Tales and Fables

Remember the tales and fables we were told when we were children? Not only those to scare us, like "Don't screw your face up because the wind might change and your expression will stick" or variations of the "bogey-man if we are not good?", but others like "Where did we come from?"

That came up as a nagging thought after I watched the new Australian movie "Ten Canoes", which is also the first to be filmed in an aboriginal language. It is an amazing film that traces the origins of Aborigines and also the fable of a man and his three wives. For Aborigines, they believe that their souls originate "like a tadpole" (the way I remember it) and they hibernate in a pond until their calling, where they enter their mother's vagina. When they die, their souls return back to this pond where they originate and they await their rebirth. It is all about nature and is very spiritual.

The Westerners believe in the tale that the stork would carry a bundle of joy (baby) to their parents and hence their arrival. However, no matter how I searched my memory, I cannot recall a Chinese fable that covers our birth. Maybe I haven't heard it, or maybe I just remember the stork story, but I seriously think there isn't one. Are us Chinese not concerned about how we were born? It could also be that there are so many Chinese fables (my favourite is 画蛇添足） to be told that we never practise the art of questioning, or we have just been told to shut up if we ask too many questions. Ultimately, all I can recall is that I just came to the conclusion in my schooling years amongst discussions with friends that my parents just had sex and created me.

Maybe it is also because I am born in Singapore, a multicultural city that seeks to define its own identity. Even though we are Chinese descendants with our grandparents or great-grandparents migrating from mainland China, we still practise many traditions that might not be celebrated in China today. I read once that migrants bring with them a piece of tradition that is passed down status quo, unaware that sometimes in the land of origin, practices have updated with times. So, was this tale lost in time?

Though the movie "Ten Canoes" is rather slow, it was very authentic and both interesting and puzzling, but I understand that foreigners would feel the same way about my Chinese culture as well. These are the cultural differences that help define us and we should be proud of them. The movie not only allows newer generations of Aborigines to understand a piece of their history but also to be proud of it. Foreigners like me are hence also offered a chance understand them better through this depiction.
For me, the highlights of the movie is ironically, the death ceremony. It is intriguing because the person who is near death has to perform a death dance until he/she is breathless and can no longer continue. Someone else will then dance for them till the dance is over. It is almost like being in the spotlight for the last time while the villagers celebrate your life for the last time. It is very unlike the Western and Chinese culture, which are poles apart to start with.

The Western affair is solemn but the Chinese prefer to mourn in a louder fashion. For Buddhists and Taoists, there will be a more elaborate affair, and the extend of the "extravagance" will depend on the age of the deceased. The older the person is, the longer will the ceremony be held. There will be lots of talking, eating and mahjong playing all through the night, to "scare the evil spirits who want to take the soul of the deceased away". These old wives tales that form the core beliefs of our system.

The deceased in both cases do not celebrate their life in any fashion. They lie silent within the confines of their final resting place. Westerners have eulogies but Chinese don't. They just talk and share amongst themselves and the saddest thing is that not everyone will hear these wonderful stories that may help them to understand this person/relative better.

Tales and fables ... they help to define our core belief systems and structures, which is why it is difficult sometimes not to be superstitious about certain traditions, but do they need updating with times? One of John's favourite is questioning the validity of the word "heaty", which he thinks is preposterous, but to me, defines the way Chinese see their body ... as a temple of yin and yang, the imbalance of which creates illness within the body. It is a concept difficult to them, and equally puzzling to us as to why they can't understand such a simple concept.

If I could change one tradition which seems to be universal, then I would change the way we mourn death. Eulogies are nice, but the dead cannot hear. They deserve to be heard because it can help to change or even save lives. It should be a celebration and we should have such ceremonies at least once in our lives because we all deserve it. My darling John had an appreciation ceremony for his mother in 2001 and they are still talking and reminiscing about it, and one of my best friends and someone I really look up to, Robbie did it recently for his partner's Margaret's 60th birthday. Jokingly, she said it resembled eulogies.There was tears and laughter , and altogether, it was just beautiful. A celebration of love, friendship and souls. I was hesitant about speaking up because I didn't have that much history but I realised after that that many others felt the same way and chose not to speak. I see the wasted chances and will seek courage so that I will do so in any future opportunities.

I remember a time when I worked in Singapore when I would write a farewell/appreciation letter to every person who left the company that I was working at. I will never forget their faces when they read the email/letter and the connections we established. It was pure magic and I wonder where it has all gone now? So, maybe this year, for my 35th birthday, I will ask not for presents, but just a figment of our sweet memories ...