A Surprise Trip

Much has been happening but nothing significant to report or explore, except that I will be making a very short 4 day trip back to Singapore once again from the 22nd - 25th September. It is a late surprise gift from my Aunt Constance in Japan, who called me about a week or so ago, asking if I could spare some time to attend my cousin's wedding.

Initially, my response was No. Not only because I had just returned, but more so that I didn't want her to "waste" any money unnecessarily. On the other hand, there was the issue of John and I was concerned that we were not spending enough time on holidays and here I am, taking another 2 days off work to go back to Singapore. However, she persevered and funnily enough, when I told my parents of her good intentions, their initial reactions were predictably negative and a little hurting at the same time. Rationale ruled over heart and they implored me to be strong in negativity. In slight retaliation, I told Mum to call aunt instead and discourage her from doing so.

Within 5 minutes, I get a call from aunt who began the first line with "Why did you tell your Mum? I wanted to give her a surprise." How that escaped my mind, I don't know. I guess I was seduced by the fancy idea of having my family in my arms once again. When you are that far away from the people you care so much about, any chance is a dream come true.

I said "Sorry and Yes, I will start looking at flights" absent-mindedly because I could feel my heart in my throat. We hung up and within a minute, there was Mum again asking me what aunt had told me. Still fazed, I said "Nothing", but she pressed on "Did she say she wanted to surprise me?" to which I nodded with a soft "Yes", amazed by the telepathy between the sisters. Mum then calmed down and asked "So, are you coming or not?". I said "I don't know. I'll think about it" twice because she repeated the question. Laughing at my "broken record", she says "I know that means that you're going to come" with my dad's laughter echoing in the background.

Almost a week passed before I spoke to them again and to my surprise, they had dropped defences and are embracing my possible return, albeit for such a short time. I have just booked the ticket but have yet to let them know, but I guess they don't really need to, because they do.

It will be a testing time because I also see it as an opportunity to redefine my relationship with my aunt since she outed me last year. Consciously due to fear, I have distanced myself from her, and have reduced the amount of fancy telephone chats over the past year. I am not proud of that but it is difficult for me to operate outside my comfort zone. I lacked courage and was embarrassed by it. So, I chose the easy way out. Most conversations tinged with fear and a constant lookout for the escape hatch ...

Since she is a sensitive woman, I have a strong feeling that she realises that, and is trying to work something out here. I will also have a chance to let her know my side of the story, which is that "I am happy", and I think this is very important. I will also be meeting my uncle whom I have not met before since their marriage 2 years ago, so it would be nice to catch up, though I don't know if she has revealed the secret to him. I am sure we will have some quiet time where I can poach the subject.

I can already see it as a tiring trip to and fro and will not have any opportunity to meet up with anyone, except my VAMP group who knows my aunt and who would most likely want to see them again. Nevertheless, blood relations will always remain important in my life and the spontaneity of the trip will most likely leave me grinning in spite of the fatigue.