Forgiveness

John and I were watching a typical Korean movie "A Moment To Remember" highly recommended by my sister, who also bought it as a present for me. The movie was full of clichés and patchy in spots, but was bearable due to the beauty and charisma of the two actors.

There was only one "true moment" to remember in the movie and it was this quote "We build houses in ourselves and forgiveness is about placing hatred in a small room." It is rather poignant because it teaches us not to let hatred consume our lives.

Saying sorry is not a difficult thing for me because I don't put a lot of emphasis on pride and I like the feeling of allowing myself to look silly to get a smile or a laugh out of someone who is not feeling particularly well. I remember clearly an incident during my army days when my best friend and I let the smallest of misunderstandings diminish the bond between us. We were so close. He was heterosexual but was comfortable about holding me, laying his head on my shoulder or even teasing me like a guy does his partner.

To many, they saw us as great buddies and I helped him through some of the hardest times of his army life. Somehow, lines were blurred in the army, and even though we never got intimate with kissing or anything further, it was more than a brotherhood that I could feel. Maybe deep down, it was more incomprehensible for him than me, so when the opportunity arose, he maximised it. We never got back to the same intimacy. We were not fearful of being burned but the little tiff toppled us both over.

Eventually, when we ended up having to work together, forgiveness was unnecessary but we couldn't even pin-point where what it was that started it all. It was too far down our minds and we reached this silent compromise that it was probably for the better that we never got so close again. I have not seen him since I left the army and even when I speak of him to my other friends, I feel the closeness we once felt. We didn't address the issues in a timely fashion and I guess we just missed the boat which sailed on, leaving us on opposite sides of the dock.