It's not the kind of anniversary that one celebrates. Today marks the tenth anniversary of my beloved grandmother's departure from Beautiful Earth. Death was recently discussed in one of my Mens Group's conversations and many people were afraid that we will forget our loved ones once they depart. It has been ten years and I dare say that the love has and will always be there. If someone made an everlasting impression, then their memory will live with us forever.
Reflecting back on these past ten years, where I first made the move from Singapore to Australia in February 1998, I can honestly say that I was leaving some form of my past behind, and looking forward to my new life. Perhaps my grandmother's departure, devastating as it was to me, was a key for me to discover myself, and learn to love myself.
Growing up, I suffered from low self esteem, but always prided that if there was no one else in the world who'd love me, my grandmother still would. She was the epitome of love and kindness and she taught us wonderful lessons on giving, many that still serve us very well today in every aspect of our life. She may not have a worldly education but she knew life and love, and that was not something that can be taught. She gave and gave, even when times were tough, she never failed to look after others that were poorer than she was.
I believe that she must have her demons too, especially at the end when life took her speech away from her, leaving her frustrated at her inability to communicate. This was especially painful for her and for us to watch, a lively and loving woman disintegrating in front of us. But that is not the memory I want to hold of her. I want to remember her for the funny and loving woman she is.
There are many times when I reflect on the wonderful days we spent together. I can vaguely remember her giving me Milo at the end of every night when I just turned one, and grandpa slipping me the occasional Kopi-O (black coffee). How she would hold my little hand while we walked to the markets and took the trishaw back. How I stared with my childish eyes at the lollies and toys in the convenience store at the corner. My squeals of laugher on the swing, her gorgeous cooking, up to the threats of no longer loving me if I didn't take the money that she slipped into my pants whenever we are about to leave. The sight of her peering out of the window as Dad's car drives by, and the enormous laughter that she would initiate with every fart she let out.
These are the memories, and they are still fresh in my head. With every recollection, I love and miss her even more. The only solace I can take is that she is probably up there in Heaven with Grandpa staring down and watching us, with a remote control to more channels of life than there is down here on Earth.
I want to glorify her love and her teachings. I want everyone who has never met her, especially her great grandchildren to know what a wonderful grandmother we all had. We were blessed with such great and loving grandparents, equipped with the best tools, passing on the important lessons of life, sculpturing us into the current beings we are.
What will the next ten years be like, I do not need to wonder, because I know that I will still be holding, loving and remembering her from the deepest part of my heart, till the day arrives when it no longer beats ...
转眼十年已逝，对您的怀念依然如一，
希望能凝视入水晶球，看一看您是否幸福，
想像您俩一样现在依然守护与指引我们。
您快乐吗？
我们现在是否还是那么让您感到骄傲？
十年了，改变的只是我们成长过程的点点滴滴，
您慈祥与爱的指导，依然还是我们人生旅途中的必需品。
希望在我们有生之年，能把您教导的一切传达给我们的下一代。
十年后，对您的思念相信也不会改变太多，
因为深爱不易变，只要心中有爱，就永远有着您的踪影。
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