It has been another fruitless day and "doomsday" seems to be drawing nearer.
I keep reminding myself that it is not the end of the world, but not everyone can see as positively as I can. Maybe it is because I know that the anticipation is always worse than the real thing itself. Just like the SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) that we have to clear during our Army. As I stand on the starting line waiting for the horn to sound, I recall all the horrific anticipation which basically starts at the opening of my eyelids down to that very point. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When the whistle blows and I am running, 700 metres towards the first obstacle, all I can think of is making the end point, as my rifle hits the base of my helmet. I am already running. The race has begun and the anticipation is over. I can now see the end ...
Maybe all these experiences have prepared me better for life experiences. There is always something nice out of every bad situation. During my most difficult phase of my life, which is undoubtedly my army experience, I experienced camadarie with my fellow mates, friendships, bonds that cannot be replicated anywhere. Now, the deepening of our love and relationship. The bond between us and our friends.
It is tough to watch a movie or TV and see someone in their home because it reminds me that I might not have one to call mine soon. I know that we have been a little choosy but if we have to sign on a rental bond for a year, we've got to have some standards. Unfortunately, those standards come with a price tag that can destroy dreams. So, is paying the extra money worth all the heartache and misery that we are currently going through?
The weekend has been less bad than I have anticipated because I am now resigned to the worst case scenario, in anticipation that we might not be successful on Monday. Pessimisim? Hardly. Realism. Yes! The other thing that helps me is my asking myself the question "If this is my final weekend on Earth, do I really want to dwell in misery?" My answer is No, hence I am trying my best to make sure that I still live every moment to the fullest. I may not have a ready smile or a secure heart at the moment, but I still have my sense of humour and a will to live.
Life is strange. You notice every second and minute crack on the wall when it is painful but the happy moments fly. Why can't it be the other way around? Maybe then, we may not appreciate the happy times enough because we know somehow that they don't last long enough for us to savour.
I am scared but I know that it will get me nowhere. Being strong is bravery in the toughest of times and I am certainly trying my level best.
4 comments:
James,
I am sorry to hear what you and your partner are going thru'...I hope you have a contingency plan, such as renting a storage room for your belongings in the event...maybe you two need to move into a motel for short term until you can find an apartment you both like.. is this something you can ask your co-workers to help? maybe just rent you their basement for a short tem basis? I don't know much about the housing situation in Sydney.. Toronto is quite good..
Best of Luck
Jack(kk)
hi james, stay calm, even the darkest days will be over one day. Good idea to make some contingency plans to tie over this period. Till u find a suitable place, u will soon enjoy a lovely home again.
Hi Jack,
Thank you for your concern, support and suggestions. I had a look at the site that you offered but it was more for people who want to housesit, which is not entirely a bad idea for us to consider.
We have very kind friends who have offered us their bigger bedrooms to stay in and another, his garage for storing our belongings, so we do have these contingency plans. However, it is still a very unsettling experience and we don't want anything like this to jeopardise our friendship and relationship.
The real estate representative did not call today to us know the outcome but our work references (i.e. bosses) did receive a phone call about us. So, I'm crossing my fingers that it is a good sign and that we are still in the running ...
Thanks Jason for your kind words of support.
Like I mentioned, we do have contingency plans and you are correct about the darkest days. It is difficult to find "inspiration" but we are holding on together for support.
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