It had been a long time since I last went to a movie with Mum. It could be the first time with just the two of us because my siblings would always be around too. We watched Mandarin movies mostly when we went out with Mum because she was educated in Chinese and didn't understand English unless there were available subtitles. Movies were an escapade for her from having to mind what the three of us were up to, so I don't think she wanted the extra task of reading.
After an invigorating and inspiring trip from HK, I prompted a movie outing to the film "City of Life and Death" (南京!南京!) which if translated directly from its Chinese name, means "Nanking! Nanking!). With a desire to have special time with me, she came along though I understand that she would probably have preferred a lighter hearted movie.
Filmed entirely in black and white, it is a reminder of the great movie "Schindler's List" with similarities running throughout both films. Like the latter film with a generous German character, this film looks through the eyes of a conflicted but sympathetic Japanese soldier.
The "rape" of Nanking or the Nanking Massacre, as this event is more commonly known, takes place during the Second Sino-Japanese War in 1937, where a massive number of Chinese prisoners and civilians were killed. This film attracted plenty of controversy because some critics felt that the film was sympathetic towards the Japanese (as portrayed in the central Japanese human figure as opposed to his ruthless counterparts), but I believe it was the most objective a war film could get.
The film did not shy with any of the atrocities that the Japanese committed - the mass firing, house burning (with thousands of prisoners of war), raping of the women, and the most disturbing to me, the throwing of a helpless child out of the window, but it also offered a human side to war that is not often portrayed. The irony.
People like to think of war in terms of winners and victims and films portray and glorify the fomer, but I think this is where most fails. When will a time come when we realise that there are only victims, no winners. The power hungry people who proclaim themselves winners, those who manipulate and move troops like pawns on a chess game, are the worst losers because they failed to understand the meaning of life.
I do not understand how we can still not learn from these past mistakes and all that suffering, and still engage in power struggles. I guess it is because these power hungry people at the top do not have to make the moves and feel the suffering themselves. They let others do the work and they reap all the benefits. In an ironical sense, it is also a reflection of the world, even in peace times, and we all have to play the game, like the soldiers during the war, for survival.
Most of the criticisms surround how the film does not encourage hatred and was too sympathetic towards the Japanese. This is dangerous ignorance. Life is not about the power over people to destroy. It is easier to hate than to love. Where this power could be used to better the lives of humankind, this is often misused to satisfy one's ego and ultimate self-unworthiness. It is their need to feel better about themselves, and in their efforts to appear omnipotent, they are ostracised and feared, rather than loved and revered.
This is definitely one of the better Chinese movies that I had watched for a long time, and though it is no means of an escapade, it helps reaffirm my priorities in life ... love and relationships, not power. I do not need to overpower someone to feel good about myself. I prefer to give and share, and though I may never be rich in money or status stakes, I am rich emotionally because I know that I have my family and good friends that I can reach out to, when I need them.
We have to play the game of life and survive, but we can choose to play fair. Not everything about life is about choice, but this is one. I am not interested in power. I believe in love instead. The love and respect for my fellow human-kind and a belief that ultimately we will reach a point in life where we will finally realise what life is all about. I just hope it is not too late for some.
Showing posts with label Daily Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Daily Life. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
The Smile
I have often lamented that a smile is practically non-existent in the passing of our every day lives with strangers and this is particularly evident in the city that we live in. I have often heard how country folk tend to be less guarded, and are more likely to strike up conversations than city folk, and I have to take their word since I understand how we are more focused on getting from point A to B, then to stop and be truly concerned with the ongoings of another stranger's daily happenings. I may be a culprit myself but I happen to catch the eye of someone, I will try my best to greet them with a smile.
A very recent incident caused me to ponder on the irony of this wish and perhaps understand why we do not smile as often towards strangers. If others had the same experience as I had, would it potentially cause a shutdown, or should I disregard it as an isolated incident?
John and I were driving back home after a Friday night out. It was only 9 pm, and the roads were thankfully rather free of traffic. We stopped at the lights and nonchalantly, I turned around to the pick-up parked next to my passenger seat, and caught the eye of the Indian driver. He smiled. "Friendly", I thought, and I smiled back, expecting this to be an isolated incident. The lights turned and we strolled along, and then I started to notice soon from the corner of my eye, with the following two traffic lights that we stopped at, that I was being watched. I tried to avoid further eye contact, but it was difficult not to want to verify my suspicions. The temptation was too much, but I did it as discreetly as he would allow.
When the roads widened and he veered two lanes away to the left, finally breaking the invisible bond, I heaved a sigh of relief. I turned around to look at him and there he was, smiling and waving this time. I interpreted that as a Goodbye, so I just held my hand up, without smiling. I figured out that it was a wrong move soon when he drove back into the lane next to us. "What should I do? Should I warn John?".
Just as I was about to make a decision, John popped "Is that driver following us?", and I briefed him on my suspicions. The real test came when we had to turn into the main road leading home, and disappointingly, he followed. There was this crescendo of lights, curtains drawing, and a huge board in front of us reading "Let the games begin!!". We were unwilling participants of this crime drama that we did not ask for, especially considering that it is not even a genre that features on our home TV set or DVD collection ... at all.
He was starting to get rowdier, and he was gesturing and banging on the side of his door, trying to gain our attention because we are not affording him any. We couldn't afford to. We had too much to lose. Deep in my mind, I was wondering how I managed to "lead him on" with an innocent smile. Who was he? What does he want? Do I really care?
He wasn't letting go and we were starting to panic because it was no longer a coincidence. Our ignorance wasn't working. He was taking this as a challenge. There was no way that we were going to drive into our garage because then he would know where we lived, but we were only about 100 metres from home, and we were not equipped for emergencies like this. I tried to make quick mental notes that I need to catch more of these shows to know what to do in such a situation. "Should I jump out of the car to create some diversion? No, that only happens in movies." Where can we go? What should we do? We needed to make a sudden turn and catch him unaware.
We reached the cross junction about 50 metres from home, making a prompt decision to turn into a busier street than the one that we usually took. It was a gamble, but possibly a safer option. We stayed glued to the traffic lights praying for it to keep green, so that we can leave him behind, but no such luck. We were stuck and he crept in behind us. We were not going to signal our left turn. We are just going to pretend to go straight ahead. Our hearts pulsating with every flickering pedestrian crossing signal on the adjacent street, the lights finally turned and we made a sharp turn. Fixated on the rear view mirror rather than the front, we had to peel our eyes away when we finally saw him zooming straight ahead instead. That was a close shave. Too close for comfort.
We were still feeling uneasy as we eased into the lane of our quiet street, mind and heart still cautious from the anxiety, expecting him to draw the curtain with the dagger any moment. He was gone.
A very recent incident caused me to ponder on the irony of this wish and perhaps understand why we do not smile as often towards strangers. If others had the same experience as I had, would it potentially cause a shutdown, or should I disregard it as an isolated incident?
John and I were driving back home after a Friday night out. It was only 9 pm, and the roads were thankfully rather free of traffic. We stopped at the lights and nonchalantly, I turned around to the pick-up parked next to my passenger seat, and caught the eye of the Indian driver. He smiled. "Friendly", I thought, and I smiled back, expecting this to be an isolated incident. The lights turned and we strolled along, and then I started to notice soon from the corner of my eye, with the following two traffic lights that we stopped at, that I was being watched. I tried to avoid further eye contact, but it was difficult not to want to verify my suspicions. The temptation was too much, but I did it as discreetly as he would allow.
When the roads widened and he veered two lanes away to the left, finally breaking the invisible bond, I heaved a sigh of relief. I turned around to look at him and there he was, smiling and waving this time. I interpreted that as a Goodbye, so I just held my hand up, without smiling. I figured out that it was a wrong move soon when he drove back into the lane next to us. "What should I do? Should I warn John?".
Just as I was about to make a decision, John popped "Is that driver following us?", and I briefed him on my suspicions. The real test came when we had to turn into the main road leading home, and disappointingly, he followed. There was this crescendo of lights, curtains drawing, and a huge board in front of us reading "Let the games begin!!". We were unwilling participants of this crime drama that we did not ask for, especially considering that it is not even a genre that features on our home TV set or DVD collection ... at all.
He was starting to get rowdier, and he was gesturing and banging on the side of his door, trying to gain our attention because we are not affording him any. We couldn't afford to. We had too much to lose. Deep in my mind, I was wondering how I managed to "lead him on" with an innocent smile. Who was he? What does he want? Do I really care?
He wasn't letting go and we were starting to panic because it was no longer a coincidence. Our ignorance wasn't working. He was taking this as a challenge. There was no way that we were going to drive into our garage because then he would know where we lived, but we were only about 100 metres from home, and we were not equipped for emergencies like this. I tried to make quick mental notes that I need to catch more of these shows to know what to do in such a situation. "Should I jump out of the car to create some diversion? No, that only happens in movies." Where can we go? What should we do? We needed to make a sudden turn and catch him unaware.
We reached the cross junction about 50 metres from home, making a prompt decision to turn into a busier street than the one that we usually took. It was a gamble, but possibly a safer option. We stayed glued to the traffic lights praying for it to keep green, so that we can leave him behind, but no such luck. We were stuck and he crept in behind us. We were not going to signal our left turn. We are just going to pretend to go straight ahead. Our hearts pulsating with every flickering pedestrian crossing signal on the adjacent street, the lights finally turned and we made a sharp turn. Fixated on the rear view mirror rather than the front, we had to peel our eyes away when we finally saw him zooming straight ahead instead. That was a close shave. Too close for comfort.
We were still feeling uneasy as we eased into the lane of our quiet street, mind and heart still cautious from the anxiety, expecting him to draw the curtain with the dagger any moment. He was gone.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
New Outside
One singer used the title "New Inside" to describe a transition from their old positioning towards establishing new rounds . I have been wondering if my blog is always too serious, too wordy, discouraging any comments. Hence, I have decided that I am going to be entirely superficial today. With encouragement from John, I am going to share some very recent photos (like a progression report), showing that I can be shallow and vain with these self promotional photos.
It started with my last trip back to Singapore in November when my "anorexic" friend exclaimed "You're fat" when we met, and added "When are you going to give up that one pack that you are carrying". It hurts when someone says that because I grew up plump and it was not until I left secondary school that I lost the extra weight and that my self loathing ended. So, it brought me back to the bad old days.
I know that I am not fat but when my aunt said the same thing the trip before that, it is quite difficult to ignore. We are the harshest critics of ourselves and I believe we have all been there. I read my dear friend Danny Bunny's blog and he shows the progress of his six pack and uses circles to highlight the invisible fat that he has gained after every holiday. I know that I suffer from the same "disillusion" but it is difficult not to be totally critical.
Since I am not fond of making New Year resolutions, I made a vow to include more cardio routines to my exercise regime. In addition to my lunch time workouts during the weekdays, which gives me the bulk, I incorporated more running and swimming exercises during the week.
It was difficult putting myself through that routine because it requires plenty of discipline, and though I have sufficient to bring myself to the gym, my army days took out all pleasures associated with running. I hated it, racing against others and time. This time, I psyched myself first by thinking that it is the distance that counts not the time, because contrary to most beliefs, the number of calories burnt is the same regardless of whether you run or walk the same distance.
So, I tried to enjoy it and keep my mind focused on pleasant things instead of the stress, and it worked. With swimming, I was alternating between breast stroke and freestyle every 50 m and just found it difficult not to stop after finishing one of these combined routines. I wasn't getting very far until a colleague came in and said how difficult she found doing that, compared to just swimming freestyle all the way. Now, I can do 20 laps or so without stopping for more than 5 seconds every 10 laps or so, which is quite an achievement for me. Again, I focussed on other things while I am swimming, like singing/playing songs in my mind. If you can list the discography of singers like my crazy mind does, then you may find it easier to count the number of laps completed too. Ha! Ha!
I think I looked a little haggard in the first few months due to the change in routine, but my body has slowly acclimatised to the rigors, so I have to find ways to add variation to my almost daily gym routine. I hate spending more than an hour at the gym and since my lunch time is only one hour, it suits me perfectly, to run about 100m to get my body warmed up, and then do a 45 minute routine. I generally add a lot of balancing and movement to my workout instead of just using free weights to add agility.
When I finally weighed myself for the first time after four months or had the courage to, I was surprised that I lost around 5 kgs. I also changed my diet slightly and gave up all fruit juices and sweet drinks. However, I do sneak in treats now and then because I realise that this is part of the reason for working so hard.
I have resigned to the fact that I am not going to have that six pack that we see on magazines but they can be unreal because these models starve themselves for the past three days before the shoot and they have all the time in the world to exercise, a luxury that I do not possess.
I have been playing around with the camera recently and took some photos last week, and am finally finding the courage to share a couple of them, some more revealing than others. I am sorry there are no before and after shots, but you can possibly find plenty of "before" shots on my archives. This is because I know that it is going to be difficult to maintain that exercise routine when I am away in Europe on a holiday but I am certainly going to try. If I can wake up this morning and still run when it is 6 degrees outside, then I can do it.
The goal is to see my friend's face and prove to him and everyone else that age is not a deterrent towards looking our best.
It started with my last trip back to Singapore in November when my "anorexic" friend exclaimed "You're fat" when we met, and added "When are you going to give up that one pack that you are carrying". It hurts when someone says that because I grew up plump and it was not until I left secondary school that I lost the extra weight and that my self loathing ended. So, it brought me back to the bad old days.
I know that I am not fat but when my aunt said the same thing the trip before that, it is quite difficult to ignore. We are the harshest critics of ourselves and I believe we have all been there. I read my dear friend Danny Bunny's blog and he shows the progress of his six pack and uses circles to highlight the invisible fat that he has gained after every holiday. I know that I suffer from the same "disillusion" but it is difficult not to be totally critical.
Since I am not fond of making New Year resolutions, I made a vow to include more cardio routines to my exercise regime. In addition to my lunch time workouts during the weekdays, which gives me the bulk, I incorporated more running and swimming exercises during the week.
It was difficult putting myself through that routine because it requires plenty of discipline, and though I have sufficient to bring myself to the gym, my army days took out all pleasures associated with running. I hated it, racing against others and time. This time, I psyched myself first by thinking that it is the distance that counts not the time, because contrary to most beliefs, the number of calories burnt is the same regardless of whether you run or walk the same distance.
So, I tried to enjoy it and keep my mind focused on pleasant things instead of the stress, and it worked. With swimming, I was alternating between breast stroke and freestyle every 50 m and just found it difficult not to stop after finishing one of these combined routines. I wasn't getting very far until a colleague came in and said how difficult she found doing that, compared to just swimming freestyle all the way. Now, I can do 20 laps or so without stopping for more than 5 seconds every 10 laps or so, which is quite an achievement for me. Again, I focussed on other things while I am swimming, like singing/playing songs in my mind. If you can list the discography of singers like my crazy mind does, then you may find it easier to count the number of laps completed too. Ha! Ha!
I think I looked a little haggard in the first few months due to the change in routine, but my body has slowly acclimatised to the rigors, so I have to find ways to add variation to my almost daily gym routine. I hate spending more than an hour at the gym and since my lunch time is only one hour, it suits me perfectly, to run about 100m to get my body warmed up, and then do a 45 minute routine. I generally add a lot of balancing and movement to my workout instead of just using free weights to add agility.
When I finally weighed myself for the first time after four months or had the courage to, I was surprised that I lost around 5 kgs. I also changed my diet slightly and gave up all fruit juices and sweet drinks. However, I do sneak in treats now and then because I realise that this is part of the reason for working so hard.
I have resigned to the fact that I am not going to have that six pack that we see on magazines but they can be unreal because these models starve themselves for the past three days before the shoot and they have all the time in the world to exercise, a luxury that I do not possess.
I have been playing around with the camera recently and took some photos last week, and am finally finding the courage to share a couple of them, some more revealing than others. I am sorry there are no before and after shots, but you can possibly find plenty of "before" shots on my archives. This is because I know that it is going to be difficult to maintain that exercise routine when I am away in Europe on a holiday but I am certainly going to try. If I can wake up this morning and still run when it is 6 degrees outside, then I can do it.
The goal is to see my friend's face and prove to him and everyone else that age is not a deterrent towards looking our best.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Entitlement or Hedonism
After much deliberation and "consultation", I have decided to extend my holiday to attend the Judy Ongg concert. It has not been an easy decision to reach because I do not want to be seen as being hedonistic.
There is a marked difference between the Asian and Australian work culture. While it is fine for Aussies to start and leave on time, it is usually frowned upon by the Asian culture. Hence, there is sometimes a conflict of values when I am faced with decisions like this.
I do not think there is anything wrong with starting and leaving on time because working late can sometimes (or should be) interpreted as being ineffective or inefficient during the normal working hours. I dislike working over time just to prove that I am hardworking, but I will put in the hard hours to ensure that I do not lag behind.
My close friend and colleague says that even if I do slack off, that I am still leaps and bounds ahead in terms of work ethic as compared to others. The final clincher - Annual leave is not only a privilege but an entitlement.
There is a marked difference between the Asian and Australian work culture. While it is fine for Aussies to start and leave on time, it is usually frowned upon by the Asian culture. Hence, there is sometimes a conflict of values when I am faced with decisions like this.
I do not think there is anything wrong with starting and leaving on time because working late can sometimes (or should be) interpreted as being ineffective or inefficient during the normal working hours. I dislike working over time just to prove that I am hardworking, but I will put in the hard hours to ensure that I do not lag behind.
My close friend and colleague says that even if I do slack off, that I am still leaps and bounds ahead in terms of work ethic as compared to others. The final clincher - Annual leave is not only a privilege but an entitlement.
To Know or Not
I visited the dentist yesterday. Like everyone else, I dread the experience unless I have those perfect pearly whites that I would just go and let them heap praise on me. Unfortunately, this is not the case with me. I have been told numerous times that I used to brush my teeth so hard that I suffer from receding gums, which is not something that affects people my age.
The previous dentist that I attended just asked me vaguely if I had known about the issue. I nodded, expecting him to provide some pleasant late night reading about healthy and unhealthy gums. He just proceeded with the cleaning, and I was generally quite happy about it all. However, I suffered from an inflamed gum in my right cheek on Saturday which prompted this new visit. After consulting with John, and not being to determine if it was a body imbalance, decided to visit his dentist instead.
The day started off rather badly because I took the wrong bus and ended up more than 1 km away from where I should be. I ended up running for about 30 minutes to get there. After I registered, I was asked if I received a text message from the receptionist. It was then that I realised that she did send me a note that the appointment was delayed by 20 minutes. It was a slight relief because it allowed me time to freshen up.
The dentist did a very thorough job and gave me the full works including a couple of X-rays and late night sleep inducing (not) reading material. He told me that there was a root growing under my right gum causing the flesh to press against my bottom teeth, hence the inflammation. Since we are leaving in five weeks for Europe, he wanted to get it fixed before I leave. He described it as a similar operation to the one I had with my wisdom teeth extraction, which includes the cutting of gums. Ouch!
He also gave me a treatment plan which was going to cost at least $1000. Thankfully, about 70% of this cost will be covered by my Private Health Fund. There is also talk of seeing a gum specialist to get more work done, so that I do not end up like Madonna with wide open spaces. In comparison with the first dentist, he was much more comprehensive in his analysis. It was definitely scarier but it's strange that I feel more at ease, possibly the knowledge of being in safe hands. Strangely comforting.
The previous dentist that I attended just asked me vaguely if I had known about the issue. I nodded, expecting him to provide some pleasant late night reading about healthy and unhealthy gums. He just proceeded with the cleaning, and I was generally quite happy about it all. However, I suffered from an inflamed gum in my right cheek on Saturday which prompted this new visit. After consulting with John, and not being to determine if it was a body imbalance, decided to visit his dentist instead.
The day started off rather badly because I took the wrong bus and ended up more than 1 km away from where I should be. I ended up running for about 30 minutes to get there. After I registered, I was asked if I received a text message from the receptionist. It was then that I realised that she did send me a note that the appointment was delayed by 20 minutes. It was a slight relief because it allowed me time to freshen up.
The dentist did a very thorough job and gave me the full works including a couple of X-rays and late night sleep inducing (not) reading material. He told me that there was a root growing under my right gum causing the flesh to press against my bottom teeth, hence the inflammation. Since we are leaving in five weeks for Europe, he wanted to get it fixed before I leave. He described it as a similar operation to the one I had with my wisdom teeth extraction, which includes the cutting of gums. Ouch!
He also gave me a treatment plan which was going to cost at least $1000. Thankfully, about 70% of this cost will be covered by my Private Health Fund. There is also talk of seeing a gum specialist to get more work done, so that I do not end up like Madonna with wide open spaces. In comparison with the first dentist, he was much more comprehensive in his analysis. It was definitely scarier but it's strange that I feel more at ease, possibly the knowledge of being in safe hands. Strangely comforting.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
The Break
I received an email from a friend today asking why I have stopped blogging? Is this the end?
Well, the answer is No. It's just that my daily work revolves around answering queries via email, and at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is to think or write even more. It is probably due to keyboard fatigue more than anything else.
Moreover, we are currently planning our upcoming September trip to Europe, which is both exhilarating and frustrating, the latter more so an issue with accommodation, so more time is dedicated to that.
Lastly, there is a dilemma just to blog about everyday events or more significant stuff. What do you think?
Well, the answer is No. It's just that my daily work revolves around answering queries via email, and at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is to think or write even more. It is probably due to keyboard fatigue more than anything else.
Moreover, we are currently planning our upcoming September trip to Europe, which is both exhilarating and frustrating, the latter more so an issue with accommodation, so more time is dedicated to that.
Lastly, there is a dilemma just to blog about everyday events or more significant stuff. What do you think?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Miseducation of Youth and Invincibility
Britney Spears. Yes. Amy Winehouse. Yes. Lindsay Lohan and her peers. Maybe. But Heath Ledger?
Shock waves "tsunami ed" through the workplace this morning with the surprising news of his death. Another overdose, this time more unfortunate because they are not recreational drugs ... not long after the death of another fellow, less celebrated child actor Brad Renfro due to overdose. What is happening to Hollywood and this generation of celebrities? What ever happened to dying of natural causes, old age, or major illnesses brought on by substance abuse (cigarettes and alcohol). Are our advertising campaigns working only for these legal "drugs" and not effective enough for their "lesser known" evils)?
I have seen all the "P" plate drivers and all the horrific deaths concerning accidents or staring incidents that result in "glassing someone" (as in smashing a bottle in their head or face) and I am distressed and surprised at where all this rage and air of invincibility come from? Where have all the fundamental respect and values that our parents taught us disappeared to?
I am not a big fan of Ledger but I have to say that it is sad whenever anyone dies, let alone someone who has moved hearts with his performance in "Brokeback Mountain". Heath was always an uncomfortable celebrity so maybe this was his only way of dealing with the price of fame. Still his little daughter, Matilda, who will never know what her father is really like, , due to his young and untimely death, which is really sad.
This is proof that money and fame cannot buy happiness or sensibility. Hopefully, we will always have our loved ones and our dearest friends to remind us what really matters in life.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Heart's Asylum
We got it.
After days of self doubt and franzied anticipation, the decision was finally delivered to us this afternoon at 3 pm. When yesterday turned into thin air and as my anxiety grew this morning, I deliberated whether to call for an update or not. Working in the current environment where I abhor students with no patience and have to constantly call up for an update, I wonder if I was turning into one of my nightmare cases.
Curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to show that I was still interested, so I picked up the phone and started off apologetically for causing any inconvenience. I knew we were still in the game when she sweetly disclosed that they were still waiting for the landlord's response. It didn't really help because no one around me knew the games of these real estate agents. Do they present their best case or do the landlords play Russian Roulette?
When the call finally arrived, I could detect a small sense of congratulatory in her tone over the receiver, as she told me that we were successful in our application and asked when we could pop over to pay a week's rental deposit. I replied "Right away" because it was about a 20 minute walk up to where they were. I also thanked her and said that she had no idea how much I appreciated this decision. As I hung up the phone and hi-fived my best mate, Maya at work, the office erupted into roars of cheering as they had all been on the fringe of this rollercoaster ride with me.
I ran up as fast as I could and paid the sweet natured receptionist, who always appeared a little impatient over the phone whenever I called, but was very charming in person. I also asked if there was any way there was going to be retraction of their promise and she promised me No, but I guess after this entire episode, I wouldn't really settle till I sign the lease agreement.
I am elated that this is almost finally over us and I want to take this special opportunity to thank everyone - all my dear friends and readers - who have given John and I so much love, concern and support over the past weeks and especially over the past few days. You have given me strength to continue walking this journey called life and I don't think I would have been able to do so without all your prayers and your love. Thank you.
After days of self doubt and franzied anticipation, the decision was finally delivered to us this afternoon at 3 pm. When yesterday turned into thin air and as my anxiety grew this morning, I deliberated whether to call for an update or not. Working in the current environment where I abhor students with no patience and have to constantly call up for an update, I wonder if I was turning into one of my nightmare cases.
Curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to show that I was still interested, so I picked up the phone and started off apologetically for causing any inconvenience. I knew we were still in the game when she sweetly disclosed that they were still waiting for the landlord's response. It didn't really help because no one around me knew the games of these real estate agents. Do they present their best case or do the landlords play Russian Roulette?
When the call finally arrived, I could detect a small sense of congratulatory in her tone over the receiver, as she told me that we were successful in our application and asked when we could pop over to pay a week's rental deposit. I replied "Right away" because it was about a 20 minute walk up to where they were. I also thanked her and said that she had no idea how much I appreciated this decision. As I hung up the phone and hi-fived my best mate, Maya at work, the office erupted into roars of cheering as they had all been on the fringe of this rollercoaster ride with me.
I ran up as fast as I could and paid the sweet natured receptionist, who always appeared a little impatient over the phone whenever I called, but was very charming in person. I also asked if there was any way there was going to be retraction of their promise and she promised me No, but I guess after this entire episode, I wouldn't really settle till I sign the lease agreement.
I am elated that this is almost finally over us and I want to take this special opportunity to thank everyone - all my dear friends and readers - who have given John and I so much love, concern and support over the past weeks and especially over the past few days. You have given me strength to continue walking this journey called life and I don't think I would have been able to do so without all your prayers and your love. Thank you.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Address to Nowhere
It has been another fruitless day and "doomsday" seems to be drawing nearer.
I keep reminding myself that it is not the end of the world, but not everyone can see as positively as I can. Maybe it is because I know that the anticipation is always worse than the real thing itself. Just like the SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) that we have to clear during our Army. As I stand on the starting line waiting for the horn to sound, I recall all the horrific anticipation which basically starts at the opening of my eyelids down to that very point. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When the whistle blows and I am running, 700 metres towards the first obstacle, all I can think of is making the end point, as my rifle hits the base of my helmet. I am already running. The race has begun and the anticipation is over. I can now see the end ...
Maybe all these experiences have prepared me better for life experiences. There is always something nice out of every bad situation. During my most difficult phase of my life, which is undoubtedly my army experience, I experienced camadarie with my fellow mates, friendships, bonds that cannot be replicated anywhere. Now, the deepening of our love and relationship. The bond between us and our friends.
It is tough to watch a movie or TV and see someone in their home because it reminds me that I might not have one to call mine soon. I know that we have been a little choosy but if we have to sign on a rental bond for a year, we've got to have some standards. Unfortunately, those standards come with a price tag that can destroy dreams. So, is paying the extra money worth all the heartache and misery that we are currently going through?
The weekend has been less bad than I have anticipated because I am now resigned to the worst case scenario, in anticipation that we might not be successful on Monday. Pessimisim? Hardly. Realism. Yes! The other thing that helps me is my asking myself the question "If this is my final weekend on Earth, do I really want to dwell in misery?" My answer is No, hence I am trying my best to make sure that I still live every moment to the fullest. I may not have a ready smile or a secure heart at the moment, but I still have my sense of humour and a will to live.
Life is strange. You notice every second and minute crack on the wall when it is painful but the happy moments fly. Why can't it be the other way around? Maybe then, we may not appreciate the happy times enough because we know somehow that they don't last long enough for us to savour.
I am scared but I know that it will get me nowhere. Being strong is bravery in the toughest of times and I am certainly trying my level best.
I keep reminding myself that it is not the end of the world, but not everyone can see as positively as I can. Maybe it is because I know that the anticipation is always worse than the real thing itself. Just like the SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) that we have to clear during our Army. As I stand on the starting line waiting for the horn to sound, I recall all the horrific anticipation which basically starts at the opening of my eyelids down to that very point. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When the whistle blows and I am running, 700 metres towards the first obstacle, all I can think of is making the end point, as my rifle hits the base of my helmet. I am already running. The race has begun and the anticipation is over. I can now see the end ...
Maybe all these experiences have prepared me better for life experiences. There is always something nice out of every bad situation. During my most difficult phase of my life, which is undoubtedly my army experience, I experienced camadarie with my fellow mates, friendships, bonds that cannot be replicated anywhere. Now, the deepening of our love and relationship. The bond between us and our friends.
It is tough to watch a movie or TV and see someone in their home because it reminds me that I might not have one to call mine soon. I know that we have been a little choosy but if we have to sign on a rental bond for a year, we've got to have some standards. Unfortunately, those standards come with a price tag that can destroy dreams. So, is paying the extra money worth all the heartache and misery that we are currently going through?
The weekend has been less bad than I have anticipated because I am now resigned to the worst case scenario, in anticipation that we might not be successful on Monday. Pessimisim? Hardly. Realism. Yes! The other thing that helps me is my asking myself the question "If this is my final weekend on Earth, do I really want to dwell in misery?" My answer is No, hence I am trying my best to make sure that I still live every moment to the fullest. I may not have a ready smile or a secure heart at the moment, but I still have my sense of humour and a will to live.
Life is strange. You notice every second and minute crack on the wall when it is painful but the happy moments fly. Why can't it be the other way around? Maybe then, we may not appreciate the happy times enough because we know somehow that they don't last long enough for us to savour.
I am scared but I know that it will get me nowhere. Being strong is bravery in the toughest of times and I am certainly trying my level best.
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