A Final Chapter of a Decade

As I turn the pages and start the final chapter of a decade in my life, I look back at my life and am quietly thankful for all that I am blessed with.

I remember being rather annoyed when I started university at a mature age of 26, and a freshman in my class said "Wow! You're 26. Aren't you supposed to be a manager by now?". I was annoyed probably because he was correct, if measured via societal norms. Though I am still not a manager by position at work, I am confident of my level of competence and do not need titles like this and societal norms to define me.

I am the manager of my life, and I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved. What I may not have achieved in rank, status or fame, I believe I have achieved that in my relationships with people around me. I have a close network of true friends whom I know love me for who I am, because after all, what else can they stand to gain from me, except love and friendship.

This chapter is titled "Love and Relationships", because it is what dominated this decade of mine. After spending years dreaming of finding someone to share my life with, I have found the one, and am leading an honest and truthful relationship with a wonderful man. There have been times when the tidings have been tough, but these arguments helped me to open up, set new ways of communication, discard old superstitions and beliefs, and lay new foundations to build and design our relationship. Though I don't see myself still as an expert in relationships because life can always throw curl balls at you, I know what things are worth fighting for, and how I am not the only one that compromises. I get to stand in his shoes and experience what he is feeling, and that hopefully makes me a better person.

My relationship with my family has also deepened over the years. With my increased financial contribution to my family since my dad's retirement, the sense of guilt that I am not in Singapore living with them has lessened, and I feel less unfillial than I used to. My learnings from my own relationship with John has helped me to be more confident with myself and it has in turn helped me to be more vocal with my parents and my own family, which I hope has been appreciated in many ways more than one.

My only major regret is not having more time to spend with my nephew and niece who only get so little of me, and I can see them wanting more. I know that I may be a novelty because I only come back once a year and everytime they speak or see me, they get a present, but I sense that our relationship is deeper than that, and they truly love me.

As for friendships, I have been one that liked to hold onto as many friendships as possible, and trying to rekindle some older ones that have moved on, and may not care as much anymore. I know that our circle of friends get smaller as we grow older, and I am starting to realise that "Quantity is not equal to quality" and it takes effort to maintain a friendship. One person alone cannot make it happen. It may be difficult to let go, but sometimes, it may not be a bad thing. I guess this will be something that I will have to explore more of, in the future.

I have always had a desire to write but life and social media has gotten the better of me over the past year. I bought myself a notebook (non-electronic) recently, and hope that it may inspire me to start the writing juices started again. My dear friend Stephen, whom I met last year, gave me encouragement to keep writing and his words ring as inspiration every day.

So, as I start writing my life for this final chapter, I want to thank my loving family, partner John, relatives and friends, for loving me, tolerating me, and giving me the inspiration to love. Thank you.