My Father

It seems fitting that I should pen my tribute to my father on the upcoming Father's Day celebration in Australia.

If there was a job that everyone was destined in life, then my father's would be a dad. He is what one could call a 24 hour Dad, never tiring of the role that he was born to play. My father wasn't there in the hospital when I was born. I learned it from a letter that my Aunt Alice wrote to him when he was working in Germany. I chanced upon the letter via incident more than ten years ago and have never been able to locate it since. One of those unsolved mysteries ...

The letter was written by my aunt because the common language between my parents was Cantonese and my Dad would not been able to read the Mandarin characters, so it seemed fit that my aunt would be the one to write. The basic premise of the letter is to announce my birth and my adoption of his unofficial Christian name, James. I do not know why my aunt chose my father's name for me. I guess it could be a way to honour my father's best characteristics most significantly, his integrity. I certainly hope I lived up to that expectation.

Unlike my mother who would share stories of her childhood and youth, my father was a relatively reserved man. We knew that he came from a polygamous family, and somehow I was always under the impression that his father did not feature significantly in his life. I had imagined that it was his father's relative absence that inspired him to be involved in all aspects of our lives. I later realised through my aunt (his sister) that it was not true.

I know that there are many untold stories of my father's childhood that I wish to hear, to know what my dad was like as a child and a young man. To see the similarities or differences we share I also know that I will be the one who will have to take the initiative to dig them out, so I am hoping that this will help ease the first lines of communication.

Growing up, my father was a kind and loving disciplinarian. He played good parent while my mother played Ms Hyde most of the time. Together, they would try their individual best to instill the best values and knowledge, probably due to lost opportunities of their own life. They were very strict, insisting that we place studies above all else, so that we would end up being independent and dependable adults.

Every night, he would tuck us into bed, asking us if we loved him, which can be a little embarrassing at times, but thinking back now, it can be rather sweet too. As I mentioned before, my parents never shied from showing affection, and I can remember the day still that I told him not to hug me in public anymore. It must have hurt, but that is the impulsiveness of youth.

He also had his unique way of instilling his values in us. Besides showing his affection for us, he would make us promise since young that we would:

(a) never smoke
(b) never take drugs
(c) never gamble

It has proven to be really effective because I can still hear from his voice right now as I am typing. My mischievous little brother would sometimes try to get his way when he lost, by shouting to Dad, "Daddy, big brother is smoking" and Dad would storm into the room, and say "Is that true, James?". Such an insignificant but fond memory.

Dad was also rather good at mathematics, so he would sit us all down at the kitchen table every night when I started primary school and go through all our English and Mathematics homework. However, since he was not a teacher, there was only a limit to what he could impart. I remembered failing a Mathematics paper when I was in Year 3, and since I miraculously topped the class for the first (and last time) after the mid semester, my teacher wanted to know what happened. I told her eventually that my father didn't know enough about algebra then to teach me. I can't remember what happened after that, but in some ways, I probably knew that I was going to have to do it on my own from then on.

The other fond and significant recollection that I have is my Dad buying the entire collection (or the remainder) of the Secret Seven series that I lacked. All thirteen or so copies of it from the third book onwards. I knew that we were not rich because we rarely ate out, and we had to help Mum with the sewing as well, so I was astonished when he bought them all at MPH. I can still vaguely remember how proud I was when Dad brought them all to the counter and paid for them. That was his grand love for me.

The other reason why this stood out was because it was also the day that my grandparents moved to their new and eventual home in Ang Mo Kio. We visited them that afternoon immediately after the shop and someone spilled Fanta Orange all over some of the books. I can remember my anger and disappointment then, but nothing could rob me of the joys of owning the entire set, which I still own at home.

During my teenage years, I started to rebel at home. I had a "violent temper", one that Mum was quick to point as a flaw I shared with Dad. My results at school would deteriorate because I found it difficult to adapt to my teenage years as a "nerd" and misfit. I was plump and not as agile or sports oriented as my other fellow students. The only sport I was good at was swimming because Dad paid for lessons, but we never had swimming lessons at School, so I never had a chance to prove myself.

I feared Parents Day because I knew that I had let them down again but there was no way to get out of it. My only asylum was Japanese music, which my mother had no empathy at that time for, because she thought it was a hindrance to my performance at School. She was not entirely wrong. However, the more she objected, the more I rebelled.

Dad shocked me after one Parents Day though when he brought me out, after my teacher's less than favourable review, and bought me the most expensive watch I had ever owned. Even till now, I have no idea why he did it. I can only guess it is a way to motivate me to do better, but I didn't. I was lost.

I guess I didn't find myself until I left secondary school and realised how badly I had done in my "O" Levels, which left me little opportunities in life. I also worked for the first time in my life, lost some weight and gained some self confidence because I realised that I was a relatively fast learner and could adapt to changing demands rather fluidly. It was probably then
that life started making some sense for me.

Dad was an engineer, so in some ways, he probably wanted my brother and I to walk the same path as him. Alas, it was not my calling, but I managed to persevere and graduate with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. I made many good friends at Ngee Ann Polytechnic, sadly many of whom I had lost contact with. Thankfully, I found one of my best friends last year incidentally, and though the lines of communication are still rather irregular, we will never lose the bonds of friendship we held.

Dad's love for his children is never more pronounced when I started my two and a half year compulsory Army service after that. Unlike my fellow camp-mates, I was one of the only few that was picked up every Saturday afternoon and driven back every Sunday night by their parents. He never faltered once. It seemed that he would give up all other engagements so that he could be there.

It can get potentially a little embarrassing at times because I didn't want to be seen as being pampered, but strangely, the Army does strange things to immature minds. The absence from home and familial love makes one treasure the bonds of kinship more than ever. I was seen as the lucky one and I never took my parents' love for granted from then on. He is always keen to share his generosity, so my neighbouring friends benefited from the lift as well.

It is always interesting to see my father in the eyes of his friends, because that is the real him, not the familiar role of a father he adopts in our lives. There is an air of authority, integrity and respect that he garners and I can see that vividly in the eyes of his friends. He is usually silent, squirms a little under the praise of his friends, and I see and feel the strong and loyal man/friend they say he is.

He is a worker, not a talker. Through my aunt, I have learned more about my father than I could ever know, because he would never brag. I admire his courage and strength. When my grandma was on her death bed and the doctor wanted the family to make a decision to amputate her legs, it was left to him. The eldest son assigned by his mother and two younger siblings to make the most difficult decision one could ever want to be responsible for. I can not for my life, imagine how one would not crumble at this point in life, but knowing my father, he probably took it as a life decision that had to be made. I wasn't there, so I don't know if he ever wept, but knowing him, he probably did not do it in public.

When my aunt flew back from Australia to attend my grandmother's funeral, it was in the middle of our university Summer Term, and my father told us that our studies were more important, and how she would understand. After my aunt returned, she told us about her half siblings that she was surprised to see at the funeral. They had lost contact for a very long time and since my grandma bore some old grudge against my grandpa's other wives, the relationship has never been warm. So, when they arrived and adopted the deceased 's children identity (it is Taoist tradition that the more children you have, the more glorious you will look in the other world), my aunt was even more surprised. She engaged into lengthy conversations with them, and learned that the reason for them taking this duty was to return the favour my father gave to their mother a couple of years ago. No one in his family knew about it. Since he acknowledged their mother then, it was their turn to acknowledge his. I was moved to tears. I know my aunt was so proud of her brother then.

My father is a very kind man who loves children. I see it whenever I see him play with my nephew and niece. I see shades of my father as a young dad again. I have to say that he was a little surprised when I hugged him for the first time in years when I returned to Singapore from Australia, because he probably thought he would never get that back again. It is good that I am able to hug him now when I arrive back in Singapore and leave, or whenever I want to. I am also happy that we can tell each other that we love each other very much too.

Compared with many other friends and stories of upbringing I have read and heard, I think that though my childhood was relatively sheltered, we have been very lucky to be loved by two wonderful parents who always put us in the first place. We were not rich, couldn't afford as many luxuries, rarely ate out (McDonalds was considered a relative luxury), or went overseas for holidays, I still believe my parents came out tops, and there is not a thing I would change, except if I could have been more mature earlier in my age.

I want to thank my wonderful parents, for the love, patience, care, concern and support they have always provided us. My sister has been ushering me to write this because she says "He is just the best Dad in the world", and it is entirely true. My only wish now is to be able to learn more about the man I lovingly call my father.

I do not know if we make you both proud, but I hope we do. We may not be great achievers in life if you measure things via monetary means, but life is more than that. It is about love, relationships and respect. These wonderful loving lessons that we learned from the best teachers in the world, and in this aspect, we can proudly declare "Thank you for the rich lessons of love and life." We love you both very dearly.

N.E.R.D.

Interestingly, the definition on dictionary.com for nerd reads:

1.	a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person.

2.	an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit: a computer nerd.

I would like to think that I do not fall into the first category but beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so who knows. This thought came about due to a conversation I had with a fellow colleague where we remarked at the "impossibility" of growing up in our old days with the internet and all these technology that we take for granted today.

Since I was not "built for sports" while I was growing up (read: plump and pudgy), I preferred the more leisurely activities like reading and listening to music, the former which I did plenty of. My parents had always advocated reading since young, so we were always brought to libraries and bought books instead of toys.

I also remember when I was first allowed to go out and venture on my own at the age of 13, and how I was given the "green light" to go to the library with my backpack and borrow books for my siblings and I. There was no electronic card system and I had to make sure I had the paper borrowing cards with me so that I wouldn't go home empty handed. I also had to pick ten books for all of us and carry them all back. I wonder now how I managed to pick the books for them as well because there was no guarantee that they would all be good, but I did alright, I guess.

One of my favourite past-times during school holidays was also spending the entire day (at least 5-6 hours) holed up in the reference section of the National Library. The wonderful archive of books and music, most unavailable or unwrapped in bookstores, and mostly unaffordable for a student like me.

I loved spending all that time there reading all the trivia, listening to the CDs that I would never buy or afford to buy and watch the movies that I do not have access to. It was the pleasure of reading for the sake of having fun, and not having to be tested on the material afterwards.

So yes, by this definition, I was indeed a nerd. Today, with the internet so readily available, I rarely spend as much time or visit the library as often anymore, and thinking back, I do miss those days very much. I still crave the trivia and knowledge but I manage to get that online. However, this ease of accessibility and availability makes me realise how much more transient the experience is, as opposed to those days when I just soaked in it. No longer immersed in my own world, with no one to disturb and without a bother in the world.

I wonder if we will ever return to such indulgences? It is a test that I will have to experience and tell ...

Commercials Of Yesteryear

The radio was playing a song this morning that prompted memories that drifted all the way back to the 70s. I believe it could be one of the few memorable advertisements that I remember as a child. The song was "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)".

I remembered the candlelights and the Christmas tree at the end of the commercial and the harmonious melody. It was during the days when my siblings and I would stand in front of the TV when the national anthem is played before the station began their program and if I did not recall wrongly, a scene that we enacted when we managed to get our hands on some candles, and sang along to the catchy jingle.

I did a quick search on Google and Youtube and found the respective Wikipaedia entry and original commercials (CMs). If you click on the link enclosed in the song title above, it gives a very interesting story on how the commercial was created, and how it came back from being a flop when it was first released to being a worldwide hit. Coincidentally, it is also one of the 100 best selling singles of all time in the UK.

The commercial shows how love and song (or rather coke in this case) can connect people of different nationalities all around the world. The Christmas version is the one that I remember and they are both presented here:





The other ad I recall is a Japanese Glico "Pocky" advertisement with a catchy Japanese jingle that started with "季節の風に... (The season/festival of the wind)". The actress snaps off the candy at the end of the commercial with the Japanese accent "Chock-co-lat and Staw-berry". Unfortunately, I am unable to locate the ad on Youtube, but this is the closest version with the late 本田美奈子.:



Do you share these same memories? What are some of the commercials that you remember re-enacting or singing to as a child?

New Outside

One singer used the title "New Inside" to describe a transition from their old positioning towards establishing new rounds . I have been wondering if my blog is always too serious, too wordy, discouraging any comments. Hence, I have decided that I am going to be entirely superficial today. With encouragement from John, I am going to share some very recent photos (like a progression report), showing that I can be shallow and vain with these self promotional photos.

It started with my last trip back to Singapore in November when my "anorexic" friend exclaimed "You're fat" when we met, and added "When are you going to give up that one pack that you are carrying". It hurts when someone says that because I grew up plump and it was not until I left secondary school that I lost the extra weight and that my self loathing ended. So, it brought me back to the bad old days.

I know that I am not fat but when my aunt said the same thing the trip before that, it is quite difficult to ignore. We are the harshest critics of ourselves and I believe we have all been there. I read my dear friend Danny Bunny's blog and he shows the progress of his six pack and uses circles to highlight the invisible fat that he has gained after every holiday. I know that I suffer from the same "disillusion" but it is difficult not to be totally critical.

Since I am not fond of making New Year resolutions, I made a vow to include more cardio routines to my exercise regime. In addition to my lunch time workouts during the weekdays, which gives me the bulk, I incorporated more running and swimming exercises during the week.

It was difficult putting myself through that routine because it requires plenty of discipline, and though I have sufficient to bring myself to the gym, my army days took out all pleasures associated with running. I hated it, racing against others and time. This time, I psyched myself first by thinking that it is the distance that counts not the time, because contrary to most beliefs, the number of calories burnt is the same regardless of whether you run or walk the same distance.

So, I tried to enjoy it and keep my mind focused on pleasant things instead of the stress, and it worked. With swimming, I was alternating between breast stroke and freestyle every 50 m and just found it difficult not to stop after finishing one of these combined routines. I wasn't getting very far until a colleague came in and said how difficult she found doing that, compared to just swimming freestyle all the way. Now, I can do 20 laps or so without stopping for more than 5 seconds every 10 laps or so, which is quite an achievement for me. Again, I focussed on other things while I am swimming, like singing/playing songs in my mind. If you can list the discography of singers like my crazy mind does, then you may find it easier to count the number of laps completed too. Ha! Ha!

I think I looked a little haggard in the first few months due to the change in routine, but my body has slowly acclimatised to the rigors, so I have to find ways to add variation to my almost daily gym routine. I hate spending more than an hour at the gym and since my lunch time is only one hour, it suits me perfectly, to run about 100m to get my body warmed up, and then do a 45 minute routine. I generally add a lot of balancing and movement to my workout instead of just using free weights to add agility.

When I finally weighed myself for the first time after four months or had the courage to, I was surprised that I lost around 5 kgs. I also changed my diet slightly and gave up all fruit juices and sweet drinks. However, I do sneak in treats now and then because I realise that this is part of the reason for working so hard.

I have resigned to the fact that I am not going to have that six pack that we see on magazines but they can be unreal because these models starve themselves for the past three days before the shoot and they have all the time in the world to exercise, a luxury that I do not possess.

I have been playing around with the camera recently and took some photos last week, and am finally finding the courage to share a couple of them, some more revealing than others. I am sorry there are no before and after shots, but you can possibly find plenty of "before" shots on my archives. This is because I know that it is going to be difficult to maintain that exercise routine when I am away in Europe on a holiday but I am certainly going to try. If I can wake up this morning and still run when it is 6 degrees outside, then I can do it.

The goal is to see my friend's face and prove to him and everyone else that age is not a deterrent towards looking our best.

My Style

I tried a new writing style with my two recent posts to reflect a change, with shorter sentences but I am starting to wonder if it is really me?

My friend and mentor once said that since I have a love for writing, I should write. "Join some creative writing course" he says, because it will be useful for me, but he also quickly added "However, remember not to lose your style because that is what makes you unique".

In my attempt for change, I am wondering if I swayed away from my comfort zone, and if I had indeed benefited from it. Is it still me and my voice? Is it more important to stay within the rules? Did it make it better?

The Visit

Needles, Extraction, Trauma

Entitlement or Hedonism

After much deliberation and "consultation", I have decided to extend my holiday to attend the Judy Ongg concert. It has not been an easy decision to reach because I do not want to be seen as being hedonistic.

There is a marked difference between the Asian and Australian work culture. While it is fine for Aussies to start and leave on time, it is usually frowned upon by the Asian culture. Hence, there is sometimes a conflict of values when I am faced with decisions like this.

I do not think there is anything wrong with starting and leaving on time because working late can sometimes (or should be) interpreted as being ineffective or inefficient during the normal working hours. I dislike working over time just to prove that I am hardworking, but I will put in the hard hours to ensure that I do not lag behind.

My close friend and colleague says that even if I do slack off, that I am still leaps and bounds ahead in terms of work ethic as compared to others. The final clincher - Annual leave is not only a privilege but an entitlement.

To Know or Not

I visited the dentist yesterday. Like everyone else, I dread the experience unless I have those perfect pearly whites that I would just go and let them heap praise on me. Unfortunately, this is not the case with me. I have been told numerous times that I used to brush my teeth so hard that I suffer from receding gums, which is not something that affects people my age.

The previous dentist that I attended just asked me vaguely if I had known about the issue. I nodded, expecting him to provide some pleasant late night reading about healthy and unhealthy gums. He just proceeded with the cleaning, and I was generally quite happy about it all. However, I suffered from an inflamed gum in my right cheek on Saturday which prompted this new visit. After consulting with John, and not being to determine if it was a body imbalance, decided to visit his dentist instead.

The day started off rather badly because I took the wrong bus and ended up more than 1 km away from where I should be. I ended up running for about 30 minutes to get there. After I registered, I was asked if I received a text message from the receptionist. It was then that I realised that she did send me a note that the appointment was delayed by 20 minutes. It was a slight relief because it allowed me time to freshen up.

The dentist did a very thorough job and gave me the full works including a couple of X-rays and late night sleep inducing (not) reading material. He told me that there was a root growing under my right gum causing the flesh to press against my bottom teeth, hence the inflammation. Since we are leaving in five weeks for Europe, he wanted to get it fixed before I leave. He described it as a similar operation to the one I had with my wisdom teeth extraction, which includes the cutting of gums. Ouch!

He also gave me a treatment plan which was going to cost at least $1000. Thankfully, about 70% of this cost will be covered by my Private Health Fund. There is also talk of seeing a gum specialist to get more work done, so that I do not end up like Madonna with wide open spaces. In comparison with the first dentist, he was much more comprehensive in his analysis. It was definitely scarier but it's strange that I feel more at ease, possibly the knowledge of being in safe hands. Strangely comforting.

A Breather Finally

After almost a month of non-stop enquiries via email, phone and in person from impossible students, I am finally able to surface for a little breather. Time to catch up on unanswered emails and possible coffee, lunch or dinner dates.

I managed to get hold of a ジュディ･オング (Judy Ongg) Best Collection and it just prompted me to do a search on Youtube because I love both her 紅白 performances. I am unable to locate her first for 「魅せられて」 in 1979 but managed to find her second for 「麗華の夢」.

Just as I was looking through the other videos on display, I chanced upon this advertisement for her first Singaporean concert in 20 years. Believing that it was something in the past, I ignored it at first, and then I noticed the 27th October date, and I started kicking myself, in a bad way, because I am probably leaving Singapore either the day before or the morning itself.

Since it mentioned that it will be a global tour, I hope that she will visit Sydney because I would definitely like to see her, though it would be different without my fellow VAMPire kakis like Danny and Eugin, who may like to come along. 残念ね！

Here are some of her performances which I thought were interesting to share:

(1) This includes a recent performance of 「魅せられて」 and then a short clip of her singing after winning the coveted レコード大賞, being the first non Japanese to win the Japanese Grammy equivalent to "Record of the Year" in 1979



西城秀樹 was the hot favourite that year for his cover hit「Young Man - YMCA」but apparently, it could not be entered for consideration because it was a cover song. When Judy won unexpectedly, Hideki showed plenty of grace by escorting her to the podium to receive her award.

Another tidbit from our fellow blogger Jack: Judy was selected to star in the hit series "Shogun" in 1980 but gave up the role when she realised that she would have to give up her spot in 紅白. It was every singer's dream then to be invited to this prestigious event, so she chose 紅白 instead. For her performance at this New Year's Eve event, her outfit and jewellery totalled more than 1 million HK dollars, which set a record for the event. It's a shame that it is not available on Youtube.

(2)This is her 紅白 performance for「麗華の夢」in 1980:



(3) Lastly, here is a special performance by her and Agnes Chan at a Tokyo Music Festival. Our multi-talented and multi-linguist Judy (who speaks five languages fluently) shows off why she is known as one of Asia's most elegant and beautiful women.



I hope I get to see her live somehow ... someday.