Allow me this little indulgence ... I can't go this year and I am so envious of my friends, Tien, Eugin, Daniel and also a new friend, who I have not had the priviledge of seeing, Joy, who will be there in Japan this year during Akina's concert from the 7th to 17th July (total of 17 sessions) The sessions are listed here.Recently, Akina wanted to be a club singer, so that she can be closer to her fans. To achieve this dream, she is holding a special concert this year at Club eX in Shinagawa, which holds only 450 seats in each concert. According to news reports and from Tien and Eugin, she will be holding an unplugged concert (I am more jealous) and it will consist totally of songs from her Utahime series (3 albums of cover versions). I hope that she will sing some new songs that she has not covered before in her 3 cover albums. I believe that this will be a great challenge for any singer, not only for someone who loves challenges like Akina, to not only pull off singing popular songs of others live, but also in unplugged mode. This will be such a special concert and I am crossing my fingers that she will not only excel but also that it will be available on DVD, since Tien mentioned in her new blog that this concert is sponsored by TBS, which is such good news!I am eagerly awaiting the first reports from Tien, who I believe is watching the first session, to see what she thinks. Akina has also mentioned that her image at the concert will be "vampish" like the one on the poster and that there will be some song changes during the 17 sessions to keep it fresh, especially for fans who might attend several sessions, like Tien and Joyce are. To learn more, you can actually visit Tien and Eugin's blog. Don't forget to go for another Akina karaoke session so that we can increase her income for this year!! (As ridiculous as it sounds, we found out recently that Japanese artistes actually get royalties if their songs are requested at Karaoke). Thanks guys and have my share of fun for me!!! 頑張って!!! 明菜さん.
Without the support of my friends, where would I be? Definitely poorer, depressed and probably dead by now ...Friendships are little miracles that usually go unappreciated and unacknowledged but I make it a point everyday or everytime I see you, to show my love to everyone who is special to me, friends and family alike. You are all people that I can't do without and many of you have shown your support for my writing and my blog with your comments. Receiving your little vignettes are like presents on my everyday life. Even though we may not chat everyday, but your little comments, emails or calls mean a great deal to me. So, Thank you.Writing for me, is like a form of release, because then they become seagulls free to fly, free to please, and also free to annony. Isn't it amazing that the Chinese songwriters write beautiful songs about seagulls and link them to freedom and paint them as such beautiful birds, and it is only when you live near the sea, do you sometimes find them rather annoying. Anyway, I am going to introduce another few friends to the blog today. Firstly, I have one of my best friends, Leslie Kee who has launched a new website - Leslie Kee, who is always such an inspiration. Our dear friend, Ryan, who is aspiring singer and who has moved to Taipei to achieve his dreams - 頑張って!! You will find many portraits of Ryan with Leslie and many other famous models and celebrities. He also has a few demos of his singing, so please kindly show your support.Next, I have my two dear friends, Harry and Amit. Harry has been a very close friend not long after I arrived in Australia and though I have only known Amit for a short time, he has become a constant contributor to this blog. Amit has also been recently assigned as the official photographer for the International Web Conference called Web Essentials '05 which is due to be launched soon. This is a sequel to WE'04 from last year and details can be found here. Congratulations!So, as I expand my horizons and friendships, I want to take another chance to say Thank you to all of you for just being in my life and keeping me warm and sane, which is very important. Thank you!どうもありがとうございます。
I remember a time when I didn't care ... about politics or how it affects our daily lives, choices and decisions. I am not only talking about when I was in Singapore, but also my first years of "innocence" in Australia. Maybe I was still living in my wrapped world then, but I remembered being a little puzzled over the fuss that people were making about the policies passed down by the government.I know many people still avoid talking about politics, because like religion, it can be a topic of passion and argument. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, which is not something I learnt from Singapore, because of the authoritarian leadership practised, which may be what is suitable for them. What I learnt from my experience in Australia is to care ... not only about my own welfare but also to think more about the less priviledged and how decisions/policies passed down affect them in their everyday life.It is easy for us to dismiss many issues just because we are not confronted by them everyday. Just because we have our basic needs of food, shelter and belongingness needs being satisfied doesn't mean that everyone is as lucky as we, even though we seldom acknowledge that we are fortunate. The world is changing ... not only because natural causes, but also the choices we make and the leaders we or the majority believe represent us. I don't want to engage into a what's right or what's wrong argument here but there are fundamentals individual rights that we should fight for.What I am talking about today is the Australian government and the decisions they are making in the coming months. I am not even talking about gay rights. I am talking about the ABOLITION of the unfair dismissal laws and the changes to the industrial relations which affects everyone, which many, even the Christian institutions (who this government have strong inclination) are protesting. In the near future, we may no longer be protected by unfair practices, giving the rich and the institutions power to do anything they want. They are rewriting history and moving backwards in individual rights. They are undoing what great individuals have fought for us in the past, and many of us are sitting here not worrying, and sometimes, chastising the institutions for protesting. In today's world, everything revolves around money ... university places are no longer a priviledge for those who work hard, because you have to have money too, or you will be left behind. If you have money, you can afford to immigrate to Australia. If not, will you be left on a detention centre, mistreated like a caged animal, by a government who only recently, changed their laws so that children will not be locked up in these detention centres. It took a few courageous people to do it, and thank God they did. Nowadays, Government policies are no longer about inspiration ... it is about fear ... that we will lose the "luxuries" that we have grown accustomed to. The stranglehold they have on us as we sink deeper and deeper into debt just so that we can live the life that we so rightly deserve.
Where are we going to? Where is their conscience ... where is ours? Do we have to have a breakdown before we can achieve that breakthrough? Can we fight to keep our rights? I don't have answers to all these questions and so may you. I don't know if I was happier when I didn't care because it infuriates me to know that there are selfish people ruling the country. I believe in loving and sharing and we always take care of those less fortunate than us. So, for me, even though it hurts to see where we are heading, I know that by caring, I can hopefully make a difference. I want to plant a seed in your mind, so that we will think when it is time to make a choice ... and hopefully, you will think not only with your head but with your heart as well ...
It is not an easy decision to come out. Even though I lead a sexually honest life in Australia, I still find it very difficult to come out to my family and friends in my motherland, Singapore.Today, I received a email from a dear female friend, who expressed shock when she accidentally stumbled upon the truth from my blog that I am gay. My best friend came out to her and another friend earlier last year, and though he said they took it well, my conversations with them have left me feeling rather shaky. Instead of addressing his partner by the name, they seem to hide a chuckle and shake of the head at the same time while asking "Is he still with that guy?", as if expecting this to be a phase that he would step out of soon, or that he needed God's help to get through this.I respect their Christian values and maybe it is the way they seem to perceive him now, which is why I had some reservations about coming out to them. I think the misconception that most people have is that being gay is a choice.As far as I am concerned, the only choice I made is to be honest and live my life in Australia as a gay man. I did not choose to be gay, just like I did not choose to be born a man or Asian. If it was a choice, why would I choose to be part of a minority group that is constantly subjected to discrimination. Why wouldn't I choose what the common thing is, which is to be heterosexual and lead a "no frills" life. I love children so why should I be robbed of the same priviledge to have kids. Why can't I walk down the street with my lover tugged under my arms or openly kiss and not be afraid of the next weird glare or even an attack? Why should my love for my lover not be recognised like heterosexuals and if I die, my partner gets no recognition or any of my belongings if I do not set up a will? Why would I, in the right mind, chose to be gay?I want to be honest to my friends but I am not lying as well. If you don't ask, I wouldn't need to tell, and then I will not be telling a lie. It is difficult for most of my Singaporean friends to accept me as a gay man because of the way I "talk about love" like no other man they know. They always say they imagine it to be some lucky woman, which I cringe when I hear it, but I am not responsible for your dreams. I am only responsible for my life. I watched a Hong Kong - Singaporean movie "Rice Rhapsody - 海南雞飯 - " two days ago, about a Singaporean mother (played by one of my favourite actresses, Sylvia Chang), who has to deal with two gay sons, and the inevitable possibility of the youngest turning out that way too. It is quite a delightful movie and the scene where she goes to every fortune teller to find out if her youngest darling is gay too, and how to "remedy" that is hilarious, but very true, because that is what my friend was subject to when he came out.There was one heart-renching scene when the eldest son attracts media publicity when he decides to get married to his gay lover, and Sylvia, who is lying in bed from a fall, pleads "Why do you have to let Mummy suffer so much". To me, that is heartbreaking and it sounded like it came from my own mother's mouth. If I do come out to my parents I don't want to be selfish and just expose my sexuality and let them deal with it all alone in Singapore. It would be too painful and heartless of me. I can only heal the wounds with my love and education. Until then, the perception will be linked to "What will people think and will he die of AIDS because he is gay?"I still have a long way to go and I am always thankful for everyone who accept me for who I am, because this is the greatest gift anyone can give ... the freedom to be ... In the meantime, life will continue to be a rollercoaster ride and plenty of re-education every time I come out ... but with the courage that builds, I hope to lead an honest life on all aspects one day. I am only one, but if I can educate, then hopefully I am making a difference everyday.
As most of you know, I just moved in last week with my partner into our new and beautiful apartment. We are still putting the finishing touches our new home, which we love, but an unfortunate incident happened during the move to me.
My beloved new digital camera, which was a present from my parents only a few months back when I went back for a holiday, was stolen from my pouch. It was painful not only for its sentimental value but more so because I know that my parents didn't buy one for themselves because it was a luxury item due to its relatively high cost. They bought it out of their love for me.
The other interesting thing that came up for me was how quickly the "old demons" came to haunt me. When I was younger, I was infamous amongst my family members for losing new things and I was tagged for years. I would remember Mom would say "Bring the older umbrella because if you take the new one, you will lose that." and so, not surprisingly, the first voice that came to mind was Mom's tone saying "How could you be so stupid?".
As my mind was processing such unsavoury thoughts and beating myself about it, I was conscious of how much more self-loathing I was doing to myself and how I was blaming myself for this incident. I had to pull myself out and tell myself that accidents do happen and it was not like I left it out in the open for someone to nip. It was "safely" tucked away in my pouch in my closet which I had not expected anyone to touch.
I have learnt two lessons from this experience. One being to keep my precious belongings with me at all times, and the other that I can keep my "old nightmares" at bay and not let them affect the way I lead my life.
I am nearing the end of a chapter in my life. One of my dearest friends, Joe, said on Saturday that you are never officially a couple till you live together. As John and I walk down this exhilarating path of coupledom, towards another phase of a rollercoaster in life, I reflect deeply on the past few years of my life, not only as a "single man" but more importantly, one that I have shared with my brother for almost 3 years.
Growing up, I don't think I ever did my best as a brother, or even a friend to my baby brother. Maybe I was selfish then, and hadn't learnt the joys of giving, and since I am 4 years older than he is, there was always an unspoken gap between us. Australia has been the launching pad for our friendship to bloom and in the past 5 years of being in Australia and 3 of living together in the same apartment, I wish that I have been a good brother and friend to him.
Even though being with John meant spending a lot less quality time with him, I hoped that he had not felt deserted by me because he is and always will be family. Moving is always about saying goodbye to some old memories and hello to new ones, and though I am celebrating a new union, I am a little saddened by his impending departure from Australia. This has been a beautiful chapter which I will cherish all my life because of the special bond I shared with my brother. It is not the end but the beginning of a new chapter and I know that only through love, dedication and communication, will this bond strengthen over time. Thank you, my little brother, for allowing me to love you and share these wonderful times with you ...上を向いて歩こう ... I look up as I walk So that the tears won't fall Remembering those spring days But I am all alone tonight I look up as I walk
Counting the stars with tearful eyes
Remembering those summer days
But I am all alone tonightHappiness lies beyond the clouds
Happiness lies up above the sky
I look up as I walk
So that the tears won't fall
Though the tears well up as I walk
For tonight I'm all alone tonight
(Translated from above song or better known as "Sukiyaki" by Sakamoto Kyuu 坂本 九)
I love babies, like the way people love pets. I'm not a major animal lover but I have a soft spot for almost all babies. I constantly bemoan the fact that I don't get a chance to see my two beautiful little darlings grow up. Just because I choose to live my life elsewhere, I am robbed of the chance to watch them take their first steps at everything and to spend everyday with them. Being gay doesn't make my desires to be a father any weaker. It only strengthens the love I have for the people around me.
Thankfully, the abscence allows me to cherish every single moment with them and it is something I am thankful for. I will always remember the little things we do, like how little Joy likes to chase the birds and giggle in her special little way, and how little Joshua would bang his hands in excitement when he is being fed or not.
These mundane episodes that may seem trivial are precious to me because they are moments that may never be replicated. I will also always have a special smile when I see this photo and remember Joy saying "Two babies", to which John would correct "It's actually three babies", to my amusement.
Being with them allows me to escape into their fantasy world and through them, I have learnt that I can be totally selfless and indulge in unconditional love, and there is no better gift than this. So, Thank you, my beautiful sister, for giving me this intense joy of being an uncle and a chance to play father ...