Peace of My Mind

I Believe - No Time for Regrets - A 2011 Retrospective

2011-12-31T10:27:00.004+11:00

I will always look back at 2011 as a year where I finally believed ... in myself and what I am truly capable of. I do not measure my success in monetary or status, but in the fact that I stepped out of my comfort zone, gave it a go, and no matter how I did and the many self doubts I had along the way, I spoke my mind and I achieved what I had never been able to do in the past - shut my personal harsh critics up - and believed I can make that difference.

It is significant year because of the various challenges I faced. As I grew up in a conformist culture and challenging is not part of my makeup, I truly believe that I would not have been able to do it without the love and support of my closest friends, John, Anne, Margaret, Robbie and Julie at work. I share this lesson here not to brag, but hopefully to inspire everyone that experienced the same kind of upbringing I did that you can, if you believe in yourself, and no one can take that away from you.

Regrets ... it is a word that I discovered I rarely used since my grandpa's death in 1994. I have learned to appreciate and let the people who mean much to me, know how much I love them before it is too late. This lesson has taught me well and thankfully, I have kept on the practice and hence I do not have regrets or worry that my family, relatives and friends do not know how much they mean to me, or that I love them.

As for regrets on other fronts, I have come to realise that it is all about "not doing". I am not preaching a "Thatcherism" here, but we have a choice at every cross road. Either we take it or we don't. There is neither time for regrets or time to ponder what the lost opportunities are, because we didn't take it. Sure, I can lament the fact that I still have not taken up singing lessons or brushed up on my Japanese, but I made that conscious choice this year, because I needed to concentrate on something else. It is a conscious choice I made and I take full responsibility for that.

2011 will be remembered as one of those years where I sacrificed much of my pleasure for work, which is quite rare, considering that I value relationships over work. For the first time in ten years, I took no holiday home, and I thank my family for being so understanding and so supportive.

I have to thank my siblings for taking good care of my parents because I constantly feel inadequate as a son because I am not living with them, but I know I am also a better son because of this fact. The distance allows me to be more attentive and to devote and cherish our time together. I want to thank my brother for sponsoring my parent's trip which allowed me a great opportunity to spend quality time with them. It is a time that I truly enjoyed and will always hold close to my heart.

There is too much more to be thankful - good health, loving relationships, theatre, relatives and my friends, most of whom I have been able to stay in contact through Facebook. Though much evil has been spoken about this medium, most of which is true, I am still thankful for this avenue to allow me to stay in touch with all of you, and to be able to share this note and thank you for your friendship and your love. Though I have lost a good friend this year who will stay in my heart forever, I take on every experience as a new lesson that will learn me well.

What does 2012 bring, I do not know. What I do know is that I am armed with the best possible asset, which is a belief in myself and that I have a choice - to act or not to act. There is no time for regrets, so I will ensure that I will live every decision I make to the fullest.

Happy New Year to my loved ones - my family, relatives, friends. May 2012 bring good health, prosperity, love and inspiration!

My Number One Indulgence

2010-12-29T20:37:00.001+11:00

It's not everyday that one finds someone or something magical.

My 26 year "love affair" with Japanese singer Akina Nakamori (中森明菜) occurred in January 1984 via an evening newspaper (新明日报) calendar showcasing 12 young singers on that Saturday's telecast of the 1983 34th Annual Red and White Song Festival 紅白歌合戦 (held on NYE every year).

It was love at the first sight when my eyes landed on "July" and saw Akina's photo. I still remember it being one of her in a purple long sleeved blouse with a yellow headband beside a window (or something of that sort). I remembered my father watching the previous year's telecast and I fell asleep halfway, so I wondered why this captured me the way it did that day.

Being the eldest, I had the "power" to force my siblings to play the games I want to, so excitedly, I went home, spread the paper and asked them to each choose one. Interestingly, neither of us chose the same. My sister chose Yu Hayami (早見優), which is funny in hindsight because some of my friends compared her similarity in looks at a certain point in her life to Yu. My brother chose 柏原芳恵 for reasons unknown. I'd like to think it was because of her buxom appeal.

That Saturday, I sat down with Dad and watched the program from start to finish. Dad went to bed halfway but I waited and waited for Akina's performance. She was totally what I expected and not, at the same time. Underlying that sweet look was a deep voice I had never expected. She was different, in a good way.

I don't think the infatuation commenced immediately because I didn't rush out to get her cassettes or anything like that, but it did plant a seed, and when my older cousin passed me his copy of the 34届紅白歌合戦 mix-tape, there was no going back.

My infatuation with J-Pop commenced then. I had no idea what they were singing, and till today, it makes no difference. I love the infectious melodies and it was also the start of the J-Pop craze in Asia like how K-drama captured hearts a couple of years back. Everyone was wrapping their files with posters from HK magazines like Good Times (好时代) and New Times (新时代).

It was also then that I met Leslie and he jokingly blames me for his infatuation. I would like to say that though I did plant the seed, he definitely exceeded all expectations.

I come from a middle income family with a sole breadwinner. Times weren't bad, but we didn't have indulgences very often. A trip to MacDonalds was an indulgence for us. Dad worked hard and Mum did her part by taking work home to supplement the income. We were always taught to be frugal, and Mum was strict with the family budget and with us, but we were never denied anything that we truly wanted. She would tell us stories of her impoverished childhood and we loved them, even though that would mean that we would not get the new toy or something that we were going to ask for.

I can see how it was difficult for my parents financially at that time, to support us through school and made sure that we had a good life. My parents were strict, so that we would be better people when we grew up, always encouraging us to do better, all the time.

Many a times, growing up, I didn't always understand why I had to do all that. Leslie always had extra pocket money but I didn't. I was envious that he could buy anything that he desired while I had to compromise. To me, those were necessities in life, but not everyone understood. Only friends like Leslie and Terence did, but understanding didn't bring the goods.

Mum will say that the infatuation was my "downfall" because it led to my relative "ignorance" of my studies. I never stopped my love for learning but it just transferred to another path - J-Pop instead of my textbooks. I pored over magazines at bookstores because I didn't have money to buy them. I read anything I could. I was hungry. Love is a mystery and the transition to teenage-hood is all but an easy path for me, a misfit of sorts. It was the start of my rebellious years ...

I was a pudgy boy in the early years of my teens. When others sprouted, I waited for mine which never really came. It was all just a gradual process for me. I tried sports, but didn't like it. I did it so that the "cool ones" would not tease me too much about it. I tried hard to fit in, but always felt like a fake waiting for someone to expose me.

Akina was my security blanket. Someone whom I could hide behind and be who I truly wanted to be. She created fantasies and dreams and made me believe that I can be who I want to be. Her music brought solace to my uncomfortable teenage years and inability to fit in with the general crowd. If I was termed a nerd, I might actually find another group, but I wasn't really one, so I was relatively alone. Except when I was with Leslie and Terence, who shared my passion for J-Pop.

It was also around this time when I wanted to know more about J-Pop that I finally discovered Familiar Music Library - my home and a home for many people like me. It was there that I met Zing, an influential person in my life. He opened my eyes to the world of music and taught me all I could never learn from books and magazines. He was my mentor of sorts. He was so cool to me, and he was my friend. When others in school would never cast a second eye, he lent out his hand. I don't know know what I would have done if I had not found Familiar Music Library and friends like Zing at that time. He made me believe that it was alright to have an infatuation.

This sparked the beginning of my rebellious years. I became the villain at home. Poor at studies and constantly having arguments with my Mum. I was no happy because I felt that all Mum cared about at that time was my studies, and not me. If she had shown some acceptance of my love, I wonder if my life would have turned out differently.

In hindsight, it was not really a rebellion because I didn't do too many hurtful things (at least not outside home), but myself finding my own voice within, and believing that I can love and be loved. I know I may have hurt my parents and my siblings, but I was trying to find myself, and not drown.

If I had the chance to rewrite this part of history and do it all over again, the only thing I would do is to cause my parents less pain, and the knowledge that what they truly wanted for me was to have options in my life, but I guess that is what life is all about. Learning from experiences. Falling down and getting up again.

I have spent much on J-Pop and Akina and some may say it's a waste, but the expense is nothing compared to the solace she and they provided. Akina is like a closest dear friend, always listening, singing to me my deepest thoughts (even when I have no idea what she is saying), and she's telling me "Everything is going to be alright ...".

Thank you Akina for some of the most beautiful moments of my life ... the anticipation, the exhilaration ... if only once, I can say I have truly lived.

A Final Chapter of a Decade

2010-12-22T17:28:00.000+11:00

As I turn the pages and start the final chapter of a decade in my life, I look back at my life and am quietly thankful for all that I am blessed with.

I remember being rather annoyed when I started university at a mature age of 26, and a freshman in my class said "Wow! You're 26. Aren't you supposed to be a manager by now?". I was annoyed probably because he was correct, if measured via societal norms. Though I am still not a manager by position at work, I am confident of my level of competence and do not need titles like this and societal norms to define me.

I am the manager of my life, and I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved. What I may not have achieved in rank, status or fame, I believe I have achieved that in my relationships with people around me. I have a close network of true friends whom I know love me for who I am, because after all, what else can they stand to gain from me, except love and friendship.

This chapter is titled "Love and Relationships", because it is what dominated this decade of mine. After spending years dreaming of finding someone to share my life with, I have found the one, and am leading an honest and truthful relationship with a wonderful man. There have been times when the tidings have been tough, but these arguments helped me to open up, set new ways of communication, discard old superstitions and beliefs, and lay new foundations to build and design our relationship. Though I don't see myself still as an expert in relationships because life can always throw curl balls at you, I know what things are worth fighting for, and how I am not the only one that compromises. I get to stand in his shoes and experience what he is feeling, and that hopefully makes me a better person.

My relationship with my family has also deepened over the years. With my increased financial contribution to my family since my dad's retirement, the sense of guilt that I am not in Singapore living with them has lessened, and I feel less unfillial than I used to. My learnings from my own relationship with John has helped me to be more confident with myself and it has in turn helped me to be more vocal with my parents and my own family, which I hope has been appreciated in many ways more than one.

My only major regret is not having more time to spend with my nephew and niece who only get so little of me, and I can see them wanting more. I know that I may be a novelty because I only come back once a year and everytime they speak or see me, they get a present, but I sense that our relationship is deeper than that, and they truly love me.

As for friendships, I have been one that liked to hold onto as many friendships as possible, and trying to rekindle some older ones that have moved on, and may not care as much anymore. I know that our circle of friends get smaller as we grow older, and I am starting to realise that "Quantity is not equal to quality" and it takes effort to maintain a friendship. One person alone cannot make it happen. It may be difficult to let go, but sometimes, it may not be a bad thing. I guess this will be something that I will have to explore more of, in the future.

I have always had a desire to write but life and social media has gotten the better of me over the past year. I bought myself a notebook (non-electronic) recently, and hope that it may inspire me to start the writing juices started again. My dear friend Stephen, whom I met last year, gave me encouragement to keep writing and his words ring as inspiration every day.

So, as I start writing my life for this final chapter, I want to thank my loving family, partner John, relatives and friends, for loving me, tolerating me, and giving me the inspiration to love. Thank you.

Time goes by

2010-10-11T19:40:00.003+11:00

People ask me why I go back to Singapore every year? Is that a real holiday?

No, not really, but these are some of the "sacrifices" I have to make for living my life in a land away from my loved ones. I cherish all the time I get to spend with my family, relatives and friends, and I think this sense of urgency allows us not to waste precious time with just "living with each other under the same roof", but actually being together because we want to.

I know there are many other countries that I would like to visit, but I also know that time with my family is precious, especially with my parents and my not so little niece and nephew. Every time I see them again, it's another year gone. I am not there to watch them grow, but I am going to make sure that they know that I will always be there for them whenever they need me, and I love them, more than they may ever know.

There will come a time when they will reach teenage-hood, and may choose not to associate with this uncle that only comes back once a year. So, I am taking my chances and strengthening the building blocks that I continue to pile on each year. This year, as my nephew turns 6 and my niece 8, I am increasingly having "adult-like conversations" that surprise me, and it only helps highlights my "agony" of not being with them more often.

I can take photos and record moments, but some of these special times are not always able to be captured at the right time, so here are some pearls that I would like to share and etch in memory. For my eternal loves, Joy and Joshua ...

Joy: Uncle James, can you please stay with us tonight?
Joshua: Yes, stay with us tonight. Sleep here.
Me: Sorry I can't because there is no room for me.
Joshua: I know. You can sleep on my bed and I can sleep on the sofa.

Me: Joshua. It's your holiday this week. Isn't that wonderful?
Joshua: Where got holiday? (Singlish - which means "What do you mean by 'holiday'?" There is still homework from Mummy everyday.

Joshua: When are you coming to Singapore again? Or are we going to visit you in Australia?
Me: Well, I believe I will visit you next year. Who knows, you may come to Sydney earlier. Do you want to come to Sydney?
Joshua: Okay. I will ask Mummy. It can be my birthday present, or I know. I can come and visit you when I earn money when I grow up.
Me: What do you want to be when you grow up, Joshua?
Joshua: I want to be a policeman. No, I want to be a car driver.
Me: A car driver?
Joshua: Yes, a racing car driver. F1 racing car driver.
Me: I see. Well, that's nice to know.
Joshua: Yes. I want to win and then I can drive to Australia and see you.
Me: That's so sweet. Well, if you believe in yourself, then you will win!
Joshua: Yes, I hope so. That is why I need to practise.
Me: Practise?
Joshua: Yes, I have to practise on my remote control racing car driving. So, I will ask Mummy to buy me another remote control racing car for me this Christmas so that I can practise.

Joshua: What did you do today?
Me: I just finished work.
Joshua: How many pages did you do? (My sister gives him a number of pages of homework to complete)
Me: Uhmmmm ... 20 pages.
Joshua: Wow! (He usually gets 3 - 5 pages)
Me: Can you do 20 pages too?
Joshua: Yes, sure. But not all will be correct.

A Slice of My History

2010-01-25T12:00:00.001+11:00

History. I discovered my love for history during my last HK trip, and though I have yet to pick up history books, I have gone off on another tangent with a desire to learn about my own history. My ancestors and who they were as individuals, rather than just a namesake.

I have listened to my mother’s stories about her childhood, stories that I see depicted in many Chinese dramas as I grew up, and I never tired of listening to them, even though they were variations of the same theme. Something new always occurred in those stories that I didn’t capture the first time round. The other times when I would hear these stories as I grew older was during my grandparent’s funerals when my uncles and aunts would openly share their own experiences, or when I visit my Aunt Constance in Tokyo, and we would lie on our beds, sharing our stories about everyone.

As the memories of our grandparents fade with every year, I am more eager to capture this, not only for my sake, but for the younger generation who never knew them. Our loving grandparents, especially my maternal grandma, whom I call the “wind beneath my wings”, whom I still miss so much every day, whom I hope I made her proud and happy. Our younger generation will never know who these people are, if we don’t share our stories.

We all hold a piece of the jigsaw puzzle and it takes all of us to present a glimmer of who they are. Circumstances can shape who we are, and these are timeless lessons of gold that we can learn from. Stories of strong, loving people who worked hard to keep the family together, building bonds of kinship which still bind us today.

Though I have always been nourished by my mother’s stories, my father’s family always remained a bit of an enigma. I had a grandmother who was a true matriarch, and I think in some ways, resembled the towering figure of an Empress Dowager. She was a modern independent woman who donned a bikini in the 40s, a photograph framed under the glass of her table next to her bed. She was definitely authoritative and for that, she could be misunderstood as being tough and not kind and understanding, like my maternal grandmother was. I believed her upbringing shaped her into who she was, like we all do, and I had so many misunderstandings of her, that it finally took my Aunt Vera (who lives in Sydney) to correct some of them.

I am only starting to learn more about her as a person and though the stories span only small significant sections of her life, they offered me a glimpse of who she is. My aunt shared her childhood and many stories about our ancestors, starting from Dad’s grandma, Tai Po, who adored Dad. We knew so little about Dad’s family history and it is such a shame. Now, with my revived relationship with my aunt, I get a chance to listen to the stories, and know who our relatives were. My history is so colourful that they seem to read like “Joy Luck Club” or even “Wild Swans”, even though I have never read the books before.

Tai Po was the second child in a family of seven children, the first six being girls and finally a son being born into the family. Her sister and her eventually married two brothers, who during the Gold rush, sailed to Chicago to seek better fortunes. In order to capitalise on the fortunes, they had to marry new wives in Chicago. During this time, Tai Po stayed back in China and worked in the fields everyday. She had a very strict mother in law, and her life is probably like those that we see in the serials, where she is forced to go back to plough the fields, not long after child-birth. She bore two children – a son whose altar we have next to hers, and Grandma.

After 16 years of living in Chicago, the two brothers decide to come back to China and fetch their wives to Chicago. I could have been US citizen. Unfortunately, Tai Po’s husband died on the boat during his trip, so Tai Po decided to leave China with her two teenage children and boarded a junk as a “slave” (working on the boat for their boat fares). Grandma was about 12 years old then. They arrived in Singapore and lived in a place like a gambling den (or those premises which lent money to people). Tai Po took on a job outside while her children worked in the den, serving food and pouring tea etc.

This is where it gets really exciting. Until then, I always thought that Dad’s uncle (Grandma’s brother) died at child-birth. How wrong was I. He was a fisherman/sailor and one fateful day, he dropped his oar in the rivers, and he dived into the waters to rescue it. Unfortunately, he was killed by a sea snake, and by the time, they fished him out, it was too late. Grandma was very attractive when she was young and she had many suitors. She was also deeply superstitious and loved to seek the advice of boh-mohs, who could revive spirits from the underworld. Perplexed by the number of suitors and who to marry, she decided to go to one, and they summoned her brother’s spirit. His advice was “Marry the man who offers something to me on a date, your dead brother”.

Well, needless to say, our grandfather was the only one that did it. I always thought Grandma was a bit weird to marry a man with two wives already and after realising the truth, I am more than a little ashamed. Our grandfather grew up in a middle class family. His mother organised a child bride, so that when they grew up, they would get married and have children. Our grandfather was a philanderer but he also had a kind heart. He never married the child bride. He married another woman and had a child during the Second World War. During an air-raid, they hid in a bomb shelter, but the baby boy couldn’t stop crying. In order not to implicate the others and alert the Japanese, his wife stepped out with her newborn baby, and unfortunately a bomb hit, and she was killed instantly by the shrapnel. The baby survived and was brought back to the child bride who opened her heart and took it in her care.

Grandma was grandfather legally binding wife and she had no idea that her husband had a child bride till she entered the house on her marriage day.

Our philandering grandfather decided to consummate his relationship with the child bride as well, which is why she bore children around the same time as Grandma. When Dad was conceived, Tai Po decided that if it was a boy, it would be offered to her dead son as his own child. Grandma agreed. When Dad was born, Tai Po doted on him immediately, and wanted him to bear the surname Chung, which is Grandma maiden name. True to her strong character, Grandma disagreed vehemently, which is why we are still named Lew.

Grandpa struck good fortune when Aunt Vera was born and apparently Grandma was tired of his philandering ways, and was more afraid to catch venereal disease. Aunt Vera said that she had many sores on her head when she was growing up, and Grandma thinks it is a sign of venereal disease. Which was why she decided to divorce grandpa a few years after third uncle was born. I think she really signified a modern woman because of her determination and her love for her children. She didn’t want any future children of hers to suffer the same fate. I think Uncle’s under-developed chest on one side could be a result of that.

Grandma led a new life then, and that is when she started wearing the bikini on the beach, to assert her new freedom. I remember looking at those photos of her, and marvelling at her courage to do so. A modern woman indeed. I didn’t learn much about her decision to marry Grandpa Soh, but I guess that could be a story for later.

Just so that you don’t think badly of my Grandpa, he was actually a good father. He doted on Aunt Vera more than Dad and she says that Dad was always a little envious/jealous of that. She always retorted that their grandma loved him more too than any one of them, so it was fair. Dad didn’t have a close relationship with his father, which is why we rarely hear about him. His father always met them at school or at the bus stop to give them pocket money, and Dad was a little jealous that Aunt Vera got more than him.

Grandpa’s good fortunes ended with his philandering ways and after Grandma left him. He worked as a bus conductor and eventually settled at the bus depot as his home in the final years of his life. Aunt Vera always tears when she recalls how he used to wait for them, and walk them to school and stories like that. You can tell that she really love and miss him. He suffered a heart attack at the bus depot and was brought to the hospital. Aunt Vera and the family visited him at the hospital, before his bus colleagues came and they left. An hour later, he suffered a massive second heart attack and died.

I pushed Dad the other day to tell me more about his history but he is reluctant, and he laughed it off, in an attempt to circumvent the topic. I tried harder but he wasn’t in the mood, so I think this will take some time but I know I will keep at it. I want his perspective of his childhood and what he thought of his parents. I want to know my Dad as a person too.

I believe it is so important to know our history, because we tend to see grandparents, parents and kids as relatives and children, but not as real people. Like us, they have an identity and I am keen to know who they are as real people. So, my task this year is to create a web platform for all of us to share our stories about our grandparents, ancestors and children, so that our younger generation will know that we went through the same human emotions and conditions as they did, and hopefully, they will cultivate some new respect for the older generation.

Power

2009-10-14T15:22:00.005+11:00

It had been a long time since I last went to a movie with Mum. It could be the first time with just the two of us because my siblings would always be around too. We watched Mandarin movies mostly when we went out with Mum because she was educated in Chinese and didn't understand English unless there were available subtitles. Movies were an escapade for her from having to mind what the three of us were up to, so I don't think she wanted the extra task of reading.

After an invigorating and inspiring trip from HK, I prompted a movie outing to the film "City of Life and Death" (南京!南京!) which if translated directly from its Chinese name, means "Nanking! Nanking!). With a desire to have special time with me, she came along though I understand that she would probably have preferred a lighter hearted movie.

Filmed entirely in black and white, it is a reminder of the great movie "Schindler's List" with similarities running throughout both films. Like the latter film with a generous German character, this film looks through the eyes of a conflicted but sympathetic Japanese soldier.

The "rape" of Nanking or the Nanking Massacre, as this event is more commonly known, takes place during the Second Sino-Japanese War in 1937, where a massive number of Chinese prisoners and civilians were killed. This film attracted plenty of controversy because some critics felt that the film was sympathetic towards the Japanese (as portrayed in the central Japanese human figure as opposed to his ruthless counterparts), but I believe it was the most objective a war film could get.

The film did not shy with any of the atrocities that the Japanese committed - the mass firing, house burning (with thousands of prisoners of war), raping of the women, and the most disturbing to me, the throwing of a helpless child out of the window, but it also offered a human side to war that is not often portrayed. The irony.

People like to think of war in terms of winners and victims and films portray and glorify the fomer, but I think this is where most fails. When will a time come when we realise that there are only victims, no winners. The power hungry people who proclaim themselves winners, those who manipulate and move troops like pawns on a chess game, are the worst losers because they failed to understand the meaning of life.

I do not understand how we can still not learn from these past mistakes and all that suffering, and still engage in power struggles. I guess it is because these power hungry people at the top do not have to make the moves and feel the suffering themselves. They let others do the work and they reap all the benefits. In an ironical sense, it is also a reflection of the world, even in peace times, and we all have to play the game, like the soldiers during the war, for survival.

Most of the criticisms surround how the film does not encourage hatred and was too sympathetic towards the Japanese. This is dangerous ignorance. Life is not about the power over people to destroy. It is easier to hate than to love. Where this power could be used to better the lives of humankind, this is often misused to satisfy one's ego and ultimate self-unworthiness. It is their need to feel better about themselves, and in their efforts to appear omnipotent, they are ostracised and feared, rather than loved and revered.

This is definitely one of the better Chinese movies that I had watched for a long time, and though it is no means of an escapade, it helps reaffirm my priorities in life ... love and relationships, not power. I do not need to overpower someone to feel good about myself. I prefer to give and share, and though I may never be rich in money or status stakes, I am rich emotionally because I know that I have my family and good friends that I can reach out to, when I need them.

We have to play the game of life and survive, but we can choose to play fair. Not everything about life is about choice, but this is one. I am not interested in power. I believe in love instead. The love and respect for my fellow human-kind and a belief that ultimately we will reach a point in life where we will finally realise what life is all about. I just hope it is not too late for some.

My HK Discovery

2009-10-08T14:33:00.007+11:00

Sometimes, I feel that the best way to travel is not to plan too much and just let nature takes it course. That seems to be how I travel these days. I may do a little research for some ideas of what the places of interests are, but not plan a timetable to be at a certain place at a certain time, because then it defeats the purpose of having a holiday as well. Though I may not get to every place of interest, I can take my time to enjoy the place instead of having to rush from point A to B. It allows me to experience the sense of "being" and "in that moment".

Being the "jet-setter" that I am, a nickname that I procured during the past two months because of my closely scheduled holidays, I had no expectations of what I was going to experience in HK. I had a few friends that I wanted to meet and spend time with, and there were a few places of interest to visit, but nothing inked. All I had booked was the hotel and brought was what I printed out of the interactive itinerary from the official HK website, and an instruction sheet on how to get to the hotel from the airport.

I had been told of the wonders of the city but work had been so busy and I had projects and a function to plan right before, so there was no preparation I could do. I was planning to just wander around the streets and do nothing too much. I ever contemplated shortening the trip, but I was aware on my first day that I had too much to visit ... very quickly.

The hotel was much lovelier than I expected, and the first breakfast of fish porridge was a real welcome to this busy city. I stayed on Nathan Road, and it is considered old and dirty looking, but it was love at the first sight for me. After my trip in Europe, I had learned to appreciate history and I enjoyed wandering the streets of old HK. I wanted to eat at all the "dirty" places instead of the glitzy restaurants because they offered so much more local flavour, which was quickly diminishing in many parts of the civilised world.

I enjoyed looking at the old trade and the way that the HK people went about in their lives, especially the older people. HK is possibly one of those places where I see more shirtless men working in hard labour than any other places I had visited. It was probably due to the humidity which was rather high during my visit there. I also experienced the rainy days which I did not enjoy because I ended up walking in wet socks and shoes as a result.

One of the best decisions I made on my second day was to visit the HK Museum of History. There was a special exhibition celebrating 60 years of liberation in Chinese history which I particularly enjoyed. I remember now I was rather interested in history when I was in secondary school but when I moved onto the final two years of my secondary school education, we were forced to take Geography and Literature in my class, instead of History and Literature, which I would have much preferred.

This trip invigorated my interest in Chinese history and I spent about two hours reading through the revolutions, atrocities, tragedies, mistakes, and all the happenings in its rich history. Incidentally, I also decided to go against my previous beliefs that it is better to travel myself than go on a guided tour, and that day marked a new turning point in my trip.

The tour was extremely informative and the tour guide, being very charming and jovial, injected humour within many historical facts to keep us all interested. There was so much to learn and it was great that she was able to laugh at herself and applauded us at the end for being the first group that she took that did not fall asleep when she started talking history.

I shared many of these stories with my three HK friends, Anthony, Jerry and Tina, who remarked that I probably visited more places of interest in HK than they did. For starters, they were not even aware of the HK Museum of History, but it is not uncommon at all for the residents of a city to not patronise these places of interest because it is considered too touristy. I just hope that they will consider visiting it after my recommendation.

I visited many other places of interest like the HK Art Museum (which was interesting but not as good as the History Museum), the Kam Tin Walled Village (where male chauvinism still rules!?!), and the Lok Ma Chau Lookout (where one can see Shenzhen on a clear day, but not on ours). Others included a cable car trip to the big Buddha statue and the nearby monastery for a deluxe vegetarian meal, Wong Tai Xin temple, Temple St (where the night markets are), Lan Kwai (FongHK Night Sight), and the Dr Sun Yat Sen Mausoleum. Many thanks to Anthony, I also visited the Peak (day and night), Repulse Bay. The other place that left a deep impression on me was Mongkok where I found HK's love for Jpop is still alive and vibrant and it is such a joy immersing myself in Jpop heaven. I also watched the glorious display of fireworks on China's 60th celebration through Anthony's colleague's office window, a special private view from the 30 something storey, all by myself.

Much of the credit of this joyful trip has to go to my dearest friends Anthony and Jerry who were so generous in spending so much time with me. Without them meeting me almost every day (Anthony met me very day), this trip wouldn't have been half as enjoyable or as fruitful. It was so nice knowing the two of you and I certainly hope that I will be able to return both your kindness some day. Thank you so much.

There were other friends that I would have liked to meet, but I guess it was not meant to be. I never regretted a moment or felt any loss because it was just so nice getting to really know the two of you better. It's ironical that our obsession for Akina would reap such fruits of labour in our older years. I strongly believe that our friendship will last the test of distance and time. As Danny says, Akina may not always be a nice person, but her fans are. I can't agree more. Akina had brought so many of us from all around the world, and mostly everyone is such a joy to know.

The biggest discovery of this trip, besides getting to know my dearest friends so much better, is my rekindled interest in history. I was in the first batch of Singaporeans to learn Singaporean history instead of Chinese history in school, as part of the Education Revolution in the late 70s, to cultivate nationalism, and a Singaporean identity. I do not regret it because I think it is important to feel proud of one's national identity, but Singapore's history is young and less colourful than China and its counterparts. There is still time to learn and one is never too young to learn.

Ironically, during my last evening as I was packing my luggage to depart the next day, I ended up watching an Australian current affairs program about the "caged people" in HK. It portrayed how the economic crisis had affected the HK population and the widening of the income parity, resulting in many impoverished people living in cages in HK. The unsanitary and inhumane living conditions saddened me dearly and made me feel extremely lucky that I am living in such comfortable conditions. It made me realise that I need to practise more kindness and generosity towards people in more need than I, and to focus less on myself.

The program also featured a mother and daughter though not living in a cage, is in a room that is almost as big as most people's toilets or kitchen. They have a double deck bed, TV, small table and stool all in one room, and the mother is weeping while being interviewed about how frustrated she is every day when she returns home from the two jobs that she has to work, to be able to keep this barely humane lifestyle going. She and her 8 year old daughter had moved from China, so that her daughter would be able to get a better education in HK. She says that her toilet back in China is bigger than the room that they now reside in, and she hopes that she will be allocated a public housing unit soon.

The social workers group have highlighted their case in the program because they are concerned for the little girl's mental well being, but they did say that there are about 100,000 cases (caged people) waiting for the allocation of public housing as well. The little girl has a few digestive biscuits for breakfast, goes to school and then comes home to watch TV while waiting for her Mum to come back from her second job, where she earns A$4 an hour at a local 7-Eleven store. Their room is next to the toilet and bathroom which is used by over 20 people who live on the same floor as they do. Her husband and son are back in China, and it is only her love for her daughter and her desire for her to have a better education and life that she is putting up with this lifestyle. It is truly heart-breaking, especially to know that there is such poverty in a developed and prosperous city like HK. It is not difficult to feel vulnerable and weep for such people. We do not need tragedies like natural disasters to remind us that life is fragile and there are always people in greater need than us.

The true definition of masculinity lies not in invincibility and power. It lies in human kindness, mutual respect and love above all. It is not an exercise of emasculation to cry or feel vulnerable. It helps make us feel love for others and empathise. All great human behavioural characteristics.

All in all, it has been such an enriching experience and I am thankful for everything. Such deep awakenings and discoveries that has left me hungry. I am sharing this so that we can all be a lot more aware of the happenings around us, and not to take our lives for granted. If we can practise a little more, donate a little more, give a little more, love a little more, then we can possibly make this world a better place for all.

I deserve this!

2009-08-21T20:02:00.002+10:00

After a most exhilarating but hectic month at work, I am surprised I am not feeling the total exhilaration of visiting Tokyo again ... tomorrow. Tokyo is one of my favourite cities in the world, but I have been engaged in some of the most exciting activities at work over the past month, that I haven't had the time to sit, relax, take a breath and for reality to sink in.

There has been so many challenges over the past month at work and there were exciting and not so interesting tasks that I was given, but I felt that I gave my best and thankfully, it was good enough. I finally managed to plan an entire Marketing, Advertising and Promotional campaign all by myself and I am high on achievement ecstasy. I am finally putting my love of Marketing to practise, and in the next two months, so of which I will not be around, some of my advertising ideas will be floating along the public streets of Sydney. This is kick-ass goodness.

I have been submerged at work for such a long time and it is great to be able to be given a really meaty task that I can sink my teeth into. It is not only great to work with a cohesive team, but also with managers who appreciate what I do. No more lazy bosses that I feel I have to make up for. What a great difference this makes and it makes all the hard work much more exciting.

Usually, I would have covered this entire post with my trip to Tokyo to see my idol Akina again (top that!) but I have been ranting on about work. It's pretty unusual if you are a regular reader and I guess I just want to say that perseverance pays!

It will my fourth trip to Tokyo and now I am on a Friday evening, after placing my last piece of necessity that I can remember in the luggage, trying to ramp up my excitement levels by blogging. Though it's only a week, it will be jammed with three concerts with my lovely Singaporean Akina fan/friends, a food bazaar (with my aunt), farewell drinks and dinner with Shige, Ueno trip with Catherine, two dinners with Leslie and lots of shopping, talking and eating. Life just doesn't get this good, and my eyes will be wide open looking for ideas to share at work. Have I officially turned into a workaholic?

Am I clucky?

2009-07-15T19:50:00.001+10:00

Moving on ...

2009-06-24T19:46:00.003+10:00

No, no towards another server or Twitter. I twittered with the idea, but gave up on both instances because of inertia and the lack of time. As for the latter, I think I love the flow of ideas and I do not like to be constrained, so I'm sticking around for a little while.

Moving on ... refers to other aspects of my life, like home and job. As most of you would have already known, we finally bought a place to call our home. It was a long time coming and it was difficult. Thankfully, the decision was quick, unanimous and sweet. Now, I believe that this process helped both of us to grow within the relationship, to understand each other better, and support each other especially through the tough times.

We can laugh about it now, be expertly in our advice, because we have been there, but every journey is different. It is helpful to realise that it is probably one of the biggest decisions that we will ever make in our lives, permeating every inch of our lives. There is no escape because you have to carry on your lives together inspite of the day. One of the most important lessons to establish at the beginning is that our relationship is ultimately more important than any issue. The other fundamental element is realising that we both have a right to veto and that we must reach an amiable agree,ent. This right to veto must be established early and understood so that both parties know that spite does not stand within the decision. Truth and reason does.

We are lucky that we got there finally. It is a labour of love and we had a great many time playing "newly weds". Though we may not believe or want marriage (we just want to be given the same rights to choose), this is equivalent to marriage in terms of the commitment that we have both agreed upon. It is a new chapter in our relationship and helps provide the grounding and our foundation to grow deeper in love.

Since we moved from a meagre one bedroom to a two bedroom unit, we had the pleasure to set up our new home with new furniture and love. It may not be picture perfect, but almost every single piece of furnitureand wall now has a new page to start our history within it. It was also fun playing hosts to our dear friends in sharing our joy together with them. I had realised with time and age that big flashy parties are no longer my forte and desire, and prefer the smaller conversations and intimate dinners to get to know my friends better. Life with loved ones is bliss.

I am also looking forward to my family visiting and sharing our new home with them nearer the end of the year. Though they are still unaware of our relationship in a spoken sense, I am very grateful to John for not pressing the issue, and just letting things be. It may be naive of me to defend my stand that if they do not ask, then they will not have to admit to others when prompted. I believe it is an Asian variation of denial. In not confirming or asking, they can always tell the truth known to them. It can sense cowardly to many, but do these many know of our cultural intricacies? Will ignorance bring bliss?

I cannot purport to answer this question, but I know that the times when they visit will pose their challenge and like I do with my usual style, I will deal with the issue as they arise. I prefer not to picture the mountains and the valleys before I start a trek. I can be ready, and I like to keep my head held high. I know I am resourceful, so I will handle the situation if and when it arises.

Onto lighter matters, I have also moved sections within work, being finally able to do something that I had studied and have been more passionate about - Marketing. Within any new job, one has to work hard to prove themselves. Though most of my current colleagues are aware of my capabilities, I felt I had twice the hurdles to conquer. I had to live up to my name, and this explains the lack of posts.

I am on secondment for five months and it has been so lovely to receive so many compliments on my "move" from fellow colleagues, and then support from my co-workers because it was a rather tough time. I was disoriented for about two days, and thankfully found my ground. I am stepping out of the "abyss" and I know I had performed and adapted well. I found myself hungry again ... a feeling that has been lost to me for a while.

John has been describing it as a promotion, which I resisted at first because it's a side step at this point (no increment or extra incentives). However, I am warming to it because I no longer feel like a fraud and I have proved myself, not so importantly to others, but ultimately to myself.

I have not asked for more because I believe this experience is a reward of sorts especially in this economic climate. I am planting the seeds that will hopefully grow strong, and establishing the relationships to get where I ultimately want to be. I know I have been lucky but I never take kindness for granted. I want to thank my family and friends for your love and support all these years patiently waiting for me to blossom. My love, John, who has never wavered in his love and support for me and I want to give it back to you by helping you fulfill your dream.

Lastly, I would also like to thank everyone for your continued support for my writing, especially my webfriends Stephen and Makary because I wouldn't have written this tonight if not for your prompts.

Responsibility

2009-04-09T13:14:00.001+10:00

Responsibility. Does anyone even recognise or use this word anymore? All day long at work, I am faced with differing requests and complaints, not only from students but also from adults (and parents), that someone else is responsible for their "failures". When will they realise that we all have a part to play.

I am currently reading this engrossing book "We Need To Talk About Kelvin" by Lionel Shriver (female author). The writing is beautiful, even poetic at times, and it is a book of letters, from a woman to her husband, trying to rediscover what went wrong, after their son goes to high school and kills 9 people one day.

She traces all the way back from when they first entertained the idea of children, to the fateful day Kelvin commits the shooting. Where did they go wrong? The writing is raw and harrowing, and Lionel has a real gift. What happens when a mother does not feel the motherly love when she holds her baby for the first time, and what happens when your child is evil in nature. Why is it that the mother always cops the blame? I am only halfway through the book and I am already questioning the judgment that we are quick to pass about parents.

One good example is how quickly we condemn the mother who leaves her child in the bathtub for 5 seconds to pick up the phone and comes back to discover that her child has drowned in two inches of water. Two inches. She could have been a great mother all this time, but we discount that. We only remember and judge her for the 5 seconds that she was away. As if to say that the loss of her child and her guilt is not enough to tie her down already.

As you can tell, I am loving and savouring this book. It is not difficult to empathise with the mother in the book, but let me reassure you that she is flawed, and she is real. The book paints the father as a doting parent, the perfect child loving adult with a blind spot. It really makes me appreciate the responsibility that parents take on.

Does this responsibility towards our children blind us to the point of protection that we will blame anyone or everyone than our own child for something that they had committed. Are we teaching them the right thing by shielding them and reaffirming their perfection? When and how do we teach responsibility. Will this world be a better place to live if we all took some responsibility instead of trying to find excuses and place the blame on others?

Grey

2009-04-03T13:08:00.005+11:00

One of my favourite pastimes is reading and revisiting old memories, because I believe they can lead to self-discoveries. I can do so by talking to my parents, reading books, articles on the internet and due to the fact that I am also a nostalgic person, I like to watch old movies and access old articles on the internet, especially those during my past years. One never knows what treasures we can stumble upon.

I have a growing collection of old movies which I can share only with some of my friends and mostly my sister, who is back in Singapore, about the old TV series and comics that we used to watch. They include old Chinese movies like 爱的天地, 汪洋中的一条船, 小城故事 to old Japanese cartoons like キャンデイ·キャンデイ, 花の子るンルン, and series like 赤い疑惑, おしん, and most recently 庭院深深. My Mum did not share my enthusiasm when I copied some of the older Chinese movies for her, just in case she wanted to watch, and all she said was “So old. I don’t want to see them.” That is so typical of my mother. LOL. Perhaps that is why I always admired my friend Zing when we were in our teenage years when he told us how he would have discussions with his mother about new material from 早見優 and 松任谷由実. Leslie and I were so envious, but we were also conscious that the “grass is always greener on other pastures”.

I am still looking for old series like the late 70’s version of 生徒諸君, 赤い衝撃 and 俺たちの旅 but unfortunately, there are no Chinese subtitled versions available and my Japanese is not good enough for me to take a risk with buying the originals, because I will only get frustrated. I guess this desire and my fellow VAMPire buddies have spurred me on to pick up Japanese again, for the umpteenth time. I am tyring to do some self study because there is no one else to accompany me to class, but I will see how that goes, and may eventually enrol in some courses when I have revised a little more. Wish me luck!

However, if anyone has any lobang (as in tips) on how to source these Chinese subtitled versions – I hate dubbed versions, but will lower my standards if left with no choice, I will be most appreciative.

The reason of this post is not to source for suggestions, but just to share my reflection on how reviewing these old memorabilia has helped me realise how our perspectives change with time. I am not talking about a change of taste in genre. I still enjoy them relatively, but I am more interested in how our opinions were shaped by our increasing life experiences.

It is easier to differentiate between right and wrong, black and white with classical conditioning, but once we experience life, opinions can confuse and change dramatically, especially in regards to human behaviour and feelings. Like Akina sings in 北ウィング, “Love is a mystery”, and so is life. Even when we tell ourselves that a feeling of jealousy or rage is wrong or an undesirable trait, there is no toggle switch for us to operate between the two mediums effortlessly. We are not built for these functions.

One important life lesson I learned is empathy and not judge others by the roles we play. Take for example the undesirable and socially unacceptable role of the third party in a relationship. It is a most painful place to be caught in, and most of the time, we enter into such situations without knowing, and only when we have sunk too deep, that we realise that we couldn’t pull ourselves out as easily and be as noble as we previously thought ourselves to be. Life changes when we get caught in experiences like this. We learn to understand, interpret and look from a different perspective that we had never seen before. Life is indeed many shades of grey.

I rediscovered this watching 庭院深深. It’s terribly long and the story a little too wishy washy, but I still enjoyed it because I love 刘雪华. I think she is a great actress. When I finally found this DVD, I was ecstatic because I wanted to rediscover why I liked this series when I first watched it on TV in 1988. What amazed me was how I found empathy for the other (hateful) woman caught in the love triangle and I actually shed a few tears for her at the end. I remember vividly that I did not feel that way when I first watched it. Maybe it is an understanding of how painful it is, when our love is not accepted. Too many people focus on the reciprocation of an act like love. I think that though it is wonderful for love just to be accepted and appreciated by someone. I believe "Thank You" can be a gift in itself.

Onto more superficial discoveries, watching these movies and series has also led me to reaffirm the type of women I like. Talent aside, I am drawn to celebrities with poise. They may not have to be pretty but they must have poise, which means I tend to exclude “cute” and especially burrikos (Seiko is an exception because I enjoyed her earlier songs). Which is why I was especially drawn to celebrities like Akina Nakamori 中森明菜, Momoe Yamaguchi 山口百恵, Imai Miki 今井美樹, Judy Ongg, Maggie Cheung 张曼玉, 刘雪华, 曾慧芬, Cate Blanchett, Meryl Streep, Jane Fonda and Michelle Pfeiffer to name a few.

I wonder if anyone else shares my passion for revisitations and rediscoveries, or am I stuck in the past instead of looking towards the future?

The Smile

2009-04-01T13:43:00.000+11:00

I have often lamented that a smile is practically non-existent in the passing of our every day lives with strangers and this is particularly evident in the city that we live in. I have often heard how country folk tend to be less guarded, and are more likely to strike up conversations than city folk, and I have to take their word since I understand how we are more focused on getting from point A to B, then to stop and be truly concerned with the ongoings of another stranger's daily happenings. I may be a culprit myself but I happen to catch the eye of someone, I will try my best to greet them with a smile.

A very recent incident caused me to ponder on the irony of this wish and perhaps understand why we do not smile as often towards strangers. If others had the same experience as I had, would it potentially cause a shutdown, or should I disregard it as an isolated incident?

John and I were driving back home after a Friday night out. It was only 9 pm, and the roads were thankfully rather free of traffic. We stopped at the lights and nonchalantly, I turned around to the pick-up parked next to my passenger seat, and caught the eye of the Indian driver. He smiled. "Friendly", I thought, and I smiled back, expecting this to be an isolated incident. The lights turned and we strolled along, and then I started to notice soon from the corner of my eye, with the following two traffic lights that we stopped at, that I was being watched. I tried to avoid further eye contact, but it was difficult not to want to verify my suspicions. The temptation was too much, but I did it as discreetly as he would allow.

When the roads widened and he veered two lanes away to the left, finally breaking the invisible bond, I heaved a sigh of relief. I turned around to look at him and there he was, smiling and waving this time. I interpreted that as a Goodbye, so I just held my hand up, without smiling. I figured out that it was a wrong move soon when he drove back into the lane next to us. "What should I do? Should I warn John?".

Just as I was about to make a decision, John popped "Is that driver following us?", and I briefed him on my suspicions. The real test came when we had to turn into the main road leading home, and disappointingly, he followed. There was this crescendo of lights, curtains drawing, and a huge board in front of us reading "Let the games begin!!". We were unwilling participants of this crime drama that we did not ask for, especially considering that it is not even a genre that features on our home TV set or DVD collection ... at all.

He was starting to get rowdier, and he was gesturing and banging on the side of his door, trying to gain our attention because we are not affording him any. We couldn't afford to. We had too much to lose. Deep in my mind, I was wondering how I managed to "lead him on" with an innocent smile. Who was he? What does he want? Do I really care?

He wasn't letting go and we were starting to panic because it was no longer a coincidence. Our ignorance wasn't working. He was taking this as a challenge. There was no way that we were going to drive into our garage because then he would know where we lived, but we were only about 100 metres from home, and we were not equipped for emergencies like this. I tried to make quick mental notes that I need to catch more of these shows to know what to do in such a situation. "Should I jump out of the car to create some diversion? No, that only happens in movies." Where can we go? What should we do? We needed to make a sudden turn and catch him unaware.

We reached the cross junction about 50 metres from home, making a prompt decision to turn into a busier street than the one that we usually took. It was a gamble, but possibly a safer option. We stayed glued to the traffic lights praying for it to keep green, so that we can leave him behind, but no such luck. We were stuck and he crept in behind us. We were not going to signal our left turn. We are just going to pretend to go straight ahead. Our hearts pulsating with every flickering pedestrian crossing signal on the adjacent street, the lights finally turned and we made a sharp turn. Fixated on the rear view mirror rather than the front, we had to peel our eyes away when we finally saw him zooming straight ahead instead. That was a close shave. Too close for comfort.

We were still feeling uneasy as we eased into the lane of our quiet street, mind and heart still cautious from the anxiety, expecting him to draw the curtain with the dagger any moment. He was gone.

Happy Birthday Jen!

2009-03-27T16:46:00.000+11:00

Happy Birthday my dearest sister. May you always stay young, beautiful, intelligent, caring and loving as you are.

I have to exclaim, "Isn't it wonderful how our relationship has progressed over the past year as the kids grow older?". You are growing up to be a loving, responsible and wonderful mother who is always ready to place Joy and Joshua above you, and even if they may not be able to appreciate in words right now, I believe I speak for them from my "objective eyes".

I can see how the two of them have blossomed and I thank you for taking on the challenges that I had presented, like a "back seat parent" sometimes, which makes me as an uncle and brother, feel really treasured and loved. I can't always be there, and there have been times when I have been caught in the "heat" too when I am playing with them, and I understand the rationale to vent, but I have learned that these are episodes that take a long time to rewind in the minds of the impressionable.

I totally understand the pressures of "getting it right" and I have to say now that it isn't always black and white, but if we can let the anger past us by, and not blind us, we will always be able to make a more educated decision.

I trust your decision, your parenting, your love and have confidence in everything that you decide as a course of action. This is how proud I am of who you are, not only as a sister, but fundamentally, as a human being. You are strong. After all, anyone who has been through natural child birth without epidural has gone through one of life's biggest and most dangerous challenges, and nothing should faze you again.

I wish you love, happiness, prosperity and lots of joy that causes you to smile from the bottom of your heart. The laughter that brightens up not only yours but the lives of everyone around you. That is the wonderful effect you have on others. Thank you so much for the lessons of life and love I continue to learn from you, and the generosity of sharing two wonderful beings with me. I love you so much. Happy Birthday!

Me@37

2008-12-22T10:33:00.008+11:00

I have to say firstly that it is luxury to not have to work for the rest of the year. Work has been rather hectic and combined with other stresses, I have been to preoccupied to blog at all. I have also been spending more time on Facebook and have been uploading most of our Europe trip, very leisurely, hanging to every last thread of memory ...

It is now officially almost the beginning of my 37th year. Every year as I mature, the material things in life become less and less important, and I am reminded constantly of the importance of the relationships in my life.

I have been really so lucky to have real friends. People who truly love and care for me, and are not afraid to be there for the difficult times. I am not be financially well off, but I know that I will never walk alone, or will I ever worry that I will fall and shatter, because my friends will always be there to catch. Thank you all so much for making my life so wonderful and warm.

I really feel my parents love, my wonderful Dad and Mum. Such wonderful human beings whom I love so much, and love me back. What more can one ask for. I may complain once in a while about my sheltered life, but I learnt so many lessons of love from them and my siblings that I spent a good part of my life, learning to live, love, give and share. Now that I have two other darlings in my life, my beautiful nephew and niece, I am still learning how to love and give more.

I am also so lucky to have John in my life. Though it has been a relatively tough year for us both, we are definitely looking forward to a wonderful year next year, and we couldn't ask for a better start. Watch this space!! It has been so nice to be able to share you with my family during my trip and I am sure we will have a fabulous time if and when they visit Sydney again. I love you so much.

A final special mention must also go to my beloved grandma, whom I still miss so much. I wish you were here to see me now. You have always been so proud of me, even when I "loathed" myself, so I really feel like I want to share my happy life with you now. I know that you are there looking over my shoulder and hopefully wearing your warm smile. I want to repay your kindness because I know I would not be who I am without you, but I guess I'll just have to keep living my life to the fullest and making sure that I am happy. I am ... I really am.

Party@37 Photos - It took me a long time to be convinced that it was a good idea to celebrate my birthday at home because I didn't want to work. I succumbed to the idea after I realised how muc more quality time I could spend with my friends, and it was also a great way to say "Thank You" to them.

Full Set of Birthday Party Photos and My Collection of Europe Photos (less Barcelona): Here

Startin ...

2008-11-13T11:06:00.000+11:00

I have so much to share about this trip but am finding it a little difficult to start. What can I also share that is personal and that no one else has already covered?

I have finally decided that I will share my personal highlights and my Top Three favourites of each city. It is going to be tough, and it may be rather general, but John and I had a discussion once, and I certainly hope I remembered what my choices were then. If not, then it will serve as an afterthought, especially after reviewing the photos.

Incidentally, a stranger had also posted a comment on one of my old posts written some time in 2007 titled "Gay Love", which prompted me to think about the significance of this trip, being the first time in our six years union, that we had taken a trip that lasted longer than a week (or four days) with each other, almost 24/7 and how we dealt with relationship and personal freedom issues that eventuated. I will not go into details but they are certainly issues that may help other couples planning on long trip (four weeks) to consider.

If there are any other suggestions, I would most certainly like to hear them.

Free Myself

2008-11-11T11:20:00.001+11:00

I was watching the ABC program "Enough Rope" last night and it was an interview with the comedian Dawn French. She mentioned the following that really struck a chord with me:

"I have never spent my life looking for approval from people I don’t respect, or people whose approval I will never get, I can’t be bothered to waste time doing that, but the approval of people I really love, like Jennifer, like Lenny, like my Father, is the most delightful thing when you get and I did get lots of it which is great"

I have my fair share of seeking approvals in my life, and I know that I have many friends who love me for who I am, but there are always some people whom I will always try my best or way beyond my best, and still feel inadequate.

I am learning to care less about what other people say about me and my actions. I have learnt that there are "battles" worth fighting, and there are some that have the potential to leave me "wounded" and upset, and that I should just leave them instead of trying to soothe my ego.

Only when I can exercise my will to do as I please, with an understanding that I will not harm others, will I be free myself.

I 'm Back and More Coming Soon ...

2008-11-10T21:38:00.003+11:00

I am so sorry for the lack of posts recently. I have been back for a week and a half from the trip of my lifetime, but I have not been feeling very well.

It was probably due to my hectic schedule and exercise routine that I kept up during the four week Europe trip, and then not letting nature takes its course by allowing my body to experience the jet lag . Instead, I continued to punish my body further by insisting on keeping the same schedule as my family in Singapore.

I didn't have much of a choice because my stay in Singapore was relatively short (ten days) as compared to the past trips and I feel so guilty about spending so much time away from them, and I do miss them as well. So, I tried to do as much as I can, and I believe that when I finally arrived back in Sydney and went straight back to work in an hour, my body raised the white flag and protested.

Still, there are no regrets at all (if any, it was still too short - especially the Singapore leg), and I had the time of my life.

I have yet to post much photos (except on Facebook) but I want to do proper entries on my blog, because all the memories are still fresh, both as a memorial piece and an update of my wonderful trip.

I have finally finished the bulk of work which I have a deadline at the end of this month, so I am able to steal some time off work to do some blog entries and organise my photos on the web. I was initially thinking of using Flickr again but its not very user-friendly, so I thought of Picasa web albums but the irritating thing is that the software insists on changing all your photos on your computer to the Picasa album, and that takes so much time.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Missing You

2008-10-07T07:41:00.001+11:00

11 years today and I still miss you ...

Thank you for your love. I will not be who I am today if not for your unconditional love. It's such a shame that the younger generation will never know my wonderful grandmother who taught me how to live and love.

I Love Tina Fey

2008-09-16T18:02:00.000+10:00

This is truly hilarious!

Eight More Sleeps

2008-09-12T20:39:00.000+10:00

Can't wait ...

My Father

2008-08-22T11:22:00.005+10:00

It seems fitting that I should pen my tribute to my father on the upcoming Father's Day celebration in Australia.

If there was a job that everyone was destined in life, then my father's would be a dad. He is what one could call a 24 hour Dad, never tiring of the role that he was born to play. My father wasn't there in the hospital when I was born. I learned it from a letter that my Aunt Alice wrote to him when he was working in Germany. I chanced upon the letter via incident more than ten years ago and have never been able to locate it since. One of those unsolved mysteries ...

The letter was written by my aunt because the common language between my parents was Cantonese and my Dad would not been able to read the Mandarin characters, so it seemed fit that my aunt would be the one to write. The basic premise of the letter is to announce my birth and my adoption of his unofficial Christian name, James. I do not know why my aunt chose my father's name for me. I guess it could be a way to honour my father's best characteristics most significantly, his integrity. I certainly hope I lived up to that expectation.

Unlike my mother who would share stories of her childhood and youth, my father was a relatively reserved man. We knew that he came from a polygamous family, and somehow I was always under the impression that his father did not feature significantly in his life. I had imagined that it was his father's relative absence that inspired him to be involved in all aspects of our lives. I later realised through my aunt (his sister) that it was not true.

I know that there are many untold stories of my father's childhood that I wish to hear, to know what my dad was like as a child and a young man. To see the similarities or differences we share I also know that I will be the one who will have to take the initiative to dig them out, so I am hoping that this will help ease the first lines of communication.

Growing up, my father was a kind and loving disciplinarian. He played good parent while my mother played Ms Hyde most of the time. Together, they would try their individual best to instill the best values and knowledge, probably due to lost opportunities of their own life. They were very strict, insisting that we place studies above all else, so that we would end up being independent and dependable adults.

Every night, he would tuck us into bed, asking us if we loved him, which can be a little embarrassing at times, but thinking back now, it can be rather sweet too. As I mentioned before, my parents never shied from showing affection, and I can remember the day still that I told him not to hug me in public anymore. It must have hurt, but that is the impulsiveness of youth.

He also had his unique way of instilling his values in us. Besides showing his affection for us, he would make us promise since young that we would:

(a) never smoke
(b) never take drugs
(c) never gamble

It has proven to be really effective because I can still hear from his voice right now as I am typing. My mischievous little brother would sometimes try to get his way when he lost, by shouting to Dad, "Daddy, big brother is smoking" and Dad would storm into the room, and say "Is that true, James?". Such an insignificant but fond memory.

Dad was also rather good at mathematics, so he would sit us all down at the kitchen table every night when I started primary school and go through all our English and Mathematics homework. However, since he was not a teacher, there was only a limit to what he could impart. I remembered failing a Mathematics paper when I was in Year 3, and since I miraculously topped the class for the first (and last time) after the mid semester, my teacher wanted to know what happened. I told her eventually that my father didn't know enough about algebra then to teach me. I can't remember what happened after that, but in some ways, I probably knew that I was going to have to do it on my own from then on.

The other fond and significant recollection that I have is my Dad buying the entire collection (or the remainder) of the Secret Seven series that I lacked. All thirteen or so copies of it from the third book onwards. I knew that we were not rich because we rarely ate out, and we had to help Mum with the sewing as well, so I was astonished when he bought them all at MPH. I can still vaguely remember how proud I was when Dad brought them all to the counter and paid for them. That was his grand love for me.

The other reason why this stood out was because it was also the day that my grandparents moved to their new and eventual home in Ang Mo Kio. We visited them that afternoon immediately after the shop and someone spilled Fanta Orange all over some of the books. I can remember my anger and disappointment then, but nothing could rob me of the joys of owning the entire set, which I still own at home.

During my teenage years, I started to rebel at home. I had a "violent temper", one that Mum was quick to point as a flaw I shared with Dad. My results at school would deteriorate because I found it difficult to adapt to my teenage years as a "nerd" and misfit. I was plump and not as agile or sports oriented as my other fellow students. The only sport I was good at was swimming because Dad paid for lessons, but we never had swimming lessons at School, so I never had a chance to prove myself.

I feared Parents Day because I knew that I had let them down again but there was no way to get out of it. My only asylum was Japanese music, which my mother had no empathy at that time for, because she thought it was a hindrance to my performance at School. She was not entirely wrong. However, the more she objected, the more I rebelled.

Dad shocked me after one Parents Day though when he brought me out, after my teacher's less than favourable review, and bought me the most expensive watch I had ever owned. Even till now, I have no idea why he did it. I can only guess it is a way to motivate me to do better, but I didn't. I was lost.

I guess I didn't find myself until I left secondary school and realised how badly I had done in my "O" Levels, which left me little opportunities in life. I also worked for the first time in my life, lost some weight and gained some self confidence because I realised that I was a relatively fast learner and could adapt to changing demands rather fluidly. It was probably then
that life started making some sense for me.

Dad was an engineer, so in some ways, he probably wanted my brother and I to walk the same path as him. Alas, it was not my calling, but I managed to persevere and graduate with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. I made many good friends at Ngee Ann Polytechnic, sadly many of whom I had lost contact with. Thankfully, I found one of my best friends last year incidentally, and though the lines of communication are still rather irregular, we will never lose the bonds of friendship we held.

Dad's love for his children is never more pronounced when I started my two and a half year compulsory Army service after that. Unlike my fellow camp-mates, I was one of the only few that was picked up every Saturday afternoon and driven back every Sunday night by their parents. He never faltered once. It seemed that he would give up all other engagements so that he could be there.

It can get potentially a little embarrassing at times because I didn't want to be seen as being pampered, but strangely, the Army does strange things to immature minds. The absence from home and familial love makes one treasure the bonds of kinship more than ever. I was seen as the lucky one and I never took my parents' love for granted from then on. He is always keen to share his generosity, so my neighbouring friends benefited from the lift as well.

It is always interesting to see my father in the eyes of his friends, because that is the real him, not the familiar role of a father he adopts in our lives. There is an air of authority, integrity and respect that he garners and I can see that vividly in the eyes of his friends. He is usually silent, squirms a little under the praise of his friends, and I see and feel the strong and loyal man/friend they say he is.

He is a worker, not a talker. Through my aunt, I have learned more about my father than I could ever know, because he would never brag. I admire his courage and strength. When my grandma was on her death bed and the doctor wanted the family to make a decision to amputate her legs, it was left to him. The eldest son assigned by his mother and two younger siblings to make the most difficult decision one could ever want to be responsible for. I can not for my life, imagine how one would not crumble at this point in life, but knowing my father, he probably took it as a life decision that had to be made. I wasn't there, so I don't know if he ever wept, but knowing him, he probably did not do it in public.

When my aunt flew back from Australia to attend my grandmother's funeral, it was in the middle of our university Summer Term, and my father told us that our studies were more important, and how she would understand. After my aunt returned, she told us about her half siblings that she was surprised to see at the funeral. They had lost contact for a very long time and since my grandma bore some old grudge against my grandpa's other wives, the relationship has never been warm. So, when they arrived and adopted the deceased 's children identity (it is Taoist tradition that the more children you have, the more glorious you will look in the other world), my aunt was even more surprised. She engaged into lengthy conversations with them, and learned that the reason for them taking this duty was to return the favour my father gave to their mother a couple of years ago. No one in his family knew about it. Since he acknowledged their mother then, it was their turn to acknowledge his. I was moved to tears. I know my aunt was so proud of her brother then.

My father is a very kind man who loves children. I see it whenever I see him play with my nephew and niece. I see shades of my father as a young dad again. I have to say that he was a little surprised when I hugged him for the first time in years when I returned to Singapore from Australia, because he probably thought he would never get that back again. It is good that I am able to hug him now when I arrive back in Singapore and leave, or whenever I want to. I am also happy that we can tell each other that we love each other very much too.

Compared with many other friends and stories of upbringing I have read and heard, I think that though my childhood was relatively sheltered, we have been very lucky to be loved by two wonderful parents who always put us in the first place. We were not rich, couldn't afford as many luxuries, rarely ate out (McDonalds was considered a relative luxury), or went overseas for holidays, I still believe my parents came out tops, and there is not a thing I would change, except if I could have been more mature earlier in my age.

I want to thank my wonderful parents, for the love, patience, care, concern and support they have always provided us. My sister has been ushering me to write this because she says "He is just the best Dad in the world", and it is entirely true. My only wish now is to be able to learn more about the man I lovingly call my father.

I do not know if we make you both proud, but I hope we do. We may not be great achievers in life if you measure things via monetary means, but life is more than that. It is about love, relationships and respect. These wonderful loving lessons that we learned from the best teachers in the world, and in this aspect, we can proudly declare "Thank you for the rich lessons of love and life." We love you both very dearly.

N.E.R.D.

2008-08-21T11:59:00.003+10:00

Interestingly, the definition on dictionary.com for nerd reads:

1.	a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person.

2.	an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit: a computer nerd.

I would like to think that I do not fall into the first category but beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so who knows. This thought came about due to a conversation I had with a fellow colleague where we remarked at the "impossibility" of growing up in our old days with the internet and all these technology that we take for granted today.

Since I was not "built for sports" while I was growing up (read: plump and pudgy), I preferred the more leisurely activities like reading and listening to music, the former which I did plenty of. My parents had always advocated reading since young, so we were always brought to libraries and bought books instead of toys.

I also remember when I was first allowed to go out and venture on my own at the age of 13, and how I was given the "green light" to go to the library with my backpack and borrow books for my siblings and I. There was no electronic card system and I had to make sure I had the paper borrowing cards with me so that I wouldn't go home empty handed. I also had to pick ten books for all of us and carry them all back. I wonder now how I managed to pick the books for them as well because there was no guarantee that they would all be good, but I did alright, I guess.

One of my favourite past-times during school holidays was also spending the entire day (at least 5-6 hours) holed up in the reference section of the National Library. The wonderful archive of books and music, most unavailable or unwrapped in bookstores, and mostly unaffordable for a student like me.

I loved spending all that time there reading all the trivia, listening to the CDs that I would never buy or afford to buy and watch the movies that I do not have access to. It was the pleasure of reading for the sake of having fun, and not having to be tested on the material afterwards.

So yes, by this definition, I was indeed a nerd. Today, with the internet so readily available, I rarely spend as much time or visit the library as often anymore, and thinking back, I do miss those days very much. I still crave the trivia and knowledge but I manage to get that online. However, this ease of accessibility and availability makes me realise how much more transient the experience is, as opposed to those days when I just soaked in it. No longer immersed in my own world, with no one to disturb and without a bother in the world.

I wonder if we will ever return to such indulgences? It is a test that I will have to experience and tell ...

Commercials Of Yesteryear

2008-08-20T11:40:00.003+10:00

The radio was playing a song this morning that prompted memories that drifted all the way back to the 70s. I believe it could be one of the few memorable advertisements that I remember as a child. The song was "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)".

I remembered the candlelights and the Christmas tree at the end of the commercial and the harmonious melody. It was during the days when my siblings and I would stand in front of the TV when the national anthem is played before the station began their program and if I did not recall wrongly, a scene that we enacted when we managed to get our hands on some candles, and sang along to the catchy jingle.

I did a quick search on Google and Youtube and found the respective Wikipaedia entry and original commercials (CMs). If you click on the link enclosed in the song title above, it gives a very interesting story on how the commercial was created, and how it came back from being a flop when it was first released to being a worldwide hit. Coincidentally, it is also one of the 100 best selling singles of all time in the UK.

The commercial shows how love and song (or rather coke in this case) can connect people of different nationalities all around the world. The Christmas version is the one that I remember and they are both presented here:

The other ad I recall is a Japanese Glico "Pocky" advertisement with a catchy Japanese jingle that started with "季節の風に... (The season/festival of the wind)". The actress snaps off the candy at the end of the commercial with the Japanese accent "Chock-co-lat and Staw-berry". Unfortunately, I am unable to locate the ad on Youtube, but this is the closest version with the late 本田美奈子.:

Do you share these same memories? What are some of the commercials that you remember re-enacting or singing to as a child?

New Outside

2008-08-19T14:05:00.006+10:00

One singer used the title "New Inside" to describe a transition from their old positioning towards establishing new rounds . I have been wondering if my blog is always too serious, too wordy, discouraging any comments. Hence, I have decided that I am going to be entirely superficial today. With encouragement from John, I am going to share some very recent photos (like a progression report), showing that I can be shallow and vain with these self promotional photos.

It started with my last trip back to Singapore in November when my "anorexic" friend exclaimed "You're fat" when we met, and added "When are you going to give up that one pack that you are carrying". It hurts when someone says that because I grew up plump and it was not until I left secondary school that I lost the extra weight and that my self loathing ended. So, it brought me back to the bad old days.

I know that I am not fat but when my aunt said the same thing the trip before that, it is quite difficult to ignore. We are the harshest critics of ourselves and I believe we have all been there. I read my dear friend Danny Bunny's blog and he shows the progress of his six pack and uses circles to highlight the invisible fat that he has gained after every holiday. I know that I suffer from the same "disillusion" but it is difficult not to be totally critical.

Since I am not fond of making New Year resolutions, I made a vow to include more cardio routines to my exercise regime. In addition to my lunch time workouts during the weekdays, which gives me the bulk, I incorporated more running and swimming exercises during the week.

It was difficult putting myself through that routine because it requires plenty of discipline, and though I have sufficient to bring myself to the gym, my army days took out all pleasures associated with running. I hated it, racing against others and time. This time, I psyched myself first by thinking that it is the distance that counts not the time, because contrary to most beliefs, the number of calories burnt is the same regardless of whether you run or walk the same distance.

So, I tried to enjoy it and keep my mind focused on pleasant things instead of the stress, and it worked. With swimming, I was alternating between breast stroke and freestyle every 50 m and just found it difficult not to stop after finishing one of these combined routines. I wasn't getting very far until a colleague came in and said how difficult she found doing that, compared to just swimming freestyle all the way. Now, I can do 20 laps or so without stopping for more than 5 seconds every 10 laps or so, which is quite an achievement for me. Again, I focussed on other things while I am swimming, like singing/playing songs in my mind. If you can list the discography of singers like my crazy mind does, then you may find it easier to count the number of laps completed too. Ha! Ha!

I think I looked a little haggard in the first few months due to the change in routine, but my body has slowly acclimatised to the rigors, so I have to find ways to add variation to my almost daily gym routine. I hate spending more than an hour at the gym and since my lunch time is only one hour, it suits me perfectly, to run about 100m to get my body warmed up, and then do a 45 minute routine. I generally add a lot of balancing and movement to my workout instead of just using free weights to add agility.

When I finally weighed myself for the first time after four months or had the courage to, I was surprised that I lost around 5 kgs. I also changed my diet slightly and gave up all fruit juices and sweet drinks. However, I do sneak in treats now and then because I realise that this is part of the reason for working so hard.

I have resigned to the fact that I am not going to have that six pack that we see on magazines but they can be unreal because these models starve themselves for the past three days before the shoot and they have all the time in the world to exercise, a luxury that I do not possess.

I have been playing around with the camera recently and took some photos last week, and am finally finding the courage to share a couple of them, some more revealing than others. I am sorry there are no before and after shots, but you can possibly find plenty of "before" shots on my archives. This is because I know that it is going to be difficult to maintain that exercise routine when I am away in Europe on a holiday but I am certainly going to try. If I can wake up this morning and still run when it is 6 degrees outside, then I can do it.

The goal is to see my friend's face and prove to him and everyone else that age is not a deterrent towards looking our best.

My Style

2008-08-19T13:59:00.003+10:00

I tried a new writing style with my two recent posts to reflect a change, with shorter sentences but I am starting to wonder if it is really me?

My friend and mentor once said that since I have a love for writing, I should write. "Join some creative writing course" he says, because it will be useful for me, but he also quickly added "However, remember not to lose your style because that is what makes you unique".

In my attempt for change, I am wondering if I swayed away from my comfort zone, and if I had indeed benefited from it. Is it still me and my voice? Is it more important to stay within the rules? Did it make it better?

The Visit

2008-08-16T18:02:00.002+10:00

Needles, Extraction, Trauma

Entitlement or Hedonism

2008-08-14T12:02:00.003+10:00

After much deliberation and "consultation", I have decided to extend my holiday to attend the Judy Ongg concert. It has not been an easy decision to reach because I do not want to be seen as being hedonistic.

There is a marked difference between the Asian and Australian work culture. While it is fine for Aussies to start and leave on time, it is usually frowned upon by the Asian culture. Hence, there is sometimes a conflict of values when I am faced with decisions like this.

I do not think there is anything wrong with starting and leaving on time because working late can sometimes (or should be) interpreted as being ineffective or inefficient during the normal working hours. I dislike working over time just to prove that I am hardworking, but I will put in the hard hours to ensure that I do not lag behind.

My close friend and colleague says that even if I do slack off, that I am still leaps and bounds ahead in terms of work ethic as compared to others. The final clincher - Annual leave is not only a privilege but an entitlement.

To Know or Not

2008-08-14T11:34:00.001+10:00

I visited the dentist yesterday. Like everyone else, I dread the experience unless I have those perfect pearly whites that I would just go and let them heap praise on me. Unfortunately, this is not the case with me. I have been told numerous times that I used to brush my teeth so hard that I suffer from receding gums, which is not something that affects people my age.

The previous dentist that I attended just asked me vaguely if I had known about the issue. I nodded, expecting him to provide some pleasant late night reading about healthy and unhealthy gums. He just proceeded with the cleaning, and I was generally quite happy about it all. However, I suffered from an inflamed gum in my right cheek on Saturday which prompted this new visit. After consulting with John, and not being to determine if it was a body imbalance, decided to visit his dentist instead.

The day started off rather badly because I took the wrong bus and ended up more than 1 km away from where I should be. I ended up running for about 30 minutes to get there. After I registered, I was asked if I received a text message from the receptionist. It was then that I realised that she did send me a note that the appointment was delayed by 20 minutes. It was a slight relief because it allowed me time to freshen up.

The dentist did a very thorough job and gave me the full works including a couple of X-rays and late night sleep inducing (not) reading material. He told me that there was a root growing under my right gum causing the flesh to press against my bottom teeth, hence the inflammation. Since we are leaving in five weeks for Europe, he wanted to get it fixed before I leave. He described it as a similar operation to the one I had with my wisdom teeth extraction, which includes the cutting of gums. Ouch!

He also gave me a treatment plan which was going to cost at least $1000. Thankfully, about 70% of this cost will be covered by my Private Health Fund. There is also talk of seeing a gum specialist to get more work done, so that I do not end up like Madonna with wide open spaces. In comparison with the first dentist, he was much more comprehensive in his analysis. It was definitely scarier but it's strange that I feel more at ease, possibly the knowledge of being in safe hands. Strangely comforting.

A Breather Finally

2008-08-05T19:05:00.005+10:00

After almost a month of non-stop enquiries via email, phone and in person from impossible students, I am finally able to surface for a little breather. Time to catch up on unanswered emails and possible coffee, lunch or dinner dates.

I managed to get hold of a ジュディ･オング (Judy Ongg) Best Collection and it just prompted me to do a search on Youtube because I love both her 紅白 performances. I am unable to locate her first for 「魅せられて」 in 1979 but managed to find her second for 「麗華の夢」.

Just as I was looking through the other videos on display, I chanced upon this advertisement for her first Singaporean concert in 20 years. Believing that it was something in the past, I ignored it at first, and then I noticed the 27th October date, and I started kicking myself, in a bad way, because I am probably leaving Singapore either the day before or the morning itself.

Since it mentioned that it will be a global tour, I hope that she will visit Sydney because I would definitely like to see her, though it would be different without my fellow VAMPire kakis like Danny and Eugin, who may like to come along. 残念ね！

Here are some of her performances which I thought were interesting to share:

(1) This includes a recent performance of 「魅せられて」 and then a short clip of her singing after winning the coveted レコード大賞, being the first non Japanese to win the Japanese Grammy equivalent to "Record of the Year" in 1979

西城秀樹 was the hot favourite that year for his cover hit「Young Man - YMCA」but apparently, it could not be entered for consideration because it was a cover song. When Judy won unexpectedly, Hideki showed plenty of grace by escorting her to the podium to receive her award.

Another tidbit from our fellow blogger Jack: Judy was selected to star in the hit series "Shogun" in 1980 but gave up the role when she realised that she would have to give up her spot in 紅白. It was every singer's dream then to be invited to this prestigious event, so she chose 紅白 instead. For her performance at this New Year's Eve event, her outfit and jewellery totalled more than 1 million HK dollars, which set a record for the event. It's a shame that it is not available on Youtube.

(2)This is her 紅白 performance for「麗華の夢」in 1980:

(3) Lastly, here is a special performance by her and Agnes Chan at a Tokyo Music Festival. Our multi-talented and multi-linguist Judy (who speaks five languages fluently) shows off why she is known as one of Asia's most elegant and beautiful women.

I hope I get to see her live somehow ... someday.

The Break

2008-07-09T10:17:00.002+10:00

I received an email from a friend today asking why I have stopped blogging? Is this the end?

Well, the answer is No. It's just that my daily work revolves around answering queries via email, and at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is to think or write even more. It is probably due to keyboard fatigue more than anything else.

Moreover, we are currently planning our upcoming September trip to Europe, which is both exhilarating and frustrating, the latter more so an issue with accommodation, so more time is dedicated to that.

Lastly, there is a dilemma just to blog about everyday events or more significant stuff. What do you think?

A Love Song For My Mother

2008-05-31T09:45:00.008+10:00

I had intentions for this piece to be "broadcast" on Mothers Day, but then I thought again because "Everyday should be Mothers Day". There shouldn't be a day where we should forget the sacrifices our parents made to take care and nurture us towards who we are today.

As I review the old Japanese series "Oshin", I started realising the things that my mother gave up to take care of us in the prime of her life. I am sure she had dreams that she wished to fulfill and maybe motherhood is one of them, but I understand now the frustrations she felt when we played truant and were naughty during our childhood. Yes, we were just being children, but we never did spare a thought for them too.

My mother was a full time housewife, stuck in a job 24 hours 7 days a week, without any annual leave. Compared with the women nowadays who have jobs to give them a break away from three growing children, I believe she worked harder. Since we were not terribly well off, Mum had to work part time as a seamstress at home, a trade she mastered in, and took care of us at the same time. There was rarely a time I recall that she could just sit and watch TV, without a care. She was always on the sewing machine, singing along to the sweet tunes of the radio. Occasionally, she allowed us to go out to the corridor and play with our neighbours, her only "break" from us demanding some form of attention some how or rather.

My mother was used to hard work. She always told us stories of her struggling childhood and teenage years, which we clung onto every word. She told us of how poverty after World War II caused my grandfather to lose his bicycle shop and how they struggled to make ends meet because they had nine children to feed. Sometimes, they were so poor that they didn't even have rice for all, just thin rice porridge, and by the time my grandmother scooped her share, there was only water left. Yes, my mother was an observer.

Being the third child in the family, the first six being all girls, she had to give up her studies when she was only fourteen because her family could no longer afford to send her to school. She loved and cherished studying, so she never forgot to remind us the importance of knowledge and studying. She used her own life lessons to remind us this when we rebelled against "studying all the time". She had to start working at the young age and gave up her dreams of a better life for herself so that her siblings after her could have an education. She never grumbled or blamed anyone for her plight. It was the state of life, she would say.

Her "losses" in life probably drove her to remind us of the opportunities we have, and not to give them up. She was a disciplinarian but then again, never shy to shower affection on us. We were not typical "Asians" in this way because our parents openly hugged and kissed us, which I realised when I started school that we were different because our friend's parents never touched them.

She taught me many lessons in life, many of which that I hated at that moment, but I am eternally thankful now, because I believe they have made me a better man. For this and all, I can't express my love and appreciation for it enough.

Growing up, she restricted television watching because she said it was a waste of time and we should spend our time studying or reading. We would rebel and read comics sometimes, but when she caught us giggling, a stern warning would follow. If we wanted to watch TV, she would say that since our hands were free, we can help her cut the loose thread from the sewing that she has done, or we can count and fold the clothes that she has just sewn.

Though they were not particularly fun (all that thread cutting), it offered us a break from studying, so TV was sometimes a sweet compromise, though we'd get bored of cutting thread and preferred going back to studying. She never denied us food though because she said that no matter how poor we are, we can save on everything except food. Though MacDonalds was a luxury for us, our sweet father tried his best to bring us out occasionally for a meal as well. We were mindful though, so we never asked for more than what we couldn't afford. Somehow, I guess we knew, and so we cherished all the smallest outings we went on.

She was a "feminist" of her times too. I remember her telling the three of us when we were growing up that there is no such rule as "the women do all the housework". "Since you boys are stronger, you will do more housework and run more errands than your sister", she said. We hated it then, but I am laughing as I am writing this. When we moved to a bigger house, she would also make us wipe the floor on all fours because the mop wasn't "clean enough".

I didn't understand her style of discipline then and some may think it is cruel but I know now that it made us stronger and better. She let us get used to hard work so that we would never be afraid during the tougher times, not give up as easily and never to take things for granted.

Growing up, it is never easy to understand why parents do certain things and why they like to lecture us so much, and it is easy to lose sight of their love if they don't say "I love you" but I will never forget one incident. I can't remember the exact incident which caused her fury but she declared to us "Okay. I will do whatever I want now, and I won't care about you kids anymore. Let's see how much you like it."

The next day, she cooked dinner and did everything as usual, but when she finished cooking, she didn't usher us to the table. We had to scoop our own rice at that point so nothing was different, but we soon realised the difference. Instead of making sure we had the best bits of the fish and meat by filling our bowls, she tucked in first. It was a shock to me and I remembered looking at my sister, both of us a little surprised, and we laughed, probably out of discomfort. It was at that moment I first realised the greatness and love of my mother, and I have never forgotten it since.

She continues to an inspiration as we grow older. She feels it is a shame to let others know that she took evening classes at the age of 50 to brush up her Mathematics and learn English so that she can understand the language, but I love her never dying spirit to learn. A couple of years ago, she finally fulfilled her dream of graduating from a recognised institution, and though she puts it down as just general studies, I still think it is a great achievement and an inspiration. We don't sing the praises of our parents enough, so I wanted to do it today.

I know many people question my filial piety by my decision to stay in Australia and not be by my parents, but I believe I am a better son this way. I believe I lay sufficient guilt on myself everyday that I am "punished" enough. I may not be with her everyday, but there is not a moment that I do think of her and love her. My thrice weekly phone calls may not be sufficient, but I do not think one has to be beside each other everyday to show our love. I used to be there and I have to admit that I can't be more of a stranger. We talk now in a more honest fashion than we would never do if we ever lived together.

We all need to grow in our way and space, and I love her more for giving me this freedom to be. This is the greatest gift that she can give to me, and I thank her for her sacrifice and her love. With this mindset, I will always cherish the moments that we spend together and will do my best to shower my love back on her and my father.

I am eternally thankful for your love, my dear mother. Thank you for all the life lessons and love you have imparted. Life may not have been perfect growing up, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Thank you and I love you very much.

母亲啊，母亲。
您的爱与牺牲可真伟大。
细看“阿信的故事"感触良多，
发现女人（您）为家庭的牺牲与贡献。

母亲啊，母亲。
小时不懂事与顽皮，让您辛苦了吧，
希望那时代也过有让您愉快的时光。
您俩的细心教导与爱护，
虽然当时可能不明白，
但现在可让我们回味无穷。

母亲啊，母亲。
原谅我现在不能天天陪伴，
可我这真心对您这份厚礼
永不忘怀，
让我用我有生的爱来感激。

母亲啊，母亲。
让我们每天都歌颂对您的爱与恩惠，
不需等到佳节才趁机感谢。

母亲啊，母亲。
我代表我们三兄妹
在此高歌永远感激与爱您。

Our Beautiful and Happy Family

2008-05-02T14:16:00.000+10:00

Here is a collection of our happy family together:

I was there last November which coincided with Dad's birthday. We celebrated at a restaurant and again at home where I took the great opportunity to take a long awaited family portrait. Here are two videos of the us at home celebrating Dad's birthday. It is so interesting to notice how they now love to blow the candles and want to cut the cake instead of being afraid of fire and being totally oblivious to what a birthday is all about.

This has been such an enjoyable journey creating all these posts, and even though it took quite a bit of time, it was all worthwhile. Hopefully, this will inspire my sister to do the same for them. I hope you enjoyed them too.

Brother and Sister Part 2

2008-05-02T13:58:00.003+10:00

You can see that their poses get more creative as they grow older ...

Cheeky Joshua

2008-05-02T13:33:00.004+10:00

The other love of my life, Joshua, is a natural charmer. He communicates a lot more and certainly knows how to use his best assets to his advantage. He is so loving and clever and he says the cutest things all the time as well.

His ears are very sensitive and he hates really loud sounds/noises. At Joy's first piano recital, he turned to my Mum who was sitting next to him while the teacher was playing a piece rather loudly and said "Po Po (Grandma), can cry or not?". My Mum, a little surprised and oblivious to the pain he was suffering, said "No. Cannot." He nodded his head in silence and when he couldn't take it anymore, burst out laughing. Even Joy could recite this incident later on the phone to me.

It is so wonderful to see him grow into a more confident little boy and I can't wait to see or hear what "new sayings" he has up his sleeve the next time I see him. This is Joshua's journey:

Now, onto the videos. The first is one of Mum feeding Joshua spicy curry at the age of one. He has a better appetite than Joy does as a baby, and would jump up and down for more. There are moments of realisation that the food is a little hot, but he digests it all, and then asks for more. The slight scratching of his head is the spice getting to him. Marvellous!

This is Joshua singing "Baa Baa Black Sheep" in his own way ... Priceless!!

Watch Joy Blossom

2008-05-02T13:11:00.004+10:00

She looks more and more like my sister Jen as she grows older and I don't believe I am biased in any way, when I use the word prettier as well. She is the quieter of the two, rarely speaking in a social environment, and doesn't find the need to charm anyone, but she does have her lighter moments. She is a keen observer and judging by the way she poses for the cameras, and the things she tells her Mummy and I, she picks things up pretty quickly. Here is her journey in chronological fashion:

Her first horseride
In her Princess outfit that I bought for her.
Playing with snow at the Science Centre

Mum loves to challenge the kids by teaching them chinese poetry or names of our family members. Here are two videos of Joy at three pronouncing some of our names. Since she is more reserved by nature, I just love how much fun she is having and laughing at her own jokes in protest of this exercise. The first video also demonstrates the love of grandparents when you can hear my Mum praising her pretty face, something that I had never heard when I was growing up. LOL.

Lastly, here is her last November, practising her singing at piano lessons she was having:

Brother and Sister

2008-05-02T12:48:00.004+10:00

2005 was the first year I purchased my Sony Cybershot camera, and hence commenced my photographic and videographic journey.

This is Joy and Joshua's first day at School:

It is such a joy to watch the two of them showing affection towards each other. They do fight as well, but these moments of connection are just plain beautiful:

Lastly, here are two videos of Joy feeding Joshua. Note how quickly she withdraws her fingers the moment Joshua feeds on the food. They are a little dark but they are too cute to miss:

Love At First Touch

2008-05-02T12:33:00.000+10:00

I was always afraid to carry newborn babies for fear of breaking their bones or dropping them or something silly of that sort. However, when I first laid eyes on Joy, it was love at first sight, and it was a strong and firm "Give her to me". It is an inexplicably wonderful sensation, to connect with a baby for the first time. I was so happy when I felt that same connection with Joshua.

Happy Birthday My Little Darlings

2008-05-02T11:40:00.002+10:00

It was Joshua's 4th birthday on the 9th April and Joy's 6th birthday tomorrow and I can't think of a better way to wish them Happy Birthday (besides the presents I had already sent) than a couple of blog posts about them. This is also in part, inspiration from my fellow cousins who have been blogging about their babies, and I thought it is my turn to show off the two loves of my lives.

As you may know, I am a baby lover, so I relished all opportunities to capture them on my camera, be it photos or videos whenever I am back in Singapore. This usually serves me well in Sydney when I get to look at them via my screensaver or have a couple of chuckles when I review the videos again, like I just did, to select a couple of my favourites to share. I love this video technology, that is now cheaper and accessible to more people, and is a wonderful way to capture a memory, because there is nothing that tells more than a moving picture.

Even when I was younger and back in Singapore, I wondered what I was like when I was little. Too little to really remember my thoughts and behaviour. Hence, I love to capture them in motion, especially when they are not really watching. As they grow older, it becomes harder, because they learn all the silly tricks and try to poke faces at the camera. Still, I managed to capture some really precious videos of them which my Mum and sister really enjoyed when I finally burnt them on all a disc and uploaded it onto the family computer.

Even though I may not be around all the time with the two of you, I can't tell you how proud I am of the two of you, and how much I love you both. I wish I could be around the two of you more often, to watch you grow and blossom, but sometimes, we can't help the way things are, which may be difficult to explain to you, but I hope you will understand when you reach my age. Strange as it may sound, this distance in some ways also helps to accentuate the relationship that we share, because I feel that I am able to spend so much more quality time with the two of you when I am back around you both, and I cherish every single moment down to the second.

I know that every time I see you both again, you would most likely have grown a year older, and will inevitably grow further apart, which is an acceptable part of life. Hopefully, I will always be able to connect with you both, and treat you both always with love and respect, because there is nothing I can do or say that will express my love and gratitude, and the ways you have taught me to love more than I could ever know. Happy Birthday, my little darlings! May you always embrace life and love as you do now and never be afraid to explore what life may bring along your way. I will always love you both.

Vainpot Syndrome

2008-05-02T10:56:00.004+10:00

Since our Canberra holiday was pretty relaxing, we took the opportunity to explore taking shots of ourselves using my Cybershot camera. It gets harder with age to accept what time has done to us, but we have to remind ourselves that we have to be kind to ourselves and accept what we have been given. These are some of our favourites ...

Publish Post

An Autumn Holiday

2008-05-02T10:29:00.003+10:00

We broke our "tradition" of celebrating our anniversary this year with a visit to Australia's capital, Canberra, instead of our perennial favourite Melbourne. After a "lacklustre" memory of my last trip to Canberra more than six years ago, it was time for a reassessment, if I could remember much from my previous trip at all. The other reason was to visit the Turner to Monet exhibition being held at the National Art Gallery, which has been recommended by more than a couple of friends, speaking of which the inspiration of the previous visit was also a Monet Exhibition which I visited with my flatmate then.

Canberra is a smaller city in comparison to Sydney and Melbourne, and unfortunately, there isn't too much to do in terms of tourists attractions except the Parliament, Museum and Art Galleries. It is primarily a place where government officials and embassies congregate, so there isn't too much development to the city or perhaps a need to attract tourists to this city. The good thing about this though is that there is less overcrowding of people, buildings and apartments leaving plenty of space for national parks and beautiful gardens and walkways.

It was a perfect time to visit Canberra and stroll through the Autumn colours, so beautifully represented with their gorgeous flaming red and bright yellow trees and their fallen leaves peppered along the streets. Beautiful as this sight, and as interesting as Parliament House is, there is little much else to visit in Canberra. Shopping is sparse and their Brand Depot, a factory outlet of supposedly famous brands abysmal, I was looking forward to discover a different Canberra in my mind, which unfortunately never eventuated.

Thankfully, the exhibition was excellent even though I am not a big fan of impressionist art, which made up only a fraction of the artwork presented. My favourite segments were the paintings that presented human behaviour during that period. I was intrigued by how the focus on these art pieces changed over time. Human behaviour was presented quite prominently in the early 1800s by some of these artists, which moved onto landscape as these artists ventured further away from their "comfort zones" of their towns, onto beaches, seas, volcanoes, and then back towards the simpler things in life, back to their home surroundings and gardens. There were only a handful of paintings of human study, which could be a representation of the times where little information flowed from one town to another, and these paintings were used as a form of communication about what people in the other towns and cities did. Note that this is just my interpretation based on what was presented and what little I know of art (which is practically zilch), but this was what I walked away with from the exhibition.

It is always the company that counts, no matter where we are or what we do, and John put it well that the best thing about the trip was spending the time together. We did make sure that we made up for the shopping disappointment with a really lovely dinner, hotel breakfast and luxurious accommodation. We also took opportunities to take many silly and fun photos of ourselves, making full use of the Autumn beauty of Canberra. It was a overall, a nice getaway but it will definitely be a long time again before we pay another visit to Canberra.

Such is Life

2008-05-01T21:57:00.003+10:00

I just finished watching the sombre film "My Life Without Me", a small indie movie that I like very much. As the name suggests, the movie explores what we might do if we realise that we only have a very limited time left on Earth. Not everyone is as lucky to get notice, because for some of us, it will just come very suddenly, with little or no warning.

After this, I browsed through my fellow friend's blog and read about a sudden death of his friend, someone that he used to keep in touch during his school days even though he was his senior, but had sort of lost close contact with since. News of death is always so difficult to accept, especially when it is someone who used to be close, but as a result of time, distanced ourselves not of choice, but because of life.

I had a friend like that too. He was in his 50s, still too young to leave us. He taught me much, lessons that I still cherish till today. Even now when I feel low on creativity and inspiration, his voice of encouragement still rings in my ear. He was a teacher when I stepped out here and lived on my own for the first time. I remember his generosity when I moved onto my first apartment with my other housemates. We had no cutlery, crockery, plates, little things that cost plenty of money, and he was like coal in Winter, helping us create our first home out of nothing.

He always had so many stories to tell, and an eager ear to listen as well, always ready to give credit and the encouragement when due. I realised at his funeral that I was not alone. Many other people were touched in the same way. Through his encouragement, I organised my first and only Halloween Party to date, my only cooking party and inspired us with his marvellous cooking, to always go for the best. He also helped me with my one and only attempt at proper dessert making - Crème brûlée with a chocolate mousse topping, an old French recipe from the oldest French Cooking Book, which he swore by. Like the song "MacArthur's Park", the recipe is now gone forever with his departure.

He had his idiosyncrasies as well, but those just made chatting with him more interesting and challenging at the same time. He may be difficult to some but he was always kind to me and many others. It has been 2 years since he left, but the memories still lay fresh on the days when I brush by a familiar scene, and the scenes of laughter and friendship we shared replay.

This is the beauty and the fragility of life. We may not live forever but we leave impressions on the footpaths of other's lives. I will always miss you, Jack, and the other people I have lost, but the traces of all of you will always grace the pathways of my life as long as I should live.

My Japan T-Shirt Opening

2008-04-21T19:48:00.003+10:00

Two of my very close friends in Singapore, 乱火さん and 不思議少年さん opened their new online store selling T-shirts from Japan, and I wish to show my support towards their new venture with a belated promotion here. 頑張って下さいね！

I think this is a great way for anyone to source these unique T-shirts from overseas at a reasonable price, so please feel free to browse and purchase on their site. They are really friendly and responsible guys, so you do not have to be afraid of being cheated on the internet.

The best thing is that you will never be caught dead walking into your classroom, office or a gathering wearing the same thing as someone else. Just click on the link and shop away!

Do You Remember?

2008-04-20T19:53:00.000+10:00

The days when we anticipated the release of the next issue of magazines where we could browse through what happened last week in the entertainment world? Maybe not you, but I remember the good o'l days when my best friend Leslie and I would rush to Kinokuniya on Thursday afternoons after school because that was the day the Japanese magazines would be out. The anticipation ...

The days when we went to the CD shop to check out new releases and debate on what we should spend our pennies on? We didn't have the internet, so we relied on newspapers and magazines to tell us what releases are due and how we can only place orders via the vendor and pray that it would eventually arrive. The lingering ...

The days when we listened to an album on our cassette or CD player more than once. This seems impossible in today's world where everything is just so transient. I love my iPod and its ability to carry my entire music catalogue (all 70 GB of music - yes I'm obsessive), but I realised recently that I rarely listen to a full album in its entire glory more than once now. I chanced upon some old albums that I loved when I was younger and remembered how many times I listened to it over and over again. How did I do it then? Didn't I get sick of the repetition? Maybe it was having the time to savour till the next best thing came along, but I recall the many times I easily dismissed something and then learnt the value of it later along with repetition. The perseverance ...

I guess we all move along with these times, where nothing is moving fast enough, and we are constantly rushing from point to point, rushing to be the first to post a piece of news, the first to comment, the first to review, the first to join. In this process, are we forgetting the value of slowing down, and the many discoveries we can explore with time. Are we too fast to judge?

I just hope that we will never ever judge a book just by its cover, give it time to nuture, and savour the colours of goodness that may take some time to blossom. When I look back at the memorable times of my life, it is the tougher or touching moments I savour that I remember, not the fleeting moments of happiness that I can never recall.

Lucky Number Six

2008-04-20T09:32:00.004+10:00

Today marks John and my sixth anniversary since we first hooked up. It doesn't feel like yesterday because we have both grown together within the relationship as well as within ourselves.
For starters, I feel that I have matured aplenty and am a lot more outspoken than I have ever been. Through education and respect, I have learnt that one can love, not only with an open heart but with an open mind as well. Courage to speak the truth and not be afraid that I will be laughed at, or put down. To be respected for what I have to contribute.

It is not easy because though communication is the ultimate key to success in any relationship, there is always a fear that our partners will abandon us as a result of this honesty as well. Hence, it takes love, patience and understanding that at no time will we attempt to speak out of spite in order to hurt the other party. That what we have to contribute is an open window to further understanding and part of growing together within the relationship.

I cannot take all the credit for the wonderful relationship we have, because John has been a great force in me pushing my boundaries, having the breakdowns, and then the breakthroughs. It's wonderful to be able to have someone who understands my rhythm, who cares about me the same way I do about him, and is proud of our love. Thank you my darling, for our everyday routines, and for loving me just the way I am.

Happy Birthday My Little Brother

2008-04-04T16:01:00.003+11:00

Happy Birthday Julian.

This feels like a follow up on the "failures of my youth as a brother" series. As I mentioned in my previous post, I was probably unconsciously jealous of the closer relationship you had with Jen. I remember vaguely trying to shower my love on you as a baby because you were unanimously known as the cutest in the family and how everyone would try to pick you up and kiss you, and how you hated every minute of it. Mum used to tease that I have the scars to show on my face, which in some ways, didn't really help in my already low self esteem, but that was in some ways, my "futile" attempts to love you.

In my attempt to fit in with my friends, I may have neglected you as a brother when you joined the same school as I did. It may also be an subconscious attempt to shield you from their nasty behaviour including their ability to influence and conquer the minds of the others in my class, and to ostracise. I hated being so weak and so "untalented" in the things that mattered (like soccer) and having the riches to show off then, so I didn't want them to have an extra reason to pick on you. My shame alone was enough for me to bear, a misfit in this world then finding solid ground to stand on. I also felt that you probably enjoyed being yourself, not as my brother, so my "ignorance" might have been a preferred solution.

I remember our younger days with fun, laughter and tears. Fun with us playing all the time, and sometimes working too, helping Mum with cutting off the loose thread off the sewing that she had to take on to help with the family finances, and I remember that you were always the best at that. The days when you would learn a new slang at school and come back and tease me about it. Remember the "fat chicken" comment that you picked up, and how we used it on each other, until Mum stormed in, told me the correct meaning of the word, and how we nodded in silence that we were never going to use it again, only to signal it in silence when she left. How we used to be caned for being naughty, and how you would always find her hiding places and throw all the canes, and look in glee while she frantically searches for one. The sweeping of the cane under the toilet doors while we cling onto each other in fear. It's all pretty funny now, but not then. ;-)

The day you decided that you were going to be a Methodist was also the day that I felt my young brother had grown up and I have lost that mischievous boy that I lovingly call my brother. I had to look at you differently because you dared to stand up to Mum and declare your difference and indifference to Grandma's wishes. Bless her that she never knew or Dad will never get over her nagging. I love you for daring to be different and I can only hope that this decision gave you the freedom to be who you want to be because I will always love you for who you are, no matter what you choose to be.

You took on a more stoic stance and lost all that mischief that used to define you, in my mind. Our friends find it impossible to believe that you were the playful one that we were growing up because I felt that you seemed to take on the role of the elder brother with this new found religion.

Still, I thank God and my lucky stars and you came over to Australia to study after me, because it was my first opportunity to fulfill my wishes as a big brother to you. I enjoyed those intimate conversations and times we had, and as little as they were, I thank you for accepting me for who I am. I wish we had more opportunities to grow our relationship, and I know I am partly to blame for the current "stagnant" stage, so I am trying to make a change.

I also want to thank you for your sacrifice in going back to Singapore and I want you to know that you will not be left alone with the duty of looking after our folks. I will definitely do my part. I also hope you will be able to rediscover your true loves and work in the field that you truly desire to be in, where your passions lie, because you are so talented in art. If you can free yourself of the responsibilities you tie yourself down with, and dare to dream a little, you may be able to take that on as a course to start off, and then eventually your career. It's not that I am not confident that you will excel in your current work, but that I hopefully know you well enough to know what you'd rather be doing.

I may have spoken too much, but I believe I can only take these baby steps to get to know you better. To get a key to your heart and allow you to feel safe enough to confide in me someday. For now, I will just be thankful that you will allow me to do this slowly, without slamming the door in my face.

You are a wonderful brother. You may not express your love as openly as I do, but you probably feel just as much love, if not more, and I want everyone here to know that you have your own way of doing so, and I respect that. I admire your integrity and loyalty to the family and your friends, and your dedication to make all our lives better, even if it means sacrificing some aspects of your own. This is one of your greatest virtues, and I am honoured to have you and Jen as my siblings. To be able to grow up in such an environment of love, I am both very lucky and also very unlucky, to be unable to make quick bucks writing about my "poor" childhood, like some famous authors have.

Thank you for everything you have brought to my life and I can't wait to see how our story spans. For your birthday, I am wishing you love, happiness and luck in everything you set out to do and be. Spread your wings my little brother and embrace love. Be less afraid of falling because Jen and I will always be there to catch.

Happy Birthday My Lovely Sister

2008-03-27T12:15:00.003+11:00

Happy Birthday my beautiful sister.

You were my perfect "partner in crime" though you were always too good to be bad, if you know what I mean. Since I am almost three years older than you are, and I grew up practically alone until you came along, I can't really remember playing with you while you were a baby. I do remember our years together as children, playing games with our neighbours and cousins downstairs or along the corridors of our flat, and especially how we were angry with Julian once, and in a fit of anger and frustration, how he stormed back to our flat, only to be trapped in the lift. It was funny to us then, but not so much later when we both received a scolding from Mum for abandoning him.

I also remember how you would always stand up brave and purchase toy cars for Julian, who was always too shy to go into the store himself. You would always have your revenge when you would shout from the store with the car in your hand, pretending that you weren't sure, back to Julian who would probably be hiding near a bush, if that was the right purchase. I remember the secret delight that we both share from watching him squirm and run away immediately, but he wouldn't let us go later with his signature stares and pinches that we would suffer.

I don't know why it wasn't me because I was more like a spectator withdrawn, looking into this more intimate relationship that you share with him. Maybe, subconsciously, I was a little jealous of the two of you, or that I was trying to find my place in this world, constantly being reminded by Mum to set an example for the two of you, that I felt a little more isolated, as a result of that.

I know that I wasn't a good example of a brother because I don't think I showered my love or was capable of sheltering you or Julian, and I can only hope that I did my share in my adult years to make it all up. The only time I can remember doing so is playing truant with you for our English tuition lessons with Mrs Pathirana.

I feel guilty sometimes for doing that because she looked like she needed the money, and also because we lied to Dad and Mum. I think it was my rebellion against being cooped up in a birdcage and constantly being monitored and told what to do. Ah ... I guess it's all part of growing up. Still, part of me will never regret doing that because it was our little world that I created, and for once, I did not have to compete with anyone else. It was our secret until it was exposed. We paid a price for it, but nothing can take away the joys I felt, the first time I can remember being a good brother to you, in spite of the irony.

If there was anything I can undo and relive again, I wish that you had the opportunity like Julian and I to travel to another country and lead an independent life before you got married. The time away from our comfort zones allowed us to see ourselves for who we are, to realise and believe in what we are truly capable of. I wish you realise what a strong, wonderful, loving, giving and beautiful person you truly are, contrary to what you may believe. I hope it is not too late for you to realise that only you can make a decision on what you want in life. If you should ever need any love and support, I will always be there for you.

So, for your birthday this year, I wish you strength, love, happiness, and opportunities to many wonders of this world, be it to travel or thrilling self discovery. Thank you for everything that you bring to my life, the joys, the pain, everything, especially my beautiful niece and nephew, whom I adore, as if they were mine. Thank you for accepting and loving me just for who I am, not who you want me to be. I want you to know that I love you very much as well.

As I mentioned on the night of your wedding, there is no one else that I can think of as a better sister and friend, and I want to be there for you if you should ever feel you need someone to hang on to. Thank you Jen.

Sydney Mardi Gras Parade 2008

2008-03-08T09:38:00.007+11:00

I had the privilege this year of sharing my Mardi Gras experience with one of my closest familial friend, Himi and her close friend from Tokyo, Keiko. It was a very late decision for them because Keiko was due to arrive the day before and since Himi expressed that Keiko made a very late decision to get the MG Party Tickets, which were sold out, I thought this outing might be a consolation prize of sorts.

Having watched the Parade from the stands in past years, they agreed readily and my advice to them was to dress up and pretend that you are dressing for 紅白, prompting much laughter from Himi, because she knows how crazy I am over Japanese pop culture.

It was an extremely interesting experience watching the proceedings, rehearsals, crowd and the planning stages of the parade right before the start, from their eyes. Participating in the Parade meant that you generally don't get to watch the Parade, but it offers a backstage look, which they were fascinated by, as probably I was during my "debut".

Since this was my sixth and probably my last for a while, I was able to play tour guide. The weather of the week leading up to the Parade was unpredictable and cool at best. The Summer of 2007/8 that never was. There is always a rumour (or truth) that Reverend Fred Nile, who has the strongest protest every year would pray for rain, but this year, since there was a float with 100 Church Ministers, his prayers for rain was probably drowned.

The sky opened up to bright sunny skies that morning and extended throughout the day, though rarely raising the temperature above 23 or 25 degrees, with a slight wind chill factor. So, imagine the slightly cold temperature that some of us had to withstand in our bare bodies, since less is always more during events like this.

Wanting to look my best (affirmation that I am indeed vain) and being spurred on by "paunch" remarks by a friend, and my dear friend Danny Bunny who has been so inspirational with his workout and abs, I took on a stricter routine of adding more cardio from the beginning of this year. I have lost some weight but somehow in my mind, sometimes the word fat still pops up when I viewed the photos of the night. Yes, we can all be so harsh, especially on ourselves.

There is always such a great buzz when the Parade begins. All these people (estimated to be approximately 100,000 people who watched the Parade this year) loving and accepting us for who we are, or just looking at us like how we look at circus performances, I wonder if they understand the significance of this event, and the issues that still affect us as a community. Has Mardi Gras become obsolete as fundamentally a protest, and is just now a giant fashion (freak) parade show, depending on how you see it?

My questions were answered by this beautiful email from Himi after the Parade:

Hi James and John

I just would like to say thank you so much for letting us walk in the parade with you.

I didn't know what to expect first when we turned up to meet you at the starbucks. But

I had a couple of moving moment such as when I was watching many old people who looks so happy practicing dancing while we're waiting on the elizabeth st. I'd ever known how special for the older gay people who survived in this society and now they can march and can be proud of themselves in public. 30 years is a such a long time, they came for long way and it was a really special parade. I was very lucky to be a part of this and see real happiness in people.

I actually got quite emotional when I saw the group holding up the boards showing the 50 legislation against gay which James told me about. I felt Sydney was a very equal and open city for everyone but I was wrong and ignorant. Reading the words on the board made me think that Australia is actually conservative and backwards!!!!

The words on the board made me reminded of gay who are not treated in equal here. I still can' t believe as we live in 2008 and in the age gay/lesbian can get married in Europe. I believe that everyone is so different anyway, we should be able to live in a society where we can be accepted as who we are.

It was a great experience to be a part of the parade and it gave me a opportunity to think and reflect about the society we live. I really hope this society is keep improving and we'll get the truly equal county for everyone.

It is such a lovely email and I hope Himi doesn't mind me sharing it because it is an affirmation that people can still get so much out from this Parade. Yes, there are many good things that have eventuated, but there are still many issues that affect us as a "minority" and many other community groups in the same situation as well. It is wonderful that an "outsider" can still view the importance of the Mardi Gras Parade that may have been forsaken by others.

It is a sign that gay people can still have fun (as in the initial meaning of the word "gay"), and we can lift our heads high and walk proud in spite of the discriminations we can face and the inequalities.

Lastly, here are some "backstage" photos of the Parade that I took personally on the evening. Since it was very chilly, I had difficulty keeping my hands steady during some of these photos. The beads that I am wearing are courtesy from my colleague Bea who grabbed them while she was watching the Mardi Gras Parade at New Orleans.

I had a lot of fun running up to the crowd and giving them high fives and hugging some of them (mostly girls). I posed for photos which I know I will never ever see from strangers but it was such a lovely high. Himi and Keiko were a little more reserved but I was happy that I could share this very special night once again with my darling John and my closest friends.

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T17:57:00.005+11:00

We have all sorts of special days to help remind us to thank that special person in our life, be it Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Christmas, Vesak Day etc. Valentine's Day can be seen as a marketer's dream exclusively for lovers, but I think it could also be extended to everyone that we love.

I am very lucky to be able to share my life with a very special man, but I also wanted my single friends to know that just because you do not have someone special, it doesn't mean that you cannot celebrate your love. Just look around and you will see that though you may not have that someone special, you actually have many special ones.

Regardless of whether you are a Richard Gere fan, here is a special rose, just for you. Happy Valentine's Day, my dear friends.

Never Too Late

2008-02-13T18:35:00.003+11:00

I was too young for the historic JFK's "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country", or Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech, but I was there for possibly one of Australia's most significant events this morning.

Delivered with eloquence, empathy and hope for the Aborigines Stolen Generation, Australia's Prime Minister Mr Kevin Rudd's "Sorry" speech was a moving experience for me. We were allowed to take time off work to gather at an auditorium for this historic moment and it was absolutely magical. Non-indigenous Australians - Caucasians, Asians, Middle Eastern people all gathering and sharing this moving apology and uniting as one Australian.

Today is a proud day for all Australians because we have moved forward. Moved past pride, and immaturity usually characterised by both sides of the governments, and working together as one. In a world where we are increasingly taught to divide, claim and think only of ourselves as individuals, this is an important lesson.

Even though there is still much to be accomplished, it is still a significant step towards a better, more loving and accepting world. A seed has been planted ...

For more information and full speech, please click link.

Happy Chinese New Year

2008-02-12T20:42:00.000+11:00

There are things that I like and dislike about Chinese New Year. Like most people, I look forward to the gathering of loved ones, the cheerfulness, the newness of everything and the glorious food. What I hate are the Chinese New Year songs which I thank God I only have to listen to during the day or week of Chinese New Year and the fact that the city becomes a ghost town for three days to a week before life recovers.

I am amazed that my friends, Leslie and Zing take the time from their busy work to travel back to Singapore to spend Chinese New Year with their family. It is their ritual. Unfortunately, I do not share the same enthusiasm though I get numerous invites from my family and relatives hoping to see me back to celebrate Chinese New Year "next year" whenever they see me.

Mum says that it is a wonderful time to catch up with everyone and have all the delicacies that are only available during this festive season. Like chocolate eggs and hot cross buns associated with Easter, we know that they are now usually available all year round, though the festivities add an extra flavour and excuse to binge.

Growing up, Chinese New Year always meant new clothes, new bed spreads, and love all around the house. I remember that we would be made to work like maids in the lead up and on the night before the actual day, we will be on all fours, wiping the floors right after Reunion dinner. Unfortunately, Mum didn't believe in mops because the floor wouldn't be clean enough, so "merrily" we did the chores, because we knew that the goodies would come after that.

Mum would always be busy with prayers during the entire night and after our chores, we would flop down onto the sofa and "enjoy" the variety program sprinkled with new interpretations of old Chinese New Year classics, the lion or dragon dances, and the occasional special guest star, none of which really interest me too much. We will try to stay up as late as possible because there was this superstition that the later the children went to bed the longer your parents would live. Not surprisingly, it was the only night that my parents never complained about us not going to bed. As I grew older, I ended up going out for midnight movies after doing my chores with my buddies though that ended after a few years because it started becoming too tiring trying to stay awake the next day at my relatives' house.

That was the best bit. Gathering, meeting, greeting and sometimes avoiding. Avoiding the questions that come when young about "How well did you do at school?" and later in life about the inevitable "When are you getting married?". It's like the only icebreaker because that it's all they seem to be capable of asking, instead of "So, what's going on in your life?" and not coupling with "Any girl(boy) friend yet?"

Society places too much emphasis on the equation between marriage and happiness and the direct proportion of each leading to an elixir of life, like enlightenment. Life focuses on telling us to search for the Right one, forgetting that relationships are really difficult things to handle. If we focus only on looking, and not the other skills of loving, caring, listening, and empathising, how can any union work?

Anyway, this is a post on CNY. So backtracking a little, this year, I did something different. For the first time in ten years, I posted CNY cards. Not only to my parents, which is the only ritual I follow, but to my uncles and aunties who have watched me grow up and taken care of me all these years. I used to just greet them happiness and prosperity over the phone during the day but I thought I might add that extra touch this year. I had no idea how they may respond, but it was rather overwhelming, when I spoke to all of them on the day itself, and they thanked me and also told me how happy they were to receive the card. It was a nice gesture and it made me feel warm and fuzzy.

I guess that to me, was my way of connecting with them, and showing that in spite of my absence, I have not forgotten them all. It was also my way towards showing my gratitude towards them for their love all my life and especially this past decade (Yes, it has been that long), and maybe a little forgiveness for not being there with them all.

I could tell that Mum was rather proud too, which made me feel good, but a phone call later made me feel for the first time that maybe she did really want to spend CNY with me. In a sombre voice, she lamented how she felt hurt whenever she thought about the "poor" life I led when I was a student, studying and working at the same time. And how I am such a poor thing now because she is not there to look after me. I let her share this because it was her way of expressing her "sorrows", but all mothers have to learn to let go at some point.

Coming here and doing all that was tough, but it made me sit up, learn and be strong. I could never have learned as much about life, if I didn't have those experiences, and I think it made me a better human being. One of my biggest regret is that my sister never had a chance to live a couple of months all by herself before she got married and learn to be more independent and stronger in life. I can only stand by her and be strong for her, as much as she will allow me.

It was one of the toughest periods of my life but I proved to myself that I could do it if I believed in myself strong enough. I let her know all that, except the bit about my regret, so that hopefully she would feel better about herself, but I guess, mothers will always want to be mothers.

I spend CNY nowadays with my different group of friends. I may have to work on the day itself but I can still indulge in my little customs that may not involve everybody. I am happy, and I guess that is the most important thing of all. As long as the spirit of CNY lives in my heart, then no matter where I am, the memories of me celebrating with my family and relatives will always be with me.

Lastly, I am going to end this on a special and happy note by sharing one of the very few, maybe the single CNY song I can withstand listening to. A very happy Chinese New Year too all. May all of you be blessed with love, happiness and prosperity!

恭喜发财, 年年有余，
新年快乐，万事如意，
身体健康，心想事成。

My Shopping Haunts in Singapore

2008-01-29T20:50:00.000+11:00

If you understand me well, then you know that I will never pay big bucks for branded clothing. Nothing against people who do, but I was brought up in a middle income family, and the only time we bought new clothes was for Chinese New Year. If we bought them early, then Mum would insist that we keep it for a special occasion or for Chinese New Year. We shopped mainly at Metro, Isetan or OG because those were the places that had sales. As we grew older, when we could finally afford some disposable income of our own, we adopted this same policy of being frugal. After all, isn't it more important to look good in the clothes rather than blindly following fashion?

Nowadays, I just don't spend as much on clothes as I used to, when I was back in Singapore. I usually shop for clothes now when I return to Singapore, because almost all sizes fit me, and I like to get stuff that no one else will be able to source when I am wearing them in Sydney. So, when my other friend asked me the best places to shop in Singapore, I was a little gobsmacked.

Singapore is a shopper's paradise but how do you recommend your shopping tastes to others? Would they prefer branded goods, which I have faint idea about where to source except the big shopping malls? Or would they be bargain hunters like me, sourcing for cheaper creations of trendy clothing, which a friend once described as "an excuse to get more when that is worn".

Following the trend of this blog, I will seek to introduce some places for good clothing bargains.

There are two South American brands that I like, and thankfully, they are not as pricey as your D&Gs, Armani but more towards the middle income group. They are "Pull and Bear" and "ZARA". The former has nice fabric and good trendy cuts while the latter (especially the womens' wear) takes inspiration from classic French cutting. They are both exquisite and not overpriced, so I was most impressed with it.

There is only one ZARA outlet in Singapore and it is located at Vivo City, which is all the way out from Orchard Road at HarbourFront Shopping Complex. Located in the same shopping mall is "Pull and Bear" but there is another more city friendly store at Wisma Atria.

Shopping on Orchard Road is the best, and you can spend an entire day there walking around CD shops, boutiques, shopping malls, eating places etc.

This is my shopping guide:

(1) Far East Plaza - you can start from here and make your way down Orchard Road to Plaza Singapura and then all the way from there to City Hall and then Suntec City and Marina Square. This used to be playground because you just go crazy with all the eating and shopping. Retail therapy, even if it is just a big dose of window shopping, always helps to brighten up the day.

On the basement to Level 4 of the Far East Plaza which is not very crowded because it is not as fancy as other shopping malls, there are many small boutique stalls of Singaporean independent designers. They are relatively cheap and competitively priced, so it is a great place to shop for stuff that you will never see anyone else wearing in our part of the world because it is not promoted on tourist guides as a shopping destination. I have bought quite a few lovely pieces of clothing there and have gotten quite a few queries about where I sourced them from.

(2) Boutiques that have sizes or cutting that fit me well - the usual U2, G2000, Zara, Pull and Bear (another South American and favourite - though a little more pricey but not too much - nothing over $70 for a shirt for me) etc. You will find all of them at Takashimaya

(3) The shopping malls like Metro (Paragon), Takashimaya, Tangs, Isetan and Robinsons are all good for underwear shopping and they have great deals too specially during the Sale season. You will find them all sprinkled on Orchard Road.

(4) Heeran - where HMV is. There are interesting stores all around for clothes and has Singaporean designer boutiques as well. There is a "New Urban Male" boutique on Level 4, which is very gay. Cute Asian boys there all the time acting metrosexual but we know are gay.

(5) Plaza Singapura - a few good CD stores, food outlets, Singaporean designer boutiques etc on the lower levels. There is also a Japanese $2 shop, which I love, love love! None of that crap that you find here. Really good quality stuff from Japan, because they have a 100 yen store there, which most of these stuff are imported from.

(6) Suntec City, Marina Square - many stores in there like Takashimaya. More for families but the amount of different stores make for good shopping.

(7) Bugis Markets - I covered this before in my previous post. I haven't found anything during my last trip that I fancied, but I did fall in love with my "Superman" belt buckle, which has garnered much praise.

If you are looking for branded goods, then the places to visit will be Takashimaya, Milena Walk and the Western end of Orchard Road nearer towards Tanglin Road.

Flavours of Singapore Part 3 - Glorious Food Revolution

2008-01-28T14:50:00.000+11:00

Finally, what most Singaporeans lament they miss most when they travel or live overseas - the food. Singaporeans have been spoilt rotten with the variety of good food and goodies, and I am honestly surprised that we are not amongst the fattest people in the world, thanks to the relatively smaller servings and the size of the Asian stomach.

Since we tend to eat less at every meal (okay most meals), snacks like fishballs, chicken wings, peanuts and all other varieties of Malay and Chinese tidbits help pepper our appetite all throughout the day, and in a most bizarre manner, keep the metabolism up.

So, what are the foods that I miss most, and are must-haves when I go back to Singapore. Having been in Australia for almost ten years (give or take a few days now from my 18th Feb anniversary), I have gotten used to not having them in my life ever since I gave up the idea of replicating them at home, because read this: It is impossible.

In no particular order, these are my loves ...

(1) Hokkien Prawn Mee - the best I have tasted is in the "Food Republic" foodcourt on the 4th Level of a shopping mall called "Wisma Atria", just above Orchard MRT Station. Wrapped in banana leaves and cooked with prok, calamari and prawns, this is a delicious concoction of flavours. The other version, which is the Prawn Noodle Soup is also just as divine! You must not miss this because it is to die for, and one major regret that no one sells it here in Australia or comes close to replicating this heavenly creation.

(2) Fried Carrot Cake - comes in "black" or white versions, with prawns or without. The white version is without the addition of sweet soy sauce, which sweetens the "black" version. Though called carrot, it is actually made of radish and in my opinion, beats the carrot cake any day hands down.

(3) Char (Fried) Kway Teow - basically translates into Fried Soy Sauce Noodles. Similar to the Thai Pad See Yew, but cooked with Chinese sausages , fish cake, beansprouts and cockles instead. Since I am not a big fan of cockles and oysters, I usually make a special request for them to remove it. I like the Pad See Yew better but this is still very nice.

(4) Mince Pork and Fishball Noodles - Cooked with Shitake mushrooms, pork slices and mince, fish cake and fishballs (not testicles of fish - just fish meat rolled up into balls) and a slice of lettuce, this is a very popular breakfast item, along side the plain fried noodles, roti prata and coconut rice. Opt for the "Dried" version which comes with a bowl of soup. I usually ask for them not to include pig's liver, because I hate it, but you may like it.

(5) Roti Prata and Murtabak- mentioned in 1st Post, these are Indian pancakes served with dipping curry sauce. The former is a popular breakfast and supper dish while the murtabak filled with mutton or chicken is a hearty meal in itself. Beware that the murtabak is rather spicy and can sting. ;-)

(6) Nasi Lemak - Coconut rice with a small piece of omelete. fried anchovies or fish, slice of cucumber and its famous chilli. Wrapped traditionally in banana leaves, this is a popular breakfast item. With the passage of time came the "glamorisation" of this simple dish with curries, fried chicken, beef, mutton etc.

(7) Nasi Goreng, Mee Goreng and Nasi Briyani - I am not a big fan of the former two because they are just simple dishes of Malaysian fried rice and noodles, but I love Nasi Briyani, which is yellow ginger rice and its accompanying fried chicken or curries.

(8) Chicken Rice - quite similar to what is served in Chinatown but Singapore is famous for its Hainanese Chicken rice (I believe there is a very good stall at Lucky Plaza Shopping Mall. The chicken is boiled, but it is tender, juicy and flavorsome.

(9) Claypot Chicken Rice - Chicken rice cooked in a claypot with shitake mushrooms, Chinese spinach, chicken and a little garnishing of salted fish adding flavour to the dish. I prefer to this to the former, but it is not as famous.

(10) Fish Soup with Rice or Noodles - Comes in fried or boiled, fish fillets or fish head, it is one of the healthier options. I prefer the noodles but I know it is not for everyone.

(11) Oyster Egg - Cooked with small oysters, eggs have never tasted this good and I dare you to disagree. I'm not a big fan of the oysters, but then again, it has never stopped me from devouring the eggs.

(12) Popiah - The Chinese version of pancakes packed with eggs, peanuts, bean sprouts, Chinese sausages, and turnip wrapped up like a small kebab.

(13) Stingray with chilli - I know this killed Steve Irwin, but if only he knew how good it tastes. One of my absolute favourites.

(14) Famous Singapore Crabs - I know they market it here as Singapore famous chilli crabs, but if you want to try it in Singapore, you must have either the pepper crabs or crabs with salted egg. For someone who is not used to salted egg, the former is a safe choice. The best place to have it is at Jumbo Restaurant at East Coast Seafood Centre

(15) Beef Noodles with thick gravy - Much better than the Vietnamese ones that you find here, if you ask me.

(16) Assorted Chinese, Malay or Indian Rice - pick from an assortment on dishes served on white rice, you get to taste a variety of typical dishes that we have at home

(17) Yong Tau Foo -An assortment of mainly tofu and fish cake combinations served on noodles. Comes with a sweet based sauce or chilli.

(18) Hor Fun - Thick flattened rice noodles cooked with seafood and a delicious gravy. One of my favourite nooodles

(19) Satay - beef, chicken, pork or mutton on stick with a a side of cucumber, raw onion or order of rice cakes with peanut gravy. Divine!!!!

(20) All the other food on sticks - ToriQ (Japanese yakitori - chicken on sticks), Old Change Kee (curry puffs, prawn and fish cakes, cuttlefish balls and squid heads) and the Nonya cakes. Mouth-watering goodness.

(21) Goreng Pisang - Fried Bananas, tapioca, sweet potato. One is enough to last me for weeks.

(22) BBQ Pork - The aroma of the thin pork slices on barbecue are enough to drive me in every single time. I remember it being a luxury item that we could savour only during Chinese New Year when we were young, but it is now everywhere. The famous Bee Kim Heng brand is the best with their crisp and fresh produce.

(23) Desserts - cold or hot. Sorry, no muffins. The cold ones usually go better with foreigners because they are usually made of ice with different sorts of syrups.

There is just too much to eat and if you ever feel like trying, don't let me stop you just because it is not on this list. There is just too much for me to remember. I am attaching the photos below which will correspond to the above order. With all these food, I am sure you will leave Singapore craving for more time to savour all these goodness and more. You will truly understand how lucky Singaporeans are, to be able to have the best of most worlds with this multi-cultural cuisine. If you think I have missed something here that is worth recommending, please feel free to add or review.

Hokkien Prawn Mee
Prawn Noodle Soup
Fried Carrot Cake
Fried Kway Teow
Mince Pork and Fishball Noodles
Murtabak
Nasi Lemak
MeeGoreng
Nasi Briyani
Hainanese Chicken Rice
Claypot Chicken Rice
Fresh Fish Soup
Fried Fish Soup
Oyster Egg
Popiah
Stingray
Pepper Crabs
Salted Egg Yolk Crabs
Beef Noodles
"Assorted" rice
Hor Fun
Yong Tau Foo
Satay
ToriQ
Yakitori
Old Chang Kee
Food on sticks
Goreng Pisang
BBQ Pork
Nonya Kueh
Hot Sweet Potato Soup
Iced Soursop on Jelly
Iced Kachang

Flavours of Singapore Part 2

2008-01-27T19:39:00.000+11:00

Continuing onto other tourist spots, these are places you shouldn't miss:

Little India

Closest MRT Stations - Little India and Farrer Park, but stick to Little India.

The beauty of Little India is that most of it is still relatively untouched, so you get the vibrancy in full colours. The hustle, bustle and the curries and all flavours and odours that associated with India.

The absolute time to avoid it is on Sunday nights from about 6 pm unless Caucasians want to play "Spot the white guy" game or if you are feeling adventurous. Since there are many Pakistani construction workers who only get a break on Sunday night, this is where they gather, and though they are all very nice and cordial, it might come as a culture shock to those who are uncomfortable with huge crowds and little physical distance between each other. Watch out for your comfort zone to be invaded in the nicest of ways.

Food: You must have the Roti Prata - an Indian pancake which can be eaten any time of the day and I mean it. You will see people eating it for breakfast (most common), lunch (lesser) or dinner (much lesser) or dessert (very common). The three varieties they have are Plain, Egg or Onions Special. You will dip them in the accompanying curry sauce and it is divine.

Their richer cousins, laced with either chicken or mutton (not lamb), is called the Mutarbak (Mu-Ta-Bark). This is the reason why Roti Prata is seldom had for lunch and dinner. This is where these richer fanfare feature more and I recommend the chicken version because it is delicious. You can also have the Nasi Briyani (yellow ginger rice) with Chicken or Mutton, Nasi Goreng (Malay Fried Rice) or Mee Goreng (Fried Noodles). I have to warn that these four varieties are rather spicy, so you may want to tell them to add less chilli if you're not up for the challenge. There are many other types which you may want to try and feel free to buy off the stalls on the street because Singapore has very strict health regulations for all food hawkers.

Bugis

Nearest MRT Station: Bugis and Little India

If you're within the vicinity of Little India, you will be rather close to "Bugis", which was was renowned internationally for its nightly gathering of transsexuals from the 1950s to the 1980s, making it one of Singapore's top tourist destinations during that period. If you are looking for cheap electronic goods, Sim Lim Square (a blue building) is just right around the corner from Bugis and Little India on Bencoolen Street.

There are good deals there and most Singaporeans will venture there to get their stock on new computers, cameras and other electronic gadgets. My advice is to venture upwards to the higher levels before just making your decision on the ground level. Opposite Sim Lim Square and not far away is the most famous Goddess of Mercy Temple in Bugis. Many Chinese flock there during the weekdays and especially so during the weekends, public hoildays, to pay respects, thank the gods or ask for good intervention. If it falls on special occasions like Vesak Day (Buddha's Birthday), then there will be little breathing space, so watch out! It is quite a beautiful temple, and a stone's throw-away, so it is worth venturing and having a look.

Not far away is Bugis Street shopping which is a market of shops resembling Chinatown. They are all situated in the market opposite Bugis Junction, where Bugis MRT Station is, and along the main streetway are many food stalls selling typical Chinese snacks. Don't bother looking for a muffin because you won't find any. You will find really delicious peanut, tapioca or coconut cakes, or a wide assortment of Chinese cakes, which we called "Kueh-kueh" (or Nonya Kueh which is the official term - look at this site for delicious photos and recipes) made mostly of coconut milk, tapioca, pandan leaves, flour and gelatine etc, but very delicious.

If you happen to pass by a food stall decked in white and yellow called "Old Chang Kee'" and mostly see many people queuing up, feel free to have a look at what's on offer. They are unfortunately, or luckily for some, all deep fried goodies on a stick like fishballs, fish cakes, calamari or squid as we call it, prawn cakes, and the devine curry puffs, which is what they originated with. My mouth waters at the thought of all these everyday delicacies of my 26 year stay in Singapore. Certainly beats any world best muffin any day for me.

Note I think I just received a verbal warning for using the word "delicious" too often, but you can't go on a diet when you're in Singapore. The food is an integral part of its culture, so be prepared!

Singapore Raffles Hotel and Swiss Hotel

Nearest MRT Station: Town Hall

From there, you can walk in the direction of the right (south) to the famous Singapore Raffles Hotel, which is old English fashioned beauty (Micheal Jackson stayed there for $10,000 a night during his first concert in Singapore in the 80s) and further south is Swisshotel, which used to be the tallest hotel in the World until the Twin Towers in KL tookover. If you go up to the New Asian Bar on Levels 71 and 72 at the Swisshotel during the night, which is cheaper than having a meal during the day (dress code: smart casual and no sneakers allowed), you will be able treated to a bird's eye view of the Singapore night lights. If you have their trademark Tower or Merlion drink, you will be able to bring a replica of the bottles that you drink out of. Killing two birds for the price of one. Priceless.

At the back of the hotel across from where you will see a great oval (Padang), is the Esplanade, the Performing Arts Centre of Singapore. Structured like two huge durians (thorny fruits which are also named the King of fruits). You can take the scenic walkway across the bridge from the Esplanade to the Merlion Park. You will be treated to a panaromic view of the Singapore Harbour and the CBD skyline. The Merlion is the first animal that the natives of Singapore reportedly saw when they first embarked on the island. The Singapore Harbour is also world famous and usually ranks amongst the top three busiest ports in the world. Singapore is also currently building its first Casino, so you might be able to see some construction works going on on the reclaimed land as well.

Boat Quay and Clarke Quay

Nearest MRT Station: Raffles Place and Clarke Quay

Not far across the Merlion Park is Raffles MRT Station, and if you use the underpass to get to the Station, you will see a stretch of old fashioned two storey townhouse restaurants along the famous Boat Quay, which is very popular with tourists and is very busy during the night. You can take the river taxi and go for a trip along the harbour, or proceed straight ahead further down to where Clarke Quay is. Clarke Quay has been refurbished since I was last there, so I can't tell you too much about it, but it's like an extension of Boat Quay with more restaurants and shops selling souvenirs and antiques, which is its main distinction from Boat Quay (see link above). It also tries to recreate the mood of Singapore in the 60s and 70s, and there are some performances there sometimes, so it should be interesting. It is also very popular with tourists and apparently a nice place to hang out at night where the action begins.

Chinatown

Nearest MRT Station: Chinatown and Outram Park

Not far away, but I may recommend that you take the MRT though it may only be one stop, is Chinatown. As the name suggests, it is where most Chinese congregated in the early days till they expanded to many other parts of the island. Chinese make up about 70% of Singapore's 4 million population, so it was a natural progression towards other parts of the island.

Being a country that many Mainland Chinese immigrated south from China (my paternal grandmother was one lucky girl), it is naturally much bigger than most Chinatowns in Western countries. Here, you will see many older Chinese still taking part in the forgotten trades of yesterday or going on in their idyllic lifestyles after retirement. You will also find plenty to eat and shop around here. Again no muffins or pancakes but almost all Chinese food is delicious. Please refrain from the usual fare that you are used to, and indulge in the exotic food of Singapore. You will also realise that no one, okay, rarely anyone has fried rice in Singapore, unless you are ordering to eat with a big group of people, because there is much else to try.

A plate of food in the less polished and non air conditioned hawker centres usually cost around S$3.50 (around A$2.50 or slightly more) but the serving is not big. The best thing about this is that you get to have two servings. Ha! Ha! The food served in the air conditioned food courts usually located in all shopping malls are more substantial and cost around $4 - $8 or more. I will stay away from anything that has pig intestines in them, but since all or 90% of Singaporeans speak English (or rather Singlish), you will not have any problems asking them what the ingredients are.

All the shopping malls, especially almost every single one along Orchard Road has a food court, and all of them are almost as good as the other. Notable mentions are Food Republic (food court) at Wisma Atria (the Fried Hokkien Prawn Noodles are divine), Indonesian restaurant "Resto Surabya" inside Lucky Plaza, a fantastic food court at Takashimaya on the lower ground level (or the lowest level), interesting food restaurants at Paragon and Plaza Singapura at the end of Orchard Road. If you happen to pass by any hawker centres (none air-conditioned food courts), please do not be put off by the less glamorous outlook and potentially higher temperatures, and have a meal there. More often than not, you will find that the food there equally delicious or more so.

Two of the more glamorous Hawker Centres are:

(a) Lau Pa Sat - translates into Old Market. It is very popular, is inexplicably located in the CBD where it is like a ghost town at night and is rather near Raffles MRT or Tanjong Pagar station.

(b) Newton Circus - very popular and opens till the wee hours of the morning. They used to be really good but I didn't find it too spectacular the last time I was there. I guess it is the reputation it garnered in its early days. Still worth a visit but not really near to many places of interest. Click on the link above for a good review and some sumptuous photos. Nearest MRT Station: Newton

The National Museum is near the YMCA, which is in between Plaza Singapura (at the end of Orchard Road) and the Swisshotel. So, I have brought you technically one full circle.

Finally, two other places that are popular with expats in Singapore are:

(c) Dempsey Road Enclave - a very new collection of exquisite restaurants and cafes. Not very Singaporean in flavour but a good escape for tourists or expats who are feeling a little homesick.

(d) Holland Village, an "older" cousin of Dempsey Road Enclave, but more accessible via public transport (only slightly), but more interesting probably of its nostalgic value to me.

Lastly, the tourist destination that is worth paying a visit is the Night Safari, which is the World' first to feature only nocturnal animals. My cousin's advice then was to go for a walk around the park on designated pathways first, and then take the tram ride at the very end with audio commentary. Great advice indeed!

My friends are only visiting Singapore for three days and I think I have written enough for them to spend a good five days there. I had a lovely time recollecting all these memories and this will help form a template for my other friends who might be interested in visiting Singapore some day. In the final segment, I will cover the true essence of Singapore, and that is food, food food.

Raffles Hotel

SwissHotel - The Stamford Singapore Night lights view from the New Asian Bar

CBD Skyline and the PadangEsplanadeActual DuriansFruit insideMerlion ParkGoddess of Mercy TempleChinatown

Flavours of Singapore Part 1

2008-01-27T18:26:00.000+11:00

I have never really written about the attractions of my homeland, Singapore, so it came as a pleasant surprise that when I did so for two new friends who are about to pay a visit, I was so overwhelmed with the flavours of Singapore, I could almost taste it in the air.

Food is an integral part of the Singaporean experience and is the main thing that I miss most about it, next to the late night shopping and of course, my family and friends. Hence, all my best plans to "under-eat" when I first arrive in Singapore usually end up in a delicious disaster, because there is just too much temptation and too little time.

I found this site - Uniquely Singapore, which I thought would be a good starting point for them to navigate and find out information about "Calendar Of Events", "Accommodation" and some historical information about Singapore, which like most Australians if they were to take the Citizenship Test, will likely not be able to pin-point the correct information.

Being more interested in places of interest that excluded shopping, it made my work all the more interesting. The only Museum that I know of is the National Museum of Singapore and a small one in the Esplanade - Singapore's Performing Arts Centre.

The National Museum of Singapore has just been revamped and is in the heart of the city, so this is a must see. Like most residents, we have to be educated about visiting our own museums, so Singapore employed one of its most famous comedians on TV to launch an advertising blitz on TV, which apparently worked very well. It is one place that I will have to pay a visit again when I am back because it has been more than 15 years since I last visited it.

The other "museum" that they shouldn't miss is the "Fort Siloso" in Sentosa, the main Singaporean resort island that anyone can spend an entire day on. The "Fort Siloso" attraction chronicles the history of Singapore during the years of Japanese Occupation in World War II, and the wax museum which was my favourite spot to show tourists is now located in the "Images of Singapore". It is a "must-see" because they have recreated various traditions of multicultural Singapore. Tourists will get to see how a traditional Chinese wedding differs from a Muslim wedding as opposed to a Hindu wedding, and also many superstitions, arts and culture of the three main cultural background of Singaporeans. Many of these traditions and superstitions have flown away with the passage of time, so it is always good to show the younger generation what it was like, in the older days when we never had computers, iPods or Play Station.

They are constantly refurbishing and adding new attractions to this resort island and this is where you will find the most scenic beach in Singapore. The three modes of transport to this land are land, sea and air. Land is via transport (air-conditioned buses that they will take after they alight from the Harbourfront MRT Station (MRT = Mass Rapid Transit - like a light rail train, which is the main means of public transport). From the same station, you can also adjourn to the World Trade Centre and either go via ferry or take the cable car (air). You can easily spend a day there though I have to warn in advance that there aren't any food courts to be found on the island the last time I went. However, there are plenty of food courts in the HarbourFront shopping complex "Vivo City", which is a very popular new shopping destination for Singaporeans.

Siloso Beach

There is a really good food court on the top level of the shopping complex called "Food Republic". Decked out in old fashioned fanfare, it is such a refreshing change from the usual stereotypes, because you will actually feel that you are transported back in time to the 50s where stalls used to run side by side on the street. The decor is also very old fashioned Chinese and the food is delicious. Apparently, they are the new "in-thing", so if you miss it, don't worry too much, because there are a few others around.

There is also a huge Merlion (the head of a lion attached to a mermaid's tail) in Sentosa, where if you go up to the top, you will get a bird eyes view of the entire island. It's not entirely my cup of tea but it may be yours. When I was much younger, my parents used to bring us there for a holiday and as we grew older, we would go there with friends, and this would probably happen once a year. Every time we went, we would either stay for the 8.30 pm or 9.30 pm Musical Fountain, where there will be a fountain display and water dances accompanied by laser lights and music. It is still a sight to see, so you may want to stay for that, if you feel like it.

Me and My Reflection

2008-01-24T21:52:00.000+11:00

We watched the delightful comedy "Juno" yesterday evening, mindful of the warning that this is the only Best Picture Oscar nominee of 2008 that has a happy ending. It was touted as this year's "Little Miss Sunshine", which I enjoyed as well, but felt a slight disappointment when I watched the latter movie because I had already laughed at the key scenes in the many times I viewed the trailer. It is a problem when we watch so many movies during the Oscar season, trying to squeeze in as many screenings, that it is inevitable that we can watch the same trailer in excess of eight times.

I was cautious not to lay too high expectations on the movie, a lesson learnt last year, and I was quietly delighted. Both with the modern and clever script, and also the cast, especially the young Ellen Page, who embodied the weirdly charming lead character of Juno. She is a misfit and she reminded me so much of a dear friend with the same quick cutting wit. A total individual.

I wondered whether it would be a good idea to recommend it, but what angle would I take? Like Juno, she takes joy in being different, and for me, it was like watching her younger years unfold in front of me, except the storyline of the teen pregnancy. Not that Juno was mindless, but that she would be a little too clever and poised for something like that.

It is difficult to recommend a movie as "You will love this movie because the lead character is so you". What if they didn't like the character? Wouldn't that land me in deep social soup? Would we like seeing someone who we or others identify with ourselves, who is not a hero of sorts? It's like saying we're all Charlottes from the TV series "Sex & The City". Some may identify themselves with Samantha for her frivolous behaviour that may make a skank look cool, but prim, proper and prudish Charlotte? Have you ever heard anyone say "I'm definitely Charlotte" if they were asked to pick someone who they resemble most from the cast?

It's not like Juno is Charlotte. She is far from it, but she does have her idiosyncrasies and she is no social darling. I can safely and bravely say that there are elements of Charlotte in me, but am I totally like her? I don't know. It's up to someone else to make that judgment. Do we have fundamental dislike for characters that expose parts of ourselves that we least like? Why do we feel uncomfortable when someone links us with someone that we have never identified with, and come to the conclusion that the person is probably and most likely deluded. Is it like B.O. that only someone else can identify, not us?

Many Faces Of Talent

2008-01-23T21:47:00.000+11:00

I don't always have time for ventriloquists, because to me, it's like eating a piece of stale bread. You've seen one, you've seen them all. So, this comes as a real surprise. How fascinating! Makes me think about what talents I possibly possess ...

The Miseducation of Youth and Invincibility

2008-01-23T12:08:00.000+11:00

Britney Spears. Yes. Amy Winehouse. Yes. Lindsay Lohan and her peers. Maybe. But Heath Ledger?

Shock waves "tsunami ed" through the workplace this morning with the surprising news of his death. Another overdose, this time more unfortunate because they are not recreational drugs ... not long after the death of another fellow, less celebrated child actor Brad Renfro due to overdose. What is happening to Hollywood and this generation of celebrities? What ever happened to dying of natural causes, old age, or major illnesses brought on by substance abuse (cigarettes and alcohol). Are our advertising campaigns working only for these legal "drugs" and not effective enough for their "lesser known" evils)?

I have seen all the "P" plate drivers and all the horrific deaths concerning accidents or staring incidents that result in "glassing someone" (as in smashing a bottle in their head or face) and I am distressed and surprised at where all this rage and air of invincibility come from? Where have all the fundamental respect and values that our parents taught us disappeared to?

I am not a big fan of Ledger but I have to say that it is sad whenever anyone dies, let alone someone who has moved hearts with his performance in "Brokeback Mountain". Heath was always an uncomfortable celebrity so maybe this was his only way of dealing with the price of fame. Still his little daughter, Matilda, who will never know what her father is really like, , due to his young and untimely death, which is really sad.

This is proof that money and fame cannot buy happiness or sensibility. Hopefully, we will always have our loved ones and our dearest friends to remind us what really matters in life.

VAMP-nity Fair

2008-01-22T17:55:00.000+11:00

My fellow VAMPires are holding another Akina Fan-Stall at the China Square Flea Market, so in support of them and Akina, I am promoting the details of the store here.

Even if you are not a fan of Akina or are not free, you have to make your way down and introduce yourself to them, and they will make you feel most welcome. They are the loveliest and most generous bunch of people and they might help kickstart that dormant Japanese Jpop volcano within you. Who knows, you might actually have fun at such flea markets for once.

Date: 27 January 2008
Time: 9am - 5:30pm
Venue: China Square Central

Most of all, they will be able to show you who the true Japanese Pop Diva is and why we love her so much. On behalf of my friends, hope to see you there!!

Happy Birthday My Sweet

2008-01-18T10:49:00.000+11:00

Happy Birthday my darling. I love you.

It has been a wonderful journey and it continues to be. You challenge me to be my best I can, in all areas of my life and our relationship, bringing us towards new heights of emotional connection that I have ever felt with everyone. You are an inspiration and continue to do so. I am a very lucky man. Thank you for the the sparkles and also the most mundane routines that I do not for a minute, take for granted in our lives.

Here's wishing you a year of good health, prosperity and wishes coming true! May we have an absolute ball embarking on every single day of our life!

Happy New Year

2007-12-31T09:47:00.000+11:00

Growing up, New Years Eve was always a time for celebration, big celebrations ... wondering if there was any way to top what I did last year, more exciting adventures, huge crowds, you name it, I've thought of it. I remember dancing on Orchard Road when they closed down the street during my teens or just a phone call with my best friend Terence then, joking that we managed to stay on the phone for a year, as the clock ticked past twelve. Australian memories include celebrating with a huge crowd of strangers at the Rocks which led to sleeping on Manly Beach, and also the posh function at Sydney Opera House, which I never felt lonelier.

In the past year, I came to the realisation that nothing will mean more than the intimacy of friends and loved ones. The most mundane "routine" of gathering with the same people we love will be the ones that we will remember and miss most.

I would like to thank my loving family, John and all my friends for the wonderful year that you have given me. I am indeed a very blessed man. Lastly, here's wishing all of you a loving, healthy and prosperous 2008! May you always experience the simple joys of loving, giving and sharing.

Love,

Jamez

Happiness

2007-12-31T09:34:00.000+11:00

Happiness is shared. I couldn't have had a better birthday party - lovely friends, glorious food and love. It took growing up to realise that special memories don't have to be huge, they just have to be shared with people we love. The glory of love ...

Homely Feelings during Christmas

2007-12-31T09:05:00.000+11:00

For the past five and a half years that we have been together, we have always celebrated Christmas at John's, and it's a little foreign that it's the first time that I have really felt a feelings of loss and yearning for my family. It could very well just be that I had only returned from a trip, which is the first time in almost ten years that I have timed it so close to Christmas, or just looking at the close times that John shared with his family that made me feel for my family, or just simple disbelief that my nephew and niece has forgotten my dedicated time with them just the past month, because they barely mention it anymore, especially him.

I still had a good time, but I also sensed that I was a little tired. Maybe I have indeed spread myself a little too thin during that visit and then everything that just rushed in at the end of the year, especially at work. Will I do it again? Funnily, I guess that is just who I am, and I wouldn't miss a single moment as I savour every memory as I pace through my photo album. It may not capture the moment as videos might, but memories help replay them like clockwork. I miss them.

36歳の誕生日 - My Little Birthday -

2007-12-22T08:35:00.000+11:00

I have been telling everyone this year I'm 36 that when I finally turn it today, it no longer feels too much of a surprise. The lines on my face are more evident, my strength is slowly diminishing, but my spirit lies happier. Happier because I have discovered that the secret to my happiness is me and my relationships.

My relationships with every beloved member of my family, relatives, friends and my wonderful lover, all of whom grace my everyday life and fill my heart with so much happiness when I think of the lovely times we share, and the ones that we are about to experience. I have lost some along the way, but this loss only reinforces my focus in life.

I may not have much riches or position in the superficial world to boast about, but if our achievements are judged by love, then I know I am a very rich man. Therefore, for my birthday, I can only wish for happiness and good health, not only for myself, but for everyone around me that I love, so that the lines on my face will not deepen with worry, but be filled with laugh lines as we share our love and our joy. Thank you.

A final special mention to my mother who gave birth to me 36 years ago, suffering almost 20 hours of labour. Thank you for bringing me into this flawed but beautiful world, and everyone for teaching me "the art of giving".

Sayang My Baby

2007-12-09T22:21:00.001+11:00

With these words, my mother bade me farewell. Not a fan of goodbyes, I was holding up well up to that point. My sister, usually the first to break down seemed calm and composed. So did my nephew and niece who gave me a hug and kiss. My dad made an exclamation at "How strong my son has become" and I turned to greet my Mum at the end. I pull myself into her soft body as she pressed her lips against my face and she murmured those words, which translates into "I love you my baby", with a tinge of sadness.

It has been such a fruitful and fulfilling trip. 2007 had flown by faster than any other year I remember but these two and a half weeks have been savoured to the last drop. Eating, greeting, sharing, that was my life for my past holiday. In some ways, I believe I might have spread myself a little too thin, but I really enjoyed spending all that time with my family and friends.

Some people wonder why I return to visit my family every year? Why not spend a real holiday at some tourist destination? Why dedicate so much time to take on a holiday to spend time with the family, which really doesn't translate into too much of a holiday.

For those who live near their parents and family, it may sometimes be difficult to understand how one can actually miss their own family. It is only when we are separated by distance that one can realise how important family is. I may be lucky to have a wonderful and loving family, but like many others, I didn't really learn to appreciate them until I hit my 20s, and eventually moved out from home.

The other overriding reason can be attributed to my "guilt". In traditional Chinese cultures, my decision to leave my family behind to pursue a life away, can be perceived as selfish and one of an unfilial son. Over my final dinner party with my relatives, my youngest male cousin questioned my decision to stay in Australia. I totally understood where he came from, that of love and filial piety, and I reassured him that there are rarely days that go by that I do not question my love for my family, and more so for my aging parents.

I explained to him that I heard all that he said, and I took all his points to heart, especially the bit where he said that my Mum would be very upset if I don't come back, but I told him that there are different ways to show love, appreciation and filial piety. I used to live under the same roof, and couldn't be more like strangers with my family. I detested their possessiveness and their need to know my whereabouts all the time. If I am not home by 3 am, I would receive a phone call asking where I am. This may sound all warm and fuzzy, but it isn't when you are in your late 20s.

Leaving Singapore allowed my parents to accept that I have grown up and that I am an adult. It is not easy surviving in a new country but I proved myself and everyone that I could do it. To make sure that my family understands how much I love them more for giving me this wonderful gift of unconditional love, I do everything I can to soothe my guilt of filial piety. I call my parents at least thrice a week, making sure that they are healthy and fine. I bump that up to a call everyday if anyone is unwell to let them know that I care and that I am there. I do my best to spend as much time with them as I can when I am back in Singapore. Even when I am fatigued, I will do my best to accompany them in whatever they want to do.

I don't answer back when I sometimes want to, I accept. I know that it is a "routine" that they don't get to play very often because I am not home, so I listen. I give them encouragement and feedback and we would have conversations that we would never be able to have, if I am always at home. In appreciation for their love, I turn into the perfect son, and I love it. I love their dedication and their devotion. I love the times we spend together and the most mundane things we do. I appreciate and cherish every single moment we spend together because I know that time is limited. It is because of this limitation that I believe we make better use of the moments we have.

I am not saying that I am perfect and a self sacrificing human being. I just wanted to say that I don't love my parents less because I do not live with them. In many ways, I believe I love and cherish them even more. I may be selfish because I choose to live in Australia, but I am still after all, a human being.

I am eternally thankful to my family for loving me so much that they allow me to stay in Australia even though they miss me dearly, because they know I am happy here. That is what my sister wrote in an sms to me. Will we have such a wonderful loving relationship if I was at home? Will I be the perfect son if I was home or would I be looking for ways to live the life I want? These are hypotheses that I cannot confirm. All I know is that a true home lies in the heart, mine and the hearts of loved ones. In my heart, I will always be home, at home with my loved ones.

母亲这一句别辞“我亲爱的宝宝”把我愣住了，
母亲爱的呼唤，我听见了。
泪光莹莹，家人挥别的影像逐渐模糊，
我赤裸的心往熟悉的情景徘回。
不孝之道又浮上心头，
我的选择真的那么自私吗？
选择自己生活方式就真的代表不孝吗？

爱能用不同样方式来表达，
我采用的不就代表不对，
可能只是较难接受。
我不是选择自己的快乐而忘了挚爱的父母，
因为我深觉现在更能珍惜在一起的时光。
爱，是用心与举动来表达，
家，就只有在有爱的心才能滋润。
我爱心的家，永远生存在家人的心。

Thank You For The Memories Part 6

2007-12-06T21:25:00.000+11:00

If you are reading this section without reading parts 1 to 5, I would strongly encourage you to start from Part 1 because there is a good reason why I classified them into four different parts. It is a segment on my friendships in chronological order, and I hope you will enjoy walking this journey with me.

Lynette and Meei Suey were Leslie's friends first before being mine, and so was Jason. I believe my first meeting with Lynette was during the days when Leslie was experimenting with photography and would draw us out to be his models. We developed a quick friendship and I remember inviting Lynette to be my first date for my Basic Military Training Graduation Ball.

Like Andy and Marcus, both of them are more Westernized, so we got on very well together. We have been keeping email contact over the years and we had a really nice time this year when we met earlier in the morning and ate all the way from breakfast to lunch and then finally dessert at Swensens.

Time flew in those six hours or so that we spent on that day, chatting about our lives, children, Leslie and the past. It was wonderful to feel so comfortable in the company of friends and I believe that we will continue to remain friends long into our older years.

As for Jasone, he is also an Akina fan, but I am grouping him here because he was closer to Leslie than to me. We know another mutual friend Zing, who is now a famous makeup artist in HK. We met during a time when Leslie and I were deep into Japanese music and in 1985, I discovered Familiar Music Library, where Leslie and I would spend most of our days there. It is not surprising that we also ended up with the poorest results for our exams amongst our group of friends because of our devotion to Japanese music.

I remembered Jasone as one of Leslie's friends, and we were more like acquaintances than friends. However, we bumped into each other on the street last year and promised to catch up when I am back in Singapore next time, because it was my last days in Singapore then. Facebook allowed us to catch up a few months ago and we met up for a lovely meal and coffee reminiscing about the old times, friends and of course, Akina. Hopefully, he will be accepted into our VAMP group very soon and we will be able to unite more Akina fan-friends around the world.

I feel really lucky to have such wonderful and loving friends and I want to say Thank you so much for being there for your love, friendship and support. I love you all!!

Thank You For The Memories Part 5

2007-12-06T21:04:00.000+11:00

[Photo: Me, Jerry, Daniel, Kenji, Anthony, Eugin]

VAMPIRES

We met on the Internet through our love for our idol Akina Nakamori, and I am happy to declare that we have added two esteemed members to our FUN gang. We have the evergreens, Danny Bunny, Kenji Fushigi Shounen and Ranbi, and during this trip, we met up with three HK Akina fans, Jerry, Anthony and Tina. We didn't get to spend too much time with Tina, which was a pity, but she seemed a really lovely person. Amazingly, we hit it off immediately with Jerry and Anthony and quickly settled into conversations about Akina and I'm happy to say, deeper into who we are, as human beings.

The "problem" that we used to have is that because of our common love, we rarely talk about ourselves and who we are, in real life. Our conversations usually revolve around Akina and since she has been rather lazy of late, the conversations can quickly taper off into "recycled material". With the introduction of Jerry and Anthony, some of us are able to delve into our personal lives, and it is great to know them as friends, rather than just fellow fans of Akina. Even though we are die-hard fans, we are highly critical of Akina and her mistakes, so we usually have so much fun in whatever we do.

As usual, we proceeded for our annual Karaoke session, and we had lots of fun singing, imitating, and laughing at the lame video clips accompanying the songs. Anthony turned out to be the hidden "diamond" of the group and he serenaded us with many beautifully sung melodies, including the very difficult 「瞳を閉じて」. So, he wins the 最優秀歌唱賞 while the 物真似大賞 goes to Danny Bunny for his impersonation of 水前寺清子's 「浪花節だよ人生は」, complete with hand chops at the end. H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!! I will upload his video performance as proof as soon as I get his approval.

Although they are my newest group of friends that I made, I dare say that our friendship has grown at an exponential rate because of the generosity, honesty and acceptance within the group. We are proof that people do not need to be physically together all the time to develop strong friendships. All it takes is dedication and a kind loving heart.

Danny is caught out below in the first photo when he told us all to do an Akina pose (photo attached below), but most of us ignored. He protested, so we took another, but this time, our visitors from HK ignored us. Ha! Ha!

More Photos: here

Thank You For The Memories Part 4

2007-12-06T20:58:00.000+11:00

Marketing Studies

A year after I started working, I found that I could combine my love for writing with Marketing when I started studying my Graduate Diploma in Marketing from the Chartered Institute of Marketing at SIC. For the first time, I no longer found myself struggling with concepts and instead of blindly memorising data that I had absolutely no interest in, I could easily apply them to my world. Combined with a new found maturity and attitude towards studying, I managed to do surprisingly well in my studies, in spite of the fact that I was studying part time four nights a week from 7 pm - 10 pm. It was easily one of the most strenuous periods of my life, minus the Army experience because that was almost entirely autocratic, because it takes a lot of discipline to do that for two years. This is combined with examinations every three months and Marketing projects, presentations and case studies every other week.

We discussed about those times recently when I met up with Ivy, Juliana and Darren, and just as we were wondering how we survived the rigour, I realised that it was due to the strong bond that we had developed, that it no longer felt like hard work. I remembered actually looking forward to meeting with my dear friends, who were at that time, closer to me than my family in many ways. We would sometimes chat in class behind the lecturer's back and look forward to every break where we would have a chance to really catch up with others that we didn't sit next to earlier.

On Friday nights, we would even proceed to the nearest MacDonalds and chat till way after they close, and then squeeze into our friend Ben's mini, and zoom off to the airport or any lounge that was open for 24 hours. We would chat all the way till daylight when the first bus operates, and then head back home. Those were really good times that I missed.

Now, even though some of us are parents already, it still felt like those good o'l days as we reminisce about those times we shared, and some significant events that an unfortunate friend will never be able to live down. It is good to know that friendships like this can withstand the test of time. Thanks guys!

Thank You For The Memories Part 3

2007-12-06T20:52:00.000+11:00

Seagators

Not many people are aware that I used to be a Seagator ten years ago. I worked at Seagate, my first job after I left the army, and worked as an Engineering Specialist (surprise! surprise!). I was not cut out for Engineering but like many other people in Singapore, were sucked into selecting a course of study for survival rather than interest.

Thankfully, the working environment at Seagate Reliability Department is the friendliest I have ever encountered and I made many good friends there. Fortunately, there was rarely any office rivalry and my attempts to create a familial environment of work and fun was generally well accepted. I believe many people already noticed that I was not cut out for Engineering because it was at that time where I discovered my love for writing. I called my writings Seabuzz, where I would share long emails usually about film reviews or things that interest me, like books that have inspired me as such. The most significant piece I wrote (to me) was after the death of my maternal grandmother, where I bared my soul, and hoped that everyone will learn the lesson to cherish all those close to them, and never be afraid to say "I love you".

I also recall the days when I organised outings on Friday nights after work for groups of more than twenty people, and how I really enjoyed that. We would try out new restaurants and pubs, and up to today, I am still thankful to all of them for their kind "attendance". Today, at my current work environment, there are shades of "Seagatedom", but I don't think it is exactly the same.

It was nice to see during this gathering that no one has really changed. The mannerisms, the ideals and the values have remained almost intact, though some have gotten married, while others have remained single. It's good to know that even though we don't catch up as often, not even via emails now, that deep down, I believe we still care for each other as friends. Thank you.

Thank You For The Memories Part 2

2007-12-06T20:36:00.000+11:00

[Photo: Andy, Gary, Me and Marcus]

Army Mates

I remember how worried my mother was when I was first drafted into the Singaporean Army. It was a compulsory two and a half years national service and I recall how my mother lamented about my inactivity during secondary school, especially in the department of enrolling in a uniform group (like Army Land, Air, Sea or even Police), that would give me some heads up on surviving the army.

She didn't realise that her slightly pudgy son in secondary school was not an unwilling partner, but a casualty in the selection process for these groups, due to my low physical fitness. I will never forget my Basic Military Training, especially my first two weeks where I realised how much I had taken everything for granted, in particular my parents' love. At 19, I never imagined that one could miss their parents, but the army changed that opinion for me.

Thanks to my relatively good genes, I didn't have one of those "欠打" faces (those that provoke an inertia in someone to hit them), and since I was rather obedient too, surprised everyone in my family and mostly myself, by being awarded "Best in Platoon". I eventually went onto win "Best in Company" when I moved onto the next stage of Army training, and was later transferred to take on the Sergeant course, where I would begin my friendship with Andy, Marcus and Gary.

My dad who was one of the best fathers, would never fail to drive me to the Army camp, and as a result, used to ferry Gary and another friend along. Marcus and Andy are one and two years our junior respectively, and I don't remember any particular incident that helped to cement our friendship, but I believe we just became closer as time went by. The one significant event was us getting together to be Andy's best men when he first married, and the love and support that we provided each other.

The other reason I could attribute my friendship with Marcus and Andy because they were more "洋派" (interested or more influenced by Western cultures), and we got on well together. It was definitely after our army stint that we became closer friends, as I sent all of them on their voyages to Australia and Scotland, where they would study their degrees and come home. I was the last one to leave and the odd one out, opting to stay in Australia eventually.

This year marks the first time in three years that we have managed to gather together because Marcus was away for the past three years, in Sweden and Shanghai. I thought we had lost contact with him forever until I chanced upon his number on my mobile. I tried calling but it rung out, so I decided to send an sms to be safe. He called back within a minute and the meeting was like coming home to a band of brothers. That's what we are, brothers in arms. We have been through the good and the bad times, and we will always care for each other, like brothers do. I certainly hope they feel the same way too. Ha! Ha!

Andy has picked up photography and won an award last year for one of his black and white shots. He invited me out one afternoon for some lifestyle shots or shots that he believes speaks the person's character. Unfortunately, I was feeling the strains of my hectic schedule and hence I didn't think I made a very good model because I was really tired, and I think you could see it in my eyes. On the other hand, I think he would make a better photographic object himself, don't you think. Nonetheless, I am sharing two shots that I liked from this photo shoot.

Thank You For The Memories Part 1

2007-12-06T20:11:00.000+11:00

Come 18th January 2008, I would have been in Australia for ten years. It's hard to believe that I have been away for a decade because it only seemed like five years ago, but this is solid proof that time does fly. The most wonderful thing besides the fact that everyone is mostly still happy and healthy, is that no one has drastically changed in appearance or much in character. It is very satisfying to know that most of my friends have remained who they are, and probably so have I, but then, that again, is up to my friends to make that judgment. I may have matured in many areas of thought, but like many of my fellow mates, the little boy still lives within.

I would like to do a small introduction on each group of friends with the photos accompanying the respective postings. When I first started writing this, I wondered where I would head. After writing two sections, I realised that I was mapping out my history of friends in a chronological order, which has turned out to be very fun. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Oldies but Goodies

Unofficially, we call ourselves the "Group of Seven". We were all studying at the same secondary school, Victoria School, and even though I am the only one who has been in the same class with all six other members, we somehow got together for four or five consecutive Christmases at my home, when my parents threw our short lived Christmas celebration. I strongly believed it was during then, and Leslie's foray into photography that cemented our friendships. Hey, come to think of it, we were all "pioneer" models for Leslie when he first started photo shooting.

A couple of us, like Leslie and I, were misfits at school. We were not the populars nor the victims, but somehow, I just feel that we didn't fit into either group. To make things worse, we weren't very sporty too, preferring to spend our time drowning in Japanese music, acerbating our misfit status in our classes. Strangely, we are also the only two right now that are not living in Singapore and pursuing our careers elsewhere. Leslie has moved leaps and bounds while I am pretty satisfied with what I have in my life at the moment.

I have been given the nickname of a chilli padi because of my size and also my bitchiness. I believe I received great training from these group of friends who taught me that there is always a comeback to everything that one can serve. My family members actually enjoy the witty banter that goes on and we can all spend hours laughing over conversations which can unfortunately sometimes venture into nonsense. On the most recent venture, this is a short snippet of conversation that Terence shared with my mother.

We were listening to the radio reporting the winning numbers of the lottery that Sunday night. At the end, Terence shared the news that Mike's niece had topped her secondary school "Normal" stream students (who have to complete a five year secondary school education) and will now be promoted to the Express stream (four years).

Mum: That is fabulous news. I am sure her parents must be overjoyed. This is better than striking lottery and winning a prize.

Terence: No Auntie, it isn't. If you compare how much a year's school fees cost (public school - possibly less than $100), I'd rather strike lottery and win big money. She can stay back for an extra year for all I care. (All laugh)

We have such a long history of over the two decades that we have shared our lives, and it never feels like home until I catch up with close friends like Richie, Mark, Mike and Terence. We are still looking forward to the day that we have all seven people at one location again, but I guess we'll still have to wait.

[Photo: Mike, Terence and I @ Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Parlor on Dempsey Road]

X'Mas in Singapore

2007-12-05T22:43:00.000+11:00

Singapore has always celebrated X'Mas in style. Even though we will never have a white Christmas, the annual decorations lend a festive touch to the season.

Isn't it beautiful?

A New Beginning

2007-11-25T14:46:00.000+11:00

What a glorious way to cap off a wonderful year, especially with my advancements at work and John's amazing year of accomplishments in regards to his studies!!! A win for Labor after 11 years. The Australian public finally waking up from their long slumber of social degradation. Even though we may be prosperous, but our values have been corroded, and it is time to turn back some of the evil clock, and strive towards social justice and a loving environment once again.

Singaporeans who I meet generally like to ask the same question: What does Australia hold for you and how different is it from Singapore? My answer yesterday was an excited "After today, after the change in government, there is new hope. Hope that we will no longer be under an arrogant "dictatorship", where people and the media are afraid to speak up and tell the truth, afraid to say "Sorry" when an apology is overdue, and where minorities will no longer be "dumbed" down and will hopefully have equal rights as the general public.

I feel honoured to call myself an Australian today because the Australians have hopefully come to the realisation that money is not everything. There is a bigger thing in life known as relationships and how we relate to each other will dictate the ultimate quality of life we share as human beings. The economy is still high in the ranks of everyone's mind, but hopefully people will realise that without relationships, the place at the top or at the bottom is always going to be a very lonely place.

My holiday in Singapore has once again heightened this fact that people will always remember you for all the good you did and the efforts you make to build and maintain friendships. At times, I am moved to see how my friends will make time and effort to meet up with me, and this is a testament that even long distance friendships can stand the test of time. Even though we sometimes just move in parallel universes, never straying too far from the same conversations, there is comfort in knowing that fundamentally, we are all still the same people within.

Like my dear friend Leslie always say, we are the lucky ones who have made it out of Singapore. To learn, to grow and to give. What I give to my friends is perhaps the hope that we can survive an independent life and be happy. That is an achievement that is usually unsung and unnoticed in the spectrum of things, and it is usually then, that I recall the hardships that I have been through, to get to this comfortable place that I am in. It is also with my new circle of friends and my amazing relationship with John that has brought on new meaning in my life. For that, I am thankful to everyone for all the colours they added to all the chapters of my life.

With this new government sparks a new beginning, a new light. Through this trip, I have realised that I have been reading a lot less, and that is something that I enjoy and I have to pick up again. Until I do so, let me allow myself a little indulgence to celebrate this victory with my fellow friends.

Happy

2007-11-18T13:45:00.000+11:00

I guess one can't ask for much more than a state of happiness.

Though there are many things that I may not have, still in my life, but I am contented with my current life goings. The reason for my lack of blogging recently is because of my busier work schedule, where I was trying to clear all my work before I embark on my holidays, which I am currently at. I don't like to bother others, so I wanted to make sure that I cleared the major work that I was meant to complete before I come back from my holidays, and I was elated that it all worked out in the end.

On my relationship front, things are going really well with John, and he has just capped off an amazing year of studies in two courses with distinctions in the end. I am really proud of him and he has really showed me a great example of how I should enrich my life with more fulfilling matters in the year to come. I will possibly be looking into a counseling course and finally do something more with my lifelong desire to speak Japanese fluently. I will definitely be looking into some singing lessons as well so that I don't massacre the cows when I open up my mouth. Ha! Ha!

I am also really fortunate to have a really wonderful and supportive group of friends, in Australia and in Singapore. It is so gratifying to know that all the years of hard work that I put into building and maintaining relationships have bore fruit and people still remember me for who I am. I wish that they would have moved on together with me, but it is more difficult to do with some than others. I don't have too many complaints at the moment, but I will definitely be seeking more frank and honest conversations with them about more important issues than just trivial goings, to improve the quality of our relationships.

On my family front, I am doing my best to do my part as a dutiful son, brother and uncle, and it has been a joy to feel so loved and pampered by everyone. It is no secret of my love for children, so it is absolutely wonderful to be "mobbed" by the two of them, and them taking turns to be frank and honest about demanding for attention and fighting for affection. If only, we don't lose these traits as we tailor our behaviour to life as we grow older. Will the world be a better place?

I am also working on trying to have a deeper relationship with my parents and getting to know them as people rather than two people who brought me up. It is not easy because it is normal for them to lapse into their daily roles, but I will try my best.

So, here I am, on my holidays, reflecting on the previous year and the coming, and putting into action the promises I have made to myself, in my voyage of life discovery and relationship building. Happy is a state of being contented with the mundane things in life that we take for granted, and I am thankful for all for that.

10th Anniversary - 愛の詩 -

2007-10-06T13:00:00.000+10:00

It's not the kind of anniversary that one celebrates. Today marks the tenth anniversary of my beloved grandmother's departure from Beautiful Earth. Death was recently discussed in one of my Mens Group's conversations and many people were afraid that we will forget our loved ones once they depart. It has been ten years and I dare say that the love has and will always be there. If someone made an everlasting impression, then their memory will live with us forever.

Reflecting back on these past ten years, where I first made the move from Singapore to Australia in February 1998, I can honestly say that I was leaving some form of my past behind, and looking forward to my new life. Perhaps my grandmother's departure, devastating as it was to me, was a key for me to discover myself, and learn to love myself.

Growing up, I suffered from low self esteem, but always prided that if there was no one else in the world who'd love me, my grandmother still would. She was the epitome of love and kindness and she taught us wonderful lessons on giving, many that still serve us very well today in every aspect of our life. She may not have a worldly education but she knew life and love, and that was not something that can be taught. She gave and gave, even when times were tough, she never failed to look after others that were poorer than she was.

I believe that she must have her demons too, especially at the end when life took her speech away from her, leaving her frustrated at her inability to communicate. This was especially painful for her and for us to watch, a lively and loving woman disintegrating in front of us. But that is not the memory I want to hold of her. I want to remember her for the funny and loving woman she is.

There are many times when I reflect on the wonderful days we spent together. I can vaguely remember her giving me Milo at the end of every night when I just turned one, and grandpa slipping me the occasional Kopi-O (black coffee). How she would hold my little hand while we walked to the markets and took the trishaw back. How I stared with my childish eyes at the lollies and toys in the convenience store at the corner. My squeals of laugher on the swing, her gorgeous cooking, up to the threats of no longer loving me if I didn't take the money that she slipped into my pants whenever we are about to leave. The sight of her peering out of the window as Dad's car drives by, and the enormous laughter that she would initiate with every fart she let out.

These are the memories, and they are still fresh in my head. With every recollection, I love and miss her even more. The only solace I can take is that she is probably up there in Heaven with Grandpa staring down and watching us, with a remote control to more channels of life than there is down here on Earth.

I want to glorify her love and her teachings. I want everyone who has never met her, especially her great grandchildren to know what a wonderful grandmother we all had. We were blessed with such great and loving grandparents, equipped with the best tools, passing on the important lessons of life, sculpturing us into the current beings we are.

What will the next ten years be like, I do not need to wonder, because I know that I will still be holding, loving and remembering her from the deepest part of my heart, till the day arrives when it no longer beats ...

转眼十年已逝，对您的怀念依然如一，
希望能凝视入水晶球，看一看您是否幸福，
想像您俩一样现在依然守护与指引我们。

您快乐吗？
我们现在是否还是那么让您感到骄傲？

十年了，改变的只是我们成长过程的点点滴滴，
您慈祥与爱的指导，依然还是我们人生旅途中的必需品。
希望在我们有生之年，能把您教导的一切传达给我们的下一代。

十年后，对您的思念相信也不会改变太多，
因为深爱不易变，只要心中有爱，就永远有着您的踪影。

Virgin Dental

2007-10-02T17:53:00.000+10:00

Do you remember your first dental visit? Mine was probably not till I was 7 or 8 years old, when I started Primary One. Our school had a special dentist, and every few weeks, some stranger from another class will pop in with some A3 sized yellow cards, and read out the names of the lucky ones.

I don't exactly recall the visit, but I do remember not liking it very much because I didn't look forward to those visits. I also remember the class cheering the names of the students who were called up, and I guess that is a omen that it wasn't a good thing. At that time around 1978, we still didn't have much advanced technology, so it hurt much more than what we have nowadays. Still, it is never a pleasant experience.

Tomorrow, my little 5 year old niece will be having major dental surgery (believe it or not!) with one tooth extraction and four crowns. It started with some toothache, and a visit to the dentist revealed that there were some serious issues that needed to be referred to a paediatrician, because she was gagging at the smell of the latex gloves, and they couldn't get her to open her mouth long enough.

I was a little skeptical with Mum's explanation of how it got so bad. She said that it's got to do with her sucking on the milk bottle for a prolonged time and the buildup of milk powder, which is really sweet, at the back of her tooth. I thought it a little incredulous but since I wasn't an expert, I couldn't comment further. What I do know is that my Mum and sister restricts the amount of lollies and sugary drinks they have, so I knew it didn't have much to do with the amount of sweets she was having. Mum has this "5 minute" lollipop game that she plays with them, which is allowing them only 5 minutes (or her definition of that) with the lollipop, and then re-wrapping them and storing them in the fridge for the next day. Yes, my mother does have her little idiosyncrasies, but I guess I didn't turn out too bad.

I didn't know that this is such a phenomenon nowadays until my Aussie friend told me yesterday that it is quite common and it was also reported on a special news program recently. I really pity Joy having to go through such a trauma this young, but they are putting her on general, so she will probably not feel a thing. I guess one of the worst things is that the operation is going to cost around $3000, on top of the pain she is feeling now, and probably for a few days after. Not looking forward to that. Poor girl ...

Good News

2007-09-18T21:01:00.000+10:00

Some good news to share with everyone. Besides the fact that I have booked my "once a year traditional trip" back home to visit my folks and family during 14th November to 2nd December, I have been asked by work to represent our School at the upcoming Austrade Exhibition for Australian Education in KL on the 27th and 28th October.

I was scheduled to make my "debut" overseas trip in January next year, but an opening came up, and it was too good an opportunity to give up. I am really excited about this because I will be flying into KL on the 26th, and staying at the supposedly gorgeous Hilton Hotel, all by myself. I will be working both days of the weekend, and was initially asked to spend Monday there and take the overnight flight back to Sydney, and then have Tuesday off.

After some clever planning with my fellow Singaporean co-worker who is in charge of booking my flight and accommodation, I am now able to fly out of KL on the Monday morning to Singapore (transit since I am taking SIA), and then spend two important days with my family, a prelude to the longer holidays I will take in November. This is such an exhilarating and unexpected advancement and it is something that I have looked forward to, for such a long time. For once, I am going to thank myself for the hard work that I have put in for the past year. I was lost and now I am found. I know my own worth for the first time and this is the big pat I am giving myself on my back.

Long Days Journey Into Night

2007-09-18T20:16:00.000+10:00

Last Saturday, we drove up to Newcastle, approximately two and a half hours north of Sydney, where John's mother, sister and family resides. It has been a couple of months since John had last seen Pat, and has missed her. Since Saturday was his niece, Chelsea's 15th birthday, we thought it would be a good idea to "kill two birds with one stone".

We had an absolutely glorious day and the weather agreed with us, delivering us a warm lovely Spring day. We usually stay over the weekend because five hours of driving is sometimes too much to handle for one day. I'm not particularly keen on driving but will do so if pressed. On this occasion, I was happy I wasn't. We left Newcastle at around 6.45 pm, and as we were about an hour and a half on the F3 highway, and about one exit before the one that we were meant to get off, John asked if I heard this strange noise emitting from the car.

I stopped my iPod which was transmitting on the car stereo and listened hard. There was indeed something flapping but we could pinpoint where exactly it was coming from. We started descending and the noise stopped, so we dismissed it. As the road flattened again, it came back and just when I was about to make a wild guess and suggest that we stop, John yelled "The car is flat. It's not going anywhere." Puzzled because we were still moving, I realised that the dashboard was no longer lit. The car was still moving probably because we have not slowed to a stop.

I quickly suggested that we steer the car to the left shoulder, which John quickly agreed it was a good idea. We sat in the car for a muted five to ten seconds, and John said that it was probably safer that we stayed outside the car. "Good idea", I thought because you never know what could hit the car when everyone is zooming past at speeds past 110 km/h. It was slightly scary, not only because we were partly stranded on the shoulder of the highway, but more so because everyone was moving so fast. The cold winds did not help as well, and as John tried to make out our exact location to tell the NRMA (car repairmen), I clutched my jacket closer to myself as I helplessly watched the lonely headlights of the cars in solitude.

John soon came back that they were prioritizing our case (good idea) because it's not like we could go back into someone's house or reside on a cafe waiting for them to arrive. The estimate was set at around an hour for them to arrive. What are we going to do to kill time? John started looking a little stressed because he was tired and we really didn't need this extra drama. Figuring out that there was no way I could find out the problem, I tried to cheer him up a little by suggesting that this was our "Long Days Journey Into Night" because I have the tendency to try to look on the bright side of everything.

We tried to think of how things could have gone wrong, and John tried to restart the car again a few times, braving the traffic, that looked at times ready to swallow anyone who took a wrong step. Then, in the dark, a four wheel drive stopped, and out stepped someone with a baseball cap on. Cautious, I clutched on my bag and moved it out of sight. One can never be too careful and this is too dark. He started asking us if we needed help. He sounded nice and helpful but I didn't trust him because I couldn't see his face or his eyes, which is such an important feature, I believe.

He turned out to be a car electrician and knew a little about cars. He opened the bonnet, sniffed and sensed that something smelled "cooked". We nodded in unison, waiting for a miracle. He made a few kind suggestions and we tried them all, but to no avail. He eventually said that since we had a repairman coming, he would not touch the car any further. We thanked him for his help and he revealed that he stopped also because he was racing someone, and thought he should stop too. Helping someone was his excuse to himself to stop participating in that dangerous behaviour.

Fair enough. He was still kind enough to stop and help, and we were really grateful. It wasn't until he left that John and I heaved a sigh of relief. Embarrassed, I confessed to John that the first thing that came to mind when he stepped out of the car was "Wolf Creek". I have not even seen the movie, but one does not have to watch it to know the theme - serial killer picks up backpackers hitching a ride and slaughters them. Okay, it was a little too melodramatic, but I couldn't be sure. There was no guarantee that he wasn't going to pull out a knife, and ask us to part with our belongings. Who's going to hear us then? What is really sad is that we have become so cynical and cautious in this world that we anticipate fear first rather than kindness, and we are more shocked when we are encountered by a good deed doer. It was rather similar that the incident that I was so angry about a couple of months back, but I guess that this situation is a lot more different.

The repairman finally arrived about 15 minutes after that. We were bored by then and tried thinking of the worst. What if he leaves us here and we have to wait for a tow truck? Which of our friends would we trouble to come pick us up if this was what it came down to? Thankfully, we had friends who were happy to save two damsels in distress if we needed, and fortunately, we didn't need it. The battery had died but after the repairman jump started the car, we were able to follow him into the nearest gas station, and wait for the replacement battery to arrive.

It was much nicer to be safe, away from the bustle of the zooming cars, and come to think of it, we were very lucky that we were near an exit and the highway was brightly lit. I would shiver to think if we were stranded on the darker stretches. I don't think we would have survived as well. The battery finally arrived about 45 minutes to an hour later and in the midst of waiting for it, we realised that the radiator had been drained as well. We topped it up and came to the conclusion that it was what ultimately caused the battery to fail.

Thankfully, the drive home was smooth but after we stepped out of the car, we noticed fuming from the front, and it was not a good sign. The radiator was leaking and that posed another potential problem to be fixed. The car is now fixed but what a night this has turned out to be.

So Sad

2007-09-18T20:03:00.000+10:00

Even though this famous photo was taken in 1994, I do not doubt that nothing much has changed in more than ten years, and this is still a realistic reflection of life in impoverished countries. These photos are a reminder to us of how lucky we are, and how much more we need to do in this world to help our fellow human beings. If we can't even be nice to each other, how can we expect these scenes to disappear?

Watching a truncated Emmy's delayed telecast last night, the acceptance speech that resonated most with me was Sally's Field, which was unfortunately censored in the US because of her use the word "God" followed by "Damn". What she said was, "If mothers ruled the world, we wouldn't have those God damn wars in the first place." It is the ego of these power hungry men who rule our world, and as we grow richer, the disparity, not only between us these countries, but also between the rich and the poor grow wider, giving rise to more scenes like this, not only in the "Third World Countries", but possibly coming soon to our own backyards!

This makes me angry, and this photo makes me very sad, but the flip side of that is inspiration. So please exercise your voice and your vote and make sure that our collective voices get heard!!

Ironic

2007-09-18T19:57:00.000+10:00

Isn't it ironic that we pay extra attention to brushing, flossing, gargling, and in the midst of all these, check like a million times in the mirror to make sure that our teeth looks it best it can, before we go for our dental appointment.

I don't know what is scarier. The cleaning process with the sounds that I rate as second only to chalk scratching on a whiteboard or a dentist asking me for umpteenth time if I use a hard toothbrush. I know the damage has been done. Just move on, okay?

Why do we make sure that it is that clean when the reason why we visit a dentist is to make sure that they do their jobs? Our bookstore had once a customer who told us that they have a housekeeper twice a week, and they rush to tidy up the house on the day that she is due to visit. Isn't it ironic?

Imagine

2007-09-09T21:15:00.000+10:00

"What if God was one of us?" sings Joan Osborne in her mega hit "One Of Us". Now, imagine if these superstars were one of us ... wait a minute, they are one of us, just with ridiculously more money (and less talent in some cases), and more interesting jobs, or not. This is a hilarious twist. Enjoy!

The Funny Side of Tennis

2007-09-09T15:31:00.000+10:00

If you are a follower of tennis, you will recognise some of these hilarious impersonations. He does a mean Hewitt, Roddick, Sharapova and Federer impersonation. It's so nice to see someone take the mickey out of serious sports and he is emerging as the successor to Federer's throne. Can he win his first US open tomorrow? It will be interesting to see, but in the meantime, have a nice laugh and see if you can spot the players without the disclosure.

More Photos

2007-08-27T19:31:00.000+10:00

These are not my photos, but I was asked by a dear friend who was interested to see some photos of the event. I didn't feel that it was appropriate to share the intimate album, so I picked out some photos to share here:

Leonard's Birthday Speech

The Unveiling of the Certificate of Commitment

The "Bridal" Party - The couple flanked by both their sisters and their best men

Leonard's Vow Of Love

Bruce's Teary Return

Exchange of Rings

The All Important Closure

Friends - Barry, Joe, Tim, John and I (NB: I'm not that short, just being considerate)

My first connection to Leonard - Flip, Matthew, Dai and I

A memorable evening ...

A Special Celebration of Love and Commitment

2007-08-22T21:35:00.000+10:00

It is such a luxury to feel healthy again. After almost two weeks of recovering from the dreadful flu, it is so nice not to feel fatigued all the time.

Over the past weekend, John and I attended the 40th birthday celebration of my ex-flatmate and close friend, Leonard. Even though we don't catch up as often as we do, there is no love lost between us. We just lead rather different lives and revolve in different circles of friends, so unfortunately, our gatherings have been few and rather sporadic. Still, we have a special brotherly connection, established during the first days of my independence (after moving out from my aunt's home after one and a half year's of living with her and her family since arriving in Australia) and Leonard's first days in Sydney.

Since he is four years older than me, we had often talked about the day that he turns 35 and then the dreaded 4-0. Well, the day had finally arrived, and thankfully, as we had prayed hard and predicted, he still looks as gorgeous, if not more so today than I can ever recall at any other time.

I remember the last time we met before the party on Saturday. It was two weeks before we moved to our new home and Leonard was giving me his shoulder to "cry" on, reassuring me that everything will be fine and all tension between us will give way because of the love we have for each other. At the end, we scouted around a Singaporean restaurant as a possible location for his party.

About a month later, the invitation arrived for his big bash to be held at that location.We arrived about half an hour after the announced time on the invite, fashionably late but not detestably so. John and I had decided to dress up for the function, and as we bumped into two friends outside the restaurant dressed in tracksuit jumpers, I was starting to dread that we might have arrived a tad too overdressed. My fears were quickly put to rest when we arrived upstairs towards a private area where I noticed that most people had also taken the extra effort to look good.

Since gorgeous Leonard and his beautiful partner Bruce are fond members of partying, walking into the function was like as a friend described, being with "the entire crowd at Midnight Shift", a popular pub on Oxford Street. It was absolutely lovely to catch up with so many "long-lost" friends and acquaintances, and indulge in each other's current beings. One of the perks of being in a relationship is the love, intimacy and company we gain. The "downside" to it is being "shut out" of activities seemingly targeted towards singles. I honestly don't miss that, but it is common that we lose many friends once we couple, because a fair amount of time is dedicated towards setting the foundation in the early days, and only the truest friends stay.

We were treated to a buffet of lovely finger food and even though I am never a fan of the "commercial" spring rolls, I found them rather appetizing that night. After a quick meal, we were ushered to the stage near the front of the stairs, and were treated to a few speeches from Bruce and a performance from a drag queen, to add some fun and glitter. This was followed by Bruce's birthday and Thank you speech to Leonard and after he blew the candles and we sang the birthday song (in that order), which was an interesting switch, Bruce stepped onto the stage again, and said something like "All of you were certain that you were here for Leonard's 40th, but you are wrong." He proceeded to explain how Leonard and him decided that morning to go to the City Council and had their relationship confirmed that morning, as he fished out the newly framed certificate of commitment that they received.

This was turning out to be their commitment ceremony and it was such a pleasant surprise. Bruce proceeded to mention that they wanted to share this special day with everyone, and one thing that they both unanimously decided on was to have two best men and two bridesmaids. The two bridesmaid turned out to their both their beautiful sisters which was revealed after the Best men was announced. Bruce's choice was an old girl friend who he befriended since he was seven, and who promised each other that they would be each other's best man at their separate weddings.

When Leonard announced his choice which turned out to be me, it was a moment that I can only liken to what Oscar winners say they feel when their names are announced. It was all a blur. Was that really me? Did I hear it correctly? Until I felt Barry's hand poking and pushing me forward, it all seemed like a dream. In many ways, it was highly unbelievable because we don't catch up as often as Leonard does with some of his other mates, and it is such an honour, to be selected as someone's best man, let alone over so many other possible candidates.

After the initial congratulatory hugs and kisses, we were treated to a most intimate and loving exchange of vows, which was both touching and hilarious at times. Bruce had to stop to wipe his tears as he spoke lovingly of Leonard and Leonard declared his love openly for Bruce even though he still can't understand how animals can talk to humans.

It certainly provided plenty of food for thought for many couples like us, who had no idea that such a commitment was possible in Sydney (Thanks to our Mayor Clover Moore), and also much friendly "warnings" from some friends who ushered me not to forget them when I am selecting my Best man at John and my ceremony, if and when we decide to have one.

It took one day for the honour of Best man to finally sink in, and as I replayed the scene in my head, I am moved to tears especially since I constantly have doubts about my friendly achievements since I arrived in Sydney. Since I treasure relationships in life over most other things, I had often pondered if I had deeper friendships and relationships in Singapore or in Australia. If I compared the number of friends I had, Singapore would win the battle, but that was also because I had been there longer and I was single. If I compared the depth of relationships, then I realise that there is no other place than Sydney.

This past event made me realise that the efforts I have dedicated towards building true friendships and relationships with my friends and people who I care deeply for, has not been wasted, and this is my life journey that I should dedicate more of my life towards, because I know that I have not been as "diligent" in the past few years. I have one of the best examples in John who is such a special person and who inspires me to remember everyone's birthday and make them feel special.

Leonard truly made me feel very special, not only by him and Bruce sharing such a special occasion with us, but also by proving that one does not have to constantly keep in contact for the love to be present. Like he said, we have been through each other's highs and lows, and have supported each other through some of the most painful times of our lives. We are both happy now and I can't be happier when I see the amount of love Bruce and Leonard have for each other.

I want to thank Leonard and Bruce for making their special night, such a wonderful memory for me. I wish the both of you plenty of love and happiness, and I am absolutely certain that your love will stand the test of time, and so will our love for you both. Congratulations.

Myself - 自我 -

2007-07-30T19:55:00.000+10:00

I believe I have mentioned it before that I am currently in a Mens' Group. It was set up as an avenue for men in safe (confidential) environment to discuss freely about the matters of their hearts. Initially I thought that I wouldn't have too much need for this because I pour out my heart on my blog and my friends, but recently, I found that I am really enjoying it because we are exploring deeper into who we are as human beings, which are really interesting topics.

One of the most interesting points that stayed with me previously was that "It is always easier to talk about someone else than us". I think part of this is because I have been brought up to think that I would be too conceited if I just blabbered about myself incessantly all the time, and rarely in daily conversations, do we explore the myriad of feelings and emotions that we experience with various incidents. It is always easier to just describe the events and ignore the impact on us when it is obviously what caused us to talk about it in the first place. It is easier to curse the situation, person than share our experience and effects because it does not make for interesting gossip for most people. It helps to connect people but we are more used to conventional water cooler topics than revelations that could move. Are we just more shallow when it comes to having such conversations with friends or do we just not try hard enough?

I am lucky to have friends outside the Mens' group that I can do so, but I am also acutely aware that not everyone might be comfortable sharing such intimate information, but are we ready for it when someone takes the first step? Would this world be a more beautiful place if we share our real selves and everyone listened without prejudice and judgment, like in these artificial environment nurtured by the groups.

Another fascinating discovery over our last meeting for me was "When in a relationship, when it is okay to put ourselves in the first place?". Being the only gay man in the group, I think I don't have to feel like I am the breadwinner or the protector of the relationship, but I was seriously thinking about how many of us, including myself, do not put ourselves in the first place. I don't know if it is my insecurity that if I don't constantly give, that I will not receive the love back, or just that because the true joys is more in the giving, that I always believe in putting myself below other's needs most of the time. But if I don't, I am reminded that the world will not collapse and I will not die.

One important thing that came to mind is my determination to visit my family and spend at least two weeks with them a year because of their love for me. It is their love for me that allows me to stay in Sydney and this is one of the only ways I can repay them for their generosity. Since we only have about a month's leave a year, this does not afford me another opportunity for another long holiday with John both financially and time wise. One of the other things that someone shared reminded me that John and I have a family of our own and our little traditions that we will plan and live, and it is sometimes that I have not given too much thought of in the past, but I thought completely true and sweet.

It is the second time I heard that "I will not die if I don't go to Singapore for one year", which is true but the fact is that I do miss my family terribly and thankfully, John is totally empathetic. He told me that he wouldn't like to imagine being able to see his Mum only once or twice a year. However, I am acutely aware of our own need for a holiday, so I sometimes struggle to strike a balance to keep everyone happy. But am I?

I love my family and I love John very much. It isn't easy but I guess I have to find better ways to strike this balance and how I can do this both because as much as I would love to travel, would someone understand the pain of not being able to see and share their love with their families as often as possible? I can only do what I can, but I am happy when everyone is, and the price of seeing my family happy makes my yearly visit to Singapore fruitful. That said, I would like to give this new hypothesis a try by visiting Paris and parts of Europe with John next year.

A final issue that emerged, which John has constantly reminded me and was brought up, was my relationship with my father. My father is not the typical Asian father one would associate with. Growing up with a father who practised polygamy, he never had a 24 hour full time dad that he could live with. He had to share him with two other families and many other foster siblings. I can't expand more because he is fiercely private about his childhood, and hasn't shared much as compared to my mother, so I only knew snippets from my Mum or aunt. His views on fatherhood was probably shaped by his own experience, and hence he set out to be the best father he can be, and he has succeeded. Instead of taking a cold authoritarian approach, he was kind but firm, and never shied away from displaying affection, like kisses or hugs whenever he can.

He helped us in all our decisions (and probably made most of them - Ha! Ha!), and I know I am admired by some of my friends for having such a loving and dutiful father. I have learnt to appreciate his love more as I grow older because he has proved to be a very positive role model but transition from father to friend has been a little tougher. It isn't easy all the time when he has told us before that we will always be his little children no matter how old we are. I don't think this is a reflection that he wants to be the patriarch, but that he will always want to provide us with whatever we lack in life, and be a parent and friend at the same time (which is what he told us when we were young), but I noticed that we seem to have difficulties in discussing about certain life issues like adults, because I don't think he sees me as one sometimes.

John laments that our conversations are relegated to the "Yes-No" simplicity and he constantly reminds me of our short time on Earth, but I find it difficult to break the mould over the phone. Listening to one of my friends who is a father himself to six grown children, he says that he yearns for his children to know him, not as a father, but also as a contributor to this world, a human being in all. I am most inspired by this and know that I will seek to learn about my own father in my next visit. I am also eager to explore deeper relationships with my closer ones in my life as I get more comfortable in my own skin. I have known for a long time that we have to be open before we can move others to open to us as well, but I have never really done too much of that with my own family. I think my family would like to know me as a person and I think they should be proud of who I am.

I know now that it is not conceit but vital for me to talk about myself sometimes, and for me to place myself and my needs first because then I will be a more balanced human being. In being so, I am possibly open up new windows within myself that may delight others in the process as well.

Better Safe Than Sorry?

2007-07-30T19:39:00.000+10:00

Thanks to everyone who commented on my previous post, which seemed to be quite a "hot topic", my dear friend from Canada wrote me a rather passionate letter warning me about the potential dangers of just being who I want to be, which seemed to be the reflection of thoughts from some of you.

He was unable to post a comment because he probably didn't have a gmail account, but this is what he wrote:

Some people wrote to you to say that you should not be concerned if your conscience is clear and you are simply doing what is good. Sorry, I disagree with them. Who is going to back you up if no one is looking and if you had not planned ahead of time. From experience I can tell you that most people prefer to remain "uninvolved" and out of any kind of controversy. Truly, you want to help those in need but you also want to protect yourself.

One of my friends was sentenced to time in minimum security prison because he felt sorry for someone, tried to help them and was accused of sexual misconduct. I know the guy, know how he tries to help everyone and also that he would not have committed sexual misconduct because this was a woman accusing him and he is gay. Any way, I was not present so could not vouch for him and others would not get involved. The only thing I could to to help was visit him in prison. Now he is out but always has someone with him when he is helping anyone out. One of my other friends was accused of misconduct but I was actually there and able to defend them against those who were accusing him. There are a number of other examples I could speak of but my main point is that you have to be careful, regardless of your intentions. Intentions only get a person so far so, please don't be naive enough to think that a clear conscience is protection for accusations. Keep in mind that I am speaking not of just sexual misconduct; physical abuse, emotional abuse, are also accusations that people are having to face. I am not suggesting that a person live alone in a cave, just that they be careful to protect themselves from unjust accusations.

I am really thankful to Makary for bringing this to my and now everyone's attention. I totally believe that there are such true cases in life, because the society does certain communities of people who are perceived to be more vulnerable. If a woman that I am helping suddenly accuses me of sexual assault even though I am innocent, and no one is around to witness, who would the judge believe?

My dilemma though now is when to help or do we just stand by and watch it all happen? There is a current case in Australia where a Muslim was jailed in suspicion of assisting in the foiled London bombings recently and was held with no actual charge of about a month. The Australian Federal police and government claimed that they had proof that his mobile SIM card was found in his cousin's car that exploded. It was since discovered that it was a lie, and the SIM card was about 300 km away. This is the first case that tests the new Australian anti-terrorism laws and now that this debacle has put these laws into the spotlight, the prime minister is saying that "When it comes to terrorism, it is always better to be safe than sorry."

I know that this is not entirely linked, but it does reflect the fear that we possess for our fellow beings, and it is our leaders who helped shape the attitudes of the world. What messages do I, as an adult, want to pass down to my younger generation, in particular, my nephew and niece? When it comes to helping others, is it really better to be safe than sorry, or does it only restrict to us, as single men? What can we do to change the impressions of the world?

Is This Still The Same World?

2007-07-18T21:47:00.000+10:00

I had a particularly nasty experience last Sunday, rather Earth shattering in many ways to me. I believe my love for children is well documented, not only by my stories but also by the number of baby and children photos I share on this blog.

Last Sunday, as I walked out of JB Hi-Fi (the local mega music store) towards Town Hall Station, I passed by the boutique Jeans West and a shirt on the show window caught my eye. As I turned around to head for a closer look, I was distracted by the sight of a two or three year old boy running out of the store, giggling with glee. I saw the woman in front of me flinch, paused for a second, and then proceeded to go on her way. Seeing that there was no parent in sight, I caught hold of the child's arm as he swooshed past me.

At the corner of my eye, I caught sight of an adult running out, and assuming it was one of the parents, I stood still waiting for whoever it was to claim the child. A young woman rushed out, flustered, and when she saw that I had held onto the child, paused about 2 metres away from me. In a scene reminiscent of a police heist, she said to me sternly "Mate. You can let go of him now". I was shocked. I thought I had heard wrongly. She repeated, "Yes, you can let go of him now".

I loosened my grip and then she said "Thank you". It all turned out to be a blur from then on, as I proceeded to the window to look at the shirt. However, I no longer held interest because a part of me was dying inside. Here is a stranger who has just accused me of being a possible pedophile, kidnapper, nasty man etc. I sought within myself to deny this new "identity" that this stranger has just imposed on me. I was drowning with this new tag on top of me. I was confused that I didn't know how to react. Instead of getting back at her, I silently walked away.

I don't know if I was expecting any gratitude, but her reaction was totally uncalled for. What I did was a good deed and all I received was an accusation. It was unfair and what I would hate to come out of this is my fear of caring and intervening when we need to. This is why people stop helping others. The child could have run into an escalator or a door and injured himself. Someone else could have ran away with him. What did she think I was going to do? There were so many people around. None stopped to help and what did she think I could do? Run, molest, kidnap?

It really affected my mood for the rest of the day and upon further analysis, I realised that it touched on several insecurities and issues within myself ... especially around the seeming impossibility of parenthood and how I may never have this sort relationship with any child that I can call my own, and also the fact that I have been away from my family for almost a year, and I miss them.

Thankfully, my friends whom I had shared my experience with, have all expressed their shock and horror at the mother's reaction. I wonder if it was her way of skirting responsibility and asserting blame on others since she was the one that had not taken more care of the child? If not, what has this world become?

カバークレイジー - Just The Way We Were -

2007-07-15T09:45:00.000+10:00

I'd never thought I would say this. I'd probably die if I knew at 16 or 20 that I was going to sound like my parents. "Music just isn't what it is anymore ...", they would lament to the "innovative" sounds of Faye Wong, who brought on a new generation of breathy singing. "You are just a "traditionalist" that can't keep up with the times", I used to think.

Japanese music has really moved on from the traditional enka to 70's pop which still had a very distinctive Japanese flavour to 80's bubblegum pop, 90's R & B infused pop to today's hip hop and rap generation. Where have all the good songwriters gone? Have they run of ideas or inspiration, or just that their melodic songs are no longer being heard because they feel that they have to conform to today's trends?

Today's popular Japanese music is heavily Western influenced and rarely do we all agree on a good melody because there simply isn't one anymore. It's all about hooks and all 5 seconds of it, repeating itself throughout the songs. The rest of the songs become fillers around this hook. I'm not complaining about all of them, and I am not sure if it is because I have grown older that I don't feel like humming/singing to those songs anymore. The new generation move their bodies to the beat like waves hitting the shores, as they close in their little worlds with their iPods. then, my music transported me to a new fantasy land, and I sing to the entire song, with as much belief, even if I couldn't understand what they were singing. That probably helped a lot too because then I could plan my own magic carpet ride ...

Is this why we are seeing a growing trend of cover albums by singers that we have grown up with in the 80s and 90s? That they share the sentiment that there are not many good songs that they really feel are worthy or is it a project that they take on, in hope of good sales so that they can move projects that they really want to embark on?

Akina is slowly gaining more recognition amongst the younger generation as a "cover artist" because her cover albums sell a lot more than her originals. Not surprising since more marketing is dedicated to it, but are we, as a generation who have started listening to Japanese music in the 80s and 90s, unable to move on, and prefer to hang on to our melodies and memories?

What constitutes a good cover album? A good selection of songs or good sales? Is it a singer who is able to make the compositions theirs and move you to a new level or one that inclines you to pick out the originals and immerse yourself in those bitter sweet memories again? Where does Akina lie?

For me, Akina likes to pick more obscure songs, with the exception of Zero. It is always a gamble to challenge an original especially if the singer who popularised it is synonymous with the song. It is going to invite comparison but it is a good selling/talking point as well. It takes a lot of courage to do so and walk away with it victorious. Overall, I believe that Akina is good singer and is able to inject her own life into their songs. I don't particularly feel that I have a desire to go listen to the originals to relive my memories. I can still walk that road with Akina. Another singer that I feel I can do is with is 福山雅治, whose cover album "The Golden Oldies" is the best selling cover album of all time and deservedly so. He is able to transcend the originals and make a song his, even if the original is a female singer. I haven't listened to any of 岩崎宏美's 「Dear Friends」 series, but she is a good singer, so I think she will fall into the "good covers" category.

Not so successful is 工藤静香 whose cover album is not as interesting, though it may be because she covered plenty of obscure material to me. Many people may also say that she has a rather unique voice which is not soothing, and the cover albums tend to be more "stripped to the basics", with a band or orchestra, creating that jazzy, easy breezy listening style that is unintrusive . However that said, she did lead me to the discovery of the song 「かもめはかもめ」 which I love. It is also one of the "quieter" songs in that album though.

Another singer that I have a hard time debating myself over is 徳永英明, who 乱火さん adores. His 「Vocalist」 series have been huge hits and I have always been cynical because I think it has more to do with the song selection that anything else. He can hit all the higher notes alright, but to me, he sounds monotonous, and I yearn for the originals to let them wash over me like tsunamis, not ripples that he sends.

While 「艶華-Enka-」 keeps its daily ranking of 28th for the second day, I noticed yesterday that 徳永英明's 「Vocalist」 and 「Vocalist2」 re-entered the daily charts from nowhere to No. 9 and No. 6 respectively. Fuelled probably by the release of his new cover single 「恋におちて -Fall in Love-」 this week, it has invigorated sales of his two previous cover albums, in anticipation of his cover release due 15th August. Out of curiosity, I played his two 「Vocalist」 albums this morning, and in my "semi-conscious" state, I found them rather enjoyable, in an unintrusive sort of way, like BGM. Maybe I can now understand how 乱火さん feels. I think it is also a quiet evening album of loneliness, and his voice projects that. I sing along, but in my head, the voice of the originals floats, and my voice seem to channel them instead of him. I wonder why ...

According to the AN Fun Site, the songlist for his new 「Vocalist 3」 has been released together with the news that another singer that I like, 杏里 is also releasing a new cover album to celebrate her joining the Universal Japan family. These are the tracklists for both albums:

徳永英明「VOCALIST3」
2007年8月15日発売
【収録曲】
01. PRIDE (今井美樹)
02. まちぶせ (original: 三木聖子written by 荒井由実 and popularised by 石川ひとみ in 1981. 松任谷由実 self covered it to higher heights in 1996)
03. ENDLESS STORY (伊藤由奈)
04. 桃色吐息 (高橋真梨子)
05. CAN YOU CELEBRATE？ (安室奈美恵)
06. やさしいキスをして (Dreams Come True)
07. わかれうた (中島みゆき)
08. 迷い道 (渡辺真知子)
09. たそがれマイ・ラヴ (大橋純子)
10. 恋におちて-Fall in Love- (小林明子)
11. Time goes by
12. 月のしずく (Rui: 柴咲コウ)
13. 元気を出して (薬師丸ひろ子,written and covered by 竹内まりや)

杏里「tears of anri」
2007年9月12日発売
【収録曲】（予定）
悲しみがとまらない（杏里）
やさしいキスをして（DREAMS COME TRUE）
夜空ノムコウ（川村結花）
雨音はショパンの調べ（小林麻美）
会いたい（沢田知可子）
優しい雨（小泉今日子）
あなたのキスを数えましょう～You were mine（小柳ゆき）
探偵物語（薬師丸ひろ子）
聖母たちのララバイ（岩崎宏美）
雨（森高千里）
LOVE IS ALL～愛を聴かせて～（椎名恵）

I am still happy to listen to 「VOCALIST3」 but I am looking forward to Anri's cover album more. Maybe it is novelty but if Anri released an original album and this cover album, I think I would be more inclined to buy the latter. I wonder if I am now a laggard, someone who does not follow the buying trend as quickly as the younger generation would, or I just enjoy my music the way it used to be.

I don't know if I ever want Akina to stop singing covers, because I think she would release a great jazz influenced original album, or a cover album of 山口百恵 songs. I would also like to see her cover/sing a 中島みゆき and 松任谷由実 composition (魔法の鏡 is from her 荒井由実 years) in my lifetime because I think she has the experience now to cover them to satisfaction. Just like 「いい日旅立ち」, I think she covered it well. I don't want to compare it with the original because Mome sang it when she was 19 and she is synonymous with the song, but I think Akina interpreted it well.