We got it.
After days of self doubt and franzied anticipation, the decision was finally delivered to us this afternoon at 3 pm. When yesterday turned into thin air and as my anxiety grew this morning, I deliberated whether to call for an update or not. Working in the current environment where I abhor students with no patience and have to constantly call up for an update, I wonder if I was turning into one of my nightmare cases.
Curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to show that I was still interested, so I picked up the phone and started off apologetically for causing any inconvenience. I knew we were still in the game when she sweetly disclosed that they were still waiting for the landlord's response. It didn't really help because no one around me knew the games of these real estate agents. Do they present their best case or do the landlords play Russian Roulette?
When the call finally arrived, I could detect a small sense of congratulatory in her tone over the receiver, as she told me that we were successful in our application and asked when we could pop over to pay a week's rental deposit. I replied "Right away" because it was about a 20 minute walk up to where they were. I also thanked her and said that she had no idea how much I appreciated this decision. As I hung up the phone and hi-fived my best mate, Maya at work, the office erupted into roars of cheering as they had all been on the fringe of this rollercoaster ride with me.
I ran up as fast as I could and paid the sweet natured receptionist, who always appeared a little impatient over the phone whenever I called, but was very charming in person. I also asked if there was any way there was going to be retraction of their promise and she promised me No, but I guess after this entire episode, I wouldn't really settle till I sign the lease agreement.
I am elated that this is almost finally over us and I want to take this special opportunity to thank everyone - all my dear friends and readers - who have given John and I so much love, concern and support over the past weeks and especially over the past few days. You have given me strength to continue walking this journey called life and I don't think I would have been able to do so without all your prayers and your love. Thank you.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Address to Nowhere
It has been another fruitless day and "doomsday" seems to be drawing nearer.
I keep reminding myself that it is not the end of the world, but not everyone can see as positively as I can. Maybe it is because I know that the anticipation is always worse than the real thing itself. Just like the SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) that we have to clear during our Army. As I stand on the starting line waiting for the horn to sound, I recall all the horrific anticipation which basically starts at the opening of my eyelids down to that very point. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When the whistle blows and I am running, 700 metres towards the first obstacle, all I can think of is making the end point, as my rifle hits the base of my helmet. I am already running. The race has begun and the anticipation is over. I can now see the end ...
Maybe all these experiences have prepared me better for life experiences. There is always something nice out of every bad situation. During my most difficult phase of my life, which is undoubtedly my army experience, I experienced camadarie with my fellow mates, friendships, bonds that cannot be replicated anywhere. Now, the deepening of our love and relationship. The bond between us and our friends.
It is tough to watch a movie or TV and see someone in their home because it reminds me that I might not have one to call mine soon. I know that we have been a little choosy but if we have to sign on a rental bond for a year, we've got to have some standards. Unfortunately, those standards come with a price tag that can destroy dreams. So, is paying the extra money worth all the heartache and misery that we are currently going through?
The weekend has been less bad than I have anticipated because I am now resigned to the worst case scenario, in anticipation that we might not be successful on Monday. Pessimisim? Hardly. Realism. Yes! The other thing that helps me is my asking myself the question "If this is my final weekend on Earth, do I really want to dwell in misery?" My answer is No, hence I am trying my best to make sure that I still live every moment to the fullest. I may not have a ready smile or a secure heart at the moment, but I still have my sense of humour and a will to live.
Life is strange. You notice every second and minute crack on the wall when it is painful but the happy moments fly. Why can't it be the other way around? Maybe then, we may not appreciate the happy times enough because we know somehow that they don't last long enough for us to savour.
I am scared but I know that it will get me nowhere. Being strong is bravery in the toughest of times and I am certainly trying my level best.
I keep reminding myself that it is not the end of the world, but not everyone can see as positively as I can. Maybe it is because I know that the anticipation is always worse than the real thing itself. Just like the SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) that we have to clear during our Army. As I stand on the starting line waiting for the horn to sound, I recall all the horrific anticipation which basically starts at the opening of my eyelids down to that very point. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When the whistle blows and I am running, 700 metres towards the first obstacle, all I can think of is making the end point, as my rifle hits the base of my helmet. I am already running. The race has begun and the anticipation is over. I can now see the end ...
Maybe all these experiences have prepared me better for life experiences. There is always something nice out of every bad situation. During my most difficult phase of my life, which is undoubtedly my army experience, I experienced camadarie with my fellow mates, friendships, bonds that cannot be replicated anywhere. Now, the deepening of our love and relationship. The bond between us and our friends.
It is tough to watch a movie or TV and see someone in their home because it reminds me that I might not have one to call mine soon. I know that we have been a little choosy but if we have to sign on a rental bond for a year, we've got to have some standards. Unfortunately, those standards come with a price tag that can destroy dreams. So, is paying the extra money worth all the heartache and misery that we are currently going through?
The weekend has been less bad than I have anticipated because I am now resigned to the worst case scenario, in anticipation that we might not be successful on Monday. Pessimisim? Hardly. Realism. Yes! The other thing that helps me is my asking myself the question "If this is my final weekend on Earth, do I really want to dwell in misery?" My answer is No, hence I am trying my best to make sure that I still live every moment to the fullest. I may not have a ready smile or a secure heart at the moment, but I still have my sense of humour and a will to live.
Life is strange. You notice every second and minute crack on the wall when it is painful but the happy moments fly. Why can't it be the other way around? Maybe then, we may not appreciate the happy times enough because we know somehow that they don't last long enough for us to savour.
I am scared but I know that it will get me nowhere. Being strong is bravery in the toughest of times and I am certainly trying my level best.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Pray
Please pray for us. I'm not a religious person but I believe that there is a higher being, like God, but my God is impartial and listens to everyone. So, I was hoping that you can reach that God of yours and help us say a little prayer.
I don't know if you are aware, but John and I moved into our current apartment in December and signed a six month lease in hope that we would find our dream home to own. Unfortunately, fate has been a little unkind. Not only did we not find something that we liked, but the current owner ran into some financial difficulties resulting in him having no choice but to put our home up for sale.
To add to our woes, the new owner has decided to move into the apartment, hence giving us till the end of our lease on the 9th June to move out. Unfortunately, according to the NSW TenacyAgreement, if one is still within the lease period, the owner only has to give us 14 days notice to move out. We had 4 weeks.
As reported in the news, the rental market is rosy for the owners but horrible for renters like us. We have been looking over the past week or so, and have only settled on one today that we would like to move into. Not surprisingly, there will be competition, and sadly for us, we will only get the outcome on Monday.
Life has been extremely stressful over the past week. Last Saturday, I experienced my first bout of anxiety attack in a really long time. After inspecting 7 apartments and finding nothing that suited us, I felt this strong nausea attack come from no where. I felt weak in my joints and at times could hardly walk. I told myself to take deep breaths and at the same time, not crumble because I cannot do so at this crucial point in time. Since John suffered more the last time than I did when we were given a first "eviction" notice six months ago, I felt that I had to be strong because we can't both suffer a breakdown at the same time.
Thankfully, a friend of ours invited us for a DVD evening which helped to calm us down a little with lots of pampering (good food, wine and hosting) but the rest of the weekend dragged on. I felt myself falling into a deep pit and all I craved was the sounds of my friend's soothing comforts, even though I knew that there was no real solution they could offer. It was only till Sunday evening that I sort some respite when I finally grabbed hold of the phone and blabbered to my closest friends, who all lent a very sympathetic ear.
I realised that the breakdown and the anxiety was due to inaction. The moment also brought me back to the times when I had to wait for the Australian Immigration department to approve on my work visas. There was nothing that I could do except wait for the outcome or the weekend to end in this case. It was horribly insecure feeling and I totally understood how John felt. According to Maslow hierarchy of needs (look I retained my Marketing knowledge), survival needs are at the very core, and if these needs are not satisfied, then nothing else matters. I floated through the weekend like a timeless soul lost in my own home and space. I think I was trying to be brave and strong the entire time I was surprised that I suffered all that anxiety and felt like throwing up.
Once the weekend was over and I was back at work, I was kept distracted with a heavy workload but my colleagues's and boss's understanding to allow me to take some time off to look at property websites and inspections itself helped me to gain a bit of solid ground.
John and I had a few arguments, miraculous considering the amount of stress that we were both shouldering. However, I wasn't going to let this destroy me, us or him, so I took on my carer's cap once again. There were times when we both turned impossible but it was constant communication that kept us and our relationship sane.
I was at the Mens' Group yesterday and I told them that one of my releases is to write. To explode into words, not screams and insults because they would just seem to fade into thin air, and disappear. Writing offers me a solace, like a faithful friend, always ready to listen, never questioning. Sometimes, I get on a flow, especially when I am wounded like this, and words pour like blood out of the wound.
John says it will take him at least a week to get over this anxiety, and I agree, but I am trying to be sensible and rational. It might not be the healthiest, but I guess the army trained me well to accept the stressful situation but always keep a lookout for the light.
Tomorrow is the start of another weekend, strangely a few of those that I don't look forward to. I don't know how I will cope tomorrow afternoon if we still don't find any other suitable accomodation. We have very kind friends who have offered to share their homes with us, but we don't want to do that and are keeping that to the very last resort. Will I have another anxiety attack? Will I resign myself to fate? Will I wish that the weekend will never end, so that hope lingers in my heart that we might get to rent the place we applied for today.
I can only pray. Pray that something good might come out of all the good things I have done in my entire life. Will God listen? Will I still believe if I don't get it?
People say that life experiences happen for a reason. If this happened so that I realise the importance of owning a home, can I say that I have learnt that lesson well already? All I know is that I will never wish this upon anyone. So, my friend, if you are listening, can you please pray for us? Thank you ...
I don't know if you are aware, but John and I moved into our current apartment in December and signed a six month lease in hope that we would find our dream home to own. Unfortunately, fate has been a little unkind. Not only did we not find something that we liked, but the current owner ran into some financial difficulties resulting in him having no choice but to put our home up for sale.
To add to our woes, the new owner has decided to move into the apartment, hence giving us till the end of our lease on the 9th June to move out. Unfortunately, according to the NSW TenacyAgreement, if one is still within the lease period, the owner only has to give us 14 days notice to move out. We had 4 weeks.
As reported in the news, the rental market is rosy for the owners but horrible for renters like us. We have been looking over the past week or so, and have only settled on one today that we would like to move into. Not surprisingly, there will be competition, and sadly for us, we will only get the outcome on Monday.
Life has been extremely stressful over the past week. Last Saturday, I experienced my first bout of anxiety attack in a really long time. After inspecting 7 apartments and finding nothing that suited us, I felt this strong nausea attack come from no where. I felt weak in my joints and at times could hardly walk. I told myself to take deep breaths and at the same time, not crumble because I cannot do so at this crucial point in time. Since John suffered more the last time than I did when we were given a first "eviction" notice six months ago, I felt that I had to be strong because we can't both suffer a breakdown at the same time.
Thankfully, a friend of ours invited us for a DVD evening which helped to calm us down a little with lots of pampering (good food, wine and hosting) but the rest of the weekend dragged on. I felt myself falling into a deep pit and all I craved was the sounds of my friend's soothing comforts, even though I knew that there was no real solution they could offer. It was only till Sunday evening that I sort some respite when I finally grabbed hold of the phone and blabbered to my closest friends, who all lent a very sympathetic ear.
I realised that the breakdown and the anxiety was due to inaction. The moment also brought me back to the times when I had to wait for the Australian Immigration department to approve on my work visas. There was nothing that I could do except wait for the outcome or the weekend to end in this case. It was horribly insecure feeling and I totally understood how John felt. According to Maslow hierarchy of needs (look I retained my Marketing knowledge), survival needs are at the very core, and if these needs are not satisfied, then nothing else matters. I floated through the weekend like a timeless soul lost in my own home and space. I think I was trying to be brave and strong the entire time I was surprised that I suffered all that anxiety and felt like throwing up.
Once the weekend was over and I was back at work, I was kept distracted with a heavy workload but my colleagues's and boss's understanding to allow me to take some time off to look at property websites and inspections itself helped me to gain a bit of solid ground.
John and I had a few arguments, miraculous considering the amount of stress that we were both shouldering. However, I wasn't going to let this destroy me, us or him, so I took on my carer's cap once again. There were times when we both turned impossible but it was constant communication that kept us and our relationship sane.
I was at the Mens' Group yesterday and I told them that one of my releases is to write. To explode into words, not screams and insults because they would just seem to fade into thin air, and disappear. Writing offers me a solace, like a faithful friend, always ready to listen, never questioning. Sometimes, I get on a flow, especially when I am wounded like this, and words pour like blood out of the wound.
John says it will take him at least a week to get over this anxiety, and I agree, but I am trying to be sensible and rational. It might not be the healthiest, but I guess the army trained me well to accept the stressful situation but always keep a lookout for the light.
Tomorrow is the start of another weekend, strangely a few of those that I don't look forward to. I don't know how I will cope tomorrow afternoon if we still don't find any other suitable accomodation. We have very kind friends who have offered to share their homes with us, but we don't want to do that and are keeping that to the very last resort. Will I have another anxiety attack? Will I resign myself to fate? Will I wish that the weekend will never end, so that hope lingers in my heart that we might get to rent the place we applied for today.
I can only pray. Pray that something good might come out of all the good things I have done in my entire life. Will God listen? Will I still believe if I don't get it?
People say that life experiences happen for a reason. If this happened so that I realise the importance of owning a home, can I say that I have learnt that lesson well already? All I know is that I will never wish this upon anyone. So, my friend, if you are listening, can you please pray for us? Thank you ...
Friday, May 11, 2007
Holiday Adventure in Melbourne
For the third consecutive year, John and I chose to celebrate our anniversary in lovely Melbourne. Unlike Sydney where the city "just happened", Melbourne was planned with the streets designed in a grid-like structure. The efficiencies of trams and Victorian beauty still stands today as many ancient buildings and structures were preserved, unlike Sydney who underwent a "restructuring" phase where new architectural fads took over, in a blaze of no return. Unfortunately, these fads which seemed like good ideas at that time have faded, making Sydney look like a mishmash of eclectic errors, while Melbourne can be mistaken for a city in Europe on any day.
I love the streets of Melbourne, especially the laneways, which always manage to surprise even on a return trip. It is a well designed feature that makes full use of every possible avenue and space. In place of dirty and smelly backstreets, one might find designer boutiques or little treasures tucked away where the locals mainly visit, making Melbourne an adventure, as their always elegant ads suggests.
John and I had a fabulous time as usual, casting our daily worries to the wind, and just enjoy the sense of being. We went to our favourite haunt, Centre Place, a lane tucked away opposite the library, where an interesting mix of worldly cafes and restaurants grace our presence. Good food and a faux European ambience is always a good mix for pleasure and we always enjoy our time experimenting with new food on the different menus. I also managed to sneak past the routine of having sandwiches during our holiday lunches, and enjoyed some of my "home-town" fanfare in three separate restaurant/eating houses - Singaporean, Indonesian and Hong Kong. I had my missed fried fish noodle soup, fried Indonesian ginger chicken and definitely one of the best claypot rices I ever had at Claypot King, a true surprise.
Other than that, there are plenty of beautiful parks, streets of shopping and markets where rows of shops display a delicious display of cold meats, antipasto or cakes to entice any passerby. John bought his first suit ever and I have to say he never looked more resplendent, and I had one of my most exciting shopping adventures ever, which I will share now with you.
On our first day in Melbourne, a Friday, we made a decision to explore the new DFO (I believe it represents "Design Fashion Outlet" mall at the Southern Cross Terminal, where an array of fashion warehouses are housed in this complex. Not a big fan of brands, I passed by the Timberland store and a shelf of "discounted mens shoes" at $99 caught my eye. Being a bit of a sucker for good bargains, I couldn't resist walking into the store and picked up a understated pair of elegant black dress shoes. Strangely, they displayed both shoes and as I was trying on the left, a guy next to me picked up the right and started inspecting it too. The shoes fit and felt so comfortable, which is an important decision factor for me after some bad decisions last year to compromise fashion for comfort. However, it was difficult for me to decide on a confrontation because I hate them. As I was debating and observing his intention pattern, he turned to me and remarked "Pretty good deal eh, mate". At this, my heart sank and my will to fight this shopping battle gave way, signifying my "virgin" status at shopping wars, and I slowly placed the left shoe back onto the shelf. Still keeping an eye and praying in my mind for a miracle, he took the shoe I returned, and after some deliberation, walked to the counter and asked for the price. The price was $120, higher than the advertised, but maybe it was "From $99", and since John had already walked away, I willed myself out to join in, with my heart dragged along.
We proceeded onto the "Essential Men" fashion outlet where John tried on a couple of long sleeved T-shirts, and I grabbed the opportunity to run back and see if my luck had shifted. He was still at the counter as I circled the same shelf, with one eye on a high cut boot version of the same shoe, and the other on the conversation he was still having with the store salespeople. He eventually walked out of the shop but he asked the salespeople to place the shoes on the back counter before he left. Thinking that he probably walked out to get money, I left slightly dejected but resigned to fate and joined John back at the store. After 15 minutes and a couple of purchases, we walked past Timberland again, and I proceeded to try on the boots for John who concluded that they were not as nice. At this moment, I noticed that the shoes were still sitting on the back counter, and on John's prompting, asked them if it was reserved or for sale.
To my surprise, they replied "It's yours if you want it". Overcome with mixed emotions of surprise and relief, I felt like Cinderella trying on both pairs this time, and did a mini catwalk (minus the mince). Just as I was "parading", the same guy walked in, and I was again caught in the web of disbelief. I turned to John for his opinion for the umpteenth time, and he said "You are probably not that interested in it", to which I rebutted "Why?". He said "You would have gotten it by now", and without disclosing my decision, I took off the new shoes, and with them in my hands walked straight to the counter in my originals. "I'll take them", I said sheepishly in slight fear of hurting the other guy's feelings and felt the heat rush into my head, because I was aware that he had probably made a final decision to buy them.
To my surprise, he let out his right hand, and said "Congratulations, mate. You won". He was really good natured about it all and the sequence of events turned dreamlike, as I shook his hand and said Thank you. He made his final exit out as I paid, to both salespeople behind the counter having a slight snicker at the turn of the events and said "He took too long to decide".
I have related this "incident" to my colleagues, mostly female, and all of them concluded that:
(1) I am too nice
(2) I should have the "right to purchase" in the first place since I tried the shoes first
(3) They were never going to let go of the left shoe, like I did, and will put up a fight if needed
Which prompted me to think of how I might react if I am caught in the same position again? Am I too nice or are men generally less feisty and prone to conflict when it comes to shopping purchases?
Nevertheless, it was an interesting experience and a fun afterthought. I will endear to share more photos of our trips though they will be mostly architectural rather than of people, the flavour of Melbourne and a trip always to remember.
I love the streets of Melbourne, especially the laneways, which always manage to surprise even on a return trip. It is a well designed feature that makes full use of every possible avenue and space. In place of dirty and smelly backstreets, one might find designer boutiques or little treasures tucked away where the locals mainly visit, making Melbourne an adventure, as their always elegant ads suggests.
John and I had a fabulous time as usual, casting our daily worries to the wind, and just enjoy the sense of being. We went to our favourite haunt, Centre Place, a lane tucked away opposite the library, where an interesting mix of worldly cafes and restaurants grace our presence. Good food and a faux European ambience is always a good mix for pleasure and we always enjoy our time experimenting with new food on the different menus. I also managed to sneak past the routine of having sandwiches during our holiday lunches, and enjoyed some of my "home-town" fanfare in three separate restaurant/eating houses - Singaporean, Indonesian and Hong Kong. I had my missed fried fish noodle soup, fried Indonesian ginger chicken and definitely one of the best claypot rices I ever had at Claypot King, a true surprise.
Other than that, there are plenty of beautiful parks, streets of shopping and markets where rows of shops display a delicious display of cold meats, antipasto or cakes to entice any passerby. John bought his first suit ever and I have to say he never looked more resplendent, and I had one of my most exciting shopping adventures ever, which I will share now with you.
On our first day in Melbourne, a Friday, we made a decision to explore the new DFO (I believe it represents "Design Fashion Outlet" mall at the Southern Cross Terminal, where an array of fashion warehouses are housed in this complex. Not a big fan of brands, I passed by the Timberland store and a shelf of "discounted mens shoes" at $99 caught my eye. Being a bit of a sucker for good bargains, I couldn't resist walking into the store and picked up a understated pair of elegant black dress shoes. Strangely, they displayed both shoes and as I was trying on the left, a guy next to me picked up the right and started inspecting it too. The shoes fit and felt so comfortable, which is an important decision factor for me after some bad decisions last year to compromise fashion for comfort. However, it was difficult for me to decide on a confrontation because I hate them. As I was debating and observing his intention pattern, he turned to me and remarked "Pretty good deal eh, mate". At this, my heart sank and my will to fight this shopping battle gave way, signifying my "virgin" status at shopping wars, and I slowly placed the left shoe back onto the shelf. Still keeping an eye and praying in my mind for a miracle, he took the shoe I returned, and after some deliberation, walked to the counter and asked for the price. The price was $120, higher than the advertised, but maybe it was "From $99", and since John had already walked away, I willed myself out to join in, with my heart dragged along.
We proceeded onto the "Essential Men" fashion outlet where John tried on a couple of long sleeved T-shirts, and I grabbed the opportunity to run back and see if my luck had shifted. He was still at the counter as I circled the same shelf, with one eye on a high cut boot version of the same shoe, and the other on the conversation he was still having with the store salespeople. He eventually walked out of the shop but he asked the salespeople to place the shoes on the back counter before he left. Thinking that he probably walked out to get money, I left slightly dejected but resigned to fate and joined John back at the store. After 15 minutes and a couple of purchases, we walked past Timberland again, and I proceeded to try on the boots for John who concluded that they were not as nice. At this moment, I noticed that the shoes were still sitting on the back counter, and on John's prompting, asked them if it was reserved or for sale.
To my surprise, they replied "It's yours if you want it". Overcome with mixed emotions of surprise and relief, I felt like Cinderella trying on both pairs this time, and did a mini catwalk (minus the mince). Just as I was "parading", the same guy walked in, and I was again caught in the web of disbelief. I turned to John for his opinion for the umpteenth time, and he said "You are probably not that interested in it", to which I rebutted "Why?". He said "You would have gotten it by now", and without disclosing my decision, I took off the new shoes, and with them in my hands walked straight to the counter in my originals. "I'll take them", I said sheepishly in slight fear of hurting the other guy's feelings and felt the heat rush into my head, because I was aware that he had probably made a final decision to buy them.
To my surprise, he let out his right hand, and said "Congratulations, mate. You won". He was really good natured about it all and the sequence of events turned dreamlike, as I shook his hand and said Thank you. He made his final exit out as I paid, to both salespeople behind the counter having a slight snicker at the turn of the events and said "He took too long to decide".
I have related this "incident" to my colleagues, mostly female, and all of them concluded that:
(1) I am too nice
(2) I should have the "right to purchase" in the first place since I tried the shoes first
(3) They were never going to let go of the left shoe, like I did, and will put up a fight if needed
Which prompted me to think of how I might react if I am caught in the same position again? Am I too nice or are men generally less feisty and prone to conflict when it comes to shopping purchases?
Nevertheless, it was an interesting experience and a fun afterthought. I will endear to share more photos of our trips though they will be mostly architectural rather than of people, the flavour of Melbourne and a trip always to remember.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Are Chocolate Lovers Game Enough?
I'm not an absolute chocolate lover, reserving my affection only to occasional cravings. It is also partly influenced by my theory of the direct link between chocolate binges and pimple eruptions, which is constantly discounted by John but supported by my fellow Asian counterparts. So, could it be limited to Asian skin?
Anyway, I just saw this "ad" for a particular new brand of chocolate, and I personally think it is gross, but will chocolate lovers be game enough to see beyond the joke, and savour this?
Official Site
Anyway, I just saw this "ad" for a particular new brand of chocolate, and I personally think it is gross, but will chocolate lovers be game enough to see beyond the joke, and savour this?
Official Site
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