Gay Love

We hear the success stories of heterosexual couples celebrating their anniversaries but we hear more of gay community's fleeting romances and one night stands. So, are gay people restricted only to short love?

Today is my very dear friend, Danny and his partner HH's 10th anniversary. Danny shared his coming out story with me at a cafe in Tokyo while we were both there for Akina's 2005 concert. He told me of his similar struggles and also the sweet story of how he met HH (I believe it is over the internet), and how they became friends and then eventually lovers after Danny was finally able to accept himself as a homosexual. My deepest and sincerest congratulations to the two of you because I know how difficult it is to find someone, let alone stay in a relationship for that long.

I met John over the internet and so did many of my other friends who have progressed in long term relationships (one over 15 years and still going strong). In a world of temptation and free love/sex, we have all managed in our ways to define, design and carve our relationships without any legal bindings like marriage or children (yet). We are fast approaching our 5th anniversary and I must say that in addition to luck, there is plenty of hard work involved in developing understanding, compassion and communication.

I remember admiring gay couples who have stayed together for more than 4 years when I first realised how difficult it was to stay in a relationship, but when that happened last year, the only thought that came was "How time flies ...". As we approach our fifth next year and I draw admiration from my fellow colleagues who exclaim at our mark, all I can say is "Thank you and how time flies ...".

John always held a practical belief that honeymoon periods had a use by date. Being the dreamer, I refuse to subscribe and though there have been trying times of stress, we grew with every argument (as little as they were), and we grew to understand and accept each other more in the process. I hate arguing and prefer to give way, but there is always something to learn from an argument. The apologies come quicker because we start to understand the need for reconciliation, for communication. It is the breakdown in communication that delivers the conflict, and only through peaceful communication will resolution evolve.

As we walk towards the 5 year mark, I can proudly say that I am more in love with John than I have ever been, and I am more comfortable now than I am 2-3 years ago. I don't think you can describe that being complacent or just too comfortable to "move", because it is a nest in our hearts that was lovingly built, regardless of the environment that we live in. It's like me enjoying my 30s more than my 20s because I am infinitely wiser.

So, I strongly believe that gay love and relationships is just like any love and it can last for as long as we want it to be. It takes hard work, lots of patience, communication, compassion and the essential ingredient love. More importantly, it takes two people to put in similar effort to make it work. People can take away marriage or any form of unionifcation from us, but they cannot take the pride that we have in our love.