Happy Birthday My Lovely Sister

Happy Birthday my beautiful sister.

You were my perfect "partner in crime" though you were always too good to be bad, if you know what I mean. Since I am almost three years older than you are, and I grew up practically alone until you came along, I can't really remember playing with you while you were a baby. I do remember our years together as children, playing games with our neighbours and cousins downstairs or along the corridors of our flat, and especially how we were angry with Julian once, and in a fit of anger and frustration, how he stormed back to our flat, only to be trapped in the lift. It was funny to us then, but not so much later when we both received a scolding from Mum for abandoning him.

I also remember how you would always stand up brave and purchase toy cars for Julian, who was always too shy to go into the store himself. You would always have your revenge when you would shout from the store with the car in your hand, pretending that you weren't sure, back to Julian who would probably be hiding near a bush, if that was the right purchase. I remember the secret delight that we both share from watching him squirm and run away immediately, but he wouldn't let us go later with his signature stares and pinches that we would suffer.

I don't know why it wasn't me because I was more like a spectator withdrawn, looking into this more intimate relationship that you share with him. Maybe, subconsciously, I was a little jealous of the two of you, or that I was trying to find my place in this world, constantly being reminded by Mum to set an example for the two of you, that I felt a little more isolated, as a result of that.

I know that I wasn't a good example of a brother because I don't think I showered my love or was capable of sheltering you or Julian, and I can only hope that I did my share in my adult years to make it all up. The only time I can remember doing so is playing truant with you for our English tuition lessons with Mrs Pathirana.

I feel guilty sometimes for doing that because she looked like she needed the money, and also because we lied to Dad and Mum. I think it was my rebellion against being cooped up in a birdcage and constantly being monitored and told what to do. Ah ... I guess it's all part of growing up. Still, part of me will never regret doing that because it was our little world that I created, and for once, I did not have to compete with anyone else. It was our secret until it was exposed. We paid a price for it, but nothing can take away the joys I felt, the first time I can remember being a good brother to you, in spite of the irony.

If there was anything I can undo and relive again, I wish that you had the opportunity like Julian and I to travel to another country and lead an independent life before you got married. The time away from our comfort zones allowed us to see ourselves for who we are, to realise and believe in what we are truly capable of. I wish you realise what a strong, wonderful, loving, giving and beautiful person you truly are, contrary to what you may believe. I hope it is not too late for you to realise that only you can make a decision on what you want in life. If you should ever need any love and support, I will always be there for you.

So, for your birthday this year, I wish you strength, love, happiness, and opportunities to many wonders of this world, be it to travel or thrilling self discovery. Thank you for everything that you bring to my life, the joys, the pain, everything, especially my beautiful niece and nephew, whom I adore, as if they were mine. Thank you for accepting and loving me just for who I am, not who you want me to be. I want you to know that I love you very much as well.

As I mentioned on the night of your wedding, there is no one else that I can think of as a better sister and friend, and I want to be there for you if you should ever feel you need someone to hang on to. Thank you Jen.

Sydney Mardi Gras Parade 2008

I had the privilege this year of sharing my Mardi Gras experience with one of my closest familial friend, Himi and her close friend from Tokyo, Keiko. It was a very late decision for them because Keiko was due to arrive the day before and since Himi expressed that Keiko made a very late decision to get the MG Party Tickets, which were sold out, I thought this outing might be a consolation prize of sorts.

Having watched the Parade from the stands in past years, they agreed readily and my advice to them was to dress up and pretend that you are dressing for 紅白, prompting much laughter from Himi, because she knows how crazy I am over Japanese pop culture.

It was an extremely interesting experience watching the proceedings, rehearsals, crowd and the planning stages of the parade right before the start, from their eyes. Participating in the Parade meant that you generally don't get to watch the Parade, but it offers a backstage look, which they were fascinated by, as probably I was during my "debut".

Since this was my sixth and probably my last for a while, I was able to play tour guide. The weather of the week leading up to the Parade was unpredictable and cool at best. The Summer of 2007/8 that never was. There is always a rumour (or truth) that Reverend Fred Nile, who has the strongest protest every year would pray for rain, but this year, since there was a float with 100 Church Ministers, his prayers for rain was probably drowned.

The sky opened up to bright sunny skies that morning and extended throughout the day, though rarely raising the temperature above 23 or 25 degrees, with a slight wind chill factor. So, imagine the slightly cold temperature that some of us had to withstand in our bare bodies, since less is always more during events like this.

Wanting to look my best (affirmation that I am indeed vain) and being spurred on by "paunch" remarks by a friend, and my dear friend Danny Bunny who has been so inspirational with his workout and abs, I took on a stricter routine of adding more cardio from the beginning of this year. I have lost some weight but somehow in my mind, sometimes the word fat still pops up when I viewed the photos of the night. Yes, we can all be so harsh, especially on ourselves.

There is always such a great buzz when the Parade begins. All these people (estimated to be approximately 100,000 people who watched the Parade this year) loving and accepting us for who we are, or just looking at us like how we look at circus performances, I wonder if they understand the significance of this event, and the issues that still affect us as a community. Has Mardi Gras become obsolete as fundamentally a protest, and is just now a giant fashion (freak) parade show, depending on how you see it?

My questions were answered by this beautiful email from Himi after the Parade:

Hi James and John

I just would like to say thank you so much for letting us walk in the parade with you.

I didn't know what to expect first when we turned up to meet you at the starbucks. But

I had a couple of moving moment such as when I was watching many old people who looks so happy practicing dancing while we're waiting on the elizabeth st. I'd ever known how special for the older gay people who survived in this society and now they can march and can be proud of themselves in public. 30 years is a such a long time, they came for long way and it was a really special parade. I was very lucky to be a part of this and see real happiness in people.

I actually got quite emotional when I saw the group holding up the boards showing the 50 legislation against gay which James told me about. I felt Sydney was a very equal and open city for everyone but I was wrong and ignorant. Reading the words on the board made me think that Australia is actually conservative and backwards!!!!

The words on the board made me reminded of gay who are not treated in equal here. I still can' t believe as we live in 2008 and in the age gay/lesbian can get married in Europe. I believe that everyone is so different anyway, we should be able to live in a society where we can be accepted as who we are.

It was a great experience to be a part of the parade and it gave me a opportunity to think and reflect about the society we live. I really hope this society is keep improving and we'll get the truly equal county for everyone.

It is such a lovely email and I hope Himi doesn't mind me sharing it because it is an affirmation that people can still get so much out from this Parade. Yes, there are many good things that have eventuated, but there are still many issues that affect us as a "minority" and many other community groups in the same situation as well. It is wonderful that an "outsider" can still view the importance of the Mardi Gras Parade that may have been forsaken by others.

It is a sign that gay people can still have fun (as in the initial meaning of the word "gay"), and we can lift our heads high and walk proud in spite of the discriminations we can face and the inequalities.

Lastly, here are some "backstage" photos of the Parade that I took personally on the evening. Since it was very chilly, I had difficulty keeping my hands steady during some of these photos. The beads that I am wearing are courtesy from my colleague Bea who grabbed them while she was watching the Mardi Gras Parade at New Orleans.

I had a lot of fun running up to the crowd and giving them high fives and hugging some of them (mostly girls). I posed for photos which I know I will never ever see from strangers but it was such a lovely high. Himi and Keiko were a little more reserved but I was happy that I could share this very special night once again with my darling John and my closest friends.

Happy Valentine's Day

We have all sorts of special days to help remind us to thank that special person in our life, be it Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Christmas, Vesak Day etc. Valentine's Day can be seen as a marketer's dream exclusively for lovers, but I think it could also be extended to everyone that we love.

I am very lucky to be able to share my life with a very special man, but I also wanted my single friends to know that just because you do not have someone special, it doesn't mean that you cannot celebrate your love. Just look around and you will see that though you may not have that someone special, you actually have many special ones.

Regardless of whether you are a Richard Gere fan, here is a special rose, just for you. Happy Valentine's Day, my dear friends.

Never Too Late

I was too young for the historic JFK's "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country", or Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech, but I was there for possibly one of Australia's most significant events this morning.

Delivered with eloquence, empathy and hope for the Aborigines Stolen Generation, Australia's Prime Minister Mr Kevin Rudd's "Sorry" speech was a moving experience for me. We were allowed to take time off work to gather at an auditorium for this historic moment and it was absolutely magical. Non-indigenous Australians - Caucasians, Asians, Middle Eastern people all gathering and sharing this moving apology and uniting as one Australian.

Today is a proud day for all Australians because we have moved forward. Moved past pride, and immaturity usually characterised by both sides of the governments, and working together as one. In a world where we are increasingly taught to divide, claim and think only of ourselves as individuals, this is an important lesson.

Even though there is still much to be accomplished, it is still a significant step towards a better, more loving and accepting world. A seed has been planted ...



For more information and full speech, please click link.

Happy Chinese New Year

There are things that I like and dislike about Chinese New Year. Like most people, I look forward to the gathering of loved ones, the cheerfulness, the newness of everything and the glorious food. What I hate are the Chinese New Year songs which I thank God I only have to listen to during the day or week of Chinese New Year and the fact that the city becomes a ghost town for three days to a week before life recovers.

I am amazed that my friends, Leslie and Zing take the time from their busy work to travel back to Singapore to spend Chinese New Year with their family. It is their ritual. Unfortunately, I do not share the same enthusiasm though I get numerous invites from my family and relatives hoping to see me back to celebrate Chinese New Year "next year" whenever they see me.

Mum says that it is a wonderful time to catch up with everyone and have all the delicacies that are only available during this festive season. Like chocolate eggs and hot cross buns associated with Easter, we know that they are now usually available all year round, though the festivities add an extra flavour and excuse to binge.

Growing up, Chinese New Year always meant new clothes, new bed spreads, and love all around the house. I remember that we would be made to work like maids in the lead up and on the night before the actual day, we will be on all fours, wiping the floors right after Reunion dinner. Unfortunately, Mum didn't believe in mops because the floor wouldn't be clean enough, so "merrily" we did the chores, because we knew that the goodies would come after that.

Mum would always be busy with prayers during the entire night and after our chores, we would flop down onto the sofa and "enjoy" the variety program sprinkled with new interpretations of old Chinese New Year classics, the lion or dragon dances, and the occasional special guest star, none of which really interest me too much. We will try to stay up as late as possible because there was this superstition that the later the children went to bed the longer your parents would live. Not surprisingly, it was the only night that my parents never complained about us not going to bed. As I grew older, I ended up going out for midnight movies after doing my chores with my buddies though that ended after a few years because it started becoming too tiring trying to stay awake the next day at my relatives' house.

That was the best bit. Gathering, meeting, greeting and sometimes avoiding. Avoiding the questions that come when young about "How well did you do at school?" and later in life about the inevitable "When are you getting married?". It's like the only icebreaker because that it's all they seem to be capable of asking, instead of "So, what's going on in your life?" and not coupling with "Any girl(boy) friend yet?"

Society places too much emphasis on the equation between marriage and happiness and the direct proportion of each leading to an elixir of life, like enlightenment. Life focuses on telling us to search for the Right one, forgetting that relationships are really difficult things to handle. If we focus only on looking, and not the other skills of loving, caring, listening, and empathising, how can any union work?

Anyway, this is a post on CNY. So backtracking a little, this year, I did something different. For the first time in ten years, I posted CNY cards. Not only to my parents, which is the only ritual I follow, but to my uncles and aunties who have watched me grow up and taken care of me all these years. I used to just greet them happiness and prosperity over the phone during the day but I thought I might add that extra touch this year. I had no idea how they may respond, but it was rather overwhelming, when I spoke to all of them on the day itself, and they thanked me and also told me how happy they were to receive the card. It was a nice gesture and it made me feel warm and fuzzy.

I guess that to me, was my way of connecting with them, and showing that in spite of my absence, I have not forgotten them all. It was also my way towards showing my gratitude towards them for their love all my life and especially this past decade (Yes, it has been that long), and maybe a little forgiveness for not being there with them all.

I could tell that Mum was rather proud too, which made me feel good, but a phone call later made me feel for the first time that maybe she did really want to spend CNY with me. In a sombre voice, she lamented how she felt hurt whenever she thought about the "poor" life I led when I was a student, studying and working at the same time. And how I am such a poor thing now because she is not there to look after me. I let her share this because it was her way of expressing her "sorrows", but all mothers have to learn to let go at some point.

Coming here and doing all that was tough, but it made me sit up, learn and be strong. I could never have learned as much about life, if I didn't have those experiences, and I think it made me a better human being. One of my biggest regret is that my sister never had a chance to live a couple of months all by herself before she got married and learn to be more independent and stronger in life. I can only stand by her and be strong for her, as much as she will allow me.

It was one of the toughest periods of my life but I proved to myself that I could do it if I believed in myself strong enough. I let her know all that, except the bit about my regret, so that hopefully she would feel better about herself, but I guess, mothers will always want to be mothers.

I spend CNY nowadays with my different group of friends. I may have to work on the day itself but I can still indulge in my little customs that may not involve everybody. I am happy, and I guess that is the most important thing of all. As long as the spirit of CNY lives in my heart, then no matter where I am, the memories of me celebrating with my family and relatives will always be with me.

Lastly, I am going to end this on a special and happy note by sharing one of the very few, maybe the single CNY song I can withstand listening to. A very happy Chinese New Year too all. May all of you be blessed with love, happiness and prosperity!

恭喜发财, 年年有余，
新年快乐，万事如意，
身体健康，心想事成。

My Shopping Haunts in Singapore

If you understand me well, then you know that I will never pay big bucks for branded clothing. Nothing against people who do, but I was brought up in a middle income family, and the only time we bought new clothes was for Chinese New Year. If we bought them early, then Mum would insist that we keep it for a special occasion or for Chinese New Year. We shopped mainly at Metro, Isetan or OG because those were the places that had sales. As we grew older, when we could finally afford some disposable income of our own, we adopted this same policy of being frugal. After all, isn't it more important to look good in the clothes rather than blindly following fashion?

Nowadays, I just don't spend as much on clothes as I used to, when I was back in Singapore. I usually shop for clothes now when I return to Singapore, because almost all sizes fit me, and I like to get stuff that no one else will be able to source when I am wearing them in Sydney. So, when my other friend asked me the best places to shop in Singapore, I was a little gobsmacked.

Singapore is a shopper's paradise but how do you recommend your shopping tastes to others? Would they prefer branded goods, which I have faint idea about where to source except the big shopping malls? Or would they be bargain hunters like me, sourcing for cheaper creations of trendy clothing, which a friend once described as "an excuse to get more when that is worn".

Following the trend of this blog, I will seek to introduce some places for good clothing bargains.

There are two South American brands that I like, and thankfully, they are not as pricey as your D&Gs, Armani but more towards the middle income group. They are "Pull and Bear" and "ZARA". The former has nice fabric and good trendy cuts while the latter (especially the womens' wear) takes inspiration from classic French cutting. They are both exquisite and not overpriced, so I was most impressed with it.

There is only one ZARA outlet in Singapore and it is located at Vivo City, which is all the way out from Orchard Road at HarbourFront Shopping Complex. Located in the same shopping mall is "Pull and Bear" but there is another more city friendly store at Wisma Atria.

Shopping on Orchard Road is the best, and you can spend an entire day there walking around CD shops, boutiques, shopping malls, eating places etc.

This is my shopping guide:

(1) Far East Plaza - you can start from here and make your way down Orchard Road to Plaza Singapura and then all the way from there to City Hall and then Suntec City and Marina Square. This used to be playground because you just go crazy with all the eating and shopping. Retail therapy, even if it is just a big dose of window shopping, always helps to brighten up the day.

On the basement to Level 4 of the Far East Plaza which is not very crowded because it is not as fancy as other shopping malls, there are many small boutique stalls of Singaporean independent designers. They are relatively cheap and competitively priced, so it is a great place to shop for stuff that you will never see anyone else wearing in our part of the world because it is not promoted on tourist guides as a shopping destination. I have bought quite a few lovely pieces of clothing there and have gotten quite a few queries about where I sourced them from.

(2) Boutiques that have sizes or cutting that fit me well - the usual U2, G2000, Zara, Pull and Bear (another South American and favourite - though a little more pricey but not too much - nothing over $70 for a shirt for me) etc. You will find all of them at Takashimaya

(3) The shopping malls like Metro (Paragon), Takashimaya, Tangs, Isetan and Robinsons are all good for underwear shopping and they have great deals too specially during the Sale season. You will find them all sprinkled on Orchard Road.

(4) Heeran - where HMV is. There are interesting stores all around for clothes and has Singaporean designer boutiques as well. There is a "New Urban Male" boutique on Level 4, which is very gay. Cute Asian boys there all the time acting metrosexual but we know are gay.

(5) Plaza Singapura - a few good CD stores, food outlets, Singaporean designer boutiques etc on the lower levels. There is also a Japanese $2 shop, which I love, love love! None of that crap that you find here. Really good quality stuff from Japan, because they have a 100 yen store there, which most of these stuff are imported from.

(6) Suntec City, Marina Square - many stores in there like Takashimaya. More for families but the amount of different stores make for good shopping.

(7) Bugis Markets - I covered this before in my previous post. I haven't found anything during my last trip that I fancied, but I did fall in love with my "Superman" belt buckle, which has garnered much praise.

If you are looking for branded goods, then the places to visit will be Takashimaya, Milena Walk and the Western end of Orchard Road nearer towards Tanglin Road.

Flavours of Singapore Part 3 - Glorious Food Revolution

Finally, what most Singaporeans lament they miss most when they travel or live overseas - the food. Singaporeans have been spoilt rotten with the variety of good food and goodies, and I am honestly surprised that we are not amongst the fattest people in the world, thanks to the relatively smaller servings and the size of the Asian stomach.

Since we tend to eat less at every meal (okay most meals), snacks like fishballs, chicken wings, peanuts and all other varieties of Malay and Chinese tidbits help pepper our appetite all throughout the day, and in a most bizarre manner, keep the metabolism up.

So, what are the foods that I miss most, and are must-haves when I go back to Singapore. Having been in Australia for almost ten years (give or take a few days now from my 18th Feb anniversary), I have gotten used to not having them in my life ever since I gave up the idea of replicating them at home, because read this: It is impossible.

In no particular order, these are my loves ...

(1) Hokkien Prawn Mee - the best I have tasted is in the "Food Republic" foodcourt on the 4th Level of a shopping mall called "Wisma Atria", just above Orchard MRT Station. Wrapped in banana leaves and cooked with prok, calamari and prawns, this is a delicious concoction of flavours. The other version, which is the Prawn Noodle Soup is also just as divine! You must not miss this because it is to die for, and one major regret that no one sells it here in Australia or comes close to replicating this heavenly creation.

(2) Fried Carrot Cake - comes in "black" or white versions, with prawns or without. The white version is without the addition of sweet soy sauce, which sweetens the "black" version. Though called carrot, it is actually made of radish and in my opinion, beats the carrot cake any day hands down.

(3) Char (Fried) Kway Teow - basically translates into Fried Soy Sauce Noodles. Similar to the Thai Pad See Yew, but cooked with Chinese sausages , fish cake, beansprouts and cockles instead. Since I am not a big fan of cockles and oysters, I usually make a special request for them to remove it. I like the Pad See Yew better but this is still very nice.

(4) Mince Pork and Fishball Noodles - Cooked with Shitake mushrooms, pork slices and mince, fish cake and fishballs (not testicles of fish - just fish meat rolled up into balls) and a slice of lettuce, this is a very popular breakfast item, along side the plain fried noodles, roti prata and coconut rice. Opt for the "Dried" version which comes with a bowl of soup. I usually ask for them not to include pig's liver, because I hate it, but you may like it.

(5) Roti Prata and Murtabak- mentioned in 1st Post, these are Indian pancakes served with dipping curry sauce. The former is a popular breakfast and supper dish while the murtabak filled with mutton or chicken is a hearty meal in itself. Beware that the murtabak is rather spicy and can sting. ;-)

(6) Nasi Lemak - Coconut rice with a small piece of omelete. fried anchovies or fish, slice of cucumber and its famous chilli. Wrapped traditionally in banana leaves, this is a popular breakfast item. With the passage of time came the "glamorisation" of this simple dish with curries, fried chicken, beef, mutton etc.

(7) Nasi Goreng, Mee Goreng and Nasi Briyani - I am not a big fan of the former two because they are just simple dishes of Malaysian fried rice and noodles, but I love Nasi Briyani, which is yellow ginger rice and its accompanying fried chicken or curries.

(8) Chicken Rice - quite similar to what is served in Chinatown but Singapore is famous for its Hainanese Chicken rice (I believe there is a very good stall at Lucky Plaza Shopping Mall. The chicken is boiled, but it is tender, juicy and flavorsome.

(9) Claypot Chicken Rice - Chicken rice cooked in a claypot with shitake mushrooms, Chinese spinach, chicken and a little garnishing of salted fish adding flavour to the dish. I prefer to this to the former, but it is not as famous.

(10) Fish Soup with Rice or Noodles - Comes in fried or boiled, fish fillets or fish head, it is one of the healthier options. I prefer the noodles but I know it is not for everyone.

(11) Oyster Egg - Cooked with small oysters, eggs have never tasted this good and I dare you to disagree. I'm not a big fan of the oysters, but then again, it has never stopped me from devouring the eggs.

(12) Popiah - The Chinese version of pancakes packed with eggs, peanuts, bean sprouts, Chinese sausages, and turnip wrapped up like a small kebab.

(13) Stingray with chilli - I know this killed Steve Irwin, but if only he knew how good it tastes. One of my absolute favourites.

(14) Famous Singapore Crabs - I know they market it here as Singapore famous chilli crabs, but if you want to try it in Singapore, you must have either the pepper crabs or crabs with salted egg. For someone who is not used to salted egg, the former is a safe choice. The best place to have it is at Jumbo Restaurant at East Coast Seafood Centre

(15) Beef Noodles with thick gravy - Much better than the Vietnamese ones that you find here, if you ask me.

(16) Assorted Chinese, Malay or Indian Rice - pick from an assortment on dishes served on white rice, you get to taste a variety of typical dishes that we have at home

(17) Yong Tau Foo -An assortment of mainly tofu and fish cake combinations served on noodles. Comes with a sweet based sauce or chilli.

(18) Hor Fun - Thick flattened rice noodles cooked with seafood and a delicious gravy. One of my favourite nooodles

(19) Satay - beef, chicken, pork or mutton on stick with a a side of cucumber, raw onion or order of rice cakes with peanut gravy. Divine!!!!

(20) All the other food on sticks - ToriQ (Japanese yakitori - chicken on sticks), Old Change Kee (curry puffs, prawn and fish cakes, cuttlefish balls and squid heads) and the Nonya cakes. Mouth-watering goodness.

(21) Goreng Pisang - Fried Bananas, tapioca, sweet potato. One is enough to last me for weeks.

(22) BBQ Pork - The aroma of the thin pork slices on barbecue are enough to drive me in every single time. I remember it being a luxury item that we could savour only during Chinese New Year when we were young, but it is now everywhere. The famous Bee Kim Heng brand is the best with their crisp and fresh produce.

(23) Desserts - cold or hot. Sorry, no muffins. The cold ones usually go better with foreigners because they are usually made of ice with different sorts of syrups.

There is just too much to eat and if you ever feel like trying, don't let me stop you just because it is not on this list. There is just too much for me to remember. I am attaching the photos below which will correspond to the above order. With all these food, I am sure you will leave Singapore craving for more time to savour all these goodness and more. You will truly understand how lucky Singaporeans are, to be able to have the best of most worlds with this multi-cultural cuisine. If you think I have missed something here that is worth recommending, please feel free to add or review.

Hokkien Prawn Mee
Prawn Noodle Soup
Fried Carrot Cake
Fried Kway Teow
Mince Pork and Fishball Noodles
Murtabak
Nasi Lemak
MeeGoreng
Nasi Briyani
Hainanese Chicken Rice
Claypot Chicken Rice
Fresh Fish Soup
Fried Fish Soup
Oyster Egg
Popiah
Stingray
Pepper Crabs
Salted Egg Yolk Crabs
Beef Noodles
"Assorted" rice
Hor Fun
Yong Tau Foo
Satay
ToriQ
Yakitori
Old Chang Kee
Food on sticks
Goreng Pisang
BBQ Pork
Nonya Kueh
Hot Sweet Potato Soup
Iced Soursop on Jelly
Iced Kachang