Gay Hope For Singapore

I must admit that I thought this day would come much later and definitely not from him, but someone younger. Reading this piece of news from the Daily Telegraph in Australia, Singapore's former PM Lee Kuan Yew has put forward a positive step towards accepting homosexuality as part of the society:

Article: Minister says gay sex should be legal

SINGAPORE'S powerful former prime minister Lee Kuan Yew, has questioned the country's ban on sex between men.

He acknowledged the possibility of a genetic link to homosexuality.

"If in fact it is true, and I have asked doctors this, that you are genetically born a homosexual - because that's the nature of the genetic random transmission of genes you can't help it. So why should we criminalise it?" the Straits Times quoted Mr Lee as saying.

Under Singapore law, a man who is found to have committed an act of "gross indecency" with another man can be jailed for up to two years, though prosecutions are rare.

But Mr Lee - who is also a minister in the cabinet led by his son, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong - said Singapore should not actively pursue homosexuals who engage in sex.

"Let's not go around like this moral police... barging into people's rooms. That's not our business," he said.

Authorities in Singapore have routinely banned gay festivals and censored gay films, saying homosexuality should not be advocated as a lifestyle. But, despite the official ban on gay sex, Singapore has a thriving gay scene.

I am particularly fond of his fascination with the "possible genetic link to homosexuality", though it has been very carefully phrased as "If in fact true ...". What would this mean for homosexuals in Singapore? Would the information gatekeepers finally allow true information to flow freely and open the gates of possible future acceptance. For many Singaporeans, if Lee Kuan Yew says it's true, then there must be an element of truth. At least this might instigate a new water cooler topic rather than the mundane TV talk.

Is this political talk or a genuine plea for a change in mind and attitude. Is there real gay hope? Will Singaporeans care?

Happy 5th Anniversary, My Sweet

If only life was always as easy as loving you ...

Superstars Exhibition in Singapore

One of my dearest and oldest friend, Leslie Kee, whose newest creation "Superstars" which I have featured a couple of times on my blog is finally exhibiting in Singapore.

"Superstars" which is banned in Singapore will be exhibited at the National Museum finally from the 27th April till 4th May and the best thing is that admission is FREE. His 2 year labour of love featuring over 250 Asian artists, is dedicated to the unfortunate victims of the Asian Tsunami disaster where the profits from each copy will be donated to helping them rebuild their homes. Unfortunately, since the book is banned in Singapore, it will not be for sale.

However, a good attendance response could force the authorities to rethink their decision. Leslie has been very kind to send me a free copy and it is simply devine. His dedication towards bringing Asian artists and beauty to the forefront of the world is commendable and must be encouraged. In a world where beauty is traditionally seen as primarily Caucasian, Leslie challenges these definitions by rewriting history as we speak.

It is a beautiful collection of photographs and the interesting contrast with what the National Museum represents to most people represents an exciting combination of new art. He will personally be there on the day of the opening at 7 pm and so will many "superstars" of Singapore.

If you are there on that night, please feel free to approach Leslie and say Hi because he is one of the friendliest and nicest celebrity photographer you will ever meet. Feel free to introduce me as your friend or relative and I hope he will remember. Just kidding.

So, if you have time, please feel free to go and support him. I am sorry I will not be there, Leslie, but I am doing my part by promoting your event because I think it is so important that we challenge the norms of our society and more so because I am so proud to call you my friend.

About Superstars: Special feature from a Japanese magazine

A Bleak World

How does one explain the horrors of the Virginia Tech massacre? Racism? Inequality? Bigotry? Mindless Rage? Take away the context of the story, present the headlines and you might be forgiven for mistaking it as motivation of another terrorist act.

How did we get here? Questions are flowing across all US papers and President Bush today still does not see any problems with their gun licensing laws. He just wants to make sure these "weapons do not fall into the hands of bad people". Now, wouldn't it be great if we can identify bad people just based on their looks? Do they have "Bad person" tattooed over their foreheads like an imaginary headband? How would we define bad people here? In his definition, does it narrow it down to basically skin colour or other physical attributes like tattoos (which were originally used to identify gang members rather than a fashion accessory)? I don't want to sound cynical and biased but if we are going to judge a book by its cover, then we have to be specific on how the gun salespeople are going to evaluate. Are we going to give them X-Ray vision?

"Bowling for Columbine", the Michael Moore Oscar winning documentary didn't do enough to change the minds of the government nor the people. It was the highest grossing documentary in history till his successor "Fahrenheit 911" took over the honours. Even though it depicted similar horrors at Columbine High School, many Americans who strongly believe in their gun rights had no problems with the suggested reasons for the then massacre. I particularly like the description give on Amazon for this movie that reads "The United States of America is notorious for its astronomical number of people killed by firearms for a developed nation without a civil war."

The total US domestic box office gross for "Bowling for Columbine" is US$21,576,018, not much considering that most of the weekly No. 1 box office winners gross more than that over one weekend. Looking towards the Oscars, here are two good movies "Brokeback Mountain" (domestic US gross: US$83,043,761) and this year's popular winner "The Departed" (domestic US gross: US$132,384,315).

Now let's answer this question "Which movie is more controversial and why?" The common answer would be "Brokeback Mountain and because it is depicts gay love". Love is controversial if it is between two men, and we know all the gay cowboy jokes that came out of that. What impact has it made on the world? People finding the courage to come out (Sydney's own cowboy's coming out story), acceptance, increased awareness of the discrimination we face etc ...

On the other hand, no controversy about the movie "The Departed" except that Scorsese has found his "mojo" back and finally won his Oscar. In a movie that is both popular with audiences and critics, no one seemed to have a problem with the amount of violence depicted in the movie (amidst the clever script which I have to give it credit for - or rather the original "Infernal Affairs"). People have more problems with the gay sex in the tent than the pointless gore and violence. The glorification of murders and the art of getting away with it, and don't get me started on the real gore. That is what "inspires" people to oppose such objectionable behaviour if it happens in reality but they have no problems if it happens in movies.

"The Departed" is not alone. There are truckloads of horror movies, not the ghostly and spirited ones, but those glorifying violence in the most stylish fashion. The endless remakes and sequels to films like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Saw", "Blade" and the Japanese movie "Battle Royale", all of which I absolutely refuse to watch. They are the ones that end up at the top of the US domestic box office every week, and motivates gangloads of impressionable young people, especially men to watch them. They'd rather watch these than the socially conscious movies like "Babel", "Crash" and "The Lives Of Others" or good romance like "Brokeback Mountain", which educate about the importance of human rights, respect and acceptance.

The US is not alone in this trend, but if the most significant country is going to set these standards, then we must ensure that we are moving in a right direction. With the younger generation more interested in individualistic hedonistic pleasures than the common good for the world, we need to spread the word of love, respect and the importance of human rights in our world. Let us not be dumb and swayed by popular culture and resolve to make educated decisions about who we choose to lead our world and the choices we are presented with. We can make a difference, you can make that choice!

Fear

People say that finding a relationship is tough, and I totally agree, but after speaking to a few friends who have not been "in the loop" for sometime, and have sort of resigned themselves to never finding one, I wonder if fear is the real obstacle?

The older we get, the more cautious we become. From the wisdom that we gathered from past experiences and others' mistakes, we inject hypotheses as we wonder if things will work out with our every date. We see the warning signs quicker than we use too, but are we being too cynical and are we extinguishing something before we know if our conclusion is true?

I was just speaking to a good friend the other day who has not been in a relationship for over 7 years and he confirms that he is "not ready for a relationship". I drew it down to fears of having one because it's been so long and he agrees. We get so set in our ways, there's a reluctance to want to get out of it. It's moving out of our comfort zone, a nest that we have built that shields us from any possible horrors. We may lament about never meeting someone, but when the opportunity arises, fear overcomes and we'd rather stay status quo.

Anticipation/Fear is worse than the real thing itself. When it arrives, humans find the means like we always do to deal with whatever obstacles that are ahead. We have enough wisdom and life experiences to guide us through. If not, then it will be a new learning experience and it is not always a bad thing. With our friend's love and support, we always find the strength to get up again and move on.

The important thing I strongly believe is to focus on one thing at a time. If we look at the long term picture all at once, if it works or it doesn't, then it frightens us back into our shell because then we can keep on complaining and not do anything. It's a safe haven but we stay complacent. Focus on one thing at a time and then it becomes more manageable. Not only the task but also the fear.

I understand better why some of my friends say that they prefer to remain single, even if the loneliness gets to them sometimes. At least, it "looks less pathetic" than trying and failing all the time. Of course, I agree that there comes a time when "enough is enough" and we just want to be left alone. I don't have any problems with that, but I just want them to know that fear is not a good reason to give up.

Relationships can be scary but if there is trust within to allow both people to still maintain their individuality, then it will work. It is not about suffocation, but about freedom, even as a couple. John and I give each other what we call "free time" to develop and maintain our individual souls, so that when we are back together, we feel recharged and are able to spend more quality time together. We don't believe in a need to spend 24/7 hip to hip just to prove our love for each other. Sometimes, we even take "pains" to sit away from each other at our big "family" dinners, because there is no need to speak to each other, or hold onto each other for security, because we already spend so much time together.

It is the trust that we have within our relationship that allows us to be who we are, and maintain that individuality. It is not courage, but communication that keeps this a viable option for us, and an important one for our relationship to keep growing. There are definitely obstacles that come, but always remember that they go as well. Focus is one important lesson that allows us to deal with fears that arise, and that anticipation is always worse than the real thing.

A Beautiful Day

Postponed a week due to the NSW State Elections, two very special people, Robbie and Margaret, whom I endearingly look upon as role models in my life, got married. We have a very unique relationship with them and our other dear friend, Anne, who introduced us at different times. We have now branched off on another tangent when Robbie unofficially "inaugurated" us into his own biological family a few months ago.

It was held at beautiful Nielsens Park and since it was Robbie's third and Margaret's second wedding, it was a rather laid back outdoor affair where there weren't any of the usual white wedding marches and elaborate food catering. Instead, we were treated to a glorious celebration of love, joy, commitment and familial camaderie. All guests were requested to bring a dish of food to celebrate the occasion and this resulted in a myraid of cultural tastings and colours.

John made his famous chicken salad whereas Anne and I made a non alcoholic cocktail, which surprisingly turned out to be really popular, resulting in much leftover alcohol. Rain threatened most of the week but the actual day turned out to be a cloudless with slightly warmer temperatures, which really complimented the joyous occasion.

Since Robbie is a Christian and Margaret a Buddhist, this was a hybrid ceremony where two separate vows of love were exchanged. Understated but garnered with beautiful words of love and commitment, it was the perfect wedding. There were a few hilarious moments when Margaret made a small error in her vows but it just helped to really lighten the mood and made it even more memorable. There was also the tying of their hands with a piece of red string as they read their vows which was originated from ancient times signifying the act of "bonding".

Robbie's musically talented children, Will and Heather serenaded us with Jazz and Classical performances separately throughout the celebrations. Heather played the violin as the couple signed their marriage certificates and that moment was just simply ethereal. It left quite John and Anne with a view that ceremony and traditions are seldom celebrated and as the younger forsake them, it might eventually become a novelty one day. We loved the peaceful and loving union and John exclaimed that this was just the kind of wedding he wants one day. Maybe not a gay wedding, but a civil union, if and when the State Government passes such a law. Of course this would must be complimented with my outing, if not, it would not be recognised. We believe that the fundamental recognition of our love is of utmost importance, regardless of the name given the union, because our love is no less.



After the exchange of the vows, we indulged on the food, talk and drinks while the night sky descended on us. We proceeded with the cake cutting ceremony and then speeches from a few people, including the bride and groom. Interestingly, almost all the people there with mental disability, which is a big and significant group of people in the couple's lives spoke of their fondness for the couple. Some of it was really rather R rated (like it is time for you to kiss deeply now) but affectionate nonetheless.

Robbie, ever the eloquent and motivational speaker moved us all with his dedication of love to Margaret and Margaret's son, Misha, a beautiful man, filled all our eyes and souls with tears and emotion. He invited us all to project the couple into a space faraway in time and place in our minds, may it be a cruise in the Carribean or anything/anywhere you want them to be, and to be doing. Take a minute to do so, silence, and then he asked us all to thrust it into the universe. Now, isn't that beautiful?

I also came out of my "retirement" to make them a present. I used to make birthday cards for my friends and my theme is usually to inject humour into those cards with my long message of love in the middle. What I basically do is to cut their faces out from photos and then paste them onto posters with funny snippets next to them. I did so many of them at one time that I faced burnt out, and then I stopped. I really wanted to make one of them for this occasion, but the motivation was low. It wasn't till two days before the wedding that I decided that I would make it, and thankfully, I still managed to pull it off in approximately 7 hours. It was a labour of love fully appreciated by them and I am so happy that I did it.

Robbie and Margaret, Thank You both for being in my life and constantly showering us with love and support. May all of our blessings and wishes come true for the two of you, somewhere in the time and universe ...

Slang

I found this interesting post on "Homosexuality in Japan" on Wikipaedia from a fellow blogger. In one separated section is "Japanese gay slang", which I found to be rather hilarious, especially the following:

Ketsuman
A portmanteau of the words ketsu and manko literally meaning "ass cunt," this word usually describes the anus of an effeminate male bottom. Compare "mangina"; "man-cunt."

Neko (ネコ)
Literally "cat" (and sometimes written with the kanji for cat, though more often in katakana, as above), this word refers to the bottom, or passive/receptive partner, especially in anal sex. In lesbian relationships, the woman who expresses more traditionally feminine traits is the neko; see "femme" in English usage. The etymology is unclear. In current use.

Okoge
A term for the burnt rice that sticks to the bottom of a cooking pot, this currently-used word refers to the straight, female friends of gay males. See Fag hag.

Seme (攻め、セメ）
Seme comes from the word "semeru" (攻める) which means "to attack." Refers to the dominant partner in the relationship (as opposed to Uke (受け、ウケ)). In use.

My Japanese friend confirms that these are commonly used amongst the Japanese gay community. I find some of them (okay most of them) rather degratory but funny nonetheless. The last two quoted is a little worrying. John hates the term "Fag Hag", but "Burnt Rice?", where did that come from and Semeru in sex, it sounds really predatory.

My female friends have commented that some men only know how to ""Bang hard" because they think this is how women like it, which is what they predominantly learn from porn. It is quite disconcerting learning this because it's not really promoting respect. Sex is about pleasure for both sexes, not just one, so I guess Seme is quite scary, but true in culture.

Gay Love

We hear the success stories of heterosexual couples celebrating their anniversaries but we hear more of gay community's fleeting romances and one night stands. So, are gay people restricted only to short love?

Today is my very dear friend, Danny and his partner HH's 10th anniversary. Danny shared his coming out story with me at a cafe in Tokyo while we were both there for Akina's 2005 concert. He told me of his similar struggles and also the sweet story of how he met HH (I believe it is over the internet), and how they became friends and then eventually lovers after Danny was finally able to accept himself as a homosexual. My deepest and sincerest congratulations to the two of you because I know how difficult it is to find someone, let alone stay in a relationship for that long.

I met John over the internet and so did many of my other friends who have progressed in long term relationships (one over 15 years and still going strong). In a world of temptation and free love/sex, we have all managed in our ways to define, design and carve our relationships without any legal bindings like marriage or children (yet). We are fast approaching our 5th anniversary and I must say that in addition to luck, there is plenty of hard work involved in developing understanding, compassion and communication.

I remember admiring gay couples who have stayed together for more than 4 years when I first realised how difficult it was to stay in a relationship, but when that happened last year, the only thought that came was "How time flies ...". As we approach our fifth next year and I draw admiration from my fellow colleagues who exclaim at our mark, all I can say is "Thank you and how time flies ...".

John always held a practical belief that honeymoon periods had a use by date. Being the dreamer, I refuse to subscribe and though there have been trying times of stress, we grew with every argument (as little as they were), and we grew to understand and accept each other more in the process. I hate arguing and prefer to give way, but there is always something to learn from an argument. The apologies come quicker because we start to understand the need for reconciliation, for communication. It is the breakdown in communication that delivers the conflict, and only through peaceful communication will resolution evolve.

As we walk towards the 5 year mark, I can proudly say that I am more in love with John than I have ever been, and I am more comfortable now than I am 2-3 years ago. I don't think you can describe that being complacent or just too comfortable to "move", because it is a nest in our hearts that was lovingly built, regardless of the environment that we live in. It's like me enjoying my 30s more than my 20s because I am infinitely wiser.

So, I strongly believe that gay love and relationships is just like any love and it can last for as long as we want it to be. It takes hard work, lots of patience, communication, compassion and the essential ingredient love. More importantly, it takes two people to put in similar effort to make it work. People can take away marriage or any form of unionifcation from us, but they cannot take the pride that we have in our love.

Reading On Buses

Do you read on buses? I do, but do you think that the person sitting next to you is peering over at what you are reading sometimes? Maybe it is because I do that myself sometimes, but I am more interested in the title of the book than the actual writing. I do it sometimes to make mental notes if the reader seems totally engrossed in it rather than lifting their heads once in a while to make some poetic stare, signifying the "non-captivity" of the book.

I also play this little game of trying to associate the genre with the person, like an attempt to read a book by its cover. "Viola! I knew it. You are such a cliche." Can we really read a person by their book cover?

Why is it also that I feel eyes prying most when I reach a page of some invariable love making or words like "throbbing cock", that I feel the urge to close the book then and look away. Am I being prudish, ultra sensitive or vain in trying to disguise what I am reading? Maybe people just don't care ...

The Lives of Others (Das Leben der Anderen)

I recall registering shock and disbelief when one of my favourite films of the year, "Pan's Labyrinth" lost the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar in February. To me, it was like the Mexican version of "Spirited Away", another of my all time favourites, where fantasy is meshed with reality, transporting audiences back to where dreams were sometimes reality, and where we still believed unconditionally ...

What was this film "The Lives of Others" (Official site)? I had never even heard of it before its win? Was it an oversight like the winner of Best Picture, "The Departed" and last year's "Crash" ("Babel" and "Brokeback Mountain" have my vote)? How could a film that won three other Oscars lose out on its primary category?

Some foreign films will never receive worldwide distributorship if there wasn't any awards buzz or wins. Unlike "Pan's Labyrinth", it is not going to attract mainstream attention because it does not boast of any special effects. They get lost in the maze of blockbuster rubbish because audiences prefer to dumb themselves down for the sake of fancy CGI effects and reality TV. Thankfully, "The Lives Of Others" will never suffer the same fate. However, films thrive most on "word of mouth" recommendation, and like "Babel", this is an important film that has to be made, and to be watched. Hence, my strong recommendation and "plea" for you to watch it.

Set in 1984 where the tyrannical Stasi (East German police) made it their duty to monitor their citizens, they believe it was their right to know everything. We are introduced to Captain Gerd Wiesler (Ulrich Mühe), a brilliant officer who scored well in his examinations and stuck to every rule in the book, the cold hearted product of the stereotypical horror we identify in such movies. Due to his stoic adherence in life and strong loyalty, he does not possess the slimy characteristics of his fellow classmate, Oberstleutnant Anton Grubitz, who he helped to score well enough in his exams but had sucked up to the right people to attain a higher position in the police force, and is now his superior.

Wiesler is invited by Grubitz to a new play staged by Geord Dryman (Sebastian Kohl), a popular playwright who has managed to stay under the government's radar and is in a relationship with accomplished stage actress Christa-Maira Sieland (Martina Gedeck), the lead in the play. Actors, playwrights and all artists are restricted within strict boundaries of what is permissible in those days and almost all of their apartments are bugged for information. Unlike, several of his fellow artists who have been blacklisted, he has played the right game by staying uncontroversial, almost clean. This raises the suspicions of Wiesler even though Grubitz watered it down. However, when Grubitz meets Minister Bruno Hempf, who runs the police force, he takes on Weisler's suggestions as his own and when the Minister praises him for his sharp instincts, claims silent credit for it.

Weisler takes on the job of monitoring Dryman's activities and starts living through the lives of Dryman and Sieland. It is through them that his loneliness and the emptiness of his heart and life is brought for the first time to his attention. He yearns for love and belonging, and his only close relationship is a sexual one with a prostitute who works on the clock, like Wiesler. He starts to contest his beliefs and loyalty to Stasi. Like a quote at the beginning where it is believed that people don't change, we watch the new Wiesler unravel before us.

This is a political thriller which ultimately shows the strength that one is capable of, and though Weisler is not entirely responsible for the fall of Berlin Wall five years later, he can admit towards being instrumental towards a shift of perceptions in the free world. Even though he does "sacrifice" his livelihood for this decision, he is rescued from this Stasi terror in his life. The ending in unsentimental but extremely moving. I felt tears welling as I sensed Dryman's gratitude.

I loved this film and rate it along "Babel" as the best films of the year. Like "Babel" who tackles social issues, this is a film not to be missed. In today's world where the right winged ruling political parties are using scare tactics to frighten us into conformity, this is a burning and current issue. With governments tightening its security laws and establishing impossible laws linking anyone with any connections, no matter how small, to possible acts of terrorism, we have to stand brave. If efficient gatekeepers are already keeping the truth from us, then we have to make sure that we are heard. Even though it sounds impossible that we will "return" to this terror state, nothing is impossible if we do not wake up and choose our leaders carefully. Do we want to live under leaders who incite/remind us of terror, or those who truly inspire?

First time film-maker and writer, Florian Henckel von Donnersmark, implores us to examine this through this wonderful, immaculately acted piece of art. With many lessons to be learnt within, this film outstrips "Pan's Labyrinth" in all ways and is a most deserving winner of the Best Foreign Film Oscar. It has also been honoured by many other International awards, especially for the lead actor, Ulrich Mühe, who is superlative. It is interesting to note that he is a known enemy of the Stasi, and was himself spied upon by four members of his theatre group, and his late wife who he was married to for 6 years, was also an informant to the Stasi. It was also recommended that he be sent to an isolation camp in the event of a national crisis, which could have inspired him for his performance and his involvement in this movie.

This is film making at its best, reaffirming the importance of arts and film making in our lives, to educate, influence and inspire ...

Rating: 9.5/10