Parenting

Saw this ad yesterday morning on the sign board in front of one of the schools, not far away from my office and I must say it is rather strange but refreshing. I snapped the photo and immediately shared with the rest of the girls in my office. "It has moved" came one response. Puzzled I questioned, and it appears so that it used to be pinned to the back of the doors in the ladies restroom and it has now been "promoted" to an official notice board.

We had a small discussion and wondered if the description of appearance referred to the desired mother or the actual childbearer. Cynical as always, we came to the conclusion that she probably wanted a white baby, and this was the most politically correct way to place definitions.

John and I had always thought of having a child of ours, but it is not as if we could advertise like this. Firstly, it wouldn't work because none of us possess a womb, and secondly Australia prohibits any gay adoption. Not surprising, because they seem to always pick up reports that support their hypothesis that "Gay parents will always rear gay children". What they don't understand or the point that they seem to miss that most of our parents (of gay children) are actual heterosexual identifying, and we all had a very normal heterosexual upbringing, and since gay marriage and parenting is such a "New Age" phenomenon, where do they get their statistics from.

The other thing I find it ridiculous that they object to gay parenting/adopting is the belief that we will be bad parents. Did it ever cross their minds that this is a choice that we actually make. We can have sex as much as we want and never once will ever run the risk of being pregnant, so do they think that we are pushed into being parents like people who are knocked up after a one night stand. We understand the incredible responsibilities, and our desire to have a child is not the result of a one night consequence. Like women in the workforce with all eyes watching, mouths and minds ready to make a criticism and condemn us forever, don't you think we will work twice, thrice, a million times as hard to make sure that we do not fault?

My dear friend Joe looks at his partner and I when we play with our friend's twins that it is such a pity that we will never have children of our own. I know we lament that ourselves, and though John is a willing partner, he won't even entertain the thought as long as I am not out to my parents. It is a difficult decision, to have or not to have. At the moment, I am happy just to spend time with babies and then giving them back, but I always wonder what kind of a parent I would make. Will I suffocate the child with my love? Will I be a good parent that is loving and supportive regardless of the life choices my child eventually wants to make? See that I have the same insecurities as every parent?

I can take on more babysitting responsibilities and that might help to satisfy my needs for a while, but for every heterosexual and homosexual couple out there who yearn to have a child, I understand the need for someone to share our love with, just like heterosexual couples who are lucky to have children do. We are built for love, and I can only hope that the world will understand us someday, that love will breed love, not just homosexual or heterosexual, but happy children and human beings.

Getting Back My Life

The last month is undoubtedly one of the most stressful periods of my life. I can't remember the last time I was this challenged. I guess it is not surprising since Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs places "Physiological Needs" at the bottom of the pyramid, making the first need that humans will look to satisfy before their higher level needs will be addressed. Shelter is one of these physiological needs and a place to call home definitely falls under that category.

The move happened on the Friday before the horrible floods hit NSW. We were lucky to get most out of the way before the thunderstorms hit and we were both exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. Thanks to my perseverance, we cleared all boxes within 36 hours. I was the box Nazi, clearing my stuff and then starting on John's. My strategy was to empty his boxes and place the stuff on the table, so that he has no choice but to clear them. It worked.

For me, it was like a strange form of a cleansing and re-energising ceremony. Getting rid of all evidence of the horrible month and settling back into our life. What I didn't anticipate was the settling down period. Unlike the last time where the transition was immediate, it took a few restless nights and another week or so of feeling locked out of my own skin before I could finally grab hold of my life rails once again. John was very supportive after the first week of our move while I calmed down, and then after I recovered, it was his turn.

It was nice that we both took turns to go crazy while the other supported. It really helped to strengthen our relationship and our love for each other, which was one of the best things that came out of this incident. Now that I have had a couple of normal weekends to myself, I am starting to recall what it felt like before my life was consumed with looking for a new place to live or buy. It's such a bliss not to have to worry and just enjoying what the next moment might bring.