It had been a long time since I last went to a movie with Mum. It could be the first time with just the two of us because my siblings would always be around too. We watched Mandarin movies mostly when we went out with Mum because she was educated in Chinese and didn't understand English unless there were available subtitles. Movies were an escapade for her from having to mind what the three of us were up to, so I don't think she wanted the extra task of reading.
After an invigorating and inspiring trip from HK, I prompted a movie outing to the film "City of Life and Death" (南京!南京!) which if translated directly from its Chinese name, means "Nanking! Nanking!). With a desire to have special time with me, she came along though I understand that she would probably have preferred a lighter hearted movie.
Filmed entirely in black and white, it is a reminder of the great movie "Schindler's List" with similarities running throughout both films. Like the latter film with a generous German character, this film looks through the eyes of a conflicted but sympathetic Japanese soldier.
The "rape" of Nanking or the Nanking Massacre, as this event is more commonly known, takes place during the Second Sino-Japanese War in 1937, where a massive number of Chinese prisoners and civilians were killed. This film attracted plenty of controversy because some critics felt that the film was sympathetic towards the Japanese (as portrayed in the central Japanese human figure as opposed to his ruthless counterparts), but I believe it was the most objective a war film could get.
The film did not shy with any of the atrocities that the Japanese committed - the mass firing, house burning (with thousands of prisoners of war), raping of the women, and the most disturbing to me, the throwing of a helpless child out of the window, but it also offered a human side to war that is not often portrayed. The irony.
People like to think of war in terms of winners and victims and films portray and glorify the fomer, but I think this is where most fails. When will a time come when we realise that there are only victims, no winners. The power hungry people who proclaim themselves winners, those who manipulate and move troops like pawns on a chess game, are the worst losers because they failed to understand the meaning of life.
I do not understand how we can still not learn from these past mistakes and all that suffering, and still engage in power struggles. I guess it is because these power hungry people at the top do not have to make the moves and feel the suffering themselves. They let others do the work and they reap all the benefits. In an ironical sense, it is also a reflection of the world, even in peace times, and we all have to play the game, like the soldiers during the war, for survival.
Most of the criticisms surround how the film does not encourage hatred and was too sympathetic towards the Japanese. This is dangerous ignorance. Life is not about the power over people to destroy. It is easier to hate than to love. Where this power could be used to better the lives of humankind, this is often misused to satisfy one's ego and ultimate self-unworthiness. It is their need to feel better about themselves, and in their efforts to appear omnipotent, they are ostracised and feared, rather than loved and revered.
This is definitely one of the better Chinese movies that I had watched for a long time, and though it is no means of an escapade, it helps reaffirm my priorities in life ... love and relationships, not power. I do not need to overpower someone to feel good about myself. I prefer to give and share, and though I may never be rich in money or status stakes, I am rich emotionally because I know that I have my family and good friends that I can reach out to, when I need them.
We have to play the game of life and survive, but we can choose to play fair. Not everything about life is about choice, but this is one. I am not interested in power. I believe in love instead. The love and respect for my fellow human-kind and a belief that ultimately we will reach a point in life where we will finally realise what life is all about. I just hope it is not too late for some.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Thursday, October 08, 2009
My HK Discovery
Sometimes, I feel that the best way to travel is not to plan too much and just let nature takes it course. That seems to be how I travel these days. I may do a little research for some ideas of what the places of interests are, but not plan a timetable to be at a certain place at a certain time, because then it defeats the purpose of having a holiday as well. Though I may not get to every place of interest, I can take my time to enjoy the place instead of having to rush from point A to B. It allows me to experience the sense of "being" and "in that moment".
Being the "jet-setter" that I am, a nickname that I procured during the past two months because of my closely scheduled holidays, I had no expectations of what I was going to experience in HK. I had a few friends that I wanted to meet and spend time with, and there were a few places of interest to visit, but nothing inked. All I had booked was the hotel and brought was what I printed out of the interactive itinerary from the official HK website, and an instruction sheet on how to get to the hotel from the airport.
I had been told of the wonders of the city but work had been so busy and I had projects and a function to plan right before, so there was no preparation I could do. I was planning to just wander around the streets and do nothing too much. I ever contemplated shortening the trip, but I was aware on my first day that I had too much to visit ... very quickly.
The hotel was much lovelier than I expected, and the first breakfast of fish porridge was a real welcome to this busy city. I stayed on Nathan Road, and it is considered old and dirty looking, but it was love at the first sight for me. After my trip in Europe, I had learned to appreciate history and I enjoyed wandering the streets of old HK. I wanted to eat at all the "dirty" places instead of the glitzy restaurants because they offered so much more local flavour, which was quickly diminishing in many parts of the civilised world.
I enjoyed looking at the old trade and the way that the HK people went about in their lives, especially the older people. HK is possibly one of those places where I see more shirtless men working in hard labour than any other places I had visited. It was probably due to the humidity which was rather high during my visit there. I also experienced the rainy days which I did not enjoy because I ended up walking in wet socks and shoes as a result.
One of the best decisions I made on my second day was to visit the HK Museum of History. There was a special exhibition celebrating 60 years of liberation in Chinese history which I particularly enjoyed. I remember now I was rather interested in history when I was in secondary school but when I moved onto the final two years of my secondary school education, we were forced to take Geography and Literature in my class, instead of History and Literature, which I would have much preferred.
This trip invigorated my interest in Chinese history and I spent about two hours reading through the revolutions, atrocities, tragedies, mistakes, and all the happenings in its rich history. Incidentally, I also decided to go against my previous beliefs that it is better to travel myself than go on a guided tour, and that day marked a new turning point in my trip.
The tour was extremely informative and the tour guide, being very charming and jovial, injected humour within many historical facts to keep us all interested. There was so much to learn and it was great that she was able to laugh at herself and applauded us at the end for being the first group that she took that did not fall asleep when she started talking history.
I shared many of these stories with my three HK friends, Anthony, Jerry and Tina, who remarked that I probably visited more places of interest in HK than they did. For starters, they were not even aware of the HK Museum of History, but it is not uncommon at all for the residents of a city to not patronise these places of interest because it is considered too touristy. I just hope that they will consider visiting it after my recommendation.
I visited many other places of interest like the HK Art Museum (which was interesting but not as good as the History Museum), the Kam Tin Walled Village (where male chauvinism still rules!?!), and the Lok Ma Chau Lookout (where one can see Shenzhen on a clear day, but not on ours). Others included a cable car trip to the big Buddha statue and the nearby monastery for a deluxe vegetarian meal, Wong Tai Xin temple, Temple St (where the night markets are), Lan Kwai (FongHK Night Sight), and the Dr Sun Yat Sen Mausoleum. Many thanks to Anthony, I also visited the Peak (day and night), Repulse Bay. The other place that left a deep impression on me was Mongkok where I found HK's love for Jpop is still alive and vibrant and it is such a joy immersing myself in Jpop heaven. I also watched the glorious display of fireworks on China's 60th celebration through Anthony's colleague's office window, a special private view from the 30 something storey, all by myself.
Much of the credit of this joyful trip has to go to my dearest friends Anthony and Jerry who were so generous in spending so much time with me. Without them meeting me almost every day (Anthony met me very day), this trip wouldn't have been half as enjoyable or as fruitful. It was so nice knowing the two of you and I certainly hope that I will be able to return both your kindness some day. Thank you so much.
There were other friends that I would have liked to meet, but I guess it was not meant to be. I never regretted a moment or felt any loss because it was just so nice getting to really know the two of you better. It's ironical that our obsession for Akina would reap such fruits of labour in our older years. I strongly believe that our friendship will last the test of distance and time. As Danny says, Akina may not always be a nice person, but her fans are. I can't agree more. Akina had brought so many of us from all around the world, and mostly everyone is such a joy to know.
The biggest discovery of this trip, besides getting to know my dearest friends so much better, is my rekindled interest in history. I was in the first batch of Singaporeans to learn Singaporean history instead of Chinese history in school, as part of the Education Revolution in the late 70s, to cultivate nationalism, and a Singaporean identity. I do not regret it because I think it is important to feel proud of one's national identity, but Singapore's history is young and less colourful than China and its counterparts. There is still time to learn and one is never too young to learn.
Ironically, during my last evening as I was packing my luggage to depart the next day, I ended up watching an Australian current affairs program about the "caged people" in HK. It portrayed how the economic crisis had affected the HK population and the widening of the income parity, resulting in many impoverished people living in cages in HK. The unsanitary and inhumane living conditions saddened me dearly and made me feel extremely lucky that I am living in such comfortable conditions. It made me realise that I need to practise more kindness and generosity towards people in more need than I, and to focus less on myself.
The program also featured a mother and daughter though not living in a cage, is in a room that is almost as big as most people's toilets or kitchen. They have a double deck bed, TV, small table and stool all in one room, and the mother is weeping while being interviewed about how frustrated she is every day when she returns home from the two jobs that she has to work, to be able to keep this barely humane lifestyle going. She and her 8 year old daughter had moved from China, so that her daughter would be able to get a better education in HK. She says that her toilet back in China is bigger than the room that they now reside in, and she hopes that she will be allocated a public housing unit soon.
The social workers group have highlighted their case in the program because they are concerned for the little girl's mental well being, but they did say that there are about 100,000 cases (caged people) waiting for the allocation of public housing as well. The little girl has a few digestive biscuits for breakfast, goes to school and then comes home to watch TV while waiting for her Mum to come back from her second job, where she earns A$4 an hour at a local 7-Eleven store. Their room is next to the toilet and bathroom which is used by over 20 people who live on the same floor as they do. Her husband and son are back in China, and it is only her love for her daughter and her desire for her to have a better education and life that she is putting up with this lifestyle. It is truly heart-breaking, especially to know that there is such poverty in a developed and prosperous city like HK. It is not difficult to feel vulnerable and weep for such people. We do not need tragedies like natural disasters to remind us that life is fragile and there are always people in greater need than us.
The true definition of masculinity lies not in invincibility and power. It lies in human kindness, mutual respect and love above all. It is not an exercise of emasculation to cry or feel vulnerable. It helps make us feel love for others and empathise. All great human behavioural characteristics.
All in all, it has been such an enriching experience and I am thankful for everything. Such deep awakenings and discoveries that has left me hungry. I am sharing this so that we can all be a lot more aware of the happenings around us, and not to take our lives for granted. If we can practise a little more, donate a little more, give a little more, love a little more, then we can possibly make this world a better place for all.
Being the "jet-setter" that I am, a nickname that I procured during the past two months because of my closely scheduled holidays, I had no expectations of what I was going to experience in HK. I had a few friends that I wanted to meet and spend time with, and there were a few places of interest to visit, but nothing inked. All I had booked was the hotel and brought was what I printed out of the interactive itinerary from the official HK website, and an instruction sheet on how to get to the hotel from the airport.
I had been told of the wonders of the city but work had been so busy and I had projects and a function to plan right before, so there was no preparation I could do. I was planning to just wander around the streets and do nothing too much. I ever contemplated shortening the trip, but I was aware on my first day that I had too much to visit ... very quickly.
The hotel was much lovelier than I expected, and the first breakfast of fish porridge was a real welcome to this busy city. I stayed on Nathan Road, and it is considered old and dirty looking, but it was love at the first sight for me. After my trip in Europe, I had learned to appreciate history and I enjoyed wandering the streets of old HK. I wanted to eat at all the "dirty" places instead of the glitzy restaurants because they offered so much more local flavour, which was quickly diminishing in many parts of the civilised world.
I enjoyed looking at the old trade and the way that the HK people went about in their lives, especially the older people. HK is possibly one of those places where I see more shirtless men working in hard labour than any other places I had visited. It was probably due to the humidity which was rather high during my visit there. I also experienced the rainy days which I did not enjoy because I ended up walking in wet socks and shoes as a result.
One of the best decisions I made on my second day was to visit the HK Museum of History. There was a special exhibition celebrating 60 years of liberation in Chinese history which I particularly enjoyed. I remember now I was rather interested in history when I was in secondary school but when I moved onto the final two years of my secondary school education, we were forced to take Geography and Literature in my class, instead of History and Literature, which I would have much preferred.
This trip invigorated my interest in Chinese history and I spent about two hours reading through the revolutions, atrocities, tragedies, mistakes, and all the happenings in its rich history. Incidentally, I also decided to go against my previous beliefs that it is better to travel myself than go on a guided tour, and that day marked a new turning point in my trip.
The tour was extremely informative and the tour guide, being very charming and jovial, injected humour within many historical facts to keep us all interested. There was so much to learn and it was great that she was able to laugh at herself and applauded us at the end for being the first group that she took that did not fall asleep when she started talking history.
I shared many of these stories with my three HK friends, Anthony, Jerry and Tina, who remarked that I probably visited more places of interest in HK than they did. For starters, they were not even aware of the HK Museum of History, but it is not uncommon at all for the residents of a city to not patronise these places of interest because it is considered too touristy. I just hope that they will consider visiting it after my recommendation.
I visited many other places of interest like the HK Art Museum (which was interesting but not as good as the History Museum), the Kam Tin Walled Village (where male chauvinism still rules!?!), and the Lok Ma Chau Lookout (where one can see Shenzhen on a clear day, but not on ours). Others included a cable car trip to the big Buddha statue and the nearby monastery for a deluxe vegetarian meal, Wong Tai Xin temple, Temple St (where the night markets are), Lan Kwai (FongHK Night Sight), and the Dr Sun Yat Sen Mausoleum. Many thanks to Anthony, I also visited the Peak (day and night), Repulse Bay. The other place that left a deep impression on me was Mongkok where I found HK's love for Jpop is still alive and vibrant and it is such a joy immersing myself in Jpop heaven. I also watched the glorious display of fireworks on China's 60th celebration through Anthony's colleague's office window, a special private view from the 30 something storey, all by myself.
Much of the credit of this joyful trip has to go to my dearest friends Anthony and Jerry who were so generous in spending so much time with me. Without them meeting me almost every day (Anthony met me very day), this trip wouldn't have been half as enjoyable or as fruitful. It was so nice knowing the two of you and I certainly hope that I will be able to return both your kindness some day. Thank you so much.
There were other friends that I would have liked to meet, but I guess it was not meant to be. I never regretted a moment or felt any loss because it was just so nice getting to really know the two of you better. It's ironical that our obsession for Akina would reap such fruits of labour in our older years. I strongly believe that our friendship will last the test of distance and time. As Danny says, Akina may not always be a nice person, but her fans are. I can't agree more. Akina had brought so many of us from all around the world, and mostly everyone is such a joy to know.
The biggest discovery of this trip, besides getting to know my dearest friends so much better, is my rekindled interest in history. I was in the first batch of Singaporeans to learn Singaporean history instead of Chinese history in school, as part of the Education Revolution in the late 70s, to cultivate nationalism, and a Singaporean identity. I do not regret it because I think it is important to feel proud of one's national identity, but Singapore's history is young and less colourful than China and its counterparts. There is still time to learn and one is never too young to learn.
Ironically, during my last evening as I was packing my luggage to depart the next day, I ended up watching an Australian current affairs program about the "caged people" in HK. It portrayed how the economic crisis had affected the HK population and the widening of the income parity, resulting in many impoverished people living in cages in HK. The unsanitary and inhumane living conditions saddened me dearly and made me feel extremely lucky that I am living in such comfortable conditions. It made me realise that I need to practise more kindness and generosity towards people in more need than I, and to focus less on myself.
The program also featured a mother and daughter though not living in a cage, is in a room that is almost as big as most people's toilets or kitchen. They have a double deck bed, TV, small table and stool all in one room, and the mother is weeping while being interviewed about how frustrated she is every day when she returns home from the two jobs that she has to work, to be able to keep this barely humane lifestyle going. She and her 8 year old daughter had moved from China, so that her daughter would be able to get a better education in HK. She says that her toilet back in China is bigger than the room that they now reside in, and she hopes that she will be allocated a public housing unit soon.
The social workers group have highlighted their case in the program because they are concerned for the little girl's mental well being, but they did say that there are about 100,000 cases (caged people) waiting for the allocation of public housing as well. The little girl has a few digestive biscuits for breakfast, goes to school and then comes home to watch TV while waiting for her Mum to come back from her second job, where she earns A$4 an hour at a local 7-Eleven store. Their room is next to the toilet and bathroom which is used by over 20 people who live on the same floor as they do. Her husband and son are back in China, and it is only her love for her daughter and her desire for her to have a better education and life that she is putting up with this lifestyle. It is truly heart-breaking, especially to know that there is such poverty in a developed and prosperous city like HK. It is not difficult to feel vulnerable and weep for such people. We do not need tragedies like natural disasters to remind us that life is fragile and there are always people in greater need than us.
The true definition of masculinity lies not in invincibility and power. It lies in human kindness, mutual respect and love above all. It is not an exercise of emasculation to cry or feel vulnerable. It helps make us feel love for others and empathise. All great human behavioural characteristics.
All in all, it has been such an enriching experience and I am thankful for everything. Such deep awakenings and discoveries that has left me hungry. I am sharing this so that we can all be a lot more aware of the happenings around us, and not to take our lives for granted. If we can practise a little more, donate a little more, give a little more, love a little more, then we can possibly make this world a better place for all.
Friday, August 21, 2009
I deserve this!
After a most exhilarating but hectic month at work, I am surprised I am not feeling the total exhilaration of visiting Tokyo again ... tomorrow. Tokyo is one of my favourite cities in the world, but I have been engaged in some of the most exciting activities at work over the past month, that I haven't had the time to sit, relax, take a breath and for reality to sink in.
There has been so many challenges over the past month at work and there were exciting and not so interesting tasks that I was given, but I felt that I gave my best and thankfully, it was good enough. I finally managed to plan an entire Marketing, Advertising and Promotional campaign all by myself and I am high on achievement ecstasy. I am finally putting my love of Marketing to practise, and in the next two months, so of which I will not be around, some of my advertising ideas will be floating along the public streets of Sydney. This is kick-ass goodness.
I have been submerged at work for such a long time and it is great to be able to be given a really meaty task that I can sink my teeth into. It is not only great to work with a cohesive team, but also with managers who appreciate what I do. No more lazy bosses that I feel I have to make up for. What a great difference this makes and it makes all the hard work much more exciting.
Usually, I would have covered this entire post with my trip to Tokyo to see my idol Akina again (top that!) but I have been ranting on about work. It's pretty unusual if you are a regular reader and I guess I just want to say that perseverance pays!
It will my fourth trip to Tokyo and now I am on a Friday evening, after placing my last piece of necessity that I can remember in the luggage, trying to ramp up my excitement levels by blogging. Though it's only a week, it will be jammed with three concerts with my lovely Singaporean Akina fan/friends, a food bazaar (with my aunt), farewell drinks and dinner with Shige, Ueno trip with Catherine, two dinners with Leslie and lots of shopping, talking and eating. Life just doesn't get this good, and my eyes will be wide open looking for ideas to share at work. Have I officially turned into a workaholic?
There has been so many challenges over the past month at work and there were exciting and not so interesting tasks that I was given, but I felt that I gave my best and thankfully, it was good enough. I finally managed to plan an entire Marketing, Advertising and Promotional campaign all by myself and I am high on achievement ecstasy. I am finally putting my love of Marketing to practise, and in the next two months, so of which I will not be around, some of my advertising ideas will be floating along the public streets of Sydney. This is kick-ass goodness.
I have been submerged at work for such a long time and it is great to be able to be given a really meaty task that I can sink my teeth into. It is not only great to work with a cohesive team, but also with managers who appreciate what I do. No more lazy bosses that I feel I have to make up for. What a great difference this makes and it makes all the hard work much more exciting.
Usually, I would have covered this entire post with my trip to Tokyo to see my idol Akina again (top that!) but I have been ranting on about work. It's pretty unusual if you are a regular reader and I guess I just want to say that perseverance pays!
It will my fourth trip to Tokyo and now I am on a Friday evening, after placing my last piece of necessity that I can remember in the luggage, trying to ramp up my excitement levels by blogging. Though it's only a week, it will be jammed with three concerts with my lovely Singaporean Akina fan/friends, a food bazaar (with my aunt), farewell drinks and dinner with Shige, Ueno trip with Catherine, two dinners with Leslie and lots of shopping, talking and eating. Life just doesn't get this good, and my eyes will be wide open looking for ideas to share at work. Have I officially turned into a workaholic?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Moving on ...
No, no towards another server or Twitter. I twittered with the idea, but gave up on both instances because of inertia and the lack of time. As for the latter, I think I love the flow of ideas and I do not like to be constrained, so I'm sticking around for a little while.
Moving on ... refers to other aspects of my life, like home and job. As most of you would have already known, we finally bought a place to call our home. It was a long time coming and it was difficult. Thankfully, the decision was quick, unanimous and sweet. Now, I believe that this process helped both of us to grow within the relationship, to understand each other better, and support each other especially through the tough times.
We can laugh about it now, be expertly in our advice, because we have been there, but every journey is different. It is helpful to realise that it is probably one of the biggest decisions that we will ever make in our lives, permeating every inch of our lives. There is no escape because you have to carry on your lives together inspite of the day. One of the most important lessons to establish at the beginning is that our relationship is ultimately more important than any issue. The other fundamental element is realising that we both have a right to veto and that we must reach an amiable agree,ent. This right to veto must be established early and understood so that both parties know that spite does not stand within the decision. Truth and reason does.
We are lucky that we got there finally. It is a labour of love and we had a great many time playing "newly weds". Though we may not believe or want marriage (we just want to be given the same rights to choose), this is equivalent to marriage in terms of the commitment that we have both agreed upon. It is a new chapter in our relationship and helps provide the grounding and our foundation to grow deeper in love.
Since we moved from a meagre one bedroom to a two bedroom unit, we had the pleasure to set up our new home with new furniture and love. It may not be picture perfect, but almost every single piece of furnitureand wall now has a new page to start our history within it. It was also fun playing hosts to our dear friends in sharing our joy together with them. I had realised with time and age that big flashy parties are no longer my forte and desire, and prefer the smaller conversations and intimate dinners to get to know my friends better. Life with loved ones is bliss.
I am also looking forward to my family visiting and sharing our new home with them nearer the end of the year. Though they are still unaware of our relationship in a spoken sense, I am very grateful to John for not pressing the issue, and just letting things be. It may be naive of me to defend my stand that if they do not ask, then they will not have to admit to others when prompted. I believe it is an Asian variation of denial. In not confirming or asking, they can always tell the truth known to them. It can sense cowardly to many, but do these many know of our cultural intricacies? Will ignorance bring bliss?
I cannot purport to answer this question, but I know that the times when they visit will pose their challenge and like I do with my usual style, I will deal with the issue as they arise. I prefer not to picture the mountains and the valleys before I start a trek. I can be ready, and I like to keep my head held high. I know I am resourceful, so I will handle the situation if and when it arises.
Onto lighter matters, I have also moved sections within work, being finally able to do something that I had studied and have been more passionate about - Marketing. Within any new job, one has to work hard to prove themselves. Though most of my current colleagues are aware of my capabilities, I felt I had twice the hurdles to conquer. I had to live up to my name, and this explains the lack of posts.
I am on secondment for five months and it has been so lovely to receive so many compliments on my "move" from fellow colleagues, and then support from my co-workers because it was a rather tough time. I was disoriented for about two days, and thankfully found my ground. I am stepping out of the "abyss" and I know I had performed and adapted well. I found myself hungry again ... a feeling that has been lost to me for a while.
John has been describing it as a promotion, which I resisted at first because it's a side step at this point (no increment or extra incentives). However, I am warming to it because I no longer feel like a fraud and I have proved myself, not so importantly to others, but ultimately to myself.
I have not asked for more because I believe this experience is a reward of sorts especially in this economic climate. I am planting the seeds that will hopefully grow strong, and establishing the relationships to get where I ultimately want to be. I know I have been lucky but I never take kindness for granted. I want to thank my family and friends for your love and support all these years patiently waiting for me to blossom. My love, John, who has never wavered in his love and support for me and I want to give it back to you by helping you fulfill your dream.
Lastly, I would also like to thank everyone for your continued support for my writing, especially my webfriends Stephen and Makary because I wouldn't have written this tonight if not for your prompts.
Moving on ... refers to other aspects of my life, like home and job. As most of you would have already known, we finally bought a place to call our home. It was a long time coming and it was difficult. Thankfully, the decision was quick, unanimous and sweet. Now, I believe that this process helped both of us to grow within the relationship, to understand each other better, and support each other especially through the tough times.
We can laugh about it now, be expertly in our advice, because we have been there, but every journey is different. It is helpful to realise that it is probably one of the biggest decisions that we will ever make in our lives, permeating every inch of our lives. There is no escape because you have to carry on your lives together inspite of the day. One of the most important lessons to establish at the beginning is that our relationship is ultimately more important than any issue. The other fundamental element is realising that we both have a right to veto and that we must reach an amiable agree,ent. This right to veto must be established early and understood so that both parties know that spite does not stand within the decision. Truth and reason does.
We are lucky that we got there finally. It is a labour of love and we had a great many time playing "newly weds". Though we may not believe or want marriage (we just want to be given the same rights to choose), this is equivalent to marriage in terms of the commitment that we have both agreed upon. It is a new chapter in our relationship and helps provide the grounding and our foundation to grow deeper in love.
Since we moved from a meagre one bedroom to a two bedroom unit, we had the pleasure to set up our new home with new furniture and love. It may not be picture perfect, but almost every single piece of furnitureand wall now has a new page to start our history within it. It was also fun playing hosts to our dear friends in sharing our joy together with them. I had realised with time and age that big flashy parties are no longer my forte and desire, and prefer the smaller conversations and intimate dinners to get to know my friends better. Life with loved ones is bliss.
I am also looking forward to my family visiting and sharing our new home with them nearer the end of the year. Though they are still unaware of our relationship in a spoken sense, I am very grateful to John for not pressing the issue, and just letting things be. It may be naive of me to defend my stand that if they do not ask, then they will not have to admit to others when prompted. I believe it is an Asian variation of denial. In not confirming or asking, they can always tell the truth known to them. It can sense cowardly to many, but do these many know of our cultural intricacies? Will ignorance bring bliss?
I cannot purport to answer this question, but I know that the times when they visit will pose their challenge and like I do with my usual style, I will deal with the issue as they arise. I prefer not to picture the mountains and the valleys before I start a trek. I can be ready, and I like to keep my head held high. I know I am resourceful, so I will handle the situation if and when it arises.
Onto lighter matters, I have also moved sections within work, being finally able to do something that I had studied and have been more passionate about - Marketing. Within any new job, one has to work hard to prove themselves. Though most of my current colleagues are aware of my capabilities, I felt I had twice the hurdles to conquer. I had to live up to my name, and this explains the lack of posts.
I am on secondment for five months and it has been so lovely to receive so many compliments on my "move" from fellow colleagues, and then support from my co-workers because it was a rather tough time. I was disoriented for about two days, and thankfully found my ground. I am stepping out of the "abyss" and I know I had performed and adapted well. I found myself hungry again ... a feeling that has been lost to me for a while.
John has been describing it as a promotion, which I resisted at first because it's a side step at this point (no increment or extra incentives). However, I am warming to it because I no longer feel like a fraud and I have proved myself, not so importantly to others, but ultimately to myself.
I have not asked for more because I believe this experience is a reward of sorts especially in this economic climate. I am planting the seeds that will hopefully grow strong, and establishing the relationships to get where I ultimately want to be. I know I have been lucky but I never take kindness for granted. I want to thank my family and friends for your love and support all these years patiently waiting for me to blossom. My love, John, who has never wavered in his love and support for me and I want to give it back to you by helping you fulfill your dream.
Lastly, I would also like to thank everyone for your continued support for my writing, especially my webfriends Stephen and Makary because I wouldn't have written this tonight if not for your prompts.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Responsibility
Responsibility. Does anyone even recognise or use this word anymore? All day long at work, I am faced with differing requests and complaints, not only from students but also from adults (and parents), that someone else is responsible for their "failures". When will they realise that we all have a part to play.
I am currently reading this engrossing book "We Need To Talk About Kelvin" by Lionel Shriver (female author). The writing is beautiful, even poetic at times, and it is a book of letters, from a woman to her husband, trying to rediscover what went wrong, after their son goes to high school and kills 9 people one day.
She traces all the way back from when they first entertained the idea of children, to the fateful day Kelvin commits the shooting. Where did they go wrong? The writing is raw and harrowing, and Lionel has a real gift. What happens when a mother does not feel the motherly love when she holds her baby for the first time, and what happens when your child is evil in nature. Why is it that the mother always cops the blame? I am only halfway through the book and I am already questioning the judgment that we are quick to pass about parents.
One good example is how quickly we condemn the mother who leaves her child in the bathtub for 5 seconds to pick up the phone and comes back to discover that her child has drowned in two inches of water. Two inches. She could have been a great mother all this time, but we discount that. We only remember and judge her for the 5 seconds that she was away. As if to say that the loss of her child and her guilt is not enough to tie her down already.
As you can tell, I am loving and savouring this book. It is not difficult to empathise with the mother in the book, but let me reassure you that she is flawed, and she is real. The book paints the father as a doting parent, the perfect child loving adult with a blind spot. It really makes me appreciate the responsibility that parents take on.
Does this responsibility towards our children blind us to the point of protection that we will blame anyone or everyone than our own child for something that they had committed. Are we teaching them the right thing by shielding them and reaffirming their perfection? When and how do we teach responsibility. Will this world be a better place to live if we all took some responsibility instead of trying to find excuses and place the blame on others?
Friday, April 03, 2009
Grey
One of my favourite pastimes is reading and revisiting old memories, because I believe they can lead to self-discoveries. I can do so by talking to my parents, reading books, articles on the internet and due to the fact that I am also a nostalgic person, I like to watch old movies and access old articles on the internet, especially those during my past years. One never knows what treasures we can stumble upon.
I have a growing collection of old movies which I can share only with some of my friends and mostly my sister, who is back in
I am still looking for old series like the late 70’s version of 生徒諸君, 赤い衝撃 and 俺たちの旅 but unfortunately, there are no Chinese subtitled versions available and my Japanese is not good enough for me to take a risk with buying the originals, because I will only get frustrated. I guess this desire and my fellow VAMPire buddies have spurred me on to pick up Japanese again, for the umpteenth time. I am tyring to do some self study because there is no one else to accompany me to class, but I will see how that goes, and may eventually enrol in some courses when I have revised a little more. Wish me luck!
However, if anyone has any lobang (as in tips) on how to source these Chinese subtitled versions – I hate dubbed versions, but will lower my standards if left with no choice, I will be most appreciative.
The reason of this post is not to source for suggestions, but just to share my reflection on how reviewing these old memorabilia has helped me realise how our perspectives change with time. I am not talking about a change of taste in genre. I still enjoy them relatively, but I am more interested in how our opinions were shaped by our increasing life experiences.
It is easier to differentiate between right and wrong, black and white with classical conditioning, but once we experience life, opinions can confuse and change dramatically, especially in regards to human behaviour and feelings. Like Akina sings in 北ウィング, “Love is a mystery”, and so is life. Even when we tell ourselves that a feeling of jealousy or rage is wrong or an undesirable trait, there is no toggle switch for us to operate between the two mediums effortlessly. We are not built for these functions.
One important life lesson I learned is empathy and not judge others by the roles we play. Take for example the undesirable and socially unacceptable role of the third party in a relationship. It is a most painful place to be caught in, and most of the time, we enter into such situations without knowing, and only when we have sunk too deep, that we realise that we couldn’t pull ourselves out as easily and be as noble as we previously thought ourselves to be. Life changes when we get caught in experiences like this. We learn to understand, interpret and look from a different perspective that we had never seen before. Life is indeed many shades of grey.
I rediscovered this watching 庭院深深. It’s terribly long and the story a little too wishy washy, but I still enjoyed it because I love 刘雪华. I think she is a great actress. When I finally found this DVD, I was ecstatic because I wanted to rediscover why I liked this series when I first watched it on TV in 1988. What amazed me was how I found empathy for the other (hateful) woman caught in the love triangle and I actually shed a few tears for her at the end. I remember vividly that I did not feel that way when I first watched it. Maybe it is an understanding of how painful it is, when our love is not accepted. Too many people focus on the reciprocation of an act like love. I think that though it is wonderful for love just to be accepted and appreciated by someone. I believe "Thank You" can be a gift in itself.
Onto more superficial discoveries, watching these movies and series has also led me to reaffirm the type of women I like. Talent aside, I am drawn to celebrities with poise. They may not have to be pretty but they must have poise, which means I tend to exclude “cute” and especially burrikos (Seiko is an exception because I enjoyed her earlier songs). Which is why I was especially drawn to celebrities like Akina Nakamori 中森明菜, Momoe Yamaguchi 山口百恵, Imai Miki 今井美樹, Judy Ongg, Maggie Cheung 张曼玉, 刘雪华, 曾慧芬, Cate Blanchett, Meryl Streep, Jane Fonda and Michelle Pfeiffer to name a few.
I wonder if anyone else shares my passion for revisitations and rediscoveries, or am I stuck in the past instead of looking towards the future?
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
The Smile
I have often lamented that a smile is practically non-existent in the passing of our every day lives with strangers and this is particularly evident in the city that we live in. I have often heard how country folk tend to be less guarded, and are more likely to strike up conversations than city folk, and I have to take their word since I understand how we are more focused on getting from point A to B, then to stop and be truly concerned with the ongoings of another stranger's daily happenings. I may be a culprit myself but I happen to catch the eye of someone, I will try my best to greet them with a smile.
A very recent incident caused me to ponder on the irony of this wish and perhaps understand why we do not smile as often towards strangers. If others had the same experience as I had, would it potentially cause a shutdown, or should I disregard it as an isolated incident?
John and I were driving back home after a Friday night out. It was only 9 pm, and the roads were thankfully rather free of traffic. We stopped at the lights and nonchalantly, I turned around to the pick-up parked next to my passenger seat, and caught the eye of the Indian driver. He smiled. "Friendly", I thought, and I smiled back, expecting this to be an isolated incident. The lights turned and we strolled along, and then I started to notice soon from the corner of my eye, with the following two traffic lights that we stopped at, that I was being watched. I tried to avoid further eye contact, but it was difficult not to want to verify my suspicions. The temptation was too much, but I did it as discreetly as he would allow.
When the roads widened and he veered two lanes away to the left, finally breaking the invisible bond, I heaved a sigh of relief. I turned around to look at him and there he was, smiling and waving this time. I interpreted that as a Goodbye, so I just held my hand up, without smiling. I figured out that it was a wrong move soon when he drove back into the lane next to us. "What should I do? Should I warn John?".
Just as I was about to make a decision, John popped "Is that driver following us?", and I briefed him on my suspicions. The real test came when we had to turn into the main road leading home, and disappointingly, he followed. There was this crescendo of lights, curtains drawing, and a huge board in front of us reading "Let the games begin!!". We were unwilling participants of this crime drama that we did not ask for, especially considering that it is not even a genre that features on our home TV set or DVD collection ... at all.
He was starting to get rowdier, and he was gesturing and banging on the side of his door, trying to gain our attention because we are not affording him any. We couldn't afford to. We had too much to lose. Deep in my mind, I was wondering how I managed to "lead him on" with an innocent smile. Who was he? What does he want? Do I really care?
He wasn't letting go and we were starting to panic because it was no longer a coincidence. Our ignorance wasn't working. He was taking this as a challenge. There was no way that we were going to drive into our garage because then he would know where we lived, but we were only about 100 metres from home, and we were not equipped for emergencies like this. I tried to make quick mental notes that I need to catch more of these shows to know what to do in such a situation. "Should I jump out of the car to create some diversion? No, that only happens in movies." Where can we go? What should we do? We needed to make a sudden turn and catch him unaware.
We reached the cross junction about 50 metres from home, making a prompt decision to turn into a busier street than the one that we usually took. It was a gamble, but possibly a safer option. We stayed glued to the traffic lights praying for it to keep green, so that we can leave him behind, but no such luck. We were stuck and he crept in behind us. We were not going to signal our left turn. We are just going to pretend to go straight ahead. Our hearts pulsating with every flickering pedestrian crossing signal on the adjacent street, the lights finally turned and we made a sharp turn. Fixated on the rear view mirror rather than the front, we had to peel our eyes away when we finally saw him zooming straight ahead instead. That was a close shave. Too close for comfort.
We were still feeling uneasy as we eased into the lane of our quiet street, mind and heart still cautious from the anxiety, expecting him to draw the curtain with the dagger any moment. He was gone.
A very recent incident caused me to ponder on the irony of this wish and perhaps understand why we do not smile as often towards strangers. If others had the same experience as I had, would it potentially cause a shutdown, or should I disregard it as an isolated incident?
John and I were driving back home after a Friday night out. It was only 9 pm, and the roads were thankfully rather free of traffic. We stopped at the lights and nonchalantly, I turned around to the pick-up parked next to my passenger seat, and caught the eye of the Indian driver. He smiled. "Friendly", I thought, and I smiled back, expecting this to be an isolated incident. The lights turned and we strolled along, and then I started to notice soon from the corner of my eye, with the following two traffic lights that we stopped at, that I was being watched. I tried to avoid further eye contact, but it was difficult not to want to verify my suspicions. The temptation was too much, but I did it as discreetly as he would allow.
When the roads widened and he veered two lanes away to the left, finally breaking the invisible bond, I heaved a sigh of relief. I turned around to look at him and there he was, smiling and waving this time. I interpreted that as a Goodbye, so I just held my hand up, without smiling. I figured out that it was a wrong move soon when he drove back into the lane next to us. "What should I do? Should I warn John?".
Just as I was about to make a decision, John popped "Is that driver following us?", and I briefed him on my suspicions. The real test came when we had to turn into the main road leading home, and disappointingly, he followed. There was this crescendo of lights, curtains drawing, and a huge board in front of us reading "Let the games begin!!". We were unwilling participants of this crime drama that we did not ask for, especially considering that it is not even a genre that features on our home TV set or DVD collection ... at all.
He was starting to get rowdier, and he was gesturing and banging on the side of his door, trying to gain our attention because we are not affording him any. We couldn't afford to. We had too much to lose. Deep in my mind, I was wondering how I managed to "lead him on" with an innocent smile. Who was he? What does he want? Do I really care?
He wasn't letting go and we were starting to panic because it was no longer a coincidence. Our ignorance wasn't working. He was taking this as a challenge. There was no way that we were going to drive into our garage because then he would know where we lived, but we were only about 100 metres from home, and we were not equipped for emergencies like this. I tried to make quick mental notes that I need to catch more of these shows to know what to do in such a situation. "Should I jump out of the car to create some diversion? No, that only happens in movies." Where can we go? What should we do? We needed to make a sudden turn and catch him unaware.
We reached the cross junction about 50 metres from home, making a prompt decision to turn into a busier street than the one that we usually took. It was a gamble, but possibly a safer option. We stayed glued to the traffic lights praying for it to keep green, so that we can leave him behind, but no such luck. We were stuck and he crept in behind us. We were not going to signal our left turn. We are just going to pretend to go straight ahead. Our hearts pulsating with every flickering pedestrian crossing signal on the adjacent street, the lights finally turned and we made a sharp turn. Fixated on the rear view mirror rather than the front, we had to peel our eyes away when we finally saw him zooming straight ahead instead. That was a close shave. Too close for comfort.
We were still feeling uneasy as we eased into the lane of our quiet street, mind and heart still cautious from the anxiety, expecting him to draw the curtain with the dagger any moment. He was gone.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Happy Birthday Jen!
Happy Birthday my dearest sister. May you always stay young, beautiful, intelligent, caring and loving as you are.
I have to exclaim, "Isn't it wonderful how our relationship has progressed over the past year as the kids grow older?". You are growing up to be a loving, responsible and wonderful mother who is always ready to place Joy and Joshua above you, and even if they may not be able to appreciate in words right now, I believe I speak for them from my "objective eyes".
I can see how the two of them have blossomed and I thank you for taking on the challenges that I had presented, like a "back seat parent" sometimes, which makes me as an uncle and brother, feel really treasured and loved. I can't always be there, and there have been times when I have been caught in the "heat" too when I am playing with them, and I understand the rationale to vent, but I have learned that these are episodes that take a long time to rewind in the minds of the impressionable.
I totally understand the pressures of "getting it right" and I have to say now that it isn't always black and white, but if we can let the anger past us by, and not blind us, we will always be able to make a more educated decision.
I trust your decision, your parenting, your love and have confidence in everything that you decide as a course of action. This is how proud I am of who you are, not only as a sister, but fundamentally, as a human being. You are strong. After all, anyone who has been through natural child birth without epidural has gone through one of life's biggest and most dangerous challenges, and nothing should faze you again.
I wish you love, happiness, prosperity and lots of joy that causes you to smile from the bottom of your heart. The laughter that brightens up not only yours but the lives of everyone around you. That is the wonderful effect you have on others. Thank you so much for the lessons of life and love I continue to learn from you, and the generosity of sharing two wonderful beings with me. I love you so much. Happy Birthday!
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