now a famous makeup artist in HK. We met during a time when Leslie and I were deep into Japanese music and in 1985, I discovered Familiar Music Library, where Leslie and I would spend most of our days there. It is not surprising that we also ended up with the poorest results for our exams amongst our group of friends because of our devotion to Japanese music.
I remembered Jasone as one of Leslie's friends, and we were more like acquaintances than friends. However, we bumped into each other on the street last year and promised to catch up when I am back in Singapore next time, because it was my last days in Singapore then. Facebook allowed us to catch up a few months ago and we met up for a lovely meal and coffee reminiscing about the old times, friends and of course, Akina. Hopefully, he will be accepted into our VAMP group very soon and we will be able to unite more Akina fan-friends around the world.
I feel really lucky to have such wonderful and loving friends and I want to say Thank you so much for being there for your love, friendship and support. I love you all!!
We met on the Internet through our love for our idol Akina Nakamori, and I am happy to declare that we have added two esteemed members to our FUN gang. We have the evergreens, Danny Bunny, Kenji Fushigi Shounen and Ranbi, and during this trip, we met up with three HK Akina fans, Jerry, Anthony and Tina. We didn't get to spend too much time with Tina, which was a pity, but she seemed a really lovely person. Amazingly, we hit it off immediately with Jerry and Anthony and quickly settled into conversations about Akina and I'm happy to say, deeper into who we are, as human beings.
The "problem" that we used to have is that because of our common love, we rarely talk about ourselves and who we are, in real life. Our conversations usually revolve around Akina and since she has been rather lazy of late, the conversations can quickly taper off into "recycled material". With the introduction of Jerry and Anthony, some of us are able to delve into our personal lives, and it is great to know them as friends, rather than just fellow fans of Akina. Even though we are die-hard fans, we are highly critical of Akina and her mistakes, so we usually have so much fun in whatever we do.
As usual, we proceeded for our annual Karaoke session, and we had lots of fun singing, imitating, and laughing at the lame video clips accompanying the songs. Anthony turned out to be the hidden "diamond" of the group and he serenaded us with many beautifully sung melodies, including the very difficult 「瞳を閉じて」. So, he wins the 最優秀歌唱賞 while the 物真似大賞 goes to Danny Bunny for his impersonation of 水前寺清子's 「浪花節だよ人生は 」, complete with hand chops at the end. H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!! I will upload his video performance as proof as soon as I get his approval.
Although they are my newest group of friends that I made, I dare say that our friendship has grown at an exponential rate because of the generosity, honesty and acceptance within the group. We are proof that people do not need to be physically together all the time to develop strong friendships. All it takes is dedication and a kind loving heart.
Danny is caught out below in the first photo when he told us all to do an Akina pose (photo attached below), but most of us ignored. He protested, so we took another, but this time, our visitors from HK ignored us. Ha! Ha!
A year after I started working, I found that I could combine my love for writing with Marketing when I started studying my Graduate Diploma in Marketing from the Chartered Institute of Marketing at SIC. For the first time, I no longer found myself struggling with concepts and instead of blindly memorising data that I had absolutely no interest in, I could easily apply them to my world. Combined with a new found maturity and attitude towards studying, I managed to do surprisingly well in my studies, in spite of the fact that I was studying part time four nights a week from 7 pm - 10 pm. It was easily one of the most strenuous periods of my life, minus the Army experience because that was almost entirely autocratic, because it takes a lot of discipline to do that for two years. This is combined with examinations every three months and Marketing projects, presentations and case studies every other week.
We discussed about those times recently when I met up with Ivy, Juliana and Darren, and just as we were wondering how we survived the rigour, I realised that it was due to the strong bond that we had developed, that it no longer felt like hard work. I remembered actually looking forward to meeting with my dear friends, who were at that time, closer to me than my family in many ways. We would sometimes chat in class behind the lecturer's back and look forward to every break where we would have a chance to really catch up with others that we didn't sit next to earlier.
On Friday nights, we would even proceed to the nearest MacDonalds and chat till way after they close, and then squeeze into our friend Ben's mini, and zoom off to the airport or any lounge that was open for 24 hours. We would chat all the way till daylight when the first bus operates, and then head back home. Those were really good times that I missed.
Now, even though some of us are parents already, it still felt like those good o'l days as we reminisce about those times we shared, and some significant events that an unfortunate friend will never be able to live down. It is good to know that friendships like this can withstand the test of time. Thanks guys!
Not many people are aware that I used to be a Seagator ten years ago. I worked at Seagate, my first job after I left the army, and worked as an Engineering Specialist (surprise! surprise!). I was not cut out for Engineering but like many other people in Singapore, were sucked into selecting a course of study for survival rather than interest.
Thankfully, the working environment at Seagate Reliability Department is the friendliest I have ever encountered and I made many good friends there. Fortunately, there was rarely any office rivalry and my attempts to create a familial environment of work and fun was generally well accepted. I believe many people already noticed that I was not cut out for Engineering because it was at that time where I discovered my love for writing. I called my writings Seabuzz, where I would share long emails usually about film reviews or things that interest me, like books that have inspired me as such. The most significant piece I wrote (to me) was after the death of my maternal grandmother, where I bared my soul, and hoped that everyone will learn the lesson to cherish all those close to them, and never be afraid to say "I love you".
I also recall the days when I organised outings on Friday nights after work for groups of more than twenty people, and how I really enjoyed that. We would try out new restaurants and pubs, and up to today, I am still thankful to all of them for their kind "attendance". Today, at my current work environment, there are shades of "Seagatedom", but I don't think it is exactly the same.
It was nice to see during this gathering that no one has really changed. The mannerisms, the ideals and the values have remained almost intact, though some have gotten married, while others have remained single. It's good to know that even though we don't catch up as often, not even via emails now, that deep down, I believe we still care for each other as friends. Thank you.
I remember how worried my mother was when I was first drafted into the Singaporean Army. It was a compulsory two and a half years national service and I recall how my mother lamented about my inactivity during secondary school, especially in the department of enrolling in a uniform group (like Army Land, Air, Sea or even Police), that would give me some heads up on surviving the army.
She didn't realise that her slightly pudgy son in secondary school was not an unwilling partner, but a casualty in the selection process for these groups, due to my low physical fitness. I will never forget my Basic Military Training, especially my first two weeks where I realised how much I had taken everything for granted, in particular my parents' love. At 19, I never imagined that one could miss their parents, but the army changed that opinion for me.
Thanks to my relatively good genes, I didn't have one of those "欠打" faces (those that provoke an inertia in someone to hit them), and since I was rather obedient too, surprised everyone in my family and mostly myself, by being awarded "Best in Platoon". I eventually went onto win "Best in Company" when I moved onto the next stage of Army training, and was later transferred to take on the Sergeant course, where I would begin my friendship with Andy, Marcus and Gary.
My dad who was one of the best fathers, would never fail to drive me to the Army camp, and as a result, used to ferry Gary and another friend along. Marcus and Andy are one and two years our junior respectively, and I don't remember any particular incident that helped to cement our friendship, but I believe we just became closer as time went by. The one significant event was us getting together to be Andy's best men when he first married, and the love and support that we provided each other.
The other reason I could attribute my friendship with Marcus and Andy because they were more "洋派" (interested or more influenced by Western cultures), and we got on well together. It was definitely after our army stint that we became closer friends, as I sent all of them on their voyages to Australia and Scotland, where they would study their degrees and come home. I was the last one to leave and the odd one out, opting to stay in Australia eventually.
This year marks the first time in three years that we have managed to gather together because Marcus was away for the past three years, in Sweden and Shanghai. I thought we had lost contact with him forever until I chanced upon his number on my mobile. I tried calling but it rung out, so I decided to send an sms to be safe. He called back within a minute and the meeting was like coming home to a band of brothers. That's what we are, brothers in arms. We have been through the good and the bad times, and we will always care for each other, like brothers do. I certainly hope they feel the same way too. Ha! Ha!
Andy has picked up photography and won an award last year for one of his black and white shots. He invited me out one afternoon for some lifestyle shots or shots that he believes speaks the person's character. Unfortunately, I was feeling the strains of my hectic schedule and hence I didn't think I made a very good model because I was really tired, and I think you could see it in my eyes. On the other hand, I think he would make a better photographic object himself, don't you think. Nonetheless, I am sharing two shots that I liked from this photo shoot.
Come 18th January 2008, I would have been in Australia for ten years. It's hard to believe that I have been away for a decade because it only seemed like five years ago, but this is solid proof that time does fly. The most wonderful thing besides the fact that everyone is mostly still happy and healthy, is that no one has drastically changed in appearance or much in character. It is very satisfying to know that most of my friends have remained who they are, and probably so have I, but then, that again, is up to my friends to make that judgment. I may have matured in many areas of thought, but like many of my fellow mates, the little boy still lives within.
I would like to do a small introduction on each group of friends with the photos accompanying the respective postings. When I first started writing this, I wondered where I would head. After writing two sections, I realised that I was mapping out my history of friends in a chronological order, which has turned out to be very fun. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.
Oldies but Goodies
Unofficially, we call ourselves the "Group of Seven". We were all studying at the same secondary school, Victoria School, and even though I am the only one who has been in the same class with all six other members, we somehow got together for four or five consecutive Christmases at my home, when my parents threw our short lived Christmas celebration. I strongly believed it was during then, and Leslie's foray into photography that cemented our friendships. Hey, come to think of it, we were all "pioneer" models for Leslie when he first started photo shooting.
A couple of us, like Leslie and I, were misfits at school. We were not the populars nor the victims, but somehow, I just feel that we didn't fit into either group. To make things worse, we weren't very sporty too, preferring to spend our time drowning in Japanese music, acerbating our misfit status in our classes. Strangely, we are also the only two right now that are not living in Singapore and pursuing our careers elsewhere. Leslie has moved leaps and bounds while I am pretty satisfied with what I have in my life at the moment.
I have been given the nickname of a chilli padi because of my size and also my bitchiness. I believe I received great training from these group of friends who taught me that there is always a comeback to everything that one can serve. My family members actually enjoy the witty banter that goes on and we can all spend hours laughing over conversations which can unfortunately sometimes venture into nonsense. On the most recent venture, this is a short snippet of conversation that Terence shared with my mother.
We were listening to the radio reporting the winning numbers of the lottery that Sunday night. At the end, Terence shared the news that Mike's niece had topped her secondary school "Normal" stream students (who have to complete a five year secondary school education) and will now be promoted to the Express stream (four years).
Mum: That is fabulous news. I am sure her parents must be overjoyed. This is better than striking lottery and winning a prize.
Terence: No Auntie, it isn't. If you compare how much a year's school fees cost (public school - possibly less than $100), I'd rather strike lottery and win big money. She can stay back for an extra year for all I care. (All laugh)
We have such a long history of over the two decades that we have shared our lives, and it never feels like home until I catch up with close friends like Richie, Mark, Mike and Terence. We are still looking forward to the day that we have all seven people at one location again, but I guess we'll still have to wait.
[Photo: Mike, Terence and I @ Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Parlor on Dempsey Road]
Singapore has always celebrated X'Mas in style. Even though we will never have a white Christmas, the annual decorations lend a festive touch to the season.
