We got it.
After days of self doubt and franzied anticipation, the decision was finally delivered to us this afternoon at 3 pm. When yesterday turned into thin air and as my anxiety grew this morning, I deliberated whether to call for an update or not. Working in the current environment where I abhor students with no patience and have to constantly call up for an update, I wonder if I was turning into one of my nightmare cases.
Curiosity got the better of me and I wanted to show that I was still interested, so I picked up the phone and started off apologetically for causing any inconvenience. I knew we were still in the game when she sweetly disclosed that they were still waiting for the landlord's response. It didn't really help because no one around me knew the games of these real estate agents. Do they present their best case or do the landlords play Russian Roulette?
When the call finally arrived, I could detect a small sense of congratulatory in her tone over the receiver, as she told me that we were successful in our application and asked when we could pop over to pay a week's rental deposit. I replied "Right away" because it was about a 20 minute walk up to where they were. I also thanked her and said that she had no idea how much I appreciated this decision. As I hung up the phone and hi-fived my best mate, Maya at work, the office erupted into roars of cheering as they had all been on the fringe of this rollercoaster ride with me.
I ran up as fast as I could and paid the sweet natured receptionist, who always appeared a little impatient over the phone whenever I called, but was very charming in person. I also asked if there was any way there was going to be retraction of their promise and she promised me No, but I guess after this entire episode, I wouldn't really settle till I sign the lease agreement.
I am elated that this is almost finally over us and I want to take this special opportunity to thank everyone - all my dear friends and readers - who have given John and I so much love, concern and support over the past weeks and especially over the past few days. You have given me strength to continue walking this journey called life and I don't think I would have been able to do so without all your prayers and your love. Thank you.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Address to Nowhere
It has been another fruitless day and "doomsday" seems to be drawing nearer.
I keep reminding myself that it is not the end of the world, but not everyone can see as positively as I can. Maybe it is because I know that the anticipation is always worse than the real thing itself. Just like the SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) that we have to clear during our Army. As I stand on the starting line waiting for the horn to sound, I recall all the horrific anticipation which basically starts at the opening of my eyelids down to that very point. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When the whistle blows and I am running, 700 metres towards the first obstacle, all I can think of is making the end point, as my rifle hits the base of my helmet. I am already running. The race has begun and the anticipation is over. I can now see the end ...
Maybe all these experiences have prepared me better for life experiences. There is always something nice out of every bad situation. During my most difficult phase of my life, which is undoubtedly my army experience, I experienced camadarie with my fellow mates, friendships, bonds that cannot be replicated anywhere. Now, the deepening of our love and relationship. The bond between us and our friends.
It is tough to watch a movie or TV and see someone in their home because it reminds me that I might not have one to call mine soon. I know that we have been a little choosy but if we have to sign on a rental bond for a year, we've got to have some standards. Unfortunately, those standards come with a price tag that can destroy dreams. So, is paying the extra money worth all the heartache and misery that we are currently going through?
The weekend has been less bad than I have anticipated because I am now resigned to the worst case scenario, in anticipation that we might not be successful on Monday. Pessimisim? Hardly. Realism. Yes! The other thing that helps me is my asking myself the question "If this is my final weekend on Earth, do I really want to dwell in misery?" My answer is No, hence I am trying my best to make sure that I still live every moment to the fullest. I may not have a ready smile or a secure heart at the moment, but I still have my sense of humour and a will to live.
Life is strange. You notice every second and minute crack on the wall when it is painful but the happy moments fly. Why can't it be the other way around? Maybe then, we may not appreciate the happy times enough because we know somehow that they don't last long enough for us to savour.
I am scared but I know that it will get me nowhere. Being strong is bravery in the toughest of times and I am certainly trying my level best.
I keep reminding myself that it is not the end of the world, but not everyone can see as positively as I can. Maybe it is because I know that the anticipation is always worse than the real thing itself. Just like the SOC (Standard Obstacle Course) that we have to clear during our Army. As I stand on the starting line waiting for the horn to sound, I recall all the horrific anticipation which basically starts at the opening of my eyelids down to that very point. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When the whistle blows and I am running, 700 metres towards the first obstacle, all I can think of is making the end point, as my rifle hits the base of my helmet. I am already running. The race has begun and the anticipation is over. I can now see the end ...
Maybe all these experiences have prepared me better for life experiences. There is always something nice out of every bad situation. During my most difficult phase of my life, which is undoubtedly my army experience, I experienced camadarie with my fellow mates, friendships, bonds that cannot be replicated anywhere. Now, the deepening of our love and relationship. The bond between us and our friends.
It is tough to watch a movie or TV and see someone in their home because it reminds me that I might not have one to call mine soon. I know that we have been a little choosy but if we have to sign on a rental bond for a year, we've got to have some standards. Unfortunately, those standards come with a price tag that can destroy dreams. So, is paying the extra money worth all the heartache and misery that we are currently going through?
The weekend has been less bad than I have anticipated because I am now resigned to the worst case scenario, in anticipation that we might not be successful on Monday. Pessimisim? Hardly. Realism. Yes! The other thing that helps me is my asking myself the question "If this is my final weekend on Earth, do I really want to dwell in misery?" My answer is No, hence I am trying my best to make sure that I still live every moment to the fullest. I may not have a ready smile or a secure heart at the moment, but I still have my sense of humour and a will to live.
Life is strange. You notice every second and minute crack on the wall when it is painful but the happy moments fly. Why can't it be the other way around? Maybe then, we may not appreciate the happy times enough because we know somehow that they don't last long enough for us to savour.
I am scared but I know that it will get me nowhere. Being strong is bravery in the toughest of times and I am certainly trying my level best.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Pray
Please pray for us. I'm not a religious person but I believe that there is a higher being, like God, but my God is impartial and listens to everyone. So, I was hoping that you can reach that God of yours and help us say a little prayer.
I don't know if you are aware, but John and I moved into our current apartment in December and signed a six month lease in hope that we would find our dream home to own. Unfortunately, fate has been a little unkind. Not only did we not find something that we liked, but the current owner ran into some financial difficulties resulting in him having no choice but to put our home up for sale.
To add to our woes, the new owner has decided to move into the apartment, hence giving us till the end of our lease on the 9th June to move out. Unfortunately, according to the NSW TenacyAgreement, if one is still within the lease period, the owner only has to give us 14 days notice to move out. We had 4 weeks.
As reported in the news, the rental market is rosy for the owners but horrible for renters like us. We have been looking over the past week or so, and have only settled on one today that we would like to move into. Not surprisingly, there will be competition, and sadly for us, we will only get the outcome on Monday.
Life has been extremely stressful over the past week. Last Saturday, I experienced my first bout of anxiety attack in a really long time. After inspecting 7 apartments and finding nothing that suited us, I felt this strong nausea attack come from no where. I felt weak in my joints and at times could hardly walk. I told myself to take deep breaths and at the same time, not crumble because I cannot do so at this crucial point in time. Since John suffered more the last time than I did when we were given a first "eviction" notice six months ago, I felt that I had to be strong because we can't both suffer a breakdown at the same time.
Thankfully, a friend of ours invited us for a DVD evening which helped to calm us down a little with lots of pampering (good food, wine and hosting) but the rest of the weekend dragged on. I felt myself falling into a deep pit and all I craved was the sounds of my friend's soothing comforts, even though I knew that there was no real solution they could offer. It was only till Sunday evening that I sort some respite when I finally grabbed hold of the phone and blabbered to my closest friends, who all lent a very sympathetic ear.
I realised that the breakdown and the anxiety was due to inaction. The moment also brought me back to the times when I had to wait for the Australian Immigration department to approve on my work visas. There was nothing that I could do except wait for the outcome or the weekend to end in this case. It was horribly insecure feeling and I totally understood how John felt. According to Maslow hierarchy of needs (look I retained my Marketing knowledge), survival needs are at the very core, and if these needs are not satisfied, then nothing else matters. I floated through the weekend like a timeless soul lost in my own home and space. I think I was trying to be brave and strong the entire time I was surprised that I suffered all that anxiety and felt like throwing up.
Once the weekend was over and I was back at work, I was kept distracted with a heavy workload but my colleagues's and boss's understanding to allow me to take some time off to look at property websites and inspections itself helped me to gain a bit of solid ground.
John and I had a few arguments, miraculous considering the amount of stress that we were both shouldering. However, I wasn't going to let this destroy me, us or him, so I took on my carer's cap once again. There were times when we both turned impossible but it was constant communication that kept us and our relationship sane.
I was at the Mens' Group yesterday and I told them that one of my releases is to write. To explode into words, not screams and insults because they would just seem to fade into thin air, and disappear. Writing offers me a solace, like a faithful friend, always ready to listen, never questioning. Sometimes, I get on a flow, especially when I am wounded like this, and words pour like blood out of the wound.
John says it will take him at least a week to get over this anxiety, and I agree, but I am trying to be sensible and rational. It might not be the healthiest, but I guess the army trained me well to accept the stressful situation but always keep a lookout for the light.
Tomorrow is the start of another weekend, strangely a few of those that I don't look forward to. I don't know how I will cope tomorrow afternoon if we still don't find any other suitable accomodation. We have very kind friends who have offered to share their homes with us, but we don't want to do that and are keeping that to the very last resort. Will I have another anxiety attack? Will I resign myself to fate? Will I wish that the weekend will never end, so that hope lingers in my heart that we might get to rent the place we applied for today.
I can only pray. Pray that something good might come out of all the good things I have done in my entire life. Will God listen? Will I still believe if I don't get it?
People say that life experiences happen for a reason. If this happened so that I realise the importance of owning a home, can I say that I have learnt that lesson well already? All I know is that I will never wish this upon anyone. So, my friend, if you are listening, can you please pray for us? Thank you ...
I don't know if you are aware, but John and I moved into our current apartment in December and signed a six month lease in hope that we would find our dream home to own. Unfortunately, fate has been a little unkind. Not only did we not find something that we liked, but the current owner ran into some financial difficulties resulting in him having no choice but to put our home up for sale.
To add to our woes, the new owner has decided to move into the apartment, hence giving us till the end of our lease on the 9th June to move out. Unfortunately, according to the NSW TenacyAgreement, if one is still within the lease period, the owner only has to give us 14 days notice to move out. We had 4 weeks.
As reported in the news, the rental market is rosy for the owners but horrible for renters like us. We have been looking over the past week or so, and have only settled on one today that we would like to move into. Not surprisingly, there will be competition, and sadly for us, we will only get the outcome on Monday.
Life has been extremely stressful over the past week. Last Saturday, I experienced my first bout of anxiety attack in a really long time. After inspecting 7 apartments and finding nothing that suited us, I felt this strong nausea attack come from no where. I felt weak in my joints and at times could hardly walk. I told myself to take deep breaths and at the same time, not crumble because I cannot do so at this crucial point in time. Since John suffered more the last time than I did when we were given a first "eviction" notice six months ago, I felt that I had to be strong because we can't both suffer a breakdown at the same time.
Thankfully, a friend of ours invited us for a DVD evening which helped to calm us down a little with lots of pampering (good food, wine and hosting) but the rest of the weekend dragged on. I felt myself falling into a deep pit and all I craved was the sounds of my friend's soothing comforts, even though I knew that there was no real solution they could offer. It was only till Sunday evening that I sort some respite when I finally grabbed hold of the phone and blabbered to my closest friends, who all lent a very sympathetic ear.
I realised that the breakdown and the anxiety was due to inaction. The moment also brought me back to the times when I had to wait for the Australian Immigration department to approve on my work visas. There was nothing that I could do except wait for the outcome or the weekend to end in this case. It was horribly insecure feeling and I totally understood how John felt. According to Maslow hierarchy of needs (look I retained my Marketing knowledge), survival needs are at the very core, and if these needs are not satisfied, then nothing else matters. I floated through the weekend like a timeless soul lost in my own home and space. I think I was trying to be brave and strong the entire time I was surprised that I suffered all that anxiety and felt like throwing up.
Once the weekend was over and I was back at work, I was kept distracted with a heavy workload but my colleagues's and boss's understanding to allow me to take some time off to look at property websites and inspections itself helped me to gain a bit of solid ground.
John and I had a few arguments, miraculous considering the amount of stress that we were both shouldering. However, I wasn't going to let this destroy me, us or him, so I took on my carer's cap once again. There were times when we both turned impossible but it was constant communication that kept us and our relationship sane.
I was at the Mens' Group yesterday and I told them that one of my releases is to write. To explode into words, not screams and insults because they would just seem to fade into thin air, and disappear. Writing offers me a solace, like a faithful friend, always ready to listen, never questioning. Sometimes, I get on a flow, especially when I am wounded like this, and words pour like blood out of the wound.
John says it will take him at least a week to get over this anxiety, and I agree, but I am trying to be sensible and rational. It might not be the healthiest, but I guess the army trained me well to accept the stressful situation but always keep a lookout for the light.
Tomorrow is the start of another weekend, strangely a few of those that I don't look forward to. I don't know how I will cope tomorrow afternoon if we still don't find any other suitable accomodation. We have very kind friends who have offered to share their homes with us, but we don't want to do that and are keeping that to the very last resort. Will I have another anxiety attack? Will I resign myself to fate? Will I wish that the weekend will never end, so that hope lingers in my heart that we might get to rent the place we applied for today.
I can only pray. Pray that something good might come out of all the good things I have done in my entire life. Will God listen? Will I still believe if I don't get it?
People say that life experiences happen for a reason. If this happened so that I realise the importance of owning a home, can I say that I have learnt that lesson well already? All I know is that I will never wish this upon anyone. So, my friend, if you are listening, can you please pray for us? Thank you ...
Friday, May 11, 2007
Holiday Adventure in Melbourne
For the third consecutive year, John and I chose to celebrate our anniversary in lovely Melbourne. Unlike Sydney where the city "just happened", Melbourne was planned with the streets designed in a grid-like structure. The efficiencies of trams and Victorian beauty still stands today as many ancient buildings and structures were preserved, unlike Sydney who underwent a "restructuring" phase where new architectural fads took over, in a blaze of no return. Unfortunately, these fads which seemed like good ideas at that time have faded, making Sydney look like a mishmash of eclectic errors, while Melbourne can be mistaken for a city in Europe on any day.
I love the streets of Melbourne, especially the laneways, which always manage to surprise even on a return trip. It is a well designed feature that makes full use of every possible avenue and space. In place of dirty and smelly backstreets, one might find designer boutiques or little treasures tucked away where the locals mainly visit, making Melbourne an adventure, as their always elegant ads suggests.
John and I had a fabulous time as usual, casting our daily worries to the wind, and just enjoy the sense of being. We went to our favourite haunt, Centre Place, a lane tucked away opposite the library, where an interesting mix of worldly cafes and restaurants grace our presence. Good food and a faux European ambience is always a good mix for pleasure and we always enjoy our time experimenting with new food on the different menus. I also managed to sneak past the routine of having sandwiches during our holiday lunches, and enjoyed some of my "home-town" fanfare in three separate restaurant/eating houses - Singaporean, Indonesian and Hong Kong. I had my missed fried fish noodle soup, fried Indonesian ginger chicken and definitely one of the best claypot rices I ever had at Claypot King, a true surprise.
Other than that, there are plenty of beautiful parks, streets of shopping and markets where rows of shops display a delicious display of cold meats, antipasto or cakes to entice any passerby. John bought his first suit ever and I have to say he never looked more resplendent, and I had one of my most exciting shopping adventures ever, which I will share now with you.
On our first day in Melbourne, a Friday, we made a decision to explore the new DFO (I believe it represents "Design Fashion Outlet" mall at the Southern Cross Terminal, where an array of fashion warehouses are housed in this complex. Not a big fan of brands, I passed by the Timberland store and a shelf of "discounted mens shoes" at $99 caught my eye. Being a bit of a sucker for good bargains, I couldn't resist walking into the store and picked up a understated pair of elegant black dress shoes. Strangely, they displayed both shoes and as I was trying on the left, a guy next to me picked up the right and started inspecting it too. The shoes fit and felt so comfortable, which is an important decision factor for me after some bad decisions last year to compromise fashion for comfort. However, it was difficult for me to decide on a confrontation because I hate them. As I was debating and observing his intention pattern, he turned to me and remarked "Pretty good deal eh, mate". At this, my heart sank and my will to fight this shopping battle gave way, signifying my "virgin" status at shopping wars, and I slowly placed the left shoe back onto the shelf. Still keeping an eye and praying in my mind for a miracle, he took the shoe I returned, and after some deliberation, walked to the counter and asked for the price. The price was $120, higher than the advertised, but maybe it was "From $99", and since John had already walked away, I willed myself out to join in, with my heart dragged along.
We proceeded onto the "Essential Men" fashion outlet where John tried on a couple of long sleeved T-shirts, and I grabbed the opportunity to run back and see if my luck had shifted. He was still at the counter as I circled the same shelf, with one eye on a high cut boot version of the same shoe, and the other on the conversation he was still having with the store salespeople. He eventually walked out of the shop but he asked the salespeople to place the shoes on the back counter before he left. Thinking that he probably walked out to get money, I left slightly dejected but resigned to fate and joined John back at the store. After 15 minutes and a couple of purchases, we walked past Timberland again, and I proceeded to try on the boots for John who concluded that they were not as nice. At this moment, I noticed that the shoes were still sitting on the back counter, and on John's prompting, asked them if it was reserved or for sale.
To my surprise, they replied "It's yours if you want it". Overcome with mixed emotions of surprise and relief, I felt like Cinderella trying on both pairs this time, and did a mini catwalk (minus the mince). Just as I was "parading", the same guy walked in, and I was again caught in the web of disbelief. I turned to John for his opinion for the umpteenth time, and he said "You are probably not that interested in it", to which I rebutted "Why?". He said "You would have gotten it by now", and without disclosing my decision, I took off the new shoes, and with them in my hands walked straight to the counter in my originals. "I'll take them", I said sheepishly in slight fear of hurting the other guy's feelings and felt the heat rush into my head, because I was aware that he had probably made a final decision to buy them.
To my surprise, he let out his right hand, and said "Congratulations, mate. You won". He was really good natured about it all and the sequence of events turned dreamlike, as I shook his hand and said Thank you. He made his final exit out as I paid, to both salespeople behind the counter having a slight snicker at the turn of the events and said "He took too long to decide".
I have related this "incident" to my colleagues, mostly female, and all of them concluded that:
(1) I am too nice
(2) I should have the "right to purchase" in the first place since I tried the shoes first
(3) They were never going to let go of the left shoe, like I did, and will put up a fight if needed
Which prompted me to think of how I might react if I am caught in the same position again? Am I too nice or are men generally less feisty and prone to conflict when it comes to shopping purchases?
Nevertheless, it was an interesting experience and a fun afterthought. I will endear to share more photos of our trips though they will be mostly architectural rather than of people, the flavour of Melbourne and a trip always to remember.
I love the streets of Melbourne, especially the laneways, which always manage to surprise even on a return trip. It is a well designed feature that makes full use of every possible avenue and space. In place of dirty and smelly backstreets, one might find designer boutiques or little treasures tucked away where the locals mainly visit, making Melbourne an adventure, as their always elegant ads suggests.
John and I had a fabulous time as usual, casting our daily worries to the wind, and just enjoy the sense of being. We went to our favourite haunt, Centre Place, a lane tucked away opposite the library, where an interesting mix of worldly cafes and restaurants grace our presence. Good food and a faux European ambience is always a good mix for pleasure and we always enjoy our time experimenting with new food on the different menus. I also managed to sneak past the routine of having sandwiches during our holiday lunches, and enjoyed some of my "home-town" fanfare in three separate restaurant/eating houses - Singaporean, Indonesian and Hong Kong. I had my missed fried fish noodle soup, fried Indonesian ginger chicken and definitely one of the best claypot rices I ever had at Claypot King, a true surprise.
Other than that, there are plenty of beautiful parks, streets of shopping and markets where rows of shops display a delicious display of cold meats, antipasto or cakes to entice any passerby. John bought his first suit ever and I have to say he never looked more resplendent, and I had one of my most exciting shopping adventures ever, which I will share now with you.
On our first day in Melbourne, a Friday, we made a decision to explore the new DFO (I believe it represents "Design Fashion Outlet" mall at the Southern Cross Terminal, where an array of fashion warehouses are housed in this complex. Not a big fan of brands, I passed by the Timberland store and a shelf of "discounted mens shoes" at $99 caught my eye. Being a bit of a sucker for good bargains, I couldn't resist walking into the store and picked up a understated pair of elegant black dress shoes. Strangely, they displayed both shoes and as I was trying on the left, a guy next to me picked up the right and started inspecting it too. The shoes fit and felt so comfortable, which is an important decision factor for me after some bad decisions last year to compromise fashion for comfort. However, it was difficult for me to decide on a confrontation because I hate them. As I was debating and observing his intention pattern, he turned to me and remarked "Pretty good deal eh, mate". At this, my heart sank and my will to fight this shopping battle gave way, signifying my "virgin" status at shopping wars, and I slowly placed the left shoe back onto the shelf. Still keeping an eye and praying in my mind for a miracle, he took the shoe I returned, and after some deliberation, walked to the counter and asked for the price. The price was $120, higher than the advertised, but maybe it was "From $99", and since John had already walked away, I willed myself out to join in, with my heart dragged along.
We proceeded onto the "Essential Men" fashion outlet where John tried on a couple of long sleeved T-shirts, and I grabbed the opportunity to run back and see if my luck had shifted. He was still at the counter as I circled the same shelf, with one eye on a high cut boot version of the same shoe, and the other on the conversation he was still having with the store salespeople. He eventually walked out of the shop but he asked the salespeople to place the shoes on the back counter before he left. Thinking that he probably walked out to get money, I left slightly dejected but resigned to fate and joined John back at the store. After 15 minutes and a couple of purchases, we walked past Timberland again, and I proceeded to try on the boots for John who concluded that they were not as nice. At this moment, I noticed that the shoes were still sitting on the back counter, and on John's prompting, asked them if it was reserved or for sale.
To my surprise, they replied "It's yours if you want it". Overcome with mixed emotions of surprise and relief, I felt like Cinderella trying on both pairs this time, and did a mini catwalk (minus the mince). Just as I was "parading", the same guy walked in, and I was again caught in the web of disbelief. I turned to John for his opinion for the umpteenth time, and he said "You are probably not that interested in it", to which I rebutted "Why?". He said "You would have gotten it by now", and without disclosing my decision, I took off the new shoes, and with them in my hands walked straight to the counter in my originals. "I'll take them", I said sheepishly in slight fear of hurting the other guy's feelings and felt the heat rush into my head, because I was aware that he had probably made a final decision to buy them.
To my surprise, he let out his right hand, and said "Congratulations, mate. You won". He was really good natured about it all and the sequence of events turned dreamlike, as I shook his hand and said Thank you. He made his final exit out as I paid, to both salespeople behind the counter having a slight snicker at the turn of the events and said "He took too long to decide".
I have related this "incident" to my colleagues, mostly female, and all of them concluded that:
(1) I am too nice
(2) I should have the "right to purchase" in the first place since I tried the shoes first
(3) They were never going to let go of the left shoe, like I did, and will put up a fight if needed
Which prompted me to think of how I might react if I am caught in the same position again? Am I too nice or are men generally less feisty and prone to conflict when it comes to shopping purchases?
Nevertheless, it was an interesting experience and a fun afterthought. I will endear to share more photos of our trips though they will be mostly architectural rather than of people, the flavour of Melbourne and a trip always to remember.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Are Chocolate Lovers Game Enough?
I'm not an absolute chocolate lover, reserving my affection only to occasional cravings. It is also partly influenced by my theory of the direct link between chocolate binges and pimple eruptions, which is constantly discounted by John but supported by my fellow Asian counterparts. So, could it be limited to Asian skin?
Anyway, I just saw this "ad" for a particular new brand of chocolate, and I personally think it is gross, but will chocolate lovers be game enough to see beyond the joke, and savour this?
Official Site
Anyway, I just saw this "ad" for a particular new brand of chocolate, and I personally think it is gross, but will chocolate lovers be game enough to see beyond the joke, and savour this?
Official Site
Monday, April 23, 2007
Gay Hope For Singapore
I must admit that I thought this day would come much later and definitely not from him, but someone younger. Reading this piece of news from the Daily Telegraph in Australia, Singapore's former PM Lee Kuan Yew has put forward a positive step towards accepting homosexuality as part of the society:
Article: Minister says gay sex should be legal
I am particularly fond of his fascination with the "possible genetic link to homosexuality", though it has been very carefully phrased as "If in fact true ...". What would this mean for homosexuals in Singapore? Would the information gatekeepers finally allow true information to flow freely and open the gates of possible future acceptance. For many Singaporeans, if Lee Kuan Yew says it's true, then there must be an element of truth. At least this might instigate a new water cooler topic rather than the mundane TV talk.
Is this political talk or a genuine plea for a change in mind and attitude. Is there real gay hope? Will Singaporeans care?
Article: Minister says gay sex should be legal
SINGAPORE'S powerful former prime minister Lee Kuan Yew, has questioned the country's ban on sex between men.
He acknowledged the possibility of a genetic link to homosexuality.
"If in fact it is true, and I have asked doctors this, that you are genetically born a homosexual - because that's the nature of the genetic random transmission of genes you can't help it. So why should we criminalise it?" the Straits Times quoted Mr Lee as saying.
Under Singapore law, a man who is found to have committed an act of "gross indecency" with another man can be jailed for up to two years, though prosecutions are rare.
But Mr Lee - who is also a minister in the cabinet led by his son, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong - said Singapore should not actively pursue homosexuals who engage in sex.
"Let's not go around like this moral police... barging into people's rooms. That's not our business," he said.
Authorities in Singapore have routinely banned gay festivals and censored gay films, saying homosexuality should not be advocated as a lifestyle. But, despite the official ban on gay sex, Singapore has a thriving gay scene.I am particularly fond of his fascination with the "possible genetic link to homosexuality", though it has been very carefully phrased as "If in fact true ...". What would this mean for homosexuals in Singapore? Would the information gatekeepers finally allow true information to flow freely and open the gates of possible future acceptance. For many Singaporeans, if Lee Kuan Yew says it's true, then there must be an element of truth. At least this might instigate a new water cooler topic rather than the mundane TV talk.
Is this political talk or a genuine plea for a change in mind and attitude. Is there real gay hope? Will Singaporeans care?
Friday, April 20, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Superstars Exhibition in Singapore
One of my dearest and oldest friend, Leslie Kee, whose newest creation "Superstars" which I have featured a couple of times on my blog is finally exhibiting in Singapore.
"Superstars" which is banned in Singapore will be exhibited at the National Museum finally from the 27th April till 4th May and the best thing is that admission is FREE. His 2 year labour of love featuring over 250 Asian artists, is dedicated to the unfortunate victims of the Asian Tsunami disaster where the profits from each copy will be donated to helping them rebuild their homes. Unfortunately, since the book is banned in Singapore, it will not be for sale.
It is a beautiful collection of photographs and the interesting contrast with what the National Museum represents to most people represents an exciting combination of new art. He will personally be there on the day of the opening at 7 pm and so will many "superstars" of Singapore.
If you are there on that night, please feel free to approach Leslie and say Hi because he is one of the friendliest and nicest celebrity photographer you will ever meet. Feel free to introduce me as your friend or relative and I hope he will remember. Just kidding.
"Superstars" which is banned in Singapore will be exhibited at the National Museum finally from the 27th April till 4th May and the best thing is that admission is FREE. His 2 year labour of love featuring over 250 Asian artists, is dedicated to the unfortunate victims of the Asian Tsunami disaster where the profits from each copy will be donated to helping them rebuild their homes. Unfortunately, since the book is banned in Singapore, it will not be for sale.
However, a good attendance response could force the authorities to rethink their decision. Leslie has been very kind to send me a free copy and it is simply devine. His dedication towards bringing Asian artists and beauty to the forefront of the world is commendable and must be encouraged. In a world where beauty is traditionally seen as primarily Caucasian, Leslie challenges these definitions by rewriting history as we speak.
It is a beautiful collection of photographs and the interesting contrast with what the National Museum represents to most people represents an exciting combination of new art. He will personally be there on the day of the opening at 7 pm and so will many "superstars" of Singapore.
If you are there on that night, please feel free to approach Leslie and say Hi because he is one of the friendliest and nicest celebrity photographer you will ever meet. Feel free to introduce me as your friend or relative and I hope he will remember. Just kidding.
So, if you have time, please feel free to go and support him. I am sorry I will not be there, Leslie, but I am doing my part by promoting your event because I think it is so important that we challenge the norms of our society and more so because I am so proud to call you my friend.
About Superstars: Special feature from a Japanese magazine
About Superstars: Special feature from a Japanese magazine
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
A Bleak World
How does one explain the horrors of the Virginia Tech massacre? Racism? Inequality? Bigotry? Mindless Rage? Take away the context of the story, present the headlines and you might be forgiven for mistaking it as motivation of another terrorist act.
How did we get here? Questions are flowing across all US papers and President Bush today still does not see any problems with their gun licensing laws. He just wants to make sure these "weapons do not fall into the hands of bad people". Now, wouldn't it be great if we can identify bad people just based on their looks? Do they have "Bad person" tattooed over their foreheads like an imaginary headband? How would we define bad people here? In his definition, does it narrow it down to basically skin colour or other physical attributes like tattoos (which were originally used to identify gang members rather than a fashion accessory)? I don't want to sound cynical and biased but if we are going to judge a book by its cover, then we have to be specific on how the gun salespeople are going to evaluate. Are we going to give them X-Ray vision?
"Bowling for Columbine", the Michael Moore Oscar winning documentary didn't do enough to change the minds of the government nor the people. It was the highest grossing documentary in history till his successor "Fahrenheit 911" took over the honours. Even though it depicted similar horrors at Columbine High School, many Americans who strongly believe in their gun rights had no problems with the suggested reasons for the then massacre. I particularly like the description give on Amazon for this movie that reads "The United States of America is notorious for its astronomical number of people killed by firearms for a developed nation without a civil war."
The total US domestic box office gross for "Bowling for Columbine" is US$21,576,018, not much considering that most of the weekly No. 1 box office winners gross more than that over one weekend. Looking towards the Oscars, here are two good movies "Brokeback Mountain" (domestic US gross: US$83,043,761) and this year's popular winner "The Departed" (domestic US gross: US$132,384,315).
Now let's answer this question "Which movie is more controversial and why?" The common answer would be "Brokeback Mountain and because it is depicts gay love". Love is controversial if it is between two men, and we know all the gay cowboy jokes that came out of that. What impact has it made on the world? People finding the courage to come out (Sydney's own cowboy's coming out story), acceptance, increased awareness of the discrimination we face etc ...
On the other hand, no controversy about the movie "The Departed" except that Scorsese has found his "mojo" back and finally won his Oscar. In a movie that is both popular with audiences and critics, no one seemed to have a problem with the amount of violence depicted in the movie (amidst the clever script which I have to give it credit for - or rather the original "Infernal Affairs"). People have more problems with the gay sex in the tent than the pointless gore and violence. The glorification of murders and the art of getting away with it, and don't get me started on the real gore. That is what "inspires" people to oppose such objectionable behaviour if it happens in reality but they have no problems if it happens in movies.
"The Departed" is not alone. There are truckloads of horror movies, not the ghostly and spirited ones, but those glorifying violence in the most stylish fashion. The endless remakes and sequels to films like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Saw", "Blade" and the Japanese movie "Battle Royale", all of which I absolutely refuse to watch. They are the ones that end up at the top of the US domestic box office every week, and motivates gangloads of impressionable young people, especially men to watch them. They'd rather watch these than the socially conscious movies like "Babel", "Crash" and "The Lives Of Others" or good romance like "Brokeback Mountain", which educate about the importance of human rights, respect and acceptance.
The US is not alone in this trend, but if the most significant country is going to set these standards, then we must ensure that we are moving in a right direction. With the younger generation more interested in individualistic hedonistic pleasures than the common good for the world, we need to spread the word of love, respect and the importance of human rights in our world. Let us not be dumb and swayed by popular culture and resolve to make educated decisions about who we choose to lead our world and the choices we are presented with. We can make a difference, you can make that choice!
How did we get here? Questions are flowing across all US papers and President Bush today still does not see any problems with their gun licensing laws. He just wants to make sure these "weapons do not fall into the hands of bad people". Now, wouldn't it be great if we can identify bad people just based on their looks? Do they have "Bad person" tattooed over their foreheads like an imaginary headband? How would we define bad people here? In his definition, does it narrow it down to basically skin colour or other physical attributes like tattoos (which were originally used to identify gang members rather than a fashion accessory)? I don't want to sound cynical and biased but if we are going to judge a book by its cover, then we have to be specific on how the gun salespeople are going to evaluate. Are we going to give them X-Ray vision?
"Bowling for Columbine", the Michael Moore Oscar winning documentary didn't do enough to change the minds of the government nor the people. It was the highest grossing documentary in history till his successor "Fahrenheit 911" took over the honours. Even though it depicted similar horrors at Columbine High School, many Americans who strongly believe in their gun rights had no problems with the suggested reasons for the then massacre. I particularly like the description give on Amazon for this movie that reads "The United States of America is notorious for its astronomical number of people killed by firearms for a developed nation without a civil war."
The total US domestic box office gross for "Bowling for Columbine" is US$21,576,018, not much considering that most of the weekly No. 1 box office winners gross more than that over one weekend. Looking towards the Oscars, here are two good movies "Brokeback Mountain" (domestic US gross: US$83,043,761) and this year's popular winner "The Departed" (domestic US gross: US$132,384,315).
Now let's answer this question "Which movie is more controversial and why?" The common answer would be "Brokeback Mountain and because it is depicts gay love". Love is controversial if it is between two men, and we know all the gay cowboy jokes that came out of that. What impact has it made on the world? People finding the courage to come out (Sydney's own cowboy's coming out story), acceptance, increased awareness of the discrimination we face etc ...
On the other hand, no controversy about the movie "The Departed" except that Scorsese has found his "mojo" back and finally won his Oscar. In a movie that is both popular with audiences and critics, no one seemed to have a problem with the amount of violence depicted in the movie (amidst the clever script which I have to give it credit for - or rather the original "Infernal Affairs"). People have more problems with the gay sex in the tent than the pointless gore and violence. The glorification of murders and the art of getting away with it, and don't get me started on the real gore. That is what "inspires" people to oppose such objectionable behaviour if it happens in reality but they have no problems if it happens in movies.
"The Departed" is not alone. There are truckloads of horror movies, not the ghostly and spirited ones, but those glorifying violence in the most stylish fashion. The endless remakes and sequels to films like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Saw", "Blade" and the Japanese movie "Battle Royale", all of which I absolutely refuse to watch. They are the ones that end up at the top of the US domestic box office every week, and motivates gangloads of impressionable young people, especially men to watch them. They'd rather watch these than the socially conscious movies like "Babel", "Crash" and "The Lives Of Others" or good romance like "Brokeback Mountain", which educate about the importance of human rights, respect and acceptance.
The US is not alone in this trend, but if the most significant country is going to set these standards, then we must ensure that we are moving in a right direction. With the younger generation more interested in individualistic hedonistic pleasures than the common good for the world, we need to spread the word of love, respect and the importance of human rights in our world. Let us not be dumb and swayed by popular culture and resolve to make educated decisions about who we choose to lead our world and the choices we are presented with. We can make a difference, you can make that choice!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Fear
People say that finding a relationship is tough, and I totally agree, but after speaking to a few friends who have not been "in the loop" for sometime, and have sort of resigned themselves to never finding one, I wonder if fear is the real obstacle?
The older we get, the more cautious we become. From the wisdom that we gathered from past experiences and others' mistakes, we inject hypotheses as we wonder if things will work out with our every date. We see the warning signs quicker than we use too, but are we being too cynical and are we extinguishing something before we know if our conclusion is true?
I was just speaking to a good friend the other day who has not been in a relationship for over 7 years and he confirms that he is "not ready for a relationship". I drew it down to fears of having one because it's been so long and he agrees. We get so set in our ways, there's a reluctance to want to get out of it. It's moving out of our comfort zone, a nest that we have built that shields us from any possible horrors. We may lament about never meeting someone, but when the opportunity arises, fear overcomes and we'd rather stay status quo.
Anticipation/Fear is worse than the real thing itself. When it arrives, humans find the means like we always do to deal with whatever obstacles that are ahead. We have enough wisdom and life experiences to guide us through. If not, then it will be a new learning experience and it is not always a bad thing. With our friend's love and support, we always find the strength to get up again and move on.
The important thing I strongly believe is to focus on one thing at a time. If we look at the long term picture all at once, if it works or it doesn't, then it frightens us back into our shell because then we can keep on complaining and not do anything. It's a safe haven but we stay complacent. Focus on one thing at a time and then it becomes more manageable. Not only the task but also the fear.
I understand better why some of my friends say that they prefer to remain single, even if the loneliness gets to them sometimes. At least, it "looks less pathetic" than trying and failing all the time. Of course, I agree that there comes a time when "enough is enough" and we just want to be left alone. I don't have any problems with that, but I just want them to know that fear is not a good reason to give up.
Relationships can be scary but if there is trust within to allow both people to still maintain their individuality, then it will work. It is not about suffocation, but about freedom, even as a couple. John and I give each other what we call "free time" to develop and maintain our individual souls, so that when we are back together, we feel recharged and are able to spend more quality time together. We don't believe in a need to spend 24/7 hip to hip just to prove our love for each other. Sometimes, we even take "pains" to sit away from each other at our big "family" dinners, because there is no need to speak to each other, or hold onto each other for security, because we already spend so much time together.
It is the trust that we have within our relationship that allows us to be who we are, and maintain that individuality. It is not courage, but communication that keeps this a viable option for us, and an important one for our relationship to keep growing. There are definitely obstacles that come, but always remember that they go as well. Focus is one important lesson that allows us to deal with fears that arise, and that anticipation is always worse than the real thing.
The older we get, the more cautious we become. From the wisdom that we gathered from past experiences and others' mistakes, we inject hypotheses as we wonder if things will work out with our every date. We see the warning signs quicker than we use too, but are we being too cynical and are we extinguishing something before we know if our conclusion is true?
I was just speaking to a good friend the other day who has not been in a relationship for over 7 years and he confirms that he is "not ready for a relationship". I drew it down to fears of having one because it's been so long and he agrees. We get so set in our ways, there's a reluctance to want to get out of it. It's moving out of our comfort zone, a nest that we have built that shields us from any possible horrors. We may lament about never meeting someone, but when the opportunity arises, fear overcomes and we'd rather stay status quo.
Anticipation/Fear is worse than the real thing itself. When it arrives, humans find the means like we always do to deal with whatever obstacles that are ahead. We have enough wisdom and life experiences to guide us through. If not, then it will be a new learning experience and it is not always a bad thing. With our friend's love and support, we always find the strength to get up again and move on.
The important thing I strongly believe is to focus on one thing at a time. If we look at the long term picture all at once, if it works or it doesn't, then it frightens us back into our shell because then we can keep on complaining and not do anything. It's a safe haven but we stay complacent. Focus on one thing at a time and then it becomes more manageable. Not only the task but also the fear.
I understand better why some of my friends say that they prefer to remain single, even if the loneliness gets to them sometimes. At least, it "looks less pathetic" than trying and failing all the time. Of course, I agree that there comes a time when "enough is enough" and we just want to be left alone. I don't have any problems with that, but I just want them to know that fear is not a good reason to give up.
Relationships can be scary but if there is trust within to allow both people to still maintain their individuality, then it will work. It is not about suffocation, but about freedom, even as a couple. John and I give each other what we call "free time" to develop and maintain our individual souls, so that when we are back together, we feel recharged and are able to spend more quality time together. We don't believe in a need to spend 24/7 hip to hip just to prove our love for each other. Sometimes, we even take "pains" to sit away from each other at our big "family" dinners, because there is no need to speak to each other, or hold onto each other for security, because we already spend so much time together.
It is the trust that we have within our relationship that allows us to be who we are, and maintain that individuality. It is not courage, but communication that keeps this a viable option for us, and an important one for our relationship to keep growing. There are definitely obstacles that come, but always remember that they go as well. Focus is one important lesson that allows us to deal with fears that arise, and that anticipation is always worse than the real thing.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
A Beautiful Day
Postponed a week due to the NSW State Elections, two very special people, Robbie and Margaret, whom I endearingly look upon as role models in my life, got married. We have a very unique relationship with them and our other dear friend, Anne, who introduced us at different times. We have now branched off on another tangent when Robbie unofficially "inaugurated" us into his own biological family a few months ago.
It was held at beautiful Nielsens Park and since it was Robbie's third and Margaret's second wedding, it was a rather laid back outdoor affair where there weren't any of the usual white wedding marches and elaborate food catering. Instead, we were treated to a glorious celebration of love, joy, commitment and familial camaderie. All guests were requested to bring a dish of food to celebrate the occasion and this resulted in a myraid of cultural tastings and colours.
John made his famous chicken salad whereas Anne and I made a non alcoholic cocktail, which surprisingly turned out to be really popular, resulting in much leftover alcohol. Rain threatened most of the week but the actual day turned out to be a cloudless with slightly warmer temperatures, which really complimented the joyous occasion.
Since Robbie is a Christian and Margaret a Buddhist, this was a hybrid ceremony where two separate vows of love were exchanged. Understated but garnered with beautiful words of love and commitment, it was the perfect wedding. There were a few hilarious moments when Margaret made a small error in her vows but it just helped to really lighten the mood and made it even more memorable. There was also the tying of their hands with a piece of red string as they read their vows which was originated from ancient times signifying the act of "bonding".
After the exchange of the vows, we indulged on the food, talk and drinks while the night sky descended on us. We proceeded with the cake cutting ceremony and then speeches from a few people, including the bride and groom. Interestingly, almost all the people there with mental disability, which is a big and significant group of people in the couple's lives spoke of their fondness for the couple. Some of it was really rather R rated (like it is time for you to kiss deeply now) but affectionate nonetheless.
Robbie, ever the eloquent and motivational speaker moved us all with his dedication of love to Margaret and Margaret's son, Misha, a beautiful man, filled all our eyes and souls with tears and emotion. He invited us all to project the couple into a space faraway in time and place in our minds, may it be a cruise in the Carribean or anything/anywhere you want them to be, and to be doing. Take a minute to do so, silence, and then he asked us all to thrust it into the universe. Now, isn't that beautiful?
I also came out of my "retirement" to make them a present. I used to make birthday cards for my friends and my theme is usually to inject humour into those cards with my long message of love in the middle. What I basically do is to cut their faces out from photos and then paste them onto posters with funny snippets next to them. I did so many of them at one time that I faced burnt out, and then I stopped. I really wanted to make one of them for this occasion, but the motivation was low. It wasn't till two days before the wedding that I decided that I would make it, and thankfully, I still managed to pull it off in approximately 7 hours. It was a labour of love fully appreciated by them and I am so happy that I did it.
Robbie and Margaret, Thank You both for being in my life and constantly showering us with love and support. May all of our blessings and wishes come true for the two of you, somewhere in the time and universe ...
Slang
I found this interesting post on "Homosexuality in Japan" on Wikipaedia from a fellow blogger. In one separated section is "Japanese gay slang", which I found to be rather hilarious, especially the following:
Ketsuman
A portmanteau of the words ketsu and manko literally meaning "ass cunt," this word usually describes the anus of an effeminate male bottom. Compare "mangina"; "man-cunt."
Neko (ネコ)
Literally "cat" (and sometimes written with the kanji for cat, though more often in katakana, as above), this word refers to the bottom, or passive/receptive partner, especially in anal sex. In lesbian relationships, the woman who expresses more traditionally feminine traits is the neko; see "femme" in English usage. The etymology is unclear. In current use.
Okoge
A term for the burnt rice that sticks to the bottom of a cooking pot, this currently-used word refers to the straight, female friends of gay males. See Fag hag.
Seme (攻め、セメ）
Seme comes from the word "semeru" (攻める) which means "to attack." Refers to the dominant partner in the relationship (as opposed to Uke (受け、ウケ)). In use.
My Japanese friend confirms that these are commonly used amongst the Japanese gay community. I find some of them (okay most of them) rather degratory but funny nonetheless. The last two quoted is a little worrying. John hates the term "Fag Hag", but "Burnt Rice?", where did that come from and Semeru in sex, it sounds really predatory.
My female friends have commented that some men only know how to ""Bang hard" because they think this is how women like it, which is what they predominantly learn from porn. It is quite disconcerting learning this because it's not really promoting respect. Sex is about pleasure for both sexes, not just one, so I guess Seme is quite scary, but true in culture.
Ketsuman
A portmanteau of the words ketsu and manko literally meaning "ass cunt," this word usually describes the anus of an effeminate male bottom. Compare "mangina"; "man-cunt."
Neko (ネコ)
Literally "cat" (and sometimes written with the kanji for cat, though more often in katakana, as above), this word refers to the bottom, or passive/receptive partner, especially in anal sex. In lesbian relationships, the woman who expresses more traditionally feminine traits is the neko; see "femme" in English usage. The etymology is unclear. In current use.
Okoge
A term for the burnt rice that sticks to the bottom of a cooking pot, this currently-used word refers to the straight, female friends of gay males. See Fag hag.
Seme (攻め、セメ）
Seme comes from the word "semeru" (攻める) which means "to attack." Refers to the dominant partner in the relationship (as opposed to Uke (受け、ウケ)). In use.
My Japanese friend confirms that these are commonly used amongst the Japanese gay community. I find some of them (okay most of them) rather degratory but funny nonetheless. The last two quoted is a little worrying. John hates the term "Fag Hag", but "Burnt Rice?", where did that come from and Semeru in sex, it sounds really predatory.
My female friends have commented that some men only know how to ""Bang hard" because they think this is how women like it, which is what they predominantly learn from porn. It is quite disconcerting learning this because it's not really promoting respect. Sex is about pleasure for both sexes, not just one, so I guess Seme is quite scary, but true in culture.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Gay Love
We hear the success stories of heterosexual couples celebrating their anniversaries but we hear more of gay community's fleeting romances and one night stands. So, are gay people restricted only to short love?
Today is my very dear friend, Danny and his partner HH's 10th anniversary. Danny shared his coming out story with me at a cafe in Tokyo while we were both there for Akina's 2005 concert. He told me of his similar struggles and also the sweet story of how he met HH (I believe it is over the internet), and how they became friends and then eventually lovers after Danny was finally able to accept himself as a homosexual. My deepest and sincerest congratulations to the two of you because I know how difficult it is to find someone, let alone stay in a relationship for that long.
I met John over the internet and so did many of my other friends who have progressed in long term relationships (one over 15 years and still going strong). In a world of temptation and free love/sex, we have all managed in our ways to define, design and carve our relationships without any legal bindings like marriage or children (yet). We are fast approaching our 5th anniversary and I must say that in addition to luck, there is plenty of hard work involved in developing understanding, compassion and communication.
I remember admiring gay couples who have stayed together for more than 4 years when I first realised how difficult it was to stay in a relationship, but when that happened last year, the only thought that came was "How time flies ...". As we approach our fifth next year and I draw admiration from my fellow colleagues who exclaim at our mark, all I can say is "Thank you and how time flies ...".
John always held a practical belief that honeymoon periods had a use by date. Being the dreamer, I refuse to subscribe and though there have been trying times of stress, we grew with every argument (as little as they were), and we grew to understand and accept each other more in the process. I hate arguing and prefer to give way, but there is always something to learn from an argument. The apologies come quicker because we start to understand the need for reconciliation, for communication. It is the breakdown in communication that delivers the conflict, and only through peaceful communication will resolution evolve.
As we walk towards the 5 year mark, I can proudly say that I am more in love with John than I have ever been, and I am more comfortable now than I am 2-3 years ago. I don't think you can describe that being complacent or just too comfortable to "move", because it is a nest in our hearts that was lovingly built, regardless of the environment that we live in. It's like me enjoying my 30s more than my 20s because I am infinitely wiser.
Today is my very dear friend, Danny and his partner HH's 10th anniversary. Danny shared his coming out story with me at a cafe in Tokyo while we were both there for Akina's 2005 concert. He told me of his similar struggles and also the sweet story of how he met HH (I believe it is over the internet), and how they became friends and then eventually lovers after Danny was finally able to accept himself as a homosexual. My deepest and sincerest congratulations to the two of you because I know how difficult it is to find someone, let alone stay in a relationship for that long.
I met John over the internet and so did many of my other friends who have progressed in long term relationships (one over 15 years and still going strong). In a world of temptation and free love/sex, we have all managed in our ways to define, design and carve our relationships without any legal bindings like marriage or children (yet). We are fast approaching our 5th anniversary and I must say that in addition to luck, there is plenty of hard work involved in developing understanding, compassion and communication.
I remember admiring gay couples who have stayed together for more than 4 years when I first realised how difficult it was to stay in a relationship, but when that happened last year, the only thought that came was "How time flies ...". As we approach our fifth next year and I draw admiration from my fellow colleagues who exclaim at our mark, all I can say is "Thank you and how time flies ...".
John always held a practical belief that honeymoon periods had a use by date. Being the dreamer, I refuse to subscribe and though there have been trying times of stress, we grew with every argument (as little as they were), and we grew to understand and accept each other more in the process. I hate arguing and prefer to give way, but there is always something to learn from an argument. The apologies come quicker because we start to understand the need for reconciliation, for communication. It is the breakdown in communication that delivers the conflict, and only through peaceful communication will resolution evolve.
As we walk towards the 5 year mark, I can proudly say that I am more in love with John than I have ever been, and I am more comfortable now than I am 2-3 years ago. I don't think you can describe that being complacent or just too comfortable to "move", because it is a nest in our hearts that was lovingly built, regardless of the environment that we live in. It's like me enjoying my 30s more than my 20s because I am infinitely wiser.
So, I strongly believe that gay love and relationships is just like any love and it can last for as long as we want it to be. It takes hard work, lots of patience, communication, compassion and the essential ingredient love. More importantly, it takes two people to put in similar effort to make it work. People can take away marriage or any form of unionifcation from us, but they cannot take the pride that we have in our love.
Reading On Buses
Do you read on buses? I do, but do you think that the person sitting next to you is peering over at what you are reading sometimes? Maybe it is because I do that myself sometimes, but I am more interested in the title of the book than the actual writing. I do it sometimes to make mental notes if the reader seems totally engrossed in it rather than lifting their heads once in a while to make some poetic stare, signifying the "non-captivity" of the book.
I also play this little game of trying to associate the genre with the person, like an attempt to read a book by its cover. "Viola! I knew it. You are such a cliche." Can we really read a person by their book cover?
Why is it also that I feel eyes prying most when I reach a page of some invariable love making or words like "throbbing cock", that I feel the urge to close the book then and look away. Am I being prudish, ultra sensitive or vain in trying to disguise what I am reading? Maybe people just don't care ...
I also play this little game of trying to associate the genre with the person, like an attempt to read a book by its cover. "Viola! I knew it. You are such a cliche." Can we really read a person by their book cover?
Why is it also that I feel eyes prying most when I reach a page of some invariable love making or words like "throbbing cock", that I feel the urge to close the book then and look away. Am I being prudish, ultra sensitive or vain in trying to disguise what I am reading? Maybe people just don't care ...
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
The Lives of Others (Das Leben der Anderen)
I recall registering shock and disbelief when one of my favourite films of the year, "Pan's Labyrinth" lost the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar in February. To me, it was like the Mexican version of "Spirited Away", another of my all time favourites, where fantasy is meshed with reality, transporting audiences back to where dreams were sometimes reality, and where we still believed unconditionally ...
What was this film "The Lives of Others" (Official site)? I had never even heard of it before its win? Was it an oversight like the winner of Best Picture, "The Departed" and last year's "Crash" ("Babel" and "Brokeback Mountain" have my vote)? How could a film that won three other Oscars lose out on its primary category?
Some foreign films will never receive worldwide distributorship if there wasn't any awards buzz or wins. Unlike "Pan's Labyrinth", it is not going to attract mainstream attention because it does not boast of any special effects. They get lost in the maze of blockbuster rubbish because audiences prefer to dumb themselves down for the sake of fancy CGI effects and reality TV. Thankfully, "The Lives Of Others" will never suffer the same fate. However, films thrive most on "word of mouth" recommendation, and like "Babel", this is an important film that has to be made, and to be watched. Hence, my strong recommendation and "plea" for you to watch it.
Set in 1984 where the tyrannical Stasi (East German police) made it their duty to monitor their citizens, they believe it was their right to know everything. We are introduced to Captain Gerd Wiesler (Ulrich Mühe), a brilliant officer who scored well in his examinations and stuck to every rule in the book, the cold hearted product of the stereotypical horror we identify in such movies. Due to his stoic adherence in life and strong loyalty, he does not possess the slimy characteristics of his fellow classmate, Oberstleutnant Anton Grubitz, who he helped to score well enough in his exams but had sucked up to the right people to attain a higher position in the police force, and is now his superior.
Wiesler is invited by Grubitz to a new play staged by Geord Dryman (Sebastian Kohl), a popular playwright who has managed to stay under the government's radar and is in a relationship with accomplished stage actress Christa-Maira Sieland (Martina Gedeck), the lead in the play. Actors, playwrights and all artists are restricted within strict boundaries of what is permissible in those days and almost all of their apartments are bugged for information. Unlike, several of his fellow artists who have been blacklisted, he has played the right game by staying uncontroversial, almost clean. This raises the suspicions of Wiesler even though Grubitz watered it down. However, when Grubitz meets Minister Bruno Hempf, who runs the police force, he takes on Weisler's suggestions as his own and when the Minister praises him for his sharp instincts, claims silent credit for it.
Weisler takes on the job of monitoring Dryman's activities and starts living through the lives of Dryman and Sieland. It is through them that his loneliness and the emptiness of his heart and life is brought for the first time to his attention. He yearns for love and belonging, and his only close relationship is a sexual one with a prostitute who works on the clock, like Wiesler. He starts to contest his beliefs and loyalty to Stasi. Like a quote at the beginning where it is believed that people don't change, we watch the new Wiesler unravel before us.
This is a political thriller which ultimately shows the strength that one is capable of, and though Weisler is not entirely responsible for the fall of Berlin Wall five years later, he can admit towards being instrumental towards a shift of perceptions in the free world. Even though he does "sacrifice" his livelihood for this decision, he is rescued from this Stasi terror in his life. The ending in unsentimental but extremely moving. I felt tears welling as I sensed Dryman's gratitude.
I loved this film and rate it along "Babel" as the best films of the year. Like "Babel" who tackles social issues, this is a film not to be missed. In today's world where the right winged ruling political parties are using scare tactics to frighten us into conformity, this is a burning and current issue. With governments tightening its security laws and establishing impossible laws linking anyone with any connections, no matter how small, to possible acts of terrorism, we have to stand brave. If efficient gatekeepers are already keeping the truth from us, then we have to make sure that we are heard. Even though it sounds impossible that we will "return" to this terror state, nothing is impossible if we do not wake up and choose our leaders carefully. Do we want to live under leaders who incite/remind us of terror, or those who truly inspire?
First time film-maker and writer, Florian Henckel von Donnersmark, implores us to examine this through this wonderful, immaculately acted piece of art. With many lessons to be learnt within, this film outstrips "Pan's Labyrinth" in all ways and is a most deserving winner of the Best Foreign Film Oscar. It has also been honoured by many other International awards, especially for the lead actor, Ulrich Mühe, who is superlative. It is interesting to note that he is a known enemy of the Stasi, and was himself spied upon by four members of his theatre group, and his late wife who he was married to for 6 years, was also an informant to the Stasi. It was also recommended that he be sent to an isolation camp in the event of a national crisis, which could have inspired him for his performance and his involvement in this movie.
This is film making at its best, reaffirming the importance of arts and film making in our lives, to educate, influence and inspire ...
Rating: 9.5/10
Friday, March 23, 2007
Masculinity
I have recently joined a Mens' Group, which we have formed as an emotional support network for men. I don't have too much of a problem relaying my thoughts anywhere as you can tell, and my initial reaction was that it would both be a great opportunity to know my friend better and also human behaviour in the process. What I have learnt and am surprised are the masculine roles that heterosexual men have been pigeonholed into, and how these societal models have forced them into conformity and the resulting emotional stress and pain from living up to these responsibilities.
It is a rare occasion that I feel that I am more fortunate that I do not have to feel the same pressures to have to worry about the mortgage and putting food on the table, and that this is my sole responsibility because I am the man. To feel that I have to live up to this expectation and worry about exposing my vulnerability and fear to my female partner and family, this is a truly big burden to have to bear.
With John and I, we are pretty lucky that gays don't have to prescribe to the traditional man vs woman roles in our relationships. This gives us the freedom to express our joys and our fears but I am not advocating that this is true of all gay couples because there are still many that feel they need to be masculine and not reveal their emotions. However, I wonder what holds them back is their denial of their feminine side or an upbringing that just did not encourage that. The insistence of not wanting to look, sound or act gay, parts of which I prescribe to, but the emotional shutdown they impose on exposing their vulnerability, even towards their partners, is something I find a little difficult to fathom.
Is it the disappointment through past life experiences or the low trust level they embody a strong factor in this decision they make. When will men realise that it takes more courage to be vulnerable sometimes, than to be strong all the time.
We are lucky that we are both emotionally rather mature beings though I know that I hold back sometimes, not because I have a problem against vulnerability. Just because I don't always cry at movies is a not an indication, but it could be that my Asian upbringing encourages me to "keep my problems to myself". I think that vulnerability is beautiful and it can help bring people closer together and I think that this mens' group is a great outlet for them and me, to feel more comfortable playing outside the box.
I used to think that I want to be in this group to help someone and possibly find my calling, but I now know that I am gaining something from it too. Through explorations of others' experiences which can be a reflection of a past or current state of mind, I can feel myself growing and accepting myself and being more comfortable with my imperfections. It is also a great way to help build and strengthen relationships with people that mean the most to me, both within or outside the group. On top of educating them about us and what they can possibly learn from gay relationships or what I have with John, we can all help to crush and remodel the fixtures we have in our minds since our young age of five or six when we start learning values and beliefs that shape who we are today.
It is a rare occasion that I feel that I am more fortunate that I do not have to feel the same pressures to have to worry about the mortgage and putting food on the table, and that this is my sole responsibility because I am the man. To feel that I have to live up to this expectation and worry about exposing my vulnerability and fear to my female partner and family, this is a truly big burden to have to bear.
With John and I, we are pretty lucky that gays don't have to prescribe to the traditional man vs woman roles in our relationships. This gives us the freedom to express our joys and our fears but I am not advocating that this is true of all gay couples because there are still many that feel they need to be masculine and not reveal their emotions. However, I wonder what holds them back is their denial of their feminine side or an upbringing that just did not encourage that. The insistence of not wanting to look, sound or act gay, parts of which I prescribe to, but the emotional shutdown they impose on exposing their vulnerability, even towards their partners, is something I find a little difficult to fathom.
Is it the disappointment through past life experiences or the low trust level they embody a strong factor in this decision they make. When will men realise that it takes more courage to be vulnerable sometimes, than to be strong all the time.
We are lucky that we are both emotionally rather mature beings though I know that I hold back sometimes, not because I have a problem against vulnerability. Just because I don't always cry at movies is a not an indication, but it could be that my Asian upbringing encourages me to "keep my problems to myself". I think that vulnerability is beautiful and it can help bring people closer together and I think that this mens' group is a great outlet for them and me, to feel more comfortable playing outside the box.
I used to think that I want to be in this group to help someone and possibly find my calling, but I now know that I am gaining something from it too. Through explorations of others' experiences which can be a reflection of a past or current state of mind, I can feel myself growing and accepting myself and being more comfortable with my imperfections. It is also a great way to help build and strengthen relationships with people that mean the most to me, both within or outside the group. On top of educating them about us and what they can possibly learn from gay relationships or what I have with John, we can all help to crush and remodel the fixtures we have in our minds since our young age of five or six when we start learning values and beliefs that shape who we are today.
The Reader and The Writer
I wouldn't consider myself an avid reader because I am not burying my head in the book for most parts of my free time. However, I do read a bit, especially during my bus trips to work and before bedtime, which I do enjoy immensely. I do spend quite an amount of time on the internet reading blogs, news and forum articles, so I wonder if the term "reader" should be reclassified to include electronic material instead of just hard copy.
I don't like science fiction and I am definitely not a detective/slasher novel fan, though I had read of some which still resonate in my mind when I recall good books that I have read. Starting from fairy tales, transgressing to the Secret Seven Series and Nancy Drew in my childhood and ultimately to classics like "Little Women", "Great Expectations", "Pride and Prejudice" in my teenage years and now predominantly biographies, non-fiction, contemporary or Booker and Pulitzer Prize winning material, I reflect on how my taste have been shaped by the happenings of my life.
I guess my taste in books also progressed alongside my preference for certain genre of movies as I matured, hence my DVD collection at this point screaming "No more drama. Give me comedy!". I am currently reading an old classic "The Alchemist", which is hailed with "The Little Prince" as classics that teach us simple life lessons that have been clouded by materialistic desires in our life. Simple words, simple phrases ... nothing to truly scream "Prize winner" or "Prose", but unlike many book prize winners, I found these books profoundly moving because it touched my soul more than the flowery language that authors sometimes use to "wow" instead of move.
Do we applaud the author for managing to squeeze the most number of "dictionary browse-worthy" words in one sentence, or a paragraph that describes the ethereal ambience and things, or is the impact on our sense of our worlds more phenomenal? For me, simplicity rules. It's like speaking from the heart instead of decorating the voice. I fall victim myself sometimes, but I know that my true voice rings through when I am "stripped bare" and I certainly hope to be reminding myself to do more of this in the future.
I don't like science fiction and I am definitely not a detective/slasher novel fan, though I had read of some which still resonate in my mind when I recall good books that I have read. Starting from fairy tales, transgressing to the Secret Seven Series and Nancy Drew in my childhood and ultimately to classics like "Little Women", "Great Expectations", "Pride and Prejudice" in my teenage years and now predominantly biographies, non-fiction, contemporary or Booker and Pulitzer Prize winning material, I reflect on how my taste have been shaped by the happenings of my life.
I guess my taste in books also progressed alongside my preference for certain genre of movies as I matured, hence my DVD collection at this point screaming "No more drama. Give me comedy!". I am currently reading an old classic "The Alchemist", which is hailed with "The Little Prince" as classics that teach us simple life lessons that have been clouded by materialistic desires in our life. Simple words, simple phrases ... nothing to truly scream "Prize winner" or "Prose", but unlike many book prize winners, I found these books profoundly moving because it touched my soul more than the flowery language that authors sometimes use to "wow" instead of move.
Do we applaud the author for managing to squeeze the most number of "dictionary browse-worthy" words in one sentence, or a paragraph that describes the ethereal ambience and things, or is the impact on our sense of our worlds more phenomenal? For me, simplicity rules. It's like speaking from the heart instead of decorating the voice. I fall victim myself sometimes, but I know that my true voice rings through when I am "stripped bare" and I certainly hope to be reminding myself to do more of this in the future.
Happenings
It's been a long time. Not because of writer's blog but pure fatigue from the hectic schedule at work over the past month or so. We have also been subjected to high levels of stress because we have been given notice once again that we might have to move again. This is because the apartment that we moved to since December is once again up for sale due to the owner's inability to make the mortgage payments. Poor luck, but it could also be read positively as a sign that the universe is trying to tell us something.
This invariably impacts on our decision to buy an apartment but we have to be very careful that we do not make a rash decision because it would end up disastrous in any case. Owning a place one can call home is ultimately many people's dream, man or woman. I have found that Australians do not have a tendency to build their savings as much as Asians are educated since young to do so, hence many Australians are unable to realise their dream till later in their lives, which is a really common phenomenon. Hedonism and qualify of life ruled against than the security needs of most Asians.
Citizens in Singapore are fortunate enough for the government to realise that satisfying this need for security and dream is vital to most people which is why affordable housing weighed high on their plans and they have succeeded well. Australians on the other hand, have over the years, used mortgages as their way of forced savings. My friend read an article in the Economist that now, with the economy tapering off and slowing down, significant gains are not going to be seen through mortgages and most of the payment is for interest, rather than true savings because the property market will not be seeing any significant booms. Hence, my friend's decision is to save for ten years, and then pay cash for a piece of property, rather than be tied to a mortgage. This is just a point of view from an economist and I can totally see the validity of her point. However, I can also see the emotional need for security from John's point of view, so I guess the ultimate decision lies with what is more important for us and what will make us happy. If a house is what we need to cement our relationship by building a home because we cannot get married, then that would be the best.
Some of my friends have also claimed that it is now inevitable that my parents do not have an inkling of my sexuality and our relationship, since they support both of us buying a house together, and potentially being tied to a mortgage for thirty years. It's a softer and more rational way for them to accept us and maybe this is their way of dealing with the fact that I am gay. However, I don't think they will ease on asking the same questions, giving the same advice (on girlfriends), so that they get to deal with this to best they can, and hope that they did not fail as parents.
Ultimately, I want my parents to know that regardless of my sexuality, I am happy and that they have done a good job. I want them to share my world, my wonderful family and group of friends who give me so much love and support. I want them to be proud of who I am because I believe they should be. It's a long lesson and potentially a hard one, because I will be the teacher this time, but it will possibly happen, if and when they come and visit me again in Australia.
This invariably impacts on our decision to buy an apartment but we have to be very careful that we do not make a rash decision because it would end up disastrous in any case. Owning a place one can call home is ultimately many people's dream, man or woman. I have found that Australians do not have a tendency to build their savings as much as Asians are educated since young to do so, hence many Australians are unable to realise their dream till later in their lives, which is a really common phenomenon. Hedonism and qualify of life ruled against than the security needs of most Asians.
Citizens in Singapore are fortunate enough for the government to realise that satisfying this need for security and dream is vital to most people which is why affordable housing weighed high on their plans and they have succeeded well. Australians on the other hand, have over the years, used mortgages as their way of forced savings. My friend read an article in the Economist that now, with the economy tapering off and slowing down, significant gains are not going to be seen through mortgages and most of the payment is for interest, rather than true savings because the property market will not be seeing any significant booms. Hence, my friend's decision is to save for ten years, and then pay cash for a piece of property, rather than be tied to a mortgage. This is just a point of view from an economist and I can totally see the validity of her point. However, I can also see the emotional need for security from John's point of view, so I guess the ultimate decision lies with what is more important for us and what will make us happy. If a house is what we need to cement our relationship by building a home because we cannot get married, then that would be the best.
Some of my friends have also claimed that it is now inevitable that my parents do not have an inkling of my sexuality and our relationship, since they support both of us buying a house together, and potentially being tied to a mortgage for thirty years. It's a softer and more rational way for them to accept us and maybe this is their way of dealing with the fact that I am gay. However, I don't think they will ease on asking the same questions, giving the same advice (on girlfriends), so that they get to deal with this to best they can, and hope that they did not fail as parents.
Ultimately, I want my parents to know that regardless of my sexuality, I am happy and that they have done a good job. I want them to share my world, my wonderful family and group of friends who give me so much love and support. I want them to be proud of who I am because I believe they should be. It's a long lesson and potentially a hard one, because I will be the teacher this time, but it will possibly happen, if and when they come and visit me again in Australia.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
My Virgin Valentine Bouquet
Part of me has always believed that consumerism like Valentine's Day gifts and its significance is just a another marketing vehicle, but I must say it is rather delicious when one is at the receiving end of it.
The practicality I inherited from my mother was always that it is a waste of money and also partly that I had never been the object of anyone's affection when I was a teenager, which was probably why in many ways I had shut the door on this occasion. Now, approaching our fifth anniversary, I was thinking last night while watching the various advertisements splashing on TV whether I would ever experience this "cliche"? We didn't speak about Valentine's Day at all and the plan was to have Monday's leftovers tonight, so before I left work this morning, I cheekily whispered in John's ear if he had gotten me a card. In a nonchalant fashion, he replied "Not Yet" and when he asked me the same question, I had the same answer. Just another day I thought then ...
I had to attend a seminar in the morning and when I approached my desk in the office after, I was greeted by a tall bouquet of long stemmed roses in my colleague's office. It was still wrapped immaculately and I was still admiring it, not noticing that I had a heavy file and some food in my hands, when my friend walked out. I half asked her who it was from and half moved nearer my desk to put down the things when I realised that there was a fat bouquet sitting on it. I was dumbstruck and wondered if it was a mistake. "Did everyone receive a bunch too?" was my next mindful question and then my friend came around and said that it was from John, even before I had a chance to look at the card.
It was my beautiful virgin bouquet of roses on Valentine's and I could feel myself blushing with joy and surprise. One does not expect such romanticism and extravagance when they have been together for almost 5 years. This just doesn't happen, not even in fairytales, but it just did. My friend then proceeded to let me know that the roses were not from her boyfriend but one of her secret admirers who apparently had very bad taste to send roses to someone who was already attached.
So, I ended up being the only person and the only male in an office of about 15 females who received a true Valentine's gift because my friend refused to accept it and distributed the love around to others instead. Many of them stopped and admired and asked some questions, and I was feeling so loved and yet feeling bad that they didn't receive any as welll. It is all terribly flattering and I am still gushing, which is honestly getting a little embarassing. Ha! Ha!
Anyway, I just wanted to share this little experience and my exhilaration. Who would have thought ... love can still surprise. 爱情万岁！
The practicality I inherited from my mother was always that it is a waste of money and also partly that I had never been the object of anyone's affection when I was a teenager, which was probably why in many ways I had shut the door on this occasion. Now, approaching our fifth anniversary, I was thinking last night while watching the various advertisements splashing on TV whether I would ever experience this "cliche"? We didn't speak about Valentine's Day at all and the plan was to have Monday's leftovers tonight, so before I left work this morning, I cheekily whispered in John's ear if he had gotten me a card. In a nonchalant fashion, he replied "Not Yet" and when he asked me the same question, I had the same answer. Just another day I thought then ...
I had to attend a seminar in the morning and when I approached my desk in the office after, I was greeted by a tall bouquet of long stemmed roses in my colleague's office. It was still wrapped immaculately and I was still admiring it, not noticing that I had a heavy file and some food in my hands, when my friend walked out. I half asked her who it was from and half moved nearer my desk to put down the things when I realised that there was a fat bouquet sitting on it. I was dumbstruck and wondered if it was a mistake. "Did everyone receive a bunch too?" was my next mindful question and then my friend came around and said that it was from John, even before I had a chance to look at the card.
It was my beautiful virgin bouquet of roses on Valentine's and I could feel myself blushing with joy and surprise. One does not expect such romanticism and extravagance when they have been together for almost 5 years. This just doesn't happen, not even in fairytales, but it just did. My friend then proceeded to let me know that the roses were not from her boyfriend but one of her secret admirers who apparently had very bad taste to send roses to someone who was already attached.
So, I ended up being the only person and the only male in an office of about 15 females who received a true Valentine's gift because my friend refused to accept it and distributed the love around to others instead. Many of them stopped and admired and asked some questions, and I was feeling so loved and yet feeling bad that they didn't receive any as welll. It is all terribly flattering and I am still gushing, which is honestly getting a little embarassing. Ha! Ha!
Anyway, I just wanted to share this little experience and my exhilaration. Who would have thought ... love can still surprise. 爱情万岁！
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
No Indian Summer
... it's Christmas all over again in this revamped Indian styled Christmas classic. Hilarious!
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