Heaven is ...

A few months back, I read with interest, an entry on Tien's blog about a Japanese drama that she has just watched 「世界の中心で、愛をさけぶ」. When we went to Japan together, I watched as Tien and Eugin bought the box set and wondered if there it was so good that I would have to watch it one day too. I have not watched Japanese drama series for more than a year now, believing that our lives could be consumed with the characters in the series, so the thought stayed with me.



When I came back to Australia, somehow at the back of my head, I searched for the drama series, trying to convince myself, but still I resisted when I saw it. A few weeks back, as interest accumulated, I succumbed after it was placed on further discount and hence, made more available.

The story line, as Tien described is simple, and it spoke of everlasting love between the two lead characters. You would know from the beginning that it is a tragedy not only from Tien's review and the blurb at the back, but also because the drama series is adapted from a very famous book and movie, and is based on true life events in the author's life, hence making it more essential viewing for me. The time spent between the two overs were short, but their love is nothing short of a miracle ...

My verdict: I loved it and it is one of the best dramas that I have watched in a long time. As I sobbed through most episodes and progressed towards the end, a part of me wanted to stop there. Just like the episode of "Friends" where Rachel decided to put the book "Little Women" into the freezer because Joey was starting to get a little sad that Beth was going to die, I didn't want to finish the series, so that in my "reality", maybe the characters will live forever, and I wouldn't need to witness the end.

Denial is a very powerful force, and I know that we all practise that sometimes so that we don't have to face up to harsh realities at difficult times. I succumbed eventually, but I was happy that I did, because I stumbled upon one of the most beautiful lines ...

As Aki was dying in Saku's embrace, Saku asked her where she was going to, because she told Saku once that she doesn't believe that we go to another world when we die. She replied that there is still a heaven in the skies. As she slipped into deadly unconsciousness and woke up momentarily, she said "There is no other world. There is also no heaven. Because this ... life is heaven ...". I sobbed with realisation at how we take things in life for granted. We lament about our misfortunes and what we don't have, not realising that the fact that we have a life, and we can breathe, eat, walk, run, shit, and dream ... and it is not something that everyone can do and that in itself, life is actually heaven ...

This drama series also reminded me of how I dealt with my own beloved grandma's impending death in 1997. I will never forget that day when I spent some time alone with her on her sickbed, and shedding a few tears while I sang her a little lullaby as I stroked her hair. She looked at my tears and turned away. It was at that point, looking at her, that reality struck me that I might lose her, and I was losing it myself. A kind nurse told me later that I should never cry in front of patients and why should I cry when she was actually getting better in my presence. She told me she could see how much my grandma loved me, because she was actually feeling better that day. I wiped my tears and smiled. It was her love for me that I could see, there and then ...

Even though she is no longer with us today, like Aki said in the movie, she lives in our hearts. In our every footstep in life that we take, the joys and the pains ... till the very end.

Life is where heaven is. Loving and being loved. All the good and the bad times. Being alive is enough for us to celebrate. We would all like to experience the kind of love that Saku and Aki had, but we should be practical. They had a short time to prove their love while for some of us, we have a lifetime, no matter how long it may be. Even if we never find that one special person in our lives, look around us, the friendships, the relationships, the kinship ... this is where heaven is.



- My grandma and part of the 25 grandchildren and greatgrandchildren she had.



- I don't think many people has seen this photo because I dug it out this morning from a "get well" card that I made for my grandma, and in it was this only photo I could find then, of just the two of us together. I was proud that she loved the card because I found the courage in it to say "Thank you for your love and I love you."