That Holiday Feeling

I have been back for about a week and a half, and I am still tired. Work has been frantic and my running "joke" when someone asks me how my holiday was, is that "I am paying for it now".

When I first returned, it all seemed like a dream. The holiday, the liaisons, the time spent in Singapore ... but then again, there are the gifts and the memories. One customer that admired my long holiday advised "I know how you feel but don't lose that holiday feeling." It has been more than 10 days since, and it has still resonated with me. How do I not lose it when life here has become even more frantic that before I left?

I recall. I recollect the days I spent with my loving family and my wonderful friends. I look at the photos, smile and sometimes feel the urge to cry. I didn't feel that I missed them as much this time when I am back but when I chat with my family and then get a surprise phone call two days later, saying "We wanted to check because we haven't heard from you in days" when it was only two, I end up sobbing later.

I guess in a deeper part of me hidden by stress and daily life, I am missing everyone quite a bit too. I remember clearly the conversation I had with my 4 year old niece, Joy, about 20 minutes before I departed.

James: Joy, will you miss uncle when I go back to Australia?

Joy: Where is Australia?

James: It's south of Singapore and I have to sit on an aeroplane for about 8 hours to get to Australia (while making signs and symbols with my flapping arms).

Joy: So, you're taking the helicopter?

James: No, I can't take the helicopter. I have to take the aeroplane.

Joy: Oh, the aeroplane ...

James: Do you come with uncle sometime to Australia?

Joy: (deep thoughts) Where is Australia?

I wonder if they get the concept of leaving? Are they too young? Will they miss me? Will they remember the days that we spent together playing? Mum says that they do because they never asked her where I went unlike previous episodes with others. I hugged everyone outside the departure gate and rushed through it because I know that if I don't, tears will follow. I guess I'm not growing into a fan of airport farewells. I pass through the first line of officers, look back, wave and hold back the tears. As I walk towards the shops and pause for a final farewell, I am already crying ... but they can't see clearly, and soon it all becomes a blur. I wipe my tears hurriedly and walk away with the intentions to walk back and steal a last glance of their backs, but I was too late. They had already left ...

Life carries on for us but the overload of work has not allowed me the luxury of missing them. I am now really conscious of what stress can take away from us ... the wonders of feeling, loving, missing and thinking. I am writing this because I want to engulf myself in these warm waves, to feel my body and hear the trembles of every muscle. I also want to thank everyone who made my holiday back in Singapore such a warm and wonderful one and I want to return your love and support should any of you find your way down under.

It is only with this determination and awareness that I will not forget the holiday feeling, stay positive, not succumb to life, but take control. I want to live!

在繁忙的日常生活里容易忘记自我，
脑子里充满的只是忙，盲， 忙。
身体感到的只是累， 累， 累。
忘了生命中重要的东西。
忘了什么是思念，什么是爱。
但是只要有此知觉，
就是踏上真实人生的第一步。