Do We Care Too Much?

I was just making a comment on my friend, Jack's Blog entry: Pics that made me realise how our lives are so often influenced by the opinions of others. I am not criticising comments or criticisms but how much is too much?

Growing up, I believed that I was not only fat but unattractive, lazy and stupid. It was my mother's way of humbling us into working harder, but her comments to her friends stuck like super glue and helped mould me into the person I was. Though to be honest, she would have been happier with me being "fatter" than I was but my self image was so poor that I saw any excess fat as being obese. I felt small, unloved and unwanted. In my mind where I struggled to accept myself, my grandmother was my only solace.

Many other incidents along the way, for example, not being popular or one of the "accepted clans" in school helped reaffirm this warped perception in my mind. Thankfully, things changed but it wasn't until I went through some self developments courses that made me realise what effects these words had on me. People can say that "words can't hurt" but they do. Everytime I hear someone making "innocent" comments like "He/She's so ugly or so fat.", I feel like turning around and telling them off. Sometimes, it's not something that they have any control over and I am sure you have your own skeletons as well.

Growing up with such a "warped mind" helped me develop empathy. I felt for every single person who did not feel and look "perfect". I reached out for people who would be ostracised in a group. That was probably one of the few good things that came out of it, and the other was not to use hurtful words on physical appearances. The true ugliness is not in appearance, but in character and human behaviour.

I realise how words can shape and influence the person we are and the heroes in our mind/heart. So, I believe after the exercise, in self expression. Many people have wondered how I can bare all my feelings like that and not get hurt. I think I only hurt when I can't express, and the only avenue is left to bottle it up. Writing gives me the avenue to think and vent, and the best thing is that by sharing, someone else can feel less lonely because they can then understand and know that they are not alone, and whatever they are feeling ... is perhaps ... "normal". Is there such a thing as "normal"? Politically correctedness aside, I think I prefer the word "common". What if what is common is abnormal? What do we do then?

So, I strive to be as honest and as fully self expressed as I can. I still have reservations sometimes and I do know that I am putting myself and my life up for scrutiny. People can comment or criticise but they are sometimes no harsher than the beatings I give myself. I seek to encourage, not only myself but others to put aside their fears and explore ... fly and be whoever they want to be ... because it is only when we do so that we feel free and powerful.

If our friends really do love and care for us, then they will come along with us and like I said on my comments, I know that the true ones will be there to catch me, if I fall ...