Happy Birthday Leslie!!!

誕生日おめでとう!!

Happy Birthday my dearest friend. It is always so nice to hear from you and an even greater treasure when we get to speak. It has been a long time and it's great to know that you are doing so well because we are all so proud of you and your achievements. You continue to be an inspiration for us all!!

I will be sharing some old photos when I get home earlier but right now, I wanted to wish you all the best and happiness in all areas of your life. I couldn't wish it for a more deserving person! On top of that, I want to share what you shared about your new projects so that your fans will know what is going to happen very soon.

Besides photographing the new jacket for 松任谷由実's new album "A Girl in Summer", Leslie is currently working on his newest project "Superstars - We Are The Asian", which is an extensive feature starring 250 top Asian superstars, past and present. His workpage currently features around 130 names but they are still working on adding more soon. His friend and idol, 松任谷由実 will be writing for the book, and he has spent more than 160 days photographing these Asian superstars. At last count, there will be 130 from Japan, 50 from HK, 40 from Taiwan, and a few representatives from the other South East Asian regions. Each star will be given a 2 page spread and no favourtism will be shown because the setting and lighting will be the same for everyone. This will be the first of its kind in the world. His aim is to bring all these stars along to share the same vision with him, and I think it is a wonderful idea for him to showcase Asian talent and beauty to the world.

Leslie has disclosed that he is flying back to Tokyo and meeting Seiko Matsuda this weekend, when she flies back from NY to record her new album. He has approached Seiko about appearing in "Superstars" but Seiko wants to look at his portfolio and discuss more about the project before signing on. Like many other superstars, there is a concern that they might be outdone by someone else.

He also mentioned that he has approached Akina twice through her record producer (I can't remember the name) for this project and has twice been rejected by Akina. The reason for declining is that Akina has decided more than 10 years ago to stop participating in group projects and will only focus on mini-projects. Leslie said that even though he has not met her, "She is the most DIVA person I know." Thankfully, he does not hold any grudges against Akina because he knows that it is important for a star to stick to their principles and he respects that.

Akina has also came back and said that she is interested in being Leslie's model if he is interested in shooting individual projcts and Leslie has promised that he will do it definitely after this major feature. He is naturally disappointed because even Yuming-sama says "Of course Akina should be in it!" Even her "Primadam" co-star (not Kuroki Hitomi) but another female actress (who used to be professional ballerina), who is featured in "Superstars" has taken on the initiative and encouraged Akina to do it. She said that Akina is very nice off-screen but she wants to focus on acting well in this drama, and mini-projects for her fans. So, Leslie has given up on Akina appearing in "Superstars" even after I asked him to ask again.

Well, "Superstars" will be launched on 8th August, 5/6 years after his first picture book "Present". Leslie will be touring and holding exhibitions from August till December in 5 countries and I can't wait to be there congratuling him in person. Stay tuned ...

Religion and Myself

I have never been brought up to be religious. Besides the usual offering of respects to our ancestors at home and the trips to the temple, I have never been exposed, like my Christian and Catholic counterparts, to weekly mass or scriptures, like the Bible. My parents were Taoists, or Buddhists, which is the more general term, and thankfully, in many ways, they never forced religion upon us. I will never forget what Mum said one day that we are allowed to eat hamburgers and beef products (due to restrictions from religious beliefs) because we are still too young to decide which religion we want to follow. Though they had some reservations when my brother deviated from the "family tradition" and became a Methodist, they were fine with it after a while.

Coming out hence, was not too a painful process as opposed to a struggle. Deep down, I had my suspicions for some time, and every time when someone acted upon it, I chose to shy away quickly and prevented anything remotely serious from going further. I was safe in my little haven. Imagining and creating little fantasies of me and someone desirable being together, little mundane things that heterosexual couples do, which I could live out in my dreams. Strangely, I never imagined about the sexual bits and I was happy just creating saccharine sentimental scenes. It was fun, safe but ultimately unfulfilling because it was not real. Behind these facades, I was happiest when I was living outside myself.

Australia allowed me the chance to fly. To adopt a totally new personality and take on a new approach in life. I could have chosen my familiar route, but I deviated. It was not an easy decision because many of my fantasies were crushed very quickly and my heart was broken a couple of times ... for real, but I would never ever trade these painful experiences to carry on living my fantasies. I was living for the first time. I was loving someone openly for the first time. I was having my heart officially broken and I could talk and cry over it with someone real for the first time. No more imaginary friends, no more scenes for me to fake. The pain was real and the experience was enriching.

Looking back today, I am rather thankful that I wasn't "bogged" down by more dilemmas like religion. I want to start off by saying that I don't have any problems with it. Like the Dalai Lama, I believe that there should be one religion for every single person because there is no one belief that suits everyone entirely. People need something to believe in and to hold on to, for faith and hope. If it makes them a better person, then I am all for it.

What I don't like that much are the interpretations that have been magnified. Religions usually preach about love and acceptance for everyone, but I find it ironic that it is those who teach/talk most about it, that are the worst offenders. Would there be the word "minority" if everyone just loved and accepted everyone for who they are. Would there be names to differentiate everyone according to class, system, colour, preference?

The reason why I am bringing religion into today's equation is because I have two close friends (maybe more that I don't know of) who are closeted homosexuals because homosexuality is at odds with their religious beliefs. Like most of their religious counterparts, they see it as a sin, and their "deviations" something that they will be punished for, when they finally meet God. I know of friends who have struggled with growing up, and found God who led them the way to being who they are today, and they are very grateful for this. The dilemma starts when they fear that this "sick" but irresistible homosexual thoughts will bring them down ultimately because that would be a totally unacceptable way to repay the God that redeemed them when they are down in the troughs. They can deny it all they want but their hearts know the truth. They may have come close to tasting the forbidden fruit and succumbed to such temptations, but when they bring themselves out of this "trap", they punish themselves even more. Like a merry go round, these events will "haunt" them again and again all over their lives.

Why is God always painted as mighty beings that we are fearful of? Why are we taught to love Him/Her but are only loved back when we do just as our religious scriptures prescribe? Any deviations and we become sinners and must be punished. Isn't the dilemma and the contemplation painful enough? Isn't living a lie miserable enough? Why do we want to make it easier to hate ourselves even more? Why would God create us to be who we are? Isn't it easier for everyone if we were just carbon copies of each other? Why can't they see that the God who rescued them with His/Her love and acceptance will do the same this time around?

Life is full of choices and contradictions. If anyone thinks that homosexuality is something that strikes like lightning, and we wake up one day with that limp wrist and thinking of living our lives with the same sex, then they are in for a rude shock. There are endless struggles within ourselves to accept and love ourselves for who we are. In our minds, we are so unlovable because we are different. I didn't need religion to let me know that it was not the accepted thing. I felt dirty, unwanted and unloved, not only by everyone else but also myself. I couldn't find a strand of love in me to accept and love myself for who I am. Why am I created this way? Why can't I feel the love for girls like everyone else? Why does everyone seem to pick on me? Do they know I'm gay? God! What if they find out? What will happen to me?

Why should anyone in their right mind want to live their lives around a big fat lie and subject ourselves to scrutiny and accusations? Do you think it was comfortable for us to lie constantly to our friends and family in the belief that somehow this lie will iron itself out as the truth and like lightning, we will become "normal" or "common", and we will find the love once again? Every time I chat with a friend or someone who is still closeted, all the memories flood back. I have been there, and I feel I can help, but I know that I can be defenseless against the mighty force. I have had discussions with some of my religious heterosexual friends, who accept and love me for who I am, and I am thankful that they can say that many of these "beliefs" are interpretations of man, and sometimes, power gets in the way of the over zealous leaders preaching their own agenda instead of God's true sermon.

In my mind and I do believe in the existence of God, I believe that if God created me for who I am, then I must be loved just like my other counterparts, no matter how different we are. I may make mistakes like most people do, but homosexuality is not a choice in life and hence not a mistake. The only choice, and I stress again, is honesty. To live an honest life and being true to myself. To accept and love myself for who I am, and only when I am at peace with that, can I feel God's love once again. God is approachable, like most religious people know, but not only when we are good. They are there when we are bad because when the guilt comes, it is when we need them more. Someone to believe in and who will let us know that we are fine. As long as we are not doing something that harms someone else, then we are not doing anything wrong.

There can be an interpretation that we are harming our family with our honesty but I do not see that. I understand that they have their dreams of seeing us leading the same path that most of them have walked on. The dreams of marriage, children and how happiness can only be achieved when we have all these "luxuries" in life. Yes, they are luxuries because they offer love and support, but if we can't even love ourselves, where will true love come for others? We have our own life and our own dreams to live and create. We cannot live our life fulfilling someone else's dream so that they can be happy while we are miserable. To live a dishonest life is one of the most miserable things in life. My parents may be unaware of my homosexuality because I have chosen not to confront this with them right now. It is in part the traditional Chinese/Asian way to keeping things peaceful but also that education about homosexuality and AIDS is not widely available in Singapore. There are still many misconceptions about the suicidal tendencies and the contraction of AIDS in the country and the strict gatekeepers do their jobs well. John constantly reminds me that it may be my "task" to educate them and all I can say now is "Someday ..." I am not living with them right now, so it would be unfair to lay it on my siblings to have to cop that inevitable rage and confusion.

Wwhat I want to say is that coming out, no matter how many times I do it, to friends and strangers, is still a struggle and painful decision to make. If it was accidentally exposed, it sets my heart beating 100, 1000, 1 million times faster because I am afraid. Fearful that I will not be loved and accepted. Afraid that all that good work that I have done and put into our friendship will just go down into the drain because they realise the fact that I am not who they think I am. Whether or not it is the fact that their dreams about me have been shattered or the dishonesty, I may never know. All I know is that it is painful but life goes on ... and most of the times, it gets better with time.

I love and treasure my family and my friends very much, so like many others, I shield my painful truth from them, but I know at the same time that there is no liberation. I can never be as free to be and that is the price I pay. For my two or more closeted friends, I feel your pain and your struggle. Though it is of less intensity, I want to be that ear and the light at the end of the tunnel for you. It is not going to be easy but each baby step that you take towards honesty makes life more bearable, and it can be easier than you think it is. Just think of being able to speak to everyone like you speak to me. To be loved and accepted by many others just like I have been subjected to.

It is this love and acceptance that has helped me grow and I am still taking little steps and learning everyday. I want to share this because I want to challenge mind sets. To allow people unlike us to understand the dilemmas and struggles we have to go through in life. For every decision they have to make, be it be a purchase or a life choice, be it facing an unwanted pregnancy, having kids when they didn't expect or any other life/death matter), I want you to know that we live this discomfort every day. It is not trivial because many people do think of death before coming out. Death is the easier choice because there is no life and consequence to live after the decision about honesty is made about our life.

You may not outwardly know anyone who is gay but they could be closeted. Hiding from you because they are afraid that they will not be accepted or loved by you. They could be very lonely and like anyone, just needs a smile and a hand of true honest friendship. We are all "hidden" amongst all of you, come in all sizes, shapes and colour, and do not cross dress most of the time. We do not all speak in high pitched voices or dress nicely or fashionably as well. However, like all your heterosexual counterparts and all living things, we need love. For my dear closeted friends, I just want to say that you are lovable. I love you just the way you are, no matter how bad you think you are and how no one can love you in that state, I am there.

I still have my journey to walk on but I am less afraid because not only do I have the love and acceptance of my dear friends and some family members, but more importantly, from myself. It is only when I have cleared the muddy space in my heart that love can grow once again ...

Acceptance

I look in the mirror and what do I see? On a good day, I smile. On most days, contrary to belief, I look and I hear the little voices in my head mentally pointing out the imperfections. I travel back in time to the days when I was plump and didn't have good self image. The boy at 15 was starring back at me.

It was not all bad, because I developed empathy. I understood what it felt like to be a minority, to be unpopular in class because I wasn't a sports freak. I was just ignored. There was a scene from the first mainstream Hollywood movie "Making Love" I watched last night that brought back some old memories of my early to mid schooling years. It was a group of men playing basketball and half of them were topless to differentiate between the teams. I remembered that it was the way we did at school as well, and because I was a little insecure with my self image (Yes, I was plump), I hated to be in the team that had to take off their shirts. I not only felt naked and exposed, but I felt terribly ugly and fat. Not that anyone in particular was watching, but the overpowering voice in my head kept reminding me and I folded my arms at any opportunity I could to savage whatever little pride I had left. To make things worse, I had boy-boobs. I was ashamed and even though they might now be the object of attraction/affection, it was difficult to accept them then. Being made class monitor didn't help either, it only isolated myself more from the acceptance I craved. Was it the acceptance from others or just plain self acceptance? Are they mutually exclusive?

I believe the lines are blurred because they compliment one another, though self acceptance is far more important than from others. I read a post from my dear friend, Danny Bunny, not long ago about how he needed to trim off the fat from his slim belly with photos and circles drawn to highlight the "problem areas". I identified with that immediately because it was an image that I play in my mind quite often, but when faced with the reality that someone else was doing the same, I was rather mortified because I could be honest and slam that annoying voice in my head that we are somehow, imperfect.

I know it was something that developed while I was growing up, which is why I now know that I won't do it to any child, and am educating my sister and parents of the possible effects it may have on my two little darlings, who in my mind, are perfect just the way they are. I know I am not alone and even when there are times when I accept myself and my self image, that I am not going to develop that bulging six pack because I love food too much to starve, someone can come back with a casual remark and crush me immediately. So, do we reach a point when we attain self acceptance and the opinions of others don't mater?

What about being gay? It's like having two things to deal with instead of just one. It took some time (maybe 10 years or more), for me to accept myself as a gay man and decide to do something about it. Thankfully, my coming out to Australia helped me to expedite and normalise the experience because it was tough for me to come out in Singapore. Family non-withstanding, I felt that I had many other people, like my friends to answer to. In some ways, I felt I had to work harder for their acceptance and it was just easier getting some new friends and starting anew.

It wasn't an easy process, accepting myself for who I am and then "seeking approval" for it. Pubs and clubs didn't provide that for me because of the passing trade but close friends, surrogate families and my partners here eventually helped me to be comfortable in my own skin. Being in the Mardi Gras Parade and the importance of having it and being part of it, helped me to see myself as being desirable and accepted as well. It was the acceptance of others that helped ease the way for self acceptance to gradually occur. To normalise all my crooked thinking that somehow, there is something wrong with me ... and ironically, it is also through my self acceptance too, that I can pave the way for others to accept me for who I am.

The recent Mardi Gras Parade was my 5th attendance, and it was more special this year because besides John, I had 4 heterosexual friends with me, 3 of whom I would call part of my family here in Australia. It is their age, wisdom and acceptance that makes the dream possible that my family and relatives can one day just accept me for who I am like these wonderful people have ... Anne, Margaret and Robbie.

I won't talk about the Parade, but you can look at the pictures to know that it is a glitzy affair. Beautiful faces, bodies, costumes, a fiesta and a celebration of unity and acceptance. Looking at some of the floats and the people on it made me realise this year that it was not only about gay, lesbian or transgender people, because our float had plenty of heterosexuals, but about minorities. About people amongst us who feel that they want to be listened to and to be respected. In this current world where they like to shut down and silence the non-conformists, this is a powerful statement about acceptance.

I dressed down this year but I was also afraid of a repetition of the two "small belly" remarks I got last year as opposed to the 30 positive, and isn't it funny how the negative ones stayed with me more than the positive. I have read another blog, which made me realise that even if I do attain that perfect body image that the criticisms might still remain. Ultimately, there might not be a win-win situation. Through "The Power of Now", I have also realised that the voice/mind is working overtime to poison our thoughts and it is only when we shut them up, that we start receiving honesty and acceptance. I believe I am making baby steps and with every journey in life, I learn more about self acceptance and its importance.

I am writing this because I know I am not alone in it and may still struggle on bad days, but it is important to normalise, to talk about it and accept it. That there is nothing wrong about being physically imperfect because there are more important things in life like love and giving. We all have our little idiosyncrasies and insecurities, and if we can accept ourselves for who we are, and accept others for who they are, then we are all going to move ahead to a better place, and bring people along to where we all should be. Maybe we should all take a leaf out of my friend, Raymond, who starts off every day by staring in the mirror and saying "You're gorgeous! I love you."

I also have to send a special Thanks to my partner John, for squashing all those nasty thoughts and for loving and supporting me when I am at my lowest points. And where would I be without my network of friends and family wherever you are (even my web friends), for being there whenever I need them as well. Life is indeed enriching because of your presence in my life.

Mardi Gras Photos: Flickr

That's The Way Love Goes ...

It had been more than a year since we last travelled on a holiday together, and since John and I have varying ideas of our dream holiday, we set out on a "mission" which would satisfy both of us. Since I prefer "educational" holidays (John half jokingly calls them "shopping holidays") while he prefers a relaxing one, it was tough to decide on the perfect holiday decision.

We had been to Byron Bay on one previous occasion and since one of John's best friends, Leanne lives up there with her beautiful 11 year old son, it is one of those spots that John would do a quasi-family visit at least once a year. When he approached me with another one week visit, I was hesitant, because as much as I love Leanne and Tully, I would like to preserve my annual leave for a longer holiday either back in Singapore or elsewhere. He was quick to sense my hesitation and discussed staying for varying periods of time with the possibility of me returning me home first. I quelled his suspicions by agreeing that I would be happy to stay for 4 days and he agreed that it was a good period. So, we were both delighted with the agreement that we reached.

Being a bargain hunter, John immediately set out to check out on the hotel rates because we decided to make it more special and not stay with Leanne during this trip. John did not want to stay within the Byron Bay tourist hotels because it was too crowded and busy, and wanted to settle on a smaller resort. Leanne suggested this new holiday resort and spa that just opened a couple of months ago called "Byron at Bryon". Coincidentally, there was a really good special on it and we booked it immediately.

I didn't realise that I needed a break that quickly after the Christmas and New Year break, but when the time came, I was ready ... we were ready. We rented a car and the trip from the airport to the resort was a breezy 15 minutes or so. When we arrived, I was gob smacked. Never in my life did I realise that it was going to be that beautiful. I knew from the start when we entered that it was going to be a special holiday.

I couldn't stop snapping photos of the 4 and a half star resort and spa (it was actually 5 star but lost the half star because the reception was not 24 hours) because I couldn't believe my eyes. The staff were incredibly cute and friendly and it was funny that the young men working at the reception were nicer than the women, even though they were definitely heterosexual. They looked like they walked out of a fashion catalogue (okay, maybe for the local shops) but one of them had an incredible smile, I am surprised the toothpaste advertisers haven't knocked on his door yet.

That aside, as you can see from the photos, it is rather "Bali-esque" and the great thing about it is that it is very green too. They have installed an advanced water recycling system that uses "grey water" (water from washing) for non eating or drinking purposes, and on top of that, they have preserved the forestation that they have built the compounds on, so that you can go for bushwalks on planted wooden platforms. It was also only a 10 minute walk to one of the most beautiful white sand beaches I have seen. Wide and tranquil. You will stop to absorb life as it is.

The apartments are well furnished with a living room with an extremely comfortable L-shaped couch and a plasma television, a kitchen and dining area, beautiful bed and a bathroom and bath-tub to simply die for. It was peaceful and we were in so much bliss, we fell in love with everything. Since it was raining the first 2 days, we were able to satisfy my needs with trips to restaurants (a memorable one was "Utopia" in Bangalow with beautiful salads) and shops. There are not surprisingly many surf shops because Byron Bay is famous for their beautiful beaches and surf culture, but to my astonishment, plenty of organic food stores around as well. Since the citizens of Byron Bay have an infamous tag of being hippies and "happily drugged" most of the time, they seem to endorse that as well with their "live green eat green" life policy. A recent survey showed that they were the happiest people in Australia (with Sydney being ranked rather unhappy). I can see why that is so but the population there is also rather transient with many backpackers staying for a year or so, and then moving back to their motherlands.

Nonetheless, there is plenty of good food and fun around. You will never smile or talk to more strangers. I had an interesting encounter at the beach when I was washing my hands at the open air tap after having my delicious lunch with this surfer who was washing himself next to me. He was washing off the sand from his body while warning me of the blue bottles (jellyfish) that were rampant that day in the ocean. He then stopped to show me the marks on his body that were stung by the blue bottles. This harmless friendly encounter would never have happened in Sydney. Everyone is too afraid of what the other person might think if they talked to a stranger.

Thankfully, the next 2 days were sunnier and we spent a lot more time in the sun, at the gorgeous pool and at White beach, which is an isolated beach that we we had to walk downhill, through thick vegetation to get to. There were barely any people there and it was just wonderful to have the beach to ourselves.

Before the vacation, I had some qualms that there might be some withdrawal symptoms being away from email and computers (not that there weren't any there) but I didn't even feel the slightest desire to seek one out. I was relaxed, happy and back in tune with the needs and wants of my mind and body. I was free!!

It is a small price to pay for such essentials, and it not only rejuvenated my zest for life but also of the love between us. It was the perfect honeymoon. We had such a good time with Leanne and Tully as well that we found it a little painful to say goodbye, but we made use of every single moment we had, and had constant smiles on our faces. We slept, ate and lived so well for those four days that the end was a fitting beginning for Valentines Day.

We all need little avenues like this to remind us what we live and work for. Little luxuries that we pamper ourselves so that we can prepare for the next challenge around the corner. It's the beginning of a love affair with this resort, the continuation between us, and the rejuvenation for life ...

More photos here

Light and Shade

Sepia
Originally uploaded by Jamezle.

At the suggestion of Sydney Gaze, a group of us went to a photographic exhibition of Singaporean photographer, Marcus Mok, specialising in artistic male nudes.

When we arrived there, Marcus was very friendly and open with introductions, and walked us through some of the beautiful photos that were exhibited. After asking most of us where we were from, we discussed the possibility of introducing some of our Japanese friends who could be interested in posing for Marcus. Then, he turned around, and asked if I was interested, since I looked like I had a good body.

I was very flattered but due to my inner shyness, rejected him but told him that I would think about it. John encouraged me to do it (again as you can see), but I had my reservations because ultimately, I have a big problem with full nudity.

I grew up plump and never had a very good self image. I hated those boy breasts that are now the envy of some others, but who knew the pain I had to suffer when I was younger. It helps to explain why I visit the gym often but I know that I am not alone in the poor self image department. It is all about the past, and this is now.

I took a series of B&W artistic nudes for my 30th birthday, as a reminder that one is never too old to conquer their fear and also strive for their best. The results were astonishing and this is one of the most artistic ones that I have chosen to share today (with reframing from the photographer).

Craig O'Reilly, the wonderful photographer, who was the partner of a friend, really helped me to relax, so that I was able to get over my inhibitions, and I was able to look back today with glee. We have talked about more projects but they have yet to come to fruition.

So, I wonder within myself, if taking this new project on, is one of vanity or dare? Leslie Kee, one of my best friends, started off this passion, and for the first time, I was not cringing when I looked at my photos. I am thankful to him for giving me something else to believe when I see the pudgy old self in the mirror and the self criticism lands ...

I guess it's part of us will take a long time to shake off ... the part which the book "The Power of Now" says "is controlled by the mind", which is a reflection of the past, and not symbolic of the present.

There is nothing to lose, but I have to realise that I have power in every decision I make ... Like Leslie implies, he wants to bring Asian into the defintion of beauty, I hope that somehow, it can be a step towards my contribution to that proud clause.

Keep It Personal

Received an email from a friend who occasionally checks my blog and he mentioned that I have not been releasing my feelings and emotions on my blog as I have in the past. Don't know and can't explain why. I believe it has to do with a very busy work and social schedule that has left me pretty speechless by the end of the day.

It can probably also be interpreted that life is going smoothly and thus, the creative "victim" juices have been less free flowing, and hence the lack of posts. Blogs are indeed a great way to express ourselves and allow other people to know what is going on in our lives, but sometimes, I do have to admit to falling victim to "entertainment value", which is where the dilemma lies ...

The other reason is also that I am having my snailish computer upgraded, which is arriving tomorrow, so it may be a start to more good things to come, depending on your definition of what that is. What I have taken away from that email though is to keep it personal. Writing is my passion and even if it means a line or two (okay that will never happen with me), it's still keeping the flow and I believe that is what has to happen from now.

I have also been reading a very interesting and challenging book titled "The Power of Now : A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment" by Eckhart Tolle. It talks about how we focus our daily life on the past and the future instead of the present (now), and how it affects the quality of life that we have because of this decision we make. It is only through focusing on the present that we will be able to achieve enlightenment, which is not something of the future.

I am only a quarter through the book, but I found it challenging to start, because it is totally at war with what our minds have been conditioned to think. However, the author has been very clever not to start rolling off the "dos and don'ts". Rather, he structures the book according to questions he has received over the years, and it does help in understanding some of the more confusing concepts.

One of the most poignant lines that jolted me was "Time is an illusion" and when he says that, he meant that "the present moment is all you ever have. There is never a time when your life is not "this moment." Is that not a fact?" It struck me as so real and cutting because all we ever have is now. We never know if we are ever going to be drawing the next breath, to survive the next second. All we have is now!

In saying so, it is a very powerful book because it challenges all our beliefs and our values and these are tough rocks to shift. I am finding it really confronting and trying to permeate it through my life when I am conscious, which is when I am focusing on the moment, instead of thinking of the past or the future. I can see how it can potentially change lives, like when we stop for moments in our lives to really look and appreciate what we have, and let that wave of joy and happiness engulf us. It is that fleeting moment that we are looking into prolonging, and this book seems to advocate that the only way we can do so, is focusing on the now, and not let the mind control us.

I am not reeling off any further here, because there are many other concepts and much more of the book to digest. All I can say now is that it reinforces some of the techniques I had learnt once from a self-development course I took.

The other thing is that the public has been relatively interested in my book whenever I find the time to read it on the bus or the train to work. I had already encountered two women who smiled and commented "Great book. Interesting concepts!", when we connected.

I have yet to see what impact this book will ultimately have on me, but I am liking what I am reading, so I am recommending that you pick it up too. I always believe in a healthy bit of skepticism but if there aren't challenging concepts in life, how can we improve?

My First FanClub Letter

There is nothing like coming home after a long tiring day to a pleasant surprise. Seated at the table was a yellow envelope with the familiar words "Faithway" logo at the bottom. Excitedly, I opened up the envelope and in it was my first ever fan club letter.

As I leaved through the beautiful pages, I remembered the first time I viewed them enviously on another Akina fan website, and to think that I actually own them now, is rather surreal.

At first glance, I am very happy that there are many photos of Akina, her past, current and future projects. There is her report on her special performance on Music Fair 21, Dinner Show 2006, her new drama (the name has now been confirmed to be プリマダム - Prima Time), and her upcoming concert starting from 24th June.

Her Summer concert this year is more than a month later than her past years but I think it is a good strategy to time it with the ending of the drama series, in hope that there will be more people would might want to come to the concert.

At the moment, there are only 8 confirmed sessions and each ticket costs 7350 yen. Faithway Fanclub members get priority to purchase these tickets right now. As tempting as it might be, I don't think that I will be going to her concert this year, because there are other things that I have to save my money for. If only I strike the Lotto ... but then, I would have to start buying it first. Ha! Ha!

I am sure that all my fellow VAMPires will have all the fun for me and I will miss them all but there are priorities in life, and life always brings surprises ... If not, I will always have my wonderful memories of last year ...

P.S. Due to Geocities Download limits per hour, there may be times when the photos are not displayed. Please visit this link to see them: http://www.flickr.com/photos/68153602@N00/?saved=1

The Sound of "Our" Music

It's the month of the Mardi Gras in Sydney and it's time for some ol' gay time, and what better way to celebrate in the myriad of events than a sing-a-long session of my favourite movie "The Sound of Music".

People who know me are usually startled that I list "The Sound of Music" as my No. 1 fave of all time. The choice is totally sentimental because there are things that you do when you are a child that you end up loving or being scarred for life. This experience turned out positively for me. I remember when I was young and my mother, who is Chinese educated, would usually bring us along to the Chinese romantic movies in the cinema, because she couldn't understand enough English to enjoy the Hollywood movies. She would have to rely heavily on the Chinese subtitles, which would somehow mar the experience of escapism for her. So, if she had a choice, musicals would be her favourite. My father, who was English educated, on the other hand, would treat us to the other spectrum of movies, and since he abhorred romantic movies, the ones that we would watch would be the mainstream disaster movies that were so popular in the late 70s - 80s.

One unanimous choice between them though was "The Sound of Music". I remember being cramped in the crowds at Odeon cinema at Bras Brasah (which is now owned by MacDonalds), waiting to enter the cinema to watch this movie that would affect me forever. Watching it yesterday again for the umpteenth time (at least 20 or more), I realised that the love affair is an enduring one, not only for me, but for many people around the world. As a child and an adult, I find myself attracted to different roles in the movie and there is a bit of something for everyone ... love, music, suspense, fun ... you name it, it's right there. There is rarely a movie that is so loved and condemned at the same time, which manages to delight people for all ages. 10 or more years ago, I read a newspaper article that a woman in her 60s holds the record for watching "The Sound of Music" 94 times in the cinema. Today, when we can easily obtain most popular releases on DVD, there is no need for them to re-release them in the cinema but the cinematic experience is not replicable on the small screen which was why the rights were not sold to TV networks till the 90s. I also don't think there is any other movie that has enjoyed successful revivals in the cinemas in the 70s and 80s.

When we realised that Sydney was bringing "Sing-a-long Sound of Music" back to the State Theatre, I knew we had to be there. What I didn't realise was that about 2000 or so people thought so too. It was packed and there was so much positive buzz. The movie allowed the inner child of everyone to emerge for 3 hours where we all sang along in mass Karaoke style along to all the tunes in the movie. Before it commenced, there was an emcee who would guide everyone on what to do when we see certain characters in the movie. For example, we would raise our hands and cheer when we see Maria, wolf whistle and cheer when we see Captain Von-Trapp (one member in the audience would time it perfectly with his camp long drawl of "Ohhh ... he's so gorrrgggeeeooouuussss" to rapturous laughter from everyone in the cinema), bark when we see Ralf, boo when we see the Nazis, hiss when we see the Baroness (with the occasional catty snarl) and sigh when we see Gretel.



We were also given gift bags (photos will be uploaded later) where we could wave our small sprig of edelweiss in the air when the Captain sings the beautiful theme, pop the party popper when the Captain and Maria kisses for the first time, an invitation to the ball which we would all wave when they suggest it and then again to the waltz, and a piece of curtain fabric which we will all scream "Behind you, Maria. The curtains behind you" when she is fretting about not having any play clothes for the children, which would make her look pretty silly because she thought she was the first to think of that idea! There was also a fashion show, yes, you are right ... they are mad, but it's so nice to see everyone not give a cat's ass about what others think.

There were many children in the audience who were dressed up as the children in sailor clothes, white dresses with blue satin sashes, bread and jam or Gretel. The adults were more innovative, starting with a big group of nuns, real and fake. The winners of the nun group were a group who wore S&M style habits and when they lifted up their skirts in front held with chains, it showed a sign that said "Anal Warts". Not child fanfare but fun nonetheless. Then we had a team who had each had a sign that said "Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-Tea-Do", so that when they all stand together they form the alphabet of music. There were also masses of goatherds, Baronesses, Marias and brown paper packages etc. The winners which was split into 2 groups because of the size was a group of lonely goatherd and two interesting women. One of them wore an Austrian dress, and said "I was just coming home from work and decided to pop in" to explosive laughter from everyone in the audience. No one would wear that dress anywhere let alone to work! Ha! Ha! The other one was a Maria wannabe from the start. Dressed in exactly the same "most awful clothes" when Maria first left the abbey with a suitcase and guitar, she was totally in character, and while she was making her way to her seat on the front row, she skipped up and down the aisle to the delight of everyone, especially yours truly. She also performed it once again on stage to gather audience support for her. It really marked the beginning of something special.

There were only a few people in the audience who had never watched it before (they are probably from Mars - yes ... Men!) and were teased lightly. The rest of us had watched it so many times we could practically memorise most lines. Still, it was very refreshing because for once, there was mass audience participation, and only this once, you wouldn't mind. It was hilarious and put the movie in a totally different light, updated for the noughties!!! The sparkling moments include:

(1) When Maria walked out the abbey, the woman who was dressed in identical fashion stood up and did her dance routine. Encouraged by loud laughter and applause, she walked onto the stage in the dark and skipped along with Maria. She was tactical enough not to block anyone and she even throw her hat at the point when Maria and Captain kissed in the dark. An usher moved to the front in an attempt to get off the stage but the audience booed at him and he left! Priceless.

(2) When Maria walks into the mansion for the first time startled and walks around wide eyed, a man in the audience shouted "Now, don't touch anything." "Break it and you buy it."

(3) When Ralf and Liesel meet each other, two potentially idiotic audience members used their red-light pointers (like those sniper lights) to focus on their groins and breasts. It's terribly funny because it turned a romantic and innocent scene into something totally erotic.

(4) When Liesel replies "How else can we get Daddy's attention?" when Maria says she can't imagine them beautiful kids doing anything nasty, someone (probably the same guy) shouted "Get pregnant!"
(5) After the Captain and Maria kiss and all the poppers have been popped by the audience, a guy shouted "Give her your whistle."

(6) The priceless climatic scene where the Mother Superior swears on screen, upgrading this film from a G or PG rating to M. She says to Maria when she comes back to the Abbey after she realises she has fallen in love, "What is it you can't face?". Now, it's not funny but try putting a comma in the sentence between you and can't and you will get the joke.

(7) When the lady who wins the third prize in the singing contest could stop bowing to the audience, everyone in the audience is encouraged to stand up and bow together with her in all directions.

(8) When the torch lights start screening where the Von Trapps were hiding behind the tombstones, the ushers flashed their torches in the auditorium as well to add onto the suspense.

There are many more but these are the main ones that I remember. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun watching a movie with so many people. Usually, movie watching are silent affairs but this is an experience that is both camp and hilarious! You might think that it was catered for the gay and lesbian audience but I would say 80% of the crowd is heterosexual with ages ranging from 4 to 90 and I think it would have gotten more filthy if it was an "adults only" audience.

According to this site, ["Sing-A-Long Sound of Music" first emerged at the 1988 London Gay and Lesbian Film festival after an event organizer heard that staff at a retirement home in the Scottish town of Inverness had distributed song sheets during a video showing of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954) for sing-along participation. The film was screened at the festival as a sing-along and proved wildly successful.]

It is strongly recommended because it is pure delightful escapism. For more than 2000 people last night at the State Theatre, we were all transformed into children once again, all hearts touched once again by the simple sounds of music.

Non-Fiction Ecstasy

All I can say about most of current Oscar nominees is: Wow! What a great selection!!

Every once in a few years, Hollywood puts aside their crap and produces some of the most stunning films. 2005/2006 will go down as one of the best years in movie history. Even though I have yet to watch "Capote", "Transamerica", "North Country" or "Syriana", the ones that I have devoured lately have left me truly spellbound.

Apart from the amazing "Good Night and Good Luck" and "Brokeback Mountain", I have just completed a series of equally mesmerising movies recently, like "Crash", "The Constant Gardener", "Munich" and "Walk The Line". All the movies mentioned above are on my definite "must see list" because they are real, not ridiculous stories that could never happen. They are also mostly socially conscious films that are so important to our everyday life, especially in today's circumstances. today, I shall review the latter four films that I have watched.

"Crash"



Even though it premiered in 2004, my interest was increased by its recent wins at the SAG Awards and its 6 Oscar nominations, and I caught it recently on DVD. Depicting the importance of racial harmony, it portrays the lives of 8 couples (some intertwining) post 9/11. It is highly provocative drama with a tight script and real performances. Made up of ensemble performances from Sandra Bullock (in a very unlikely role), Matt Dillion (first Oscar nomination), Don Cheadle, Terence Howard (Best Actor Oscar nominee for "Hustle and Flow"), Ryan Phillippe, they trace racial conflicts and the increased insecurities since the terrorist attacks, and is even more poignant today.

The film does not offer any quick fix answers but it makes you think of your own life experiences. Living in Australia, a multi-racial country, there has never been any overt problems of racial conflicts except the recent attacks in Sydney. It has made Australia more "racist" in the minds of the world, but I think it is always dangerous to generalise because there are always bad peas in a pod. For me, I don't like to jump to conclusions because firstly, I think that everyone is entitled to a "bad day", and secondly, it's all in the mind ... we are the ones that assign meanings to others' actions.

If we jump to conclusions that they must be racist because we feel unfriendly attitudes, then we might be making a mistake here and that is where racial conflicts may breed. This movie shows us how rage and uncertainty can make us feel so insecure that we are willing to go to such impossible lengths to protect our own sanity and pride, and sometimes they may result negatively. In a world today where leaders are not working hard enough together to keep the peace but rather focus on fear and insecurity education, it is not surprising to see more conflicts. It is thus within ourselves and our communities that we need to keep this balance, because only with love, respect and empathy for our fellow humans, regardless of the differences, will we be able to move out of this dark age ...



"The Constant Gardener"



This was not a movie that we had planned to watch earlier, but we were so so happy that we did. Written by John Le Carre, it is a high order thriller from start to finish and though it is not based on any living person, it must take its inspirations from real life events. It is based on a premise of true love but the captivating point are the horrors that multinationals have implemented on impoverished countries like Africa and the corrupt officials in the world that keep them disadvantaged.

Ralph Fiennes stars as a British diplomat, Justin Quayle, whose favourite pastime involves spending most of his time taking care of his garden, while his wife, Tessa, a fiery and ambitious lawyer for social causes, is trying to investigate and expose a pharmaceutical multinational which is testing a tuberculosis remedy with unfortunately fatal side effects. The Africans who die in the process are written off as non-existent because there are so many of them there, and no one will notice. She compiles a damaging report but is then found naked, raped, and dead on a mysterious visit to remote Lake Turkana in Kenya. Her companion, an attractive African man is also missing. In an investigation to find out the true cause of Tessa's death, Quayle embarks on a global mission that takes him to London, Germany, Saskatchewan and Kenya, where he finds out the darker side of his work and develops an understanding of the importance of Tessa's work.

In a myriad of plotless thrillers that are churned out by Hollywood, "The Constant Gardener" and "Munich" (the next movie) are rare gems not to be missed. Ralph Fiennes gives what is possibly his finest performance to date, underplaying the character while Rachel Wiesz, truly deserves her Best Supporting Actress nomination because she is absolutely radiant. Even though she only appears in approximately half the movie, her performance permeates throughout the entire movie and you feel her presence and her inspiration. Nominated for 10 BAFTAs and 2 Oscars, "The Constant Gardener" is a highly compelling roller-coaster ride from start to end.

There is also a message at the beginning of the movie with the real Rachel Wiesz promoting the work of the United Nations in Africa and the importance of the support for such programs there. It brings to mind a lesson I once took in university about how Nestle encouraged African mothers to stop breast-feeding, but instead use their instant formula powder mix. They offered samples and marketed it everywhere with billboards and advertisements. What they had "forgotten" is that Africa does not have clean flowing water like most countries do, and thus, most African mothers were making milk with contaminated water, resulting in many sick and dead babies in the progress.

I am certain these sad scenes are still playing in impoverished countries right now. What we need are more courageous individuals to stand out and expose them. In the absence of them, we can only work on our own conscience, and if we get to make a decision that can affect the disadvantaged, we can make that difference.



"Munich"



Another first rate thriller, "Munich" is inspired by the infamous 1972 Munich Olympic Games, “Black September”, where 11 Israeli were taken hostage and eventually murdered by Palestinian terrorists. Eric Bana plays the leader of a group of Mossad agents, recruited by the Israeli government, to execute those responsible for the attacks.

With no prior terrorist training, Bana and his eclectic group work hard to establish connections to track down their enemies and improvise their unique methods of demolition. As they become more successful and confident, Bana and his group find themselves becoming more cold blooded towards these murders and it is only when they discover that the tables has been turned on them that they re-evaluate what they have done.

It is a state of unrest and discomfort for Bana because he is after all, just another pawn on the chessboard. Just like any other terrorist, they are enraged by what has happened to their fellow men and want revenge but the ultimate message of this movie is that “Blood begets blood” . There is no peace through violence and retaliation. There is only uncertainty, loneliness and death.

In an attempt for objectivity, Steven Spielberg directs his second masterpiece since “Schindler’s List” with an empathetic view for both sides of the story. This courageous act has sparked brilliance but has resulted in negativity on both sides, especially since he is a Jew.

Steven Spielberg is a masterful storyteller and the movie feels like an action packed “Mission Impossible”, but the difference between these thrillers and those mindless Summer movies is the character development. We move and grow with the characters in these movies. We feel their emotions and we ultimately care what happens to them. Eric Bana is wonderful, and if not for the controversial subject and the quality of the Best Actor nominees this year, would have garnered a nomination for Best Actor definitely. Still "Munich" garnered 5 Oscar nominations including Best Picture and Director.

Empathy does not make what terrorists do a right thing but it helps us to understand why they are willing to do what they do. It is only when we are able to reflect on our own actions, and find the love and empathy within, are we able to recreate the peace within this world.

"Walk The Line"



When American legendary singing couple, Johnny Cash and June Carter, was approached to make a movie about their lives, they picked Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon to play them. What a great insight that was.

“Walk The Line” is a biopic about the musical life of Johnny Cash and though it draws parallels to last year’s “Ray”, it stars not only one, but two great performances with the charismatic leads singing the hits with their own vocals.

Unlike “Ray”, 5 time Oscar nominated “Walk The Line” is essentially a great love story between Johnny and June and does not follow them through their entire life journey, and this is one of the major reasons why I like this movie more. Joaquin Phoenix is amazing as Johnny Cash and you don’t have to know Johnny Cash to feel the emotions in what he writes and delivers. We found ourselves tapping away as we are mesmerized by him and his performance. They had many obstacles between them because both were married to other people, but Johnny persisted and won in the end.

Like Jamie Foxx as Ray, Joaquim Phoenix was Johnny Cash. Reese Witherspoon startles with a deeper side of her unexplored in her previous film roles and I keep getting surprised by how well she sang. There is also intense chemistry and we fall in love with both of them as the movie progresses. On this page of trivia, it is revealed that they both received 6 months of vocal training. Joaquin Phoenix learnt to play the guitar and performed without being dubbed, and Reese also learnt to play the auto-harp.

Two Oscar worthy performances in a love story where you feel and care for the characters, even at their lowest points of their lives. Though less socially conscious than the recent crop of films, it is high value entertainment and surely, Johnny Cash and June Carter would have been very proud of this movie. Unfortunately, they were not around to see the end result. In true love fashion, June Carter Cash died in June 2003 before production started and Johnny Cash died 4 months …



So, I have taken a long breath and churned out 4 reviews at once, all outstanding movies that would endure repeat screenings. A rare wonderful year at the movies, these non-fiction ecstasies …

Rating:

9.5/10 for each of the above movies.

Grammy Awards 2006

It was a night of multiple winners with no particular singer dominating the 2006 Grammy Awards. The biggest winner was U2, who picked up 5 Grammys including 2 major ones for Best Album (How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb) and Best Song.

Madonna opened the show with her hit "Hung Up" with Gorillaz, and Mariah sang a "We Belong Together/Fly Like a Bird" medley with a gospel choir.





If you watch the program, you might walk away thinking that Kelly Clarkson who picked up 2 Grammys was one of the big winners but John Legend, Kanye West and yes, Mariah Carey who were all nominated for 8 Grammys took back 3 gold statuettes each.

So, Mariah's the queen of the Grammys though she never did collect her Grammys personally because they were all presented in the pre-award show. She won Best R&B Vocal Performance and Best R&B song for "We Belong Together" and Best R&B Album for "The Emancipation of Mimi", wiping her disappointment in 1996 when she walked away empty handed ...


Full list of winners here

New Drama for Akina!!!

No, not the scandalous sort of drama that one might expect, but really exciting news that she will be starring in a new Japanese drama after a 7 year absence.

The last time Akina starred in a drama was "ボーダー 犯罪心理捜査ファイル" (Border) where she played a police investigator who was able to solve mystery crimes through psychic powers. Apparently, since she was abducted when she was a little girl by a serial killer and after she was able to escape, she acquired these strange powers that allowed her to get under the skin of the mystery. I didn't finish watching the drama and I don't know if the ending was told because Akina had to pull out of the drama midway because of osteoporosis.

It was really bad publicity for her because it added on to her recording contract woes at that time, where she was reportedly "sacked" from her company (but she actually resigned), and the scandal where she owed fans money for pulling out of a concert in July. It was a really low point in Akina's career and life and I think many people wrote her off as "unemployable" (especially for filming) after that.

Hence the utter surprise and astonishment that she will be starring in a new drama, which is every Akina fans' dream, to see her again on TV. She will be starring with talented actress 黒木瞳, whom I first saw in the movie "Dark Waters" and then the huge drama hit "白い巨塔" (and she was the best thing in the drama - such a refreshing character and strong performance).

Akina will be starring as a prima ballerina and 黒木瞳 as a mother who has to return to her ballet days to help support her family because of the tough financial times. This is the excerpt of the news article:

中森明菜＆黒木瞳　熟女バレリーナ 日テレ４月スタート
「バレエやりたい！」

女優の黒木瞳（４５）が、４月スタートの日テレ系連続ドラマ「バレエやりたい！（仮題）」（水曜・後１０時）に主演することが１日、分かった。黒木演じる４０歳を過ぎた子持ちの主婦が、幼いころに習っていたバレエに再び挑戦し、生きがいを見い出すという異色の熟年青春ストーリー。連続ドラマは約７年ぶりとなる歌手の中森明菜（４０）が元世界的プリマバレリーナ役で共演する。

「バレエやりたい！」は、夫と子供に囲まれ、平凡に暮らしてきた主婦がバレエに出会い、新たな生きがいを見いだしていくというストーリー。同局の西憲彦プロデューサーは「元気で明るい主婦たちの青春物語を描きたい」と企画意図を説明する。

黒木が演じるのは、子供のころに経済的な事情で断念したバレエに再び出会い、バレエ教室の主婦仲間たちと新たな生きがいを見いだしていく主婦。西氏は「常に生き生きと輝き、新しいことに挑戦している黒木さんは元気を与えてくれる存在。黒木さんだから成立したドラマですが、新たな一面も出せれば」と語る。宝塚歌劇団時代以来のバレエに挑戦する黒木は「自分の生き方を探せる主婦が、作品として新しいと思う。頑張ります！」と意気込んでいる。

一方、１９９９年１月の日テレ系ドラマ「ボーダー」以来７年ぶりの連ドラ出演となる明菜が演じるのは、黒木演じる主婦の幼なじみの元世界的プリマ。「７年ぶりのドラマ出演にとてもワクワクしています。私が楽しむことで、その結果みなさんにも楽しんでもらえたら幸いです」と抱負を語っている。西氏は「明菜さんは黒木さんに対抗して存在感を出せる別のオーラを持った人。明菜さんの明るい一面も引き出したい」と話す。

現在、バレエは主婦の間でもひそかなブームになっており「このドラマでバレエ人口を増やしたい。主婦の方たちが何かを始めるきっかけになれば」と西氏。黒木、明菜の異色の初共演も話題を集めそうだが、西氏も「２人の共演も見どころの１つ。それぞれが刺激し合う存在として描いていきます」と手応えをつかんでいるようだ。

Akina has expressed her joy to be starring in a drama and hopes that everyone will enjoy it. They look forward to increasing the "housewife" ballet membership through this drama and the collboration and difference between Hitomi and Akina is bound to be a talking point.

I wrote on VAMP that it seems to mirror her first drama "素顔のままで" (which is a Japanese version of the Better Midler-Barbara Hershey weepie "Beaches") and also the 1977 movie about ballerinas "The Turning Point", starring Anne Bancroft and Shirley Maclaine. "The Turning Point" is the story about how two young competitive ballerinas took on separate lives but came back together after several years to recollect. There is a famous catfight scene in the movie because both of them were envious/jealous of each other but it garnered them both Best Actress Oscar nominations in 1977. "The Turning Point" is also infamously known as the first movie in Oscar history to be nominated for 11 Oscars but walk home empty handed. It was eventually matched by "The Color Purple"

So, this is the project "G" that Akina has been secretly planning for 2 years! This is really exciting news for Akina and her fans and I am now praying that she will sing the theme song to this serial because it will be the greatest boost to her career. What a way to start off her 25th Anniversary!

Brokeback Mountain

There is always going to be a problem of impossibly high expectations when we go and watch a movie that has been lauded as possibly one of the best movies ever made and is everywhere we see/hear. We don't want to be left out because all our friends will be talking about it, but then there will always be one of two skeptical ones, ready to isolate themselves in order to look nonchalant and cool, because they are one of those who have chosen not to join the "urban crowd".

So, the first thing I told John before we stepped into the non-official premiere of "Brokeback Mountain" in Sydney, is to discard all expectations and just enjoy the film. "Don't analyse it, just watch it", I said, and we did.

It was the 16th January and it was crowded. Expectedly, it was 95% men, all gay presumably, and a handle of women, including a very dear friend, Anne. I had read the book before and in parts, I was happy that I did because though Heath Ledger encapsulated the role of the cowboy reluctant to be honest about his love, he mumbled through most of his lines. He said that since it was difficult for the character to express his love for Jack (played by Jake Gyllenhaal), he wanted the words to be "forced out" from his mouth, and thus the mumbling. It helped define his character, but made understanding him rather difficult. On the other hand, I wanted to be surprised with the outcome and since I had read the book recently, I knew what was going to come next. What has to be commended though is that the screenplay has been slightly amended by adding extra elements that enhanced the story, but not distract from the main theme.

Brokeback Mountain” a simple story of two people who fell in love. They did not identify themselves as homosexuals at the beginning but somehow, the forces of nature took over, and they found a connection with each other. Their love is not tender but strong and masculine, almost brutal in parts, but that is the mystery of love. We can never explain why we fall in love.

It has been viewed by most people as potentially groundbreaking, not because of the awards it has been winning, but more importantly so that it helps people to understand love between men. Sometimes, you just don't plan these things, and they happen.

I believe this movie will strike a chord not only with closeted men but anyone who has been unable to express their love for someone, be it of the same or opposite sex. I identified with this movie because I have been caught in these situations many times in my early 20s, when I struggling to find myself. I knew I was attracted to men, but my values stopped me from expressing myself. I created fantasises of us being together, making out scenes of what it would be like, which could explain why I love writing so much.

The two and a half year stint at the army offered me a glimpse of Brokeback Mountain. In an isolated world where only men existed, we found love and affection. Though we will not be kissing or having sex (at least I wasn't), there was a sense of freedom there that is not present in the real world. Somehow, their minds were set free, and at times, the animalistic nature of men took over. They showed affection that they probably would never show to another man outside the compounds and there was definitely unspoken love and probably desire, which would be enhanced under the influence of alcohol. There was an unspeakable bond there that would have been mistaken for love in the real world.

It takes a lot of courage to be ourselves. I am thankful that I can express my love freely to my loved ones, but I understand that not everyone can, or wants to. Some might see it as condescending to say "I love you" all the time, because then it loses it value, but some might want to, but find it difficult to expel it from their mouths. I know of many stories of "What could have been" and I am certain they will find something in this movie that they will identify with.

Ang Lee, one of my favourite directors since "The Wedding Banquet" has made this beautiful film, set in some of the most luscious backdrops, and offered us a simple, heartbreaking story of love between two cowboys. It could happen to anyone and I believe that at some point in our lives, for those who identify themselves as heterosexuals, could find an attraction towards the same sex that they just can't explain, and it doesn't have to be sexual. It's the connection between two people and the acknowledgment of love.



Watch this movie not for the hype that it has generated but for the beautiful story, wonderful acting, and the possibility to accept love just for what it is ...

Rating: 9.5/10
Other Reviews: Rotten Tomatoes

European Traffic Stop

Another funny video because I'm too busy to blog at the moment. Hopefully, I will find some time tomorrow. Tip: Watch it to the end ...

On The Lighter Side ...

This video is purely for entertainment but I do apologise in advance if anyone feels offended. I present "Jesus Christ: The Musical" ...

Not Enough Presents

As much as I adore looking at royalty and dwelling in fantasy, I am more than a little baffled by a news report that I read not long ago about how Sydney-siders (and probably other Australians too) can give their congratulatory presents to the newly christined Prince Christian of Denmark.

I absolutely congratulate them on the good news and I think it should be celebrated but there are many more underpriviledged children and orphans out there without a single present. Everytime I see extravagance like this being splurged, I cast my memory back to a particular afternoon in 1985 when I was waiting for my school bus and there came along, a mother and her two young girls, one of whom she was carrying.

From their appearance, you could tell they were a struggling family and as I peered into her plastic bag of shopping, I saw scraps of food, loose bananas which were over ripe and an apple or two (when apples were usually sold 4 for $1). As they walked past me on their way to the makeshift houses at the construction site (which probably meant they were living there while her husband worked), the older girl pointed to a ball in the huge drain and said that she wanted one too. Immediately, her mother put the other child down and tried to make her way down the drain so that she could reach the ball. She tried a few times, holding onto the railing while trying to lower herself, so that she could gain some footing, failing each time. Her daughter witnessed her mother's love and after seeing her futile attempt, cried to her Mom to stop, and that she didn't want that ball anymore. The mother ignored her cries initially until she realised that it was her daughter 's love for her that made her realise that there are more important things to life than extravagances like this.

It was heartbreaking to watch because the ball was only at most a dollar but it taught me a very good lesson, which is always to take pity on others that are more unfortunate than I am, no matter how poor I am or become. I watched their backs as she picked up her child and her small bag of shopping and walked back to their homes. They might not remember this particular incident because there must be other times when similar events would have happened but they touched a stranger and here I am sharing this real life incident I once saw ...

Too Much Mariah?

I am a fan of Mariah ... okay, change that to big fan because I own all her albums. I was introduced by Leslie to her and have been hooked since. Even though I cringe at her outfits and the way she presents herself sometimes, I admire her positive outlook and the way she keeps coming back!

I saw this on another website and though any obsessed Mariah fan might get upset, I found it highly hilarious and I think it takes a lot to be able to laugh at one's own idol like that. It is indeed a terrible joke but I know that there will always be people ready to make fun of celebrities like Mariah. What I found so funny was not so much the images, but how they have changed the name of the songs to suit the title of this bogus DVD.



If you compare how they have changed the names, I believe you will find it just as amusing ...

Actual Song Titles

(1) Honey (no change)
(2) Heartbreaker
(3) Shake It Off (without the remix)
(4) Vision of Love
(5) (Boy) I Need You
(6) Bringin' On The Heartbreak
(7) Dreamlover (my favourite change of name here)
(8) Endless Love
(9) OneSweet Day
(10) Don't Forget About Us
(11) Didn't Mean To Turn You On
(12) Never Too Far
(13) Always Be My Baby
(14) Anytime You Need a Friend

and lastly, it's "The Empancipation (not Constipation) of Mimi" ...

Happy Birthday My Sweet

Happy Birthday My Darling.

It has been an amazing journey with you, these 3 and 3/4 years ... definitely the sweetest and happiest days of my life. Thank you for your love, guidance and support you give whenever I need it most.

I may not have known true love before but I learnt it from you. It is not a slippery surface where life is rosy all the time but one of true giving, acknowledging, understanding and compromising, and it is a path that I wish everyone would have a chance once to walk on in their lives. Not that there is anything wrong with being alone, but there are definitely challenges in coupled life and the wonderful surprises it can present at any point in time.

Thank you for allowing me to give you my love and encouraging me to be fully self expressed, so that I know what life can bring. You are my inspiration, and though you will never be my "Brokeback Mountain" because our love is acknowledged everyday, you are the one that I choose to walk my path of life together with. It is an important choice because we know that it's not everyday that you find someone to laugh and cry with. It is a special gift and I thank you for everything you have given and have yet to give.

May the years to come bring you much more happiness and may you achieve all the goals that you set. You will never be alone because I am walking beside you, ready to catch anytime you fall ...

Movie Season

Every year around this time, John and I will find ourselves heading towards the movie theatre to catch all the great movies of the year that are usually released around this time in the US and here in Australia in time for Oscar season.

There are many on my "must-see" list this year, including the lauded "Brokeback Mountain" (where we were lucky enough to be one of a few hundred people who will watch the first screening of this movie on the 16th January - the tickets were sold out within the first 24 hours the email invitation was sent), Munich, Capote, Syriana, Walk The Line, TransAmerica etc.

The first two wonderful movies that we watched in our "movie season" that I would like to recommend to everyone are "Good Night, And Good Luck" and "Joyeux Noël". Printed on the posters of both movies are the courageous anthems of the movie which resonate today, more so than ever.

For "Good Night, and Good Luck", the caption reads "We will not walk in fear of one another". Directed, co-written and co-acted by George Clooney, it is historical snapshot of a time in the 50s, where Americans were brainwashed by Senator Joseph McCarthy and the House Un-American Activities Committee preached about the "dangers of communism" and how if one sympathises or questions any doubt against the Communist, then they too must be communists.

It is uncanny where we can be arrested today if we are suspected to have any links with any person suspected of terrorism. To show any sympathy for anyone who would dare to question or think differently would be considered unpatriotic ... and that, is the danger of conformity. Coming from a country that thrives on conformity, I can understand the peace that it brings, but at the same time, there is life lost in not allowing ourselves to be able to take a stand on any issue we believe in. To be forced silent and to accept, regardless of our beliefs, is not a facet of life that we should be content with.

This movie offers a historical but balanced view on that moment in time when a group of journalists (a wonderful cast including Clooney himself), led by newman Edward R. Murrow (played brilliantly by David Strathairn), dared to stand up and challenge them. They set out to expose the lies and the communist "witch hunts" that were conducted and put their careers and possibly lives at risk by doing so. They defied corporation and sponsorship pressures that they drop the controversial topic, and even offered to go ahead on their own budgets so that they could do what they believed in ... honest journalism.

George Clooney has resisted the temptation to create another "Fahrenheit 911", which was sensational but viewed by many as propaganda. Clooney presented it just as it was ... an honest historic snapshot and even refused to portray McCarthy's real life alcoholism in the movie. He used actual interviews and speeches of McCarthy and though we never get a full impression of what McCarthy was really like, we didn't need it to know that what he did was despicable.

As I was watching this movie, I kept missing parts of it because my mind kept drawing parallels with our world today and how I was hoping that the journalists of today, we only need one, would have the guts like Edward Morrow to stand up and tell the truth. I am doing my part here by recommending this movie strongly to everyone to watch it and tell ourselves, we will not walk in fear of one another. It is alright and acceptable, or even good to question, and it is only then that we live our lives fully, not having conformed to anything that we do not believe in.

On a lighter note is "Joyeux Noël" or known as "Merry Christmas" (English translation). It is another historic moment during World War One, where German, French and Scottish soldiers fighting on the front line put aside their differences on Christmas Eve, to come together and celebrate the holiday spirit, and in turn realising that beneath all the differences, there lies the ultimate similarity in humankind ... love.

Having served compulsory National Army Service for two and a half years, I totally empathise with the soldiers ... their loneliness, longing and fear, which is one of the few times it has been captured in war movies. Instead of bloody scenes of killing (which are usually splattered in war movies), we are treated to an unusual mix of music, friendships, love and connection between strangers, and I am not talking about between the soldiers of the same battalion, but of opposing sides. We have to realize that our "enemies" are just like us, in spite of our differences, be it colour, sex, nationality ...

Just like the racial riots that happened on the Sydney beaches during December, they need to realise that ultimately, their "enemy" is also made of the same human substance and have a family and someone to love and who loves them. What Australia has ended up asking after these riots is "Are we a racist country?" For me, the answer is "Everyone has their bad days, and it is more the lack of education than anything else. Just like the negative perception towards homosexuality. If they can see that we want the same things in life as they do, being accepted, being loved, loving someone, having a family etc, then maybe they can understand and empathise with us too.

There is always going to be bad blood within any community, and unfortunately, most of these usually end up representing leaders of fractions of the community. They do not represent the entire views of all Australians and many are disappointed and disgraced by the outbreaks. In conjunction with the earlier review, our leaders do not always represent our views. They are selected by the majority but that is probably where most similarities in viewpoint ends. We are all entitled to our opinions and they must be respected unless it is meant to hurt someone, like a racist insult, then we have to put a stop to it. If it is to say that all leaders represent the views of the entire nation, then we will be only robots, controlled by the "super-powers" at the top, never to realise the full potential and opportunities that life offers.

The other significant part of the movie for us is also how right winged Christians have hijacked the teachings of Christ and used it to their advantage. In the movie, they are taught that they will only be God's child if they kill all Germans, good or bad ones. It is really sad because John, Anne (who watched the movie with us and is Catholic) and I believe that they have tarnished the image of Jesus, who I believe preached of love, not hatred.

The caption on this movie reads "Without An Enemy There Can Be No War", and this is a powerful message to remember. If we do not classify someone as an enemy, then love can grow ...

Rating:

Good Night, and Good Luck : 9.5/10
4 Golden Globe Nominations: Best Picture (Drama), Best Director (George Clooney), Best Actor and Best Screenplay
Review from Rotten Tomato

Joyeux Noël : 8.5/10
Golden Globe Nomination: Best Foreign Picture
Review from Rotten Tomato

Happy New Year

My first post for 2006. Here's wishing everyone a wonderful year ahead and may all our dreams come true ...

I am not a fan of boxing as a sport because it is a brutal act but the following clip that I saw from another site put a smile to my face, and I think it is always good to start off the new year with that or a good laugh. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

The name of the clip: Brokeback Boxers