Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Moving on ...
No, no towards another server or Twitter. I twittered with the idea, but gave up on both instances because of inertia and the lack of time. As for the latter, I think I love the flow of ideas and I do not like to be constrained, so I'm sticking around for a little while.
Moving on ... refers to other aspects of my life, like home and job. As most of you would have already known, we finally bought a place to call our home. It was a long time coming and it was difficult. Thankfully, the decision was quick, unanimous and sweet. Now, I believe that this process helped both of us to grow within the relationship, to understand each other better, and support each other especially through the tough times.
We can laugh about it now, be expertly in our advice, because we have been there, but every journey is different. It is helpful to realise that it is probably one of the biggest decisions that we will ever make in our lives, permeating every inch of our lives. There is no escape because you have to carry on your lives together inspite of the day. One of the most important lessons to establish at the beginning is that our relationship is ultimately more important than any issue. The other fundamental element is realising that we both have a right to veto and that we must reach an amiable agree,ent. This right to veto must be established early and understood so that both parties know that spite does not stand within the decision. Truth and reason does.
We are lucky that we got there finally. It is a labour of love and we had a great many time playing "newly weds". Though we may not believe or want marriage (we just want to be given the same rights to choose), this is equivalent to marriage in terms of the commitment that we have both agreed upon. It is a new chapter in our relationship and helps provide the grounding and our foundation to grow deeper in love.
Since we moved from a meagre one bedroom to a two bedroom unit, we had the pleasure to set up our new home with new furniture and love. It may not be picture perfect, but almost every single piece of furnitureand wall now has a new page to start our history within it. It was also fun playing hosts to our dear friends in sharing our joy together with them. I had realised with time and age that big flashy parties are no longer my forte and desire, and prefer the smaller conversations and intimate dinners to get to know my friends better. Life with loved ones is bliss.
I am also looking forward to my family visiting and sharing our new home with them nearer the end of the year. Though they are still unaware of our relationship in a spoken sense, I am very grateful to John for not pressing the issue, and just letting things be. It may be naive of me to defend my stand that if they do not ask, then they will not have to admit to others when prompted. I believe it is an Asian variation of denial. In not confirming or asking, they can always tell the truth known to them. It can sense cowardly to many, but do these many know of our cultural intricacies? Will ignorance bring bliss?
I cannot purport to answer this question, but I know that the times when they visit will pose their challenge and like I do with my usual style, I will deal with the issue as they arise. I prefer not to picture the mountains and the valleys before I start a trek. I can be ready, and I like to keep my head held high. I know I am resourceful, so I will handle the situation if and when it arises.
Onto lighter matters, I have also moved sections within work, being finally able to do something that I had studied and have been more passionate about - Marketing. Within any new job, one has to work hard to prove themselves. Though most of my current colleagues are aware of my capabilities, I felt I had twice the hurdles to conquer. I had to live up to my name, and this explains the lack of posts.
I am on secondment for five months and it has been so lovely to receive so many compliments on my "move" from fellow colleagues, and then support from my co-workers because it was a rather tough time. I was disoriented for about two days, and thankfully found my ground. I am stepping out of the "abyss" and I know I had performed and adapted well. I found myself hungry again ... a feeling that has been lost to me for a while.
John has been describing it as a promotion, which I resisted at first because it's a side step at this point (no increment or extra incentives). However, I am warming to it because I no longer feel like a fraud and I have proved myself, not so importantly to others, but ultimately to myself.
I have not asked for more because I believe this experience is a reward of sorts especially in this economic climate. I am planting the seeds that will hopefully grow strong, and establishing the relationships to get where I ultimately want to be. I know I have been lucky but I never take kindness for granted. I want to thank my family and friends for your love and support all these years patiently waiting for me to blossom. My love, John, who has never wavered in his love and support for me and I want to give it back to you by helping you fulfill your dream.
Lastly, I would also like to thank everyone for your continued support for my writing, especially my webfriends Stephen and Makary because I wouldn't have written this tonight if not for your prompts.
Moving on ... refers to other aspects of my life, like home and job. As most of you would have already known, we finally bought a place to call our home. It was a long time coming and it was difficult. Thankfully, the decision was quick, unanimous and sweet. Now, I believe that this process helped both of us to grow within the relationship, to understand each other better, and support each other especially through the tough times.
We can laugh about it now, be expertly in our advice, because we have been there, but every journey is different. It is helpful to realise that it is probably one of the biggest decisions that we will ever make in our lives, permeating every inch of our lives. There is no escape because you have to carry on your lives together inspite of the day. One of the most important lessons to establish at the beginning is that our relationship is ultimately more important than any issue. The other fundamental element is realising that we both have a right to veto and that we must reach an amiable agree,ent. This right to veto must be established early and understood so that both parties know that spite does not stand within the decision. Truth and reason does.
We are lucky that we got there finally. It is a labour of love and we had a great many time playing "newly weds". Though we may not believe or want marriage (we just want to be given the same rights to choose), this is equivalent to marriage in terms of the commitment that we have both agreed upon. It is a new chapter in our relationship and helps provide the grounding and our foundation to grow deeper in love.
Since we moved from a meagre one bedroom to a two bedroom unit, we had the pleasure to set up our new home with new furniture and love. It may not be picture perfect, but almost every single piece of furnitureand wall now has a new page to start our history within it. It was also fun playing hosts to our dear friends in sharing our joy together with them. I had realised with time and age that big flashy parties are no longer my forte and desire, and prefer the smaller conversations and intimate dinners to get to know my friends better. Life with loved ones is bliss.
I am also looking forward to my family visiting and sharing our new home with them nearer the end of the year. Though they are still unaware of our relationship in a spoken sense, I am very grateful to John for not pressing the issue, and just letting things be. It may be naive of me to defend my stand that if they do not ask, then they will not have to admit to others when prompted. I believe it is an Asian variation of denial. In not confirming or asking, they can always tell the truth known to them. It can sense cowardly to many, but do these many know of our cultural intricacies? Will ignorance bring bliss?
I cannot purport to answer this question, but I know that the times when they visit will pose their challenge and like I do with my usual style, I will deal with the issue as they arise. I prefer not to picture the mountains and the valleys before I start a trek. I can be ready, and I like to keep my head held high. I know I am resourceful, so I will handle the situation if and when it arises.
Onto lighter matters, I have also moved sections within work, being finally able to do something that I had studied and have been more passionate about - Marketing. Within any new job, one has to work hard to prove themselves. Though most of my current colleagues are aware of my capabilities, I felt I had twice the hurdles to conquer. I had to live up to my name, and this explains the lack of posts.
I am on secondment for five months and it has been so lovely to receive so many compliments on my "move" from fellow colleagues, and then support from my co-workers because it was a rather tough time. I was disoriented for about two days, and thankfully found my ground. I am stepping out of the "abyss" and I know I had performed and adapted well. I found myself hungry again ... a feeling that has been lost to me for a while.
John has been describing it as a promotion, which I resisted at first because it's a side step at this point (no increment or extra incentives). However, I am warming to it because I no longer feel like a fraud and I have proved myself, not so importantly to others, but ultimately to myself.
I have not asked for more because I believe this experience is a reward of sorts especially in this economic climate. I am planting the seeds that will hopefully grow strong, and establishing the relationships to get where I ultimately want to be. I know I have been lucky but I never take kindness for granted. I want to thank my family and friends for your love and support all these years patiently waiting for me to blossom. My love, John, who has never wavered in his love and support for me and I want to give it back to you by helping you fulfill your dream.
Lastly, I would also like to thank everyone for your continued support for my writing, especially my webfriends Stephen and Makary because I wouldn't have written this tonight if not for your prompts.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Responsibility
Responsibility. Does anyone even recognise or use this word anymore? All day long at work, I am faced with differing requests and complaints, not only from students but also from adults (and parents), that someone else is responsible for their "failures". When will they realise that we all have a part to play.
I am currently reading this engrossing book "We Need To Talk About Kelvin" by Lionel Shriver (female author). The writing is beautiful, even poetic at times, and it is a book of letters, from a woman to her husband, trying to rediscover what went wrong, after their son goes to high school and kills 9 people one day.
She traces all the way back from when they first entertained the idea of children, to the fateful day Kelvin commits the shooting. Where did they go wrong? The writing is raw and harrowing, and Lionel has a real gift. What happens when a mother does not feel the motherly love when she holds her baby for the first time, and what happens when your child is evil in nature. Why is it that the mother always cops the blame? I am only halfway through the book and I am already questioning the judgment that we are quick to pass about parents.
One good example is how quickly we condemn the mother who leaves her child in the bathtub for 5 seconds to pick up the phone and comes back to discover that her child has drowned in two inches of water. Two inches. She could have been a great mother all this time, but we discount that. We only remember and judge her for the 5 seconds that she was away. As if to say that the loss of her child and her guilt is not enough to tie her down already.
As you can tell, I am loving and savouring this book. It is not difficult to empathise with the mother in the book, but let me reassure you that she is flawed, and she is real. The book paints the father as a doting parent, the perfect child loving adult with a blind spot. It really makes me appreciate the responsibility that parents take on.
Does this responsibility towards our children blind us to the point of protection that we will blame anyone or everyone than our own child for something that they had committed. Are we teaching them the right thing by shielding them and reaffirming their perfection? When and how do we teach responsibility. Will this world be a better place to live if we all took some responsibility instead of trying to find excuses and place the blame on others?
Friday, April 03, 2009
Grey
One of my favourite pastimes is reading and revisiting old memories, because I believe they can lead to self-discoveries. I can do so by talking to my parents, reading books, articles on the internet and due to the fact that I am also a nostalgic person, I like to watch old movies and access old articles on the internet, especially those during my past years. One never knows what treasures we can stumble upon.
I have a growing collection of old movies which I can share only with some of my friends and mostly my sister, who is back in
I am still looking for old series like the late 70’s version of 生徒諸君, 赤い衝撃 and 俺たちの旅 but unfortunately, there are no Chinese subtitled versions available and my Japanese is not good enough for me to take a risk with buying the originals, because I will only get frustrated. I guess this desire and my fellow VAMPire buddies have spurred me on to pick up Japanese again, for the umpteenth time. I am tyring to do some self study because there is no one else to accompany me to class, but I will see how that goes, and may eventually enrol in some courses when I have revised a little more. Wish me luck!
However, if anyone has any lobang (as in tips) on how to source these Chinese subtitled versions – I hate dubbed versions, but will lower my standards if left with no choice, I will be most appreciative.
The reason of this post is not to source for suggestions, but just to share my reflection on how reviewing these old memorabilia has helped me realise how our perspectives change with time. I am not talking about a change of taste in genre. I still enjoy them relatively, but I am more interested in how our opinions were shaped by our increasing life experiences.
It is easier to differentiate between right and wrong, black and white with classical conditioning, but once we experience life, opinions can confuse and change dramatically, especially in regards to human behaviour and feelings. Like Akina sings in 北ウィング, “Love is a mystery”, and so is life. Even when we tell ourselves that a feeling of jealousy or rage is wrong or an undesirable trait, there is no toggle switch for us to operate between the two mediums effortlessly. We are not built for these functions.
One important life lesson I learned is empathy and not judge others by the roles we play. Take for example the undesirable and socially unacceptable role of the third party in a relationship. It is a most painful place to be caught in, and most of the time, we enter into such situations without knowing, and only when we have sunk too deep, that we realise that we couldn’t pull ourselves out as easily and be as noble as we previously thought ourselves to be. Life changes when we get caught in experiences like this. We learn to understand, interpret and look from a different perspective that we had never seen before. Life is indeed many shades of grey.
I rediscovered this watching 庭院深深. It’s terribly long and the story a little too wishy washy, but I still enjoyed it because I love 刘雪华. I think she is a great actress. When I finally found this DVD, I was ecstatic because I wanted to rediscover why I liked this series when I first watched it on TV in 1988. What amazed me was how I found empathy for the other (hateful) woman caught in the love triangle and I actually shed a few tears for her at the end. I remember vividly that I did not feel that way when I first watched it. Maybe it is an understanding of how painful it is, when our love is not accepted. Too many people focus on the reciprocation of an act like love. I think that though it is wonderful for love just to be accepted and appreciated by someone. I believe "Thank You" can be a gift in itself.
Onto more superficial discoveries, watching these movies and series has also led me to reaffirm the type of women I like. Talent aside, I am drawn to celebrities with poise. They may not have to be pretty but they must have poise, which means I tend to exclude “cute” and especially burrikos (Seiko is an exception because I enjoyed her earlier songs). Which is why I was especially drawn to celebrities like Akina Nakamori 中森明菜, Momoe Yamaguchi 山口百恵, Imai Miki 今井美樹, Judy Ongg, Maggie Cheung 张曼玉, 刘雪华, 曾慧芬, Cate Blanchett, Meryl Streep, Jane Fonda and Michelle Pfeiffer to name a few.
I wonder if anyone else shares my passion for revisitations and rediscoveries, or am I stuck in the past instead of looking towards the future?
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
The Smile
I have often lamented that a smile is practically non-existent in the passing of our every day lives with strangers and this is particularly evident in the city that we live in. I have often heard how country folk tend to be less guarded, and are more likely to strike up conversations than city folk, and I have to take their word since I understand how we are more focused on getting from point A to B, then to stop and be truly concerned with the ongoings of another stranger's daily happenings. I may be a culprit myself but I happen to catch the eye of someone, I will try my best to greet them with a smile.
A very recent incident caused me to ponder on the irony of this wish and perhaps understand why we do not smile as often towards strangers. If others had the same experience as I had, would it potentially cause a shutdown, or should I disregard it as an isolated incident?
John and I were driving back home after a Friday night out. It was only 9 pm, and the roads were thankfully rather free of traffic. We stopped at the lights and nonchalantly, I turned around to the pick-up parked next to my passenger seat, and caught the eye of the Indian driver. He smiled. "Friendly", I thought, and I smiled back, expecting this to be an isolated incident. The lights turned and we strolled along, and then I started to notice soon from the corner of my eye, with the following two traffic lights that we stopped at, that I was being watched. I tried to avoid further eye contact, but it was difficult not to want to verify my suspicions. The temptation was too much, but I did it as discreetly as he would allow.
When the roads widened and he veered two lanes away to the left, finally breaking the invisible bond, I heaved a sigh of relief. I turned around to look at him and there he was, smiling and waving this time. I interpreted that as a Goodbye, so I just held my hand up, without smiling. I figured out that it was a wrong move soon when he drove back into the lane next to us. "What should I do? Should I warn John?".
Just as I was about to make a decision, John popped "Is that driver following us?", and I briefed him on my suspicions. The real test came when we had to turn into the main road leading home, and disappointingly, he followed. There was this crescendo of lights, curtains drawing, and a huge board in front of us reading "Let the games begin!!". We were unwilling participants of this crime drama that we did not ask for, especially considering that it is not even a genre that features on our home TV set or DVD collection ... at all.
He was starting to get rowdier, and he was gesturing and banging on the side of his door, trying to gain our attention because we are not affording him any. We couldn't afford to. We had too much to lose. Deep in my mind, I was wondering how I managed to "lead him on" with an innocent smile. Who was he? What does he want? Do I really care?
He wasn't letting go and we were starting to panic because it was no longer a coincidence. Our ignorance wasn't working. He was taking this as a challenge. There was no way that we were going to drive into our garage because then he would know where we lived, but we were only about 100 metres from home, and we were not equipped for emergencies like this. I tried to make quick mental notes that I need to catch more of these shows to know what to do in such a situation. "Should I jump out of the car to create some diversion? No, that only happens in movies." Where can we go? What should we do? We needed to make a sudden turn and catch him unaware.
We reached the cross junction about 50 metres from home, making a prompt decision to turn into a busier street than the one that we usually took. It was a gamble, but possibly a safer option. We stayed glued to the traffic lights praying for it to keep green, so that we can leave him behind, but no such luck. We were stuck and he crept in behind us. We were not going to signal our left turn. We are just going to pretend to go straight ahead. Our hearts pulsating with every flickering pedestrian crossing signal on the adjacent street, the lights finally turned and we made a sharp turn. Fixated on the rear view mirror rather than the front, we had to peel our eyes away when we finally saw him zooming straight ahead instead. That was a close shave. Too close for comfort.
We were still feeling uneasy as we eased into the lane of our quiet street, mind and heart still cautious from the anxiety, expecting him to draw the curtain with the dagger any moment. He was gone.
A very recent incident caused me to ponder on the irony of this wish and perhaps understand why we do not smile as often towards strangers. If others had the same experience as I had, would it potentially cause a shutdown, or should I disregard it as an isolated incident?
John and I were driving back home after a Friday night out. It was only 9 pm, and the roads were thankfully rather free of traffic. We stopped at the lights and nonchalantly, I turned around to the pick-up parked next to my passenger seat, and caught the eye of the Indian driver. He smiled. "Friendly", I thought, and I smiled back, expecting this to be an isolated incident. The lights turned and we strolled along, and then I started to notice soon from the corner of my eye, with the following two traffic lights that we stopped at, that I was being watched. I tried to avoid further eye contact, but it was difficult not to want to verify my suspicions. The temptation was too much, but I did it as discreetly as he would allow.
When the roads widened and he veered two lanes away to the left, finally breaking the invisible bond, I heaved a sigh of relief. I turned around to look at him and there he was, smiling and waving this time. I interpreted that as a Goodbye, so I just held my hand up, without smiling. I figured out that it was a wrong move soon when he drove back into the lane next to us. "What should I do? Should I warn John?".
Just as I was about to make a decision, John popped "Is that driver following us?", and I briefed him on my suspicions. The real test came when we had to turn into the main road leading home, and disappointingly, he followed. There was this crescendo of lights, curtains drawing, and a huge board in front of us reading "Let the games begin!!". We were unwilling participants of this crime drama that we did not ask for, especially considering that it is not even a genre that features on our home TV set or DVD collection ... at all.
He was starting to get rowdier, and he was gesturing and banging on the side of his door, trying to gain our attention because we are not affording him any. We couldn't afford to. We had too much to lose. Deep in my mind, I was wondering how I managed to "lead him on" with an innocent smile. Who was he? What does he want? Do I really care?
He wasn't letting go and we were starting to panic because it was no longer a coincidence. Our ignorance wasn't working. He was taking this as a challenge. There was no way that we were going to drive into our garage because then he would know where we lived, but we were only about 100 metres from home, and we were not equipped for emergencies like this. I tried to make quick mental notes that I need to catch more of these shows to know what to do in such a situation. "Should I jump out of the car to create some diversion? No, that only happens in movies." Where can we go? What should we do? We needed to make a sudden turn and catch him unaware.
We reached the cross junction about 50 metres from home, making a prompt decision to turn into a busier street than the one that we usually took. It was a gamble, but possibly a safer option. We stayed glued to the traffic lights praying for it to keep green, so that we can leave him behind, but no such luck. We were stuck and he crept in behind us. We were not going to signal our left turn. We are just going to pretend to go straight ahead. Our hearts pulsating with every flickering pedestrian crossing signal on the adjacent street, the lights finally turned and we made a sharp turn. Fixated on the rear view mirror rather than the front, we had to peel our eyes away when we finally saw him zooming straight ahead instead. That was a close shave. Too close for comfort.
We were still feeling uneasy as we eased into the lane of our quiet street, mind and heart still cautious from the anxiety, expecting him to draw the curtain with the dagger any moment. He was gone.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Happy Birthday Jen!
Happy Birthday my dearest sister. May you always stay young, beautiful, intelligent, caring and loving as you are.
I have to exclaim, "Isn't it wonderful how our relationship has progressed over the past year as the kids grow older?". You are growing up to be a loving, responsible and wonderful mother who is always ready to place Joy and Joshua above you, and even if they may not be able to appreciate in words right now, I believe I speak for them from my "objective eyes".
I can see how the two of them have blossomed and I thank you for taking on the challenges that I had presented, like a "back seat parent" sometimes, which makes me as an uncle and brother, feel really treasured and loved. I can't always be there, and there have been times when I have been caught in the "heat" too when I am playing with them, and I understand the rationale to vent, but I have learned that these are episodes that take a long time to rewind in the minds of the impressionable.
I totally understand the pressures of "getting it right" and I have to say now that it isn't always black and white, but if we can let the anger past us by, and not blind us, we will always be able to make a more educated decision.
I trust your decision, your parenting, your love and have confidence in everything that you decide as a course of action. This is how proud I am of who you are, not only as a sister, but fundamentally, as a human being. You are strong. After all, anyone who has been through natural child birth without epidural has gone through one of life's biggest and most dangerous challenges, and nothing should faze you again.
I wish you love, happiness, prosperity and lots of joy that causes you to smile from the bottom of your heart. The laughter that brightens up not only yours but the lives of everyone around you. That is the wonderful effect you have on others. Thank you so much for the lessons of life and love I continue to learn from you, and the generosity of sharing two wonderful beings with me. I love you so much. Happy Birthday!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Me@37
I have to say firstly that it is luxury to not have to work for the rest of the year. Work has been rather hectic and combined with other stresses, I have been to preoccupied to blog at all. I have also been spending more time on Facebook and have been uploading most of our Europe trip, very leisurely, hanging to every last thread of memory ...
It is now officially almost the beginning of my 37th year. Every year as I mature, the material things in life become less and less important, and I am reminded constantly of the importance of the relationships in my life.
I have been really so lucky to have real friends. People who truly love and care for me, and are not afraid to be there for the difficult times. I am not be financially well off, but I know that I will never walk alone, or will I ever worry that I will fall and shatter, because my friends will always be there to catch. Thank you all so much for making my life so wonderful and warm.
I really feel my parents love, my wonderful Dad and Mum. Such wonderful human beings whom I love so much, and love me back. What more can one ask for. I may complain once in a while about my sheltered life, but I learnt so many lessons of love from them and my siblings that I spent a good part of my life, learning to live, love, give and share. Now that I have two other darlings in my life, my beautiful nephew and niece, I am still learning how to love and give more.
I am also so lucky to have John in my life. Though it has been a relatively tough year for us both, we are definitely looking forward to a wonderful year next year, and we couldn't ask for a better start. Watch this space!! It has been so nice to be able to share you with my family during my trip and I am sure we will have a fabulous time if and when they visit Sydney again. I love you so much.
A final special mention must also go to my beloved grandma, whom I still miss so much. I wish you were here to see me now. You have always been so proud of me, even when I "loathed" myself, so I really feel like I want to share my happy life with you now. I know that you are there looking over my shoulder and hopefully wearing your warm smile. I want to repay your kindness because I know I would not be who I am without you, but I guess I'll just have to keep living my life to the fullest and making sure that I am happy. I am ... I really am.
Party@37 Photos - It took me a long time to be convinced that it was a good idea to celebrate my birthday at home because I didn't want to work. I succumbed to the idea after I realised how muc more quality time I could spend with my friends, and it was also a great way to say "Thank You" to them.
Full Set of Birthday Party Photos and My Collection of Europe Photos (less Barcelona): Here
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Startin ...
I have so much to share about this trip but am finding it a little difficult to start. What can I also share that is personal and that no one else has already covered?
I have finally decided that I will share my personal highlights and my Top Three favourites of each city. It is going to be tough, and it may be rather general, but John and I had a discussion once, and I certainly hope I remembered what my choices were then. If not, then it will serve as an afterthought, especially after reviewing the photos.
Incidentally, a stranger had also posted a comment on one of my old posts written some time in 2007 titled "Gay Love", which prompted me to think about the significance of this trip, being the first time in our six years union, that we had taken a trip that lasted longer than a week (or four days) with each other, almost 24/7 and how we dealt with relationship and personal freedom issues that eventuated. I will not go into details but they are certainly issues that may help other couples planning on long trip (four weeks) to consider.
If there are any other suggestions, I would most certainly like to hear them.
I have finally decided that I will share my personal highlights and my Top Three favourites of each city. It is going to be tough, and it may be rather general, but John and I had a discussion once, and I certainly hope I remembered what my choices were then. If not, then it will serve as an afterthought, especially after reviewing the photos.
Incidentally, a stranger had also posted a comment on one of my old posts written some time in 2007 titled "Gay Love", which prompted me to think about the significance of this trip, being the first time in our six years union, that we had taken a trip that lasted longer than a week (or four days) with each other, almost 24/7 and how we dealt with relationship and personal freedom issues that eventuated. I will not go into details but they are certainly issues that may help other couples planning on long trip (four weeks) to consider.
If there are any other suggestions, I would most certainly like to hear them.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Free Myself
I was watching the ABC program "Enough Rope" last night and it was an interview with the comedian Dawn French. She mentioned the following that really struck a chord with me:
"I have never spent my life looking for approval from people I don’t respect, or people whose approval I will never get, I can’t be bothered to waste time doing that, but the approval of people I really love, like Jennifer, like Lenny, like my Father, is the most delightful thing when you get and I did get lots of it which is great"
I have my fair share of seeking approvals in my life, and I know that I have many friends who love me for who I am, but there are always some people whom I will always try my best or way beyond my best, and still feel inadequate.
I am learning to care less about what other people say about me and my actions. I have learnt that there are "battles" worth fighting, and there are some that have the potential to leave me "wounded" and upset, and that I should just leave them instead of trying to soothe my ego.
Only when I can exercise my will to do as I please, with an understanding that I will not harm others, will I be free myself.
"I have never spent my life looking for approval from people I don’t respect, or people whose approval I will never get, I can’t be bothered to waste time doing that, but the approval of people I really love, like Jennifer, like Lenny, like my Father, is the most delightful thing when you get and I did get lots of it which is great"
I have my fair share of seeking approvals in my life, and I know that I have many friends who love me for who I am, but there are always some people whom I will always try my best or way beyond my best, and still feel inadequate.
I am learning to care less about what other people say about me and my actions. I have learnt that there are "battles" worth fighting, and there are some that have the potential to leave me "wounded" and upset, and that I should just leave them instead of trying to soothe my ego.
Only when I can exercise my will to do as I please, with an understanding that I will not harm others, will I be free myself.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I 'm Back and More Coming Soon ...
I am so sorry for the lack of posts recently. I have been back for a week and a half from the trip of my lifetime, but I have not been feeling very well.
It was probably due to my hectic schedule and exercise routine that I kept up during the four week Europe trip, and then not letting nature takes its course by allowing my body to experience the jet lag . Instead, I continued to punish my body further by insisting on keeping the same schedule as my family in Singapore.
I didn't have much of a choice because my stay in Singapore was relatively short (ten days) as compared to the past trips and I feel so guilty about spending so much time away from them, and I do miss them as well. So, I tried to do as much as I can, and I believe that when I finally arrived back in Sydney and went straight back to work in an hour, my body raised the white flag and protested.
Still, there are no regrets at all (if any, it was still too short - especially the Singapore leg), and I had the time of my life.
I have yet to post much photos (except on Facebook) but I want to do proper entries on my blog, because all the memories are still fresh, both as a memorial piece and an update of my wonderful trip.
I have finally finished the bulk of work which I have a deadline at the end of this month, so I am able to steal some time off work to do some blog entries and organise my photos on the web. I was initially thinking of using Flickr again but its not very user-friendly, so I thought of Picasa web albums but the irritating thing is that the software insists on changing all your photos on your computer to the Picasa album, and that takes so much time.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
It was probably due to my hectic schedule and exercise routine that I kept up during the four week Europe trip, and then not letting nature takes its course by allowing my body to experience the jet lag . Instead, I continued to punish my body further by insisting on keeping the same schedule as my family in Singapore.
I didn't have much of a choice because my stay in Singapore was relatively short (ten days) as compared to the past trips and I feel so guilty about spending so much time away from them, and I do miss them as well. So, I tried to do as much as I can, and I believe that when I finally arrived back in Sydney and went straight back to work in an hour, my body raised the white flag and protested.
Still, there are no regrets at all (if any, it was still too short - especially the Singapore leg), and I had the time of my life.
I have yet to post much photos (except on Facebook) but I want to do proper entries on my blog, because all the memories are still fresh, both as a memorial piece and an update of my wonderful trip.
I have finally finished the bulk of work which I have a deadline at the end of this month, so I am able to steal some time off work to do some blog entries and organise my photos on the web. I was initially thinking of using Flickr again but its not very user-friendly, so I thought of Picasa web albums but the irritating thing is that the software insists on changing all your photos on your computer to the Picasa album, and that takes so much time.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Missing You
11 years today and I still miss you ...
Thank you for your love. I will not be who I am today if not for your unconditional love. It's such a shame that the younger generation will never know my wonderful grandmother who taught me how to live and love.
Thank you for your love. I will not be who I am today if not for your unconditional love. It's such a shame that the younger generation will never know my wonderful grandmother who taught me how to live and love.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
My Father
It seems fitting that I should pen my tribute to my father on the upcoming Father's Day celebration in Australia.
If there was a job that everyone was destined in life, then my father's would be a dad. He is what one could call a 24 hour Dad, never tiring of the role that he was born to play. My father wasn't there in the hospital when I was born. I learned it from a letter that my Aunt Alice wrote to him when he was working in Germany. I chanced upon the letter via incident more than ten years ago and have never been able to locate it since. One of those unsolved mysteries ...
The letter was written by my aunt because the common language between my parents was Cantonese and my Dad would not been able to read the Mandarin characters, so it seemed fit that my aunt would be the one to write. The basic premise of the letter is to announce my birth and my adoption of his unofficial Christian name, James. I do not know why my aunt chose my father's name for me. I guess it could be a way to honour my father's best characteristics most significantly, his integrity. I certainly hope I lived up to that expectation.
Unlike my mother who would share stories of her childhood and youth, my father was a relatively reserved man. We knew that he came from a polygamous family, and somehow I was always under the impression that his father did not feature significantly in his life. I had imagined that it was his father's relative absence that inspired him to be involved in all aspects of our lives. I later realised through my aunt (his sister) that it was not true.
I know that there are many untold stories of my father's childhood that I wish to hear, to know what my dad was like as a child and a young man. To see the similarities or differences we share I also know that I will be the one who will have to take the initiative to dig them out, so I am hoping that this will help ease the first lines of communication.
Growing up, my father was a kind and loving disciplinarian. He played good parent while my mother played Ms Hyde most of the time. Together, they would try their individual best to instill the best values and knowledge, probably due to lost opportunities of their own life. They were very strict, insisting that we place studies above all else, so that we would end up being independent and dependable adults.
Every night, he would tuck us into bed, asking us if we loved him, which can be a little embarrassing at times, but thinking back now, it can be rather sweet too. As I mentioned before, my parents never shied from showing affection, and I can remember the day still that I told him not to hug me in public anymore. It must have hurt, but that is the impulsiveness of youth.
He also had his unique way of instilling his values in us. Besides showing his affection for us, he would make us promise since young that we would:
(a) never smoke
(b) never take drugs
(c) never gamble
It has proven to be really effective because I can still hear from his voice right now as I am typing. My mischievous little brother would sometimes try to get his way when he lost, by shouting to Dad, "Daddy, big brother is smoking" and Dad would storm into the room, and say "Is that true, James?". Such an insignificant but fond memory.
Dad was also rather good at mathematics, so he would sit us all down at the kitchen table every night when I started primary school and go through all our English and Mathematics homework. However, since he was not a teacher, there was only a limit to what he could impart. I remembered failing a Mathematics paper when I was in Year 3, and since I miraculously topped the class for the first (and last time) after the mid semester, my teacher wanted to know what happened. I told her eventually that my father didn't know enough about algebra then to teach me. I can't remember what happened after that, but in some ways, I probably knew that I was going to have to do it on my own from then on.
The other fond and significant recollection that I have is my Dad buying the entire collection (or the remainder) of the Secret Seven series that I lacked. All thirteen or so copies of it from the third book onwards. I knew that we were not rich because we rarely ate out, and we had to help Mum with the sewing as well, so I was astonished when he bought them all at MPH. I can still vaguely remember how proud I was when Dad brought them all to the counter and paid for them. That was his grand love for me.
The other reason why this stood out was because it was also the day that my grandparents moved to their new and eventual home in Ang Mo Kio. We visited them that afternoon immediately after the shop and someone spilled Fanta Orange all over some of the books. I can remember my anger and disappointment then, but nothing could rob me of the joys of owning the entire set, which I still own at home.
During my teenage years, I started to rebel at home. I had a "violent temper", one that Mum was quick to point as a flaw I shared with Dad. My results at school would deteriorate because I found it difficult to adapt to my teenage years as a "nerd" and misfit. I was plump and not as agile or sports oriented as my other fellow students. The only sport I was good at was swimming because Dad paid for lessons, but we never had swimming lessons at School, so I never had a chance to prove myself.
I feared Parents Day because I knew that I had let them down again but there was no way to get out of it. My only asylum was Japanese music, which my mother had no empathy at that time for, because she thought it was a hindrance to my performance at School. She was not entirely wrong. However, the more she objected, the more I rebelled.
Dad shocked me after one Parents Day though when he brought me out, after my teacher's less than favourable review, and bought me the most expensive watch I had ever owned. Even till now, I have no idea why he did it. I can only guess it is a way to motivate me to do better, but I didn't. I was lost.
I guess I didn't find myself until I left secondary school and realised how badly I had done in my "O" Levels, which left me little opportunities in life. I also worked for the first time in my life, lost some weight and gained some self confidence because I realised that I was a relatively fast learner and could adapt to changing demands rather fluidly. It was probably then
that life started making some sense for me.
Dad was an engineer, so in some ways, he probably wanted my brother and I to walk the same path as him. Alas, it was not my calling, but I managed to persevere and graduate with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. I made many good friends at Ngee Ann Polytechnic, sadly many of whom I had lost contact with. Thankfully, I found one of my best friends last year incidentally, and though the lines of communication are still rather irregular, we will never lose the bonds of friendship we held.
Dad's love for his children is never more pronounced when I started my two and a half year compulsory Army service after that. Unlike my fellow camp-mates, I was one of the only few that was picked up every Saturday afternoon and driven back every Sunday night by their parents. He never faltered once. It seemed that he would give up all other engagements so that he could be there.
It can get potentially a little embarrassing at times because I didn't want to be seen as being pampered, but strangely, the Army does strange things to immature minds. The absence from home and familial love makes one treasure the bonds of kinship more than ever. I was seen as the lucky one and I never took my parents' love for granted from then on. He is always keen to share his generosity, so my neighbouring friends benefited from the lift as well.
It is always interesting to see my father in the eyes of his friends, because that is the real him, not the familiar role of a father he adopts in our lives. There is an air of authority, integrity and respect that he garners and I can see that vividly in the eyes of his friends. He is usually silent, squirms a little under the praise of his friends, and I see and feel the strong and loyal man/friend they say he is.
He is a worker, not a talker. Through my aunt, I have learned more about my father than I could ever know, because he would never brag. I admire his courage and strength. When my grandma was on her death bed and the doctor wanted the family to make a decision to amputate her legs, it was left to him. The eldest son assigned by his mother and two younger siblings to make the most difficult decision one could ever want to be responsible for. I can not for my life, imagine how one would not crumble at this point in life, but knowing my father, he probably took it as a life decision that had to be made. I wasn't there, so I don't know if he ever wept, but knowing him, he probably did not do it in public.
When my aunt flew back from Australia to attend my grandmother's funeral, it was in the middle of our university Summer Term, and my father told us that our studies were more important, and how she would understand. After my aunt returned, she told us about her half siblings that she was surprised to see at the funeral. They had lost contact for a very long time and since my grandma bore some old grudge against my grandpa's other wives, the relationship has never been warm. So, when they arrived and adopted the deceased 's children identity (it is Taoist tradition that the more children you have, the more glorious you will look in the other world), my aunt was even more surprised. She engaged into lengthy conversations with them, and learned that the reason for them taking this duty was to return the favour my father gave to their mother a couple of years ago. No one in his family knew about it. Since he acknowledged their mother then, it was their turn to acknowledge his. I was moved to tears. I know my aunt was so proud of her brother then.
My father is a very kind man who loves children. I see it whenever I see him play with my nephew and niece. I see shades of my father as a young dad again. I have to say that he was a little surprised when I hugged him for the first time in years when I returned to Singapore from Australia, because he probably thought he would never get that back again. It is good that I am able to hug him now when I arrive back in Singapore and leave, or whenever I want to. I am also happy that we can tell each other that we love each other very much too.
Compared with many other friends and stories of upbringing I have read and heard, I think that though my childhood was relatively sheltered, we have been very lucky to be loved by two wonderful parents who always put us in the first place. We were not rich, couldn't afford as many luxuries, rarely ate out (McDonalds was considered a relative luxury), or went overseas for holidays, I still believe my parents came out tops, and there is not a thing I would change, except if I could have been more mature earlier in my age.
I want to thank my wonderful parents, for the love, patience, care, concern and support they have always provided us. My sister has been ushering me to write this because she says "He is just the best Dad in the world", and it is entirely true. My only wish now is to be able to learn more about the man I lovingly call my father.
I do not know if we make you both proud, but I hope we do. We may not be great achievers in life if you measure things via monetary means, but life is more than that. It is about love, relationships and respect. These wonderful loving lessons that we learned from the best teachers in the world, and in this aspect, we can proudly declare "Thank you for the rich lessons of love and life." We love you both very dearly.
If there was a job that everyone was destined in life, then my father's would be a dad. He is what one could call a 24 hour Dad, never tiring of the role that he was born to play. My father wasn't there in the hospital when I was born. I learned it from a letter that my Aunt Alice wrote to him when he was working in Germany. I chanced upon the letter via incident more than ten years ago and have never been able to locate it since. One of those unsolved mysteries ...
The letter was written by my aunt because the common language between my parents was Cantonese and my Dad would not been able to read the Mandarin characters, so it seemed fit that my aunt would be the one to write. The basic premise of the letter is to announce my birth and my adoption of his unofficial Christian name, James. I do not know why my aunt chose my father's name for me. I guess it could be a way to honour my father's best characteristics most significantly, his integrity. I certainly hope I lived up to that expectation.
Unlike my mother who would share stories of her childhood and youth, my father was a relatively reserved man. We knew that he came from a polygamous family, and somehow I was always under the impression that his father did not feature significantly in his life. I had imagined that it was his father's relative absence that inspired him to be involved in all aspects of our lives. I later realised through my aunt (his sister) that it was not true.
I know that there are many untold stories of my father's childhood that I wish to hear, to know what my dad was like as a child and a young man. To see the similarities or differences we share I also know that I will be the one who will have to take the initiative to dig them out, so I am hoping that this will help ease the first lines of communication.
Growing up, my father was a kind and loving disciplinarian. He played good parent while my mother played Ms Hyde most of the time. Together, they would try their individual best to instill the best values and knowledge, probably due to lost opportunities of their own life. They were very strict, insisting that we place studies above all else, so that we would end up being independent and dependable adults.
Every night, he would tuck us into bed, asking us if we loved him, which can be a little embarrassing at times, but thinking back now, it can be rather sweet too. As I mentioned before, my parents never shied from showing affection, and I can remember the day still that I told him not to hug me in public anymore. It must have hurt, but that is the impulsiveness of youth.
He also had his unique way of instilling his values in us. Besides showing his affection for us, he would make us promise since young that we would:
(a) never smoke
(b) never take drugs
(c) never gamble
It has proven to be really effective because I can still hear from his voice right now as I am typing. My mischievous little brother would sometimes try to get his way when he lost, by shouting to Dad, "Daddy, big brother is smoking" and Dad would storm into the room, and say "Is that true, James?". Such an insignificant but fond memory.
Dad was also rather good at mathematics, so he would sit us all down at the kitchen table every night when I started primary school and go through all our English and Mathematics homework. However, since he was not a teacher, there was only a limit to what he could impart. I remembered failing a Mathematics paper when I was in Year 3, and since I miraculously topped the class for the first (and last time) after the mid semester, my teacher wanted to know what happened. I told her eventually that my father didn't know enough about algebra then to teach me. I can't remember what happened after that, but in some ways, I probably knew that I was going to have to do it on my own from then on.
The other fond and significant recollection that I have is my Dad buying the entire collection (or the remainder) of the Secret Seven series that I lacked. All thirteen or so copies of it from the third book onwards. I knew that we were not rich because we rarely ate out, and we had to help Mum with the sewing as well, so I was astonished when he bought them all at MPH. I can still vaguely remember how proud I was when Dad brought them all to the counter and paid for them. That was his grand love for me.
The other reason why this stood out was because it was also the day that my grandparents moved to their new and eventual home in Ang Mo Kio. We visited them that afternoon immediately after the shop and someone spilled Fanta Orange all over some of the books. I can remember my anger and disappointment then, but nothing could rob me of the joys of owning the entire set, which I still own at home.
During my teenage years, I started to rebel at home. I had a "violent temper", one that Mum was quick to point as a flaw I shared with Dad. My results at school would deteriorate because I found it difficult to adapt to my teenage years as a "nerd" and misfit. I was plump and not as agile or sports oriented as my other fellow students. The only sport I was good at was swimming because Dad paid for lessons, but we never had swimming lessons at School, so I never had a chance to prove myself.
I feared Parents Day because I knew that I had let them down again but there was no way to get out of it. My only asylum was Japanese music, which my mother had no empathy at that time for, because she thought it was a hindrance to my performance at School. She was not entirely wrong. However, the more she objected, the more I rebelled.
Dad shocked me after one Parents Day though when he brought me out, after my teacher's less than favourable review, and bought me the most expensive watch I had ever owned. Even till now, I have no idea why he did it. I can only guess it is a way to motivate me to do better, but I didn't. I was lost.
I guess I didn't find myself until I left secondary school and realised how badly I had done in my "O" Levels, which left me little opportunities in life. I also worked for the first time in my life, lost some weight and gained some self confidence because I realised that I was a relatively fast learner and could adapt to changing demands rather fluidly. It was probably then
that life started making some sense for me.
Dad was an engineer, so in some ways, he probably wanted my brother and I to walk the same path as him. Alas, it was not my calling, but I managed to persevere and graduate with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. I made many good friends at Ngee Ann Polytechnic, sadly many of whom I had lost contact with. Thankfully, I found one of my best friends last year incidentally, and though the lines of communication are still rather irregular, we will never lose the bonds of friendship we held.
Dad's love for his children is never more pronounced when I started my two and a half year compulsory Army service after that. Unlike my fellow camp-mates, I was one of the only few that was picked up every Saturday afternoon and driven back every Sunday night by their parents. He never faltered once. It seemed that he would give up all other engagements so that he could be there.
It can get potentially a little embarrassing at times because I didn't want to be seen as being pampered, but strangely, the Army does strange things to immature minds. The absence from home and familial love makes one treasure the bonds of kinship more than ever. I was seen as the lucky one and I never took my parents' love for granted from then on. He is always keen to share his generosity, so my neighbouring friends benefited from the lift as well.
It is always interesting to see my father in the eyes of his friends, because that is the real him, not the familiar role of a father he adopts in our lives. There is an air of authority, integrity and respect that he garners and I can see that vividly in the eyes of his friends. He is usually silent, squirms a little under the praise of his friends, and I see and feel the strong and loyal man/friend they say he is.
He is a worker, not a talker. Through my aunt, I have learned more about my father than I could ever know, because he would never brag. I admire his courage and strength. When my grandma was on her death bed and the doctor wanted the family to make a decision to amputate her legs, it was left to him. The eldest son assigned by his mother and two younger siblings to make the most difficult decision one could ever want to be responsible for. I can not for my life, imagine how one would not crumble at this point in life, but knowing my father, he probably took it as a life decision that had to be made. I wasn't there, so I don't know if he ever wept, but knowing him, he probably did not do it in public.
When my aunt flew back from Australia to attend my grandmother's funeral, it was in the middle of our university Summer Term, and my father told us that our studies were more important, and how she would understand. After my aunt returned, she told us about her half siblings that she was surprised to see at the funeral. They had lost contact for a very long time and since my grandma bore some old grudge against my grandpa's other wives, the relationship has never been warm. So, when they arrived and adopted the deceased 's children identity (it is Taoist tradition that the more children you have, the more glorious you will look in the other world), my aunt was even more surprised. She engaged into lengthy conversations with them, and learned that the reason for them taking this duty was to return the favour my father gave to their mother a couple of years ago. No one in his family knew about it. Since he acknowledged their mother then, it was their turn to acknowledge his. I was moved to tears. I know my aunt was so proud of her brother then.
My father is a very kind man who loves children. I see it whenever I see him play with my nephew and niece. I see shades of my father as a young dad again. I have to say that he was a little surprised when I hugged him for the first time in years when I returned to Singapore from Australia, because he probably thought he would never get that back again. It is good that I am able to hug him now when I arrive back in Singapore and leave, or whenever I want to. I am also happy that we can tell each other that we love each other very much too.
Compared with many other friends and stories of upbringing I have read and heard, I think that though my childhood was relatively sheltered, we have been very lucky to be loved by two wonderful parents who always put us in the first place. We were not rich, couldn't afford as many luxuries, rarely ate out (McDonalds was considered a relative luxury), or went overseas for holidays, I still believe my parents came out tops, and there is not a thing I would change, except if I could have been more mature earlier in my age.
I want to thank my wonderful parents, for the love, patience, care, concern and support they have always provided us. My sister has been ushering me to write this because she says "He is just the best Dad in the world", and it is entirely true. My only wish now is to be able to learn more about the man I lovingly call my father.
I do not know if we make you both proud, but I hope we do. We may not be great achievers in life if you measure things via monetary means, but life is more than that. It is about love, relationships and respect. These wonderful loving lessons that we learned from the best teachers in the world, and in this aspect, we can proudly declare "Thank you for the rich lessons of love and life." We love you both very dearly.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
N.E.R.D.
Interestingly, the definition on dictionary.com for nerd reads:
I would like to think that I do not fall into the first category but beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so who knows. This thought came about due to a conversation I had with a fellow colleague where we remarked at the "impossibility" of growing up in our old days with the internet and all these technology that we take for granted today.
Since I was not "built for sports" while I was growing up (read: plump and pudgy), I preferred the more leisurely activities like reading and listening to music, the former which I did plenty of. My parents had always advocated reading since young, so we were always brought to libraries and bought books instead of toys.
I also remember when I was first allowed to go out and venture on my own at the age of 13, and how I was given the "green light" to go to the library with my backpack and borrow books for my siblings and I. There was no electronic card system and I had to make sure I had the paper borrowing cards with me so that I wouldn't go home empty handed. I also had to pick ten books for all of us and carry them all back. I wonder now how I managed to pick the books for them as well because there was no guarantee that they would all be good, but I did alright, I guess.
One of my favourite past-times during school holidays was also spending the entire day (at least 5-6 hours) holed up in the reference section of the National Library. The wonderful archive of books and music, most unavailable or unwrapped in bookstores, and mostly unaffordable for a student like me.
I loved spending all that time there reading all the trivia, listening to the CDs that I would never buy or afford to buy and watch the movies that I do not have access to. It was the pleasure of reading for the sake of having fun, and not having to be tested on the material afterwards.
So yes, by this definition, I was indeed a nerd. Today, with the internet so readily available, I rarely spend as much time or visit the library as often anymore, and thinking back, I do miss those days very much. I still crave the trivia and knowledge but I manage to get that online. However, this ease of accessibility and availability makes me realise how much more transient the experience is, as opposed to those days when I just soaked in it. No longer immersed in my own world, with no one to disturb and without a bother in the world.
I wonder if we will ever return to such indulgences? It is a test that I will have to experience and tell ...
| 1. | a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person. |
| 2. | an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit: a computer nerd. |
I would like to think that I do not fall into the first category but beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so who knows. This thought came about due to a conversation I had with a fellow colleague where we remarked at the "impossibility" of growing up in our old days with the internet and all these technology that we take for granted today.
Since I was not "built for sports" while I was growing up (read: plump and pudgy), I preferred the more leisurely activities like reading and listening to music, the former which I did plenty of. My parents had always advocated reading since young, so we were always brought to libraries and bought books instead of toys.
I also remember when I was first allowed to go out and venture on my own at the age of 13, and how I was given the "green light" to go to the library with my backpack and borrow books for my siblings and I. There was no electronic card system and I had to make sure I had the paper borrowing cards with me so that I wouldn't go home empty handed. I also had to pick ten books for all of us and carry them all back. I wonder now how I managed to pick the books for them as well because there was no guarantee that they would all be good, but I did alright, I guess.
One of my favourite past-times during school holidays was also spending the entire day (at least 5-6 hours) holed up in the reference section of the National Library. The wonderful archive of books and music, most unavailable or unwrapped in bookstores, and mostly unaffordable for a student like me.
I loved spending all that time there reading all the trivia, listening to the CDs that I would never buy or afford to buy and watch the movies that I do not have access to. It was the pleasure of reading for the sake of having fun, and not having to be tested on the material afterwards.
So yes, by this definition, I was indeed a nerd. Today, with the internet so readily available, I rarely spend as much time or visit the library as often anymore, and thinking back, I do miss those days very much. I still crave the trivia and knowledge but I manage to get that online. However, this ease of accessibility and availability makes me realise how much more transient the experience is, as opposed to those days when I just soaked in it. No longer immersed in my own world, with no one to disturb and without a bother in the world.
I wonder if we will ever return to such indulgences? It is a test that I will have to experience and tell ...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Commercials Of Yesteryear
The radio was playing a song this morning that prompted memories that drifted all the way back to the 70s. I believe it could be one of the few memorable advertisements that I remember as a child. The song was "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)".
I remembered the candlelights and the Christmas tree at the end of the commercial and the harmonious melody. It was during the days when my siblings and I would stand in front of the TV when the national anthem is played before the station began their program and if I did not recall wrongly, a scene that we enacted when we managed to get our hands on some candles, and sang along to the catchy jingle.
I did a quick search on Google and Youtube and found the respective Wikipaedia entry and original commercials (CMs). If you click on the link enclosed in the song title above, it gives a very interesting story on how the commercial was created, and how it came back from being a flop when it was first released to being a worldwide hit. Coincidentally, it is also one of the 100 best selling singles of all time in the UK.
The commercial shows how love and song (or rather coke in this case) can connect people of different nationalities all around the world. The Christmas version is the one that I remember and they are both presented here:
The other ad I recall is a Japanese Glico "Pocky" advertisement with a catchy Japanese jingle that started with "季節の風に... (The season/festival of the wind)". The actress snaps off the candy at the end of the commercial with the Japanese accent "Chock-co-lat and Staw-berry". Unfortunately, I am unable to locate the ad on Youtube, but this is the closest version with the late 本田美奈子.:
Do you share these same memories? What are some of the commercials that you remember re-enacting or singing to as a child?
I remembered the candlelights and the Christmas tree at the end of the commercial and the harmonious melody. It was during the days when my siblings and I would stand in front of the TV when the national anthem is played before the station began their program and if I did not recall wrongly, a scene that we enacted when we managed to get our hands on some candles, and sang along to the catchy jingle.
I did a quick search on Google and Youtube and found the respective Wikipaedia entry and original commercials (CMs). If you click on the link enclosed in the song title above, it gives a very interesting story on how the commercial was created, and how it came back from being a flop when it was first released to being a worldwide hit. Coincidentally, it is also one of the 100 best selling singles of all time in the UK.
The commercial shows how love and song (or rather coke in this case) can connect people of different nationalities all around the world. The Christmas version is the one that I remember and they are both presented here:
The other ad I recall is a Japanese Glico "Pocky" advertisement with a catchy Japanese jingle that started with "季節の風に... (The season/festival of the wind)". The actress snaps off the candy at the end of the commercial with the Japanese accent "Chock-co-lat and Staw-berry". Unfortunately, I am unable to locate the ad on Youtube, but this is the closest version with the late 本田美奈子.:
Do you share these same memories? What are some of the commercials that you remember re-enacting or singing to as a child?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
New Outside
One singer used the title "New Inside" to describe a transition from their old positioning towards establishing new rounds . I have been wondering if my blog is always too serious, too wordy, discouraging any comments. Hence, I have decided that I am going to be entirely superficial today. With encouragement from John, I am going to share some very recent photos (like a progression report), showing that I can be shallow and vain with these self promotional photos.
It started with my last trip back to Singapore in November when my "anorexic" friend exclaimed "You're fat" when we met, and added "When are you going to give up that one pack that you are carrying". It hurts when someone says that because I grew up plump and it was not until I left secondary school that I lost the extra weight and that my self loathing ended. So, it brought me back to the bad old days.
I know that I am not fat but when my aunt said the same thing the trip before that, it is quite difficult to ignore. We are the harshest critics of ourselves and I believe we have all been there. I read my dear friend Danny Bunny's blog and he shows the progress of his six pack and uses circles to highlight the invisible fat that he has gained after every holiday. I know that I suffer from the same "disillusion" but it is difficult not to be totally critical.
Since I am not fond of making New Year resolutions, I made a vow to include more cardio routines to my exercise regime. In addition to my lunch time workouts during the weekdays, which gives me the bulk, I incorporated more running and swimming exercises during the week.
It was difficult putting myself through that routine because it requires plenty of discipline, and though I have sufficient to bring myself to the gym, my army days took out all pleasures associated with running. I hated it, racing against others and time. This time, I psyched myself first by thinking that it is the distance that counts not the time, because contrary to most beliefs, the number of calories burnt is the same regardless of whether you run or walk the same distance.
So, I tried to enjoy it and keep my mind focused on pleasant things instead of the stress, and it worked. With swimming, I was alternating between breast stroke and freestyle every 50 m and just found it difficult not to stop after finishing one of these combined routines. I wasn't getting very far until a colleague came in and said how difficult she found doing that, compared to just swimming freestyle all the way. Now, I can do 20 laps or so without stopping for more than 5 seconds every 10 laps or so, which is quite an achievement for me. Again, I focussed on other things while I am swimming, like singing/playing songs in my mind. If you can list the discography of singers like my crazy mind does, then you may find it easier to count the number of laps completed too. Ha! Ha!
I think I looked a little haggard in the first few months due to the change in routine, but my body has slowly acclimatised to the rigors, so I have to find ways to add variation to my almost daily gym routine. I hate spending more than an hour at the gym and since my lunch time is only one hour, it suits me perfectly, to run about 100m to get my body warmed up, and then do a 45 minute routine. I generally add a lot of balancing and movement to my workout instead of just using free weights to add agility.
When I finally weighed myself for the first time after four months or had the courage to, I was surprised that I lost around 5 kgs. I also changed my diet slightly and gave up all fruit juices and sweet drinks. However, I do sneak in treats now and then because I realise that this is part of the reason for working so hard.
I have resigned to the fact that I am not going to have that six pack that we see on magazines but they can be unreal because these models starve themselves for the past three days before the shoot and they have all the time in the world to exercise, a luxury that I do not possess.
I have been playing around with the camera recently and took some photos last week, and am finally finding the courage to share a couple of them, some more revealing than others. I am sorry there are no before and after shots, but you can possibly find plenty of "before" shots on my archives. This is because I know that it is going to be difficult to maintain that exercise routine when I am away in Europe on a holiday but I am certainly going to try. If I can wake up this morning and still run when it is 6 degrees outside, then I can do it.
The goal is to see my friend's face and prove to him and everyone else that age is not a deterrent towards looking our best.
It started with my last trip back to Singapore in November when my "anorexic" friend exclaimed "You're fat" when we met, and added "When are you going to give up that one pack that you are carrying". It hurts when someone says that because I grew up plump and it was not until I left secondary school that I lost the extra weight and that my self loathing ended. So, it brought me back to the bad old days.
I know that I am not fat but when my aunt said the same thing the trip before that, it is quite difficult to ignore. We are the harshest critics of ourselves and I believe we have all been there. I read my dear friend Danny Bunny's blog and he shows the progress of his six pack and uses circles to highlight the invisible fat that he has gained after every holiday. I know that I suffer from the same "disillusion" but it is difficult not to be totally critical.
Since I am not fond of making New Year resolutions, I made a vow to include more cardio routines to my exercise regime. In addition to my lunch time workouts during the weekdays, which gives me the bulk, I incorporated more running and swimming exercises during the week.
It was difficult putting myself through that routine because it requires plenty of discipline, and though I have sufficient to bring myself to the gym, my army days took out all pleasures associated with running. I hated it, racing against others and time. This time, I psyched myself first by thinking that it is the distance that counts not the time, because contrary to most beliefs, the number of calories burnt is the same regardless of whether you run or walk the same distance.
So, I tried to enjoy it and keep my mind focused on pleasant things instead of the stress, and it worked. With swimming, I was alternating between breast stroke and freestyle every 50 m and just found it difficult not to stop after finishing one of these combined routines. I wasn't getting very far until a colleague came in and said how difficult she found doing that, compared to just swimming freestyle all the way. Now, I can do 20 laps or so without stopping for more than 5 seconds every 10 laps or so, which is quite an achievement for me. Again, I focussed on other things while I am swimming, like singing/playing songs in my mind. If you can list the discography of singers like my crazy mind does, then you may find it easier to count the number of laps completed too. Ha! Ha!
I think I looked a little haggard in the first few months due to the change in routine, but my body has slowly acclimatised to the rigors, so I have to find ways to add variation to my almost daily gym routine. I hate spending more than an hour at the gym and since my lunch time is only one hour, it suits me perfectly, to run about 100m to get my body warmed up, and then do a 45 minute routine. I generally add a lot of balancing and movement to my workout instead of just using free weights to add agility.
When I finally weighed myself for the first time after four months or had the courage to, I was surprised that I lost around 5 kgs. I also changed my diet slightly and gave up all fruit juices and sweet drinks. However, I do sneak in treats now and then because I realise that this is part of the reason for working so hard.
I have resigned to the fact that I am not going to have that six pack that we see on magazines but they can be unreal because these models starve themselves for the past three days before the shoot and they have all the time in the world to exercise, a luxury that I do not possess.
I have been playing around with the camera recently and took some photos last week, and am finally finding the courage to share a couple of them, some more revealing than others. I am sorry there are no before and after shots, but you can possibly find plenty of "before" shots on my archives. This is because I know that it is going to be difficult to maintain that exercise routine when I am away in Europe on a holiday but I am certainly going to try. If I can wake up this morning and still run when it is 6 degrees outside, then I can do it.
The goal is to see my friend's face and prove to him and everyone else that age is not a deterrent towards looking our best.
My Style
I tried a new writing style with my two recent posts to reflect a change, with shorter sentences but I am starting to wonder if it is really me?
My friend and mentor once said that since I have a love for writing, I should write. "Join some creative writing course" he says, because it will be useful for me, but he also quickly added "However, remember not to lose your style because that is what makes you unique".
In my attempt for change, I am wondering if I swayed away from my comfort zone, and if I had indeed benefited from it. Is it still me and my voice? Is it more important to stay within the rules? Did it make it better?
My friend and mentor once said that since I have a love for writing, I should write. "Join some creative writing course" he says, because it will be useful for me, but he also quickly added "However, remember not to lose your style because that is what makes you unique".
In my attempt for change, I am wondering if I swayed away from my comfort zone, and if I had indeed benefited from it. Is it still me and my voice? Is it more important to stay within the rules? Did it make it better?
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Entitlement or Hedonism
After much deliberation and "consultation", I have decided to extend my holiday to attend the Judy Ongg concert. It has not been an easy decision to reach because I do not want to be seen as being hedonistic.
There is a marked difference between the Asian and Australian work culture. While it is fine for Aussies to start and leave on time, it is usually frowned upon by the Asian culture. Hence, there is sometimes a conflict of values when I am faced with decisions like this.
I do not think there is anything wrong with starting and leaving on time because working late can sometimes (or should be) interpreted as being ineffective or inefficient during the normal working hours. I dislike working over time just to prove that I am hardworking, but I will put in the hard hours to ensure that I do not lag behind.
My close friend and colleague says that even if I do slack off, that I am still leaps and bounds ahead in terms of work ethic as compared to others. The final clincher - Annual leave is not only a privilege but an entitlement.
There is a marked difference between the Asian and Australian work culture. While it is fine for Aussies to start and leave on time, it is usually frowned upon by the Asian culture. Hence, there is sometimes a conflict of values when I am faced with decisions like this.
I do not think there is anything wrong with starting and leaving on time because working late can sometimes (or should be) interpreted as being ineffective or inefficient during the normal working hours. I dislike working over time just to prove that I am hardworking, but I will put in the hard hours to ensure that I do not lag behind.
My close friend and colleague says that even if I do slack off, that I am still leaps and bounds ahead in terms of work ethic as compared to others. The final clincher - Annual leave is not only a privilege but an entitlement.
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