Can't Let Go?

With every second I draw nearer to Friday 13th October. I am not a superstitious person, so I had never paid particular attention to the day, but this time, it will be different.

It dawned upon me today as I stroll my usual path to work, that the few trips I will take next week will be one of my last routines. I seem to be more acutely aware than I had been, secretly savouring whatever is left, looking at things with a sense of nostaglia to come.

I think it is going to be tougher than I had thought. Six and a half years I had worked at my job. When I first started telling my suppliers that I am leaving, I was over-whelmed by their sense of loss. One said that she heard this "really nasty rumour" that I am leaving, and when I confirmed it, she said it was such a loss because it has been such a pleasure working with me over the years. They wished me luck in unison and said that I would have to call and say goodbye when it is time. I cried silent tears down the back of my eyes.

I have yet to call my customers but I will do so for my regulars. It almost feels like giving up my baby, but there is always a time when one has to let go. Maybe my body knows me better than my conscious mind and it's grieving. For the better of the past week, I have been suffering a tight back and a very sore neck. My masseuer says that it has to do with "letting go" and the body is unable to do so, which is why it is holding back. When will I let go? Will I cry at my own farewell party?

I was also a little surprised by the reactions of my co-workers whom I had trained. For the first time, I am the one leaving. Maybe I had played the part of big brother and protected them, providing them with a place that they feel comfortable enough to be themselves. Sophia, the only female colleague exclaimed once that the boys always come to me when they have troubles in their personal lives. Maybe I am really the lucky one instead ...

I know who I am and I am not one that lets go of friendships easily. Friendships to me are little miracles that we sometimes forget to celebrate every living day. Maybe if I see the new work as a chance for new miracles, then maybe my body might accept it easier ...