Peace of My Mind

Power

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 04:22:00 +0000

It had been a long time since I last went to a movie with Mum. It could be the first time with just the two of us because my siblings would always be around too. We watched Mandarin movies mostly when we went out with Mum because she was educated in Chinese and didn't understand English unless there were available subtitles. Movies were an escapade for her from having to mind what the three of us were up to, so I don't think she wanted the extra task of reading.

After an invigorating and inspiring trip from HK, I prompted a movie outing to the film "City of Life and Death" (南京!南京!) which if translated directly from its Chinese name, means "Nanking! Nanking!). With a desire to have special time with me, she came along though I understand that she would probably have preferred a lighter hearted movie.

Filmed entirely in black and white, it is a reminder of the great movie "Schindler's List" with similarities running throughout both films. Like the latter film with a generous German character, this film looks through the eyes of a conflicted but sympathetic Japanese soldier.

The "rape" of Nanking or the Nanking Massacre, as this event is more commonly known, takes place during the Second Sino-Japanese War in 1937, where a massive number of Chinese prisoners and civilians were killed. This film attracted plenty of controversy because some critics felt that the film was sympathetic towards the Japanese (as portrayed in the central Japanese human figure as opposed to his ruthless counterparts), but I believe it was the most objective a war film could get.

The film did not shy with any of the atrocities that the Japanese committed - the mass firing, house burning (with thousands of prisoners of war), raping of the women, and the most disturbing to me, the throwing of a helpless child out of the window, but it also offered a human side to war that is not often portrayed. The irony.

People like to think of war in terms of winners and victims and films portray and glorify the fomer, but I think this is where most fails. When will a time come when we realise that there are only victims, no winners. The power hungry people who proclaim themselves winners, those who manipulate and move troops like pawns on a chess game, are the worst losers because they failed to understand the meaning of life.

I do not understand how we can still not learn from these past mistakes and all that suffering, and still engage in power struggles. I guess it is because these power hungry people at the top do not have to make the moves and feel the suffering themselves. They let others do the work and they reap all the benefits. In an ironical sense, it is also a reflection of the world, even in peace times, and we all have to play the game, like the soldiers during the war, for survival.

Most of the criticisms surround how the film does not encourage hatred and was too sympathetic towards the Japanese. This is dangerous ignorance. Life is not about the power over people to destroy. It is easier to hate than to love. Where this power could be used to better the lives of humankind, this is often misused to satisfy one's ego and ultimate self-unworthiness. It is their need to feel better about themselves, and in their efforts to appear omnipotent, they are ostracised and feared, rather than loved and revered.

This is definitely one of the better Chinese movies that I had watched for a long time, and though it is no means of an escapade, it helps reaffirm my priorities in life ... love and relationships, not power. I do not need to overpower someone to feel good about myself. I prefer to give and share, and though I may never be rich in money or status stakes, I am rich emotionally because I know that I have my family and good friends that I can reach out to, when I need them.

We have to play the game of life and survive, but we can choose to play fair. Not everything about life is about choice, but this is one. I am not interested in power. I believe in love instead. The love and respect for my fellow human-kind and a belief that ultimately we will reach a point in life where we will finally realise what life is all about. I just hope it is not too late for some.

My HK Discovery

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:33:00 +0000

Sometimes, I feel that the best way to travel is not to plan too much and just let nature takes it course. That seems to be how I travel these days. I may do a little research for some ideas of what the places of interests are, but not plan a timetable to be at a certain place at a certain time, because then it defeats the purpose of having a holiday as well. Though I may not get to every place of interest, I can take my time to enjoy the place instead of having to rush from point A to B. It allows me to experience the sense of "being" and "in that moment".

Being the "jet-setter" that I am, a nickname that I procured during the past two months because of my closely scheduled holidays, I had no expectations of what I was going to experience in HK. I had a few friends that I wanted to meet and spend time with, and there were a few places of interest to visit, but nothing inked. All I had booked was the hotel and brought was what I printed out of the interactive itinerary from the official HK website, and an instruction sheet on how to get to the hotel from the airport.

I had been told of the wonders of the city but work had been so busy and I had projects and a function to plan right before, so there was no preparation I could do. I was planning to just wander around the streets and do nothing too much. I ever contemplated shortening the trip, but I was aware on my first day that I had too much to visit ... very quickly.

The hotel was much lovelier than I expected, and the first breakfast of fish porridge was a real welcome to this busy city. I stayed on Nathan Road, and it is considered old and dirty looking, but it was love at the first sight for me. After my trip in Europe, I had learned to appreciate history and I enjoyed wandering the streets of old HK. I wanted to eat at all the "dirty" places instead of the glitzy restaurants because they offered so much more local flavour, which was quickly diminishing in many parts of the civilised world.

I enjoyed looking at the old trade and the way that the HK people went about in their lives, especially the older people. HK is possibly one of those places where I see more shirtless men working in hard labour than any other places I had visited. It was probably due to the humidity which was rather high during my visit there. I also experienced the rainy days which I did not enjoy because I ended up walking in wet socks and shoes as a result.

One of the best decisions I made on my second day was to visit the HK Museum of History. There was a special exhibition celebrating 60 years of liberation in Chinese history which I particularly enjoyed. I remember now I was rather interested in history when I was in secondary school but when I moved onto the final two years of my secondary school education, we were forced to take Geography and Literature in my class, instead of History and Literature, which I would have much preferred.

This trip invigorated my interest in Chinese history and I spent about two hours reading through the revolutions, atrocities, tragedies, mistakes, and all the happenings in its rich history. Incidentally, I also decided to go against my previous beliefs that it is better to travel myself than go on a guided tour, and that day marked a new turning point in my trip.

The tour was extremely informative and the tour guide, being very charming and jovial, injected humour within many historical facts to keep us all interested. There was so much to learn and it was great that she was able to laugh at herself and applauded us at the end for being the first group that she took that did not fall asleep when she started talking history.

I shared many of these stories with my three HK friends, Anthony, Jerry and Tina, who remarked that I probably visited more places of interest in HK than they did. For starters, they were not even aware of the HK Museum of History, but it is not uncommon at all for the residents of a city to not patronise these places of interest because it is considered too touristy. I just hope that they will consider visiting it after my recommendation.

I visited many other places of interest like the HK Art Museum (which was interesting but not as good as the History Museum), the Kam Tin Walled Village (where male chauvinism still rules!?!), and the Lok Ma Chau Lookout (where one can see Shenzhen on a clear day, but not on ours). Others included a cable car trip to the big Buddha statue and the nearby monastery for a deluxe vegetarian meal, Wong Tai Xin temple, Temple St (where the night markets are), Lan Kwai (FongHK Night Sight), and the Dr Sun Yat Sen Mausoleum. Many thanks to Anthony, I also visited the Peak (day and night), Repulse Bay. The other place that left a deep impression on me was Mongkok where I found HK's love for Jpop is still alive and vibrant and it is such a joy immersing myself in Jpop heaven. I also watched the glorious display of fireworks on China's 60th celebration through Anthony's colleague's office window, a special private view from the 30 something storey, all by myself.

Much of the credit of this joyful trip has to go to my dearest friends Anthony and Jerry who were so generous in spending so much time with me. Without them meeting me almost every day (Anthony met me very day), this trip wouldn't have been half as enjoyable or as fruitful. It was so nice knowing the two of you and I certainly hope that I will be able to return both your kindness some day. Thank you so much.

There were other friends that I would have liked to meet, but I guess it was not meant to be. I never regretted a moment or felt any loss because it was just so nice getting to really know the two of you better. It's ironical that our obsession for Akina would reap such fruits of labour in our older years. I strongly believe that our friendship will last the test of distance and time. As Danny says, Akina may not always be a nice person, but her fans are. I can't agree more. Akina had brought so many of us from all around the world, and mostly everyone is such a joy to know.

The biggest discovery of this trip, besides getting to know my dearest friends so much better, is my rekindled interest in history. I was in the first batch of Singaporeans to learn Singaporean history instead of Chinese history in school, as part of the Education Revolution in the late 70s, to cultivate nationalism, and a Singaporean identity. I do not regret it because I think it is important to feel proud of one's national identity, but Singapore's history is young and less colourful than China and its counterparts. There is still time to learn and one is never too young to learn.

Ironically, during my last evening as I was packing my luggage to depart the next day, I ended up watching an Australian current affairs program about the "caged people" in HK. It portrayed how the economic crisis had affected the HK population and the widening of the income parity, resulting in many impoverished people living in cages in HK. The unsanitary and inhumane living conditions saddened me dearly and made me feel extremely lucky that I am living in such comfortable conditions. It made me realise that I need to practise more kindness and generosity towards people in more need than I, and to focus less on myself.

The program also featured a mother and daughter though not living in a cage, is in a room that is almost as big as most people's toilets or kitchen. They have a double deck bed, TV, small table and stool all in one room, and the mother is weeping while being interviewed about how frustrated she is every day when she returns home from the two jobs that she has to work, to be able to keep this barely humane lifestyle going. She and her 8 year old daughter had moved from China, so that her daughter would be able to get a better education in HK. She says that her toilet back in China is bigger than the room that they now reside in, and she hopes that she will be allocated a public housing unit soon.

The social workers group have highlighted their case in the program because they are concerned for the little girl's mental well being, but they did say that there are about 100,000 cases (caged people) waiting for the allocation of public housing as well. The little girl has a few digestive biscuits for breakfast, goes to school and then comes home to watch TV while waiting for her Mum to come back from her second job, where she earns A$4 an hour at a local 7-Eleven store. Their room is next to the toilet and bathroom which is used by over 20 people who live on the same floor as they do. Her husband and son are back in China, and it is only her love for her daughter and her desire for her to have a better education and life that she is putting up with this lifestyle. It is truly heart-breaking, especially to know that there is such poverty in a developed and prosperous city like HK. It is not difficult to feel vulnerable and weep for such people. We do not need tragedies like natural disasters to remind us that life is fragile and there are always people in greater need than us.

The true definition of masculinity lies not in invincibility and power. It lies in human kindness, mutual respect and love above all. It is not an exercise of emasculation to cry or feel vulnerable. It helps make us feel love for others and empathise. All great human behavioural characteristics.

All in all, it has been such an enriching experience and I am thankful for everything. Such deep awakenings and discoveries that has left me hungry. I am sharing this so that we can all be a lot more aware of the happenings around us, and not to take our lives for granted. If we can practise a little more, donate a little more, give a little more, love a little more, then we can possibly make this world a better place for all.

I deserve this!

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 10:02:00 +0000

After a most exhilarating but hectic month at work, I am surprised I am not feeling the total exhilaration of visiting Tokyo again ... tomorrow. Tokyo is one of my favourite cities in the world, but I have been engaged in some of the most exciting activities at work over the past month, that I haven't had the time to sit, relax, take a breath and for reality to sink in.

There has been so many challenges over the past month at work and there were exciting and not so interesting tasks that I was given, but I felt that I gave my best and thankfully, it was good enough. I finally managed to plan an entire Marketing, Advertising and Promotional campaign all by myself and I am high on achievement ecstasy. I am finally putting my love of Marketing to practise, and in the next two months, so of which I will not be around, some of my advertising ideas will be floating along the public streets of Sydney. This is kick-ass goodness.

I have been submerged at work for such a long time and it is great to be able to be given a really meaty task that I can sink my teeth into. It is not only great to work with a cohesive team, but also with managers who appreciate what I do. No more lazy bosses that I feel I have to make up for. What a great difference this makes and it makes all the hard work much more exciting.

Usually, I would have covered this entire post with my trip to Tokyo to see my idol Akina again (top that!) but I have been ranting on about work. It's pretty unusual if you are a regular reader and I guess I just want to say that perseverance pays!

It will my fourth trip to Tokyo and now I am on a Friday evening, after placing my last piece of necessity that I can remember in the luggage, trying to ramp up my excitement levels by blogging. Though it's only a week, it will be jammed with three concerts with my lovely Singaporean Akina fan/friends, a food bazaar (with my aunt), farewell drinks and dinner with Shige, Ueno trip with Catherine, two dinners with Leslie and lots of shopping, talking and eating. Life just doesn't get this good, and my eyes will be wide open looking for ideas to share at work. Have I officially turned into a workaholic?

Am I clucky?

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 09:50:00 +0000

Moving on ...

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 09:46:00 +0000

No, no towards another server or Twitter. I twittered with the idea, but gave up on both instances because of inertia and the lack of time. As for the latter, I think I love the flow of ideas and I do not like to be constrained, so I'm sticking around for a little while.

Moving on ... refers to other aspects of my life, like home and job. As most of you would have already known, we finally bought a place to call our home. It was a long time coming and it was difficult. Thankfully, the decision was quick, unanimous and sweet. Now, I believe that this process helped both of us to grow within the relationship, to understand each other better, and support each other especially through the tough times.

We can laugh about it now, be expertly in our advice, because we have been there, but every journey is different. It is helpful to realise that it is probably one of the biggest decisions that we will ever make in our lives, permeating every inch of our lives. There is no escape because you have to carry on your lives together inspite of the day. One of the most important lessons to establish at the beginning is that our relationship is ultimately more important than any issue. The other fundamental element is realising that we both have a right to veto and that we must reach an amiable agree,ent. This right to veto must be established early and understood so that both parties know that spite does not stand within the decision. Truth and reason does.

We are lucky that we got there finally. It is a labour of love and we had a great many time playing "newly weds". Though we may not believe or want marriage (we just want to be given the same rights to choose), this is equivalent to marriage in terms of the commitment that we have both agreed upon. It is a new chapter in our relationship and helps provide the grounding and our foundation to grow deeper in love.

Since we moved from a meagre one bedroom to a two bedroom unit, we had the pleasure to set up our new home with new furniture and love. It may not be picture perfect, but almost every single piece of furnitureand wall now has a new page to start our history within it. It was also fun playing hosts to our dear friends in sharing our joy together with them. I had realised with time and age that big flashy parties are no longer my forte and desire, and prefer the smaller conversations and intimate dinners to get to know my friends better. Life with loved ones is bliss.

I am also looking forward to my family visiting and sharing our new home with them nearer the end of the year. Though they are still unaware of our relationship in a spoken sense, I am very grateful to John for not pressing the issue, and just letting things be. It may be naive of me to defend my stand that if they do not ask, then they will not have to admit to others when prompted. I believe it is an Asian variation of denial. In not confirming or asking, they can always tell the truth known to them. It can sense cowardly to many, but do these many know of our cultural intricacies? Will ignorance bring bliss?

I cannot purport to answer this question, but I know that the times when they visit will pose their challenge and like I do with my usual style, I will deal with the issue as they arise. I prefer not to picture the mountains and the valleys before I start a trek. I can be ready, and I like to keep my head held high. I know I am resourceful, so I will handle the situation if and when it arises.

Onto lighter matters, I have also moved sections within work, being finally able to do something that I had studied and have been more passionate about - Marketing. Within any new job, one has to work hard to prove themselves. Though most of my current colleagues are aware of my capabilities, I felt I had twice the hurdles to conquer. I had to live up to my name, and this explains the lack of posts.

I am on secondment for five months and it has been so lovely to receive so many compliments on my "move" from fellow colleagues, and then support from my co-workers because it was a rather tough time. I was disoriented for about two days, and thankfully found my ground. I am stepping out of the "abyss" and I know I had performed and adapted well. I found myself hungry again ... a feeling that has been lost to me for a while.

John has been describing it as a promotion, which I resisted at first because it's a side step at this point (no increment or extra incentives). However, I am warming to it because I no longer feel like a fraud and I have proved myself, not so importantly to others, but ultimately to myself.

I have not asked for more because I believe this experience is a reward of sorts especially in this economic climate. I am planting the seeds that will hopefully grow strong, and establishing the relationships to get where I ultimately want to be. I know I have been lucky but I never take kindness for granted. I want to thank my family and friends for your love and support all these years patiently waiting for me to blossom. My love, John, who has never wavered in his love and support for me and I want to give it back to you by helping you fulfill your dream.

Lastly, I would also like to thank everyone for your continued support for my writing, especially my webfriends Stephen and Makary because I wouldn't have written this tonight if not for your prompts.

Responsibility

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 03:14:00 +0000

Responsibility. Does anyone even recognise or use this word anymore? All day long at work, I am faced with differing requests and complaints, not only from students but also from adults (and parents), that someone else is responsible for their "failures". When will they realise that we all have a part to play.

I am currently reading this engrossing book "We Need To Talk About Kelvin" by Lionel Shriver (female author). The writing is beautiful, even poetic at times, and it is a book of letters, from a woman to her husband, trying to rediscover what went wrong, after their son goes to high school and kills 9 people one day.

She traces all the way back from when they first entertained the idea of children, to the fateful day Kelvin commits the shooting. Where did they go wrong? The writing is raw and harrowing, and Lionel has a real gift. What happens when a mother does not feel the motherly love when she holds her baby for the first time, and what happens when your child is evil in nature. Why is it that the mother always cops the blame? I am only halfway through the book and I am already questioning the judgment that we are quick to pass about parents.

One good example is how quickly we condemn the mother who leaves her child in the bathtub for 5 seconds to pick up the phone and comes back to discover that her child has drowned in two inches of water. Two inches. She could have been a great mother all this time, but we discount that. We only remember and judge her for the 5 seconds that she was away. As if to say that the loss of her child and her guilt is not enough to tie her down already.

As you can tell, I am loving and savouring this book. It is not difficult to empathise with the mother in the book, but let me reassure you that she is flawed, and she is real. The book paints the father as a doting parent, the perfect child loving adult with a blind spot. It really makes me appreciate the responsibility that parents take on.

Does this responsibility towards our children blind us to the point of protection that we will blame anyone or everyone than our own child for something that they had committed. Are we teaching them the right thing by shielding them and reaffirming their perfection? When and how do we teach responsibility. Will this world be a better place to live if we all took some responsibility instead of trying to find excuses and place the blame on others?

Grey

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 02:08:00 +0000

One of my favourite pastimes is reading and revisiting old memories, because I believe they can lead to self-discoveries. I can do so by talking to my parents, reading books, articles on the internet and due to the fact that I am also a nostalgic person, I like to watch old movies and access old articles on the internet, especially those during my past years. One never knows what treasures we can stumble upon.

I have a growing collection of old movies which I can share only with some of my friends and mostly my sister, who is back in Singapore, about the old TV series and comics that we used to watch. They include old Chinese movies like 爱的天地, 汪洋中的一条船, 小城故事 to old Japanese cartoons like キャンデイ·キャンデイ, 花の子るンルン, and series like 赤い疑惑, おしん, and most recently 庭院深深. My Mum did not share my enthusiasm when I copied some of the older Chinese movies for her, just in case she wanted to watch, and all she said was “So old. I don’t want to see them.” That is so typical of my mother. LOL. Perhaps that is why I always admired my friend Zing when we were in our teenage years when he told us how he would have discussions with his mother about new material from 早見優 and 松任谷由実. Leslie and I were so envious, but we were also conscious that the “grass is always greener on other pastures”.

I am still looking for old series like the late 70’s version of 生徒諸君, 赤い衝撃 and 俺たちの旅 but unfortunately, there are no Chinese subtitled versions available and my Japanese is not good enough for me to take a risk with buying the originals, because I will only get frustrated. I guess this desire and my fellow VAMPire buddies have spurred me on to pick up Japanese again, for the umpteenth time. I am tyring to do some self study because there is no one else to accompany me to class, but I will see how that goes, and may eventually enrol in some courses when I have revised a little more. Wish me luck!

However, if anyone has any lobang (as in tips) on how to source these Chinese subtitled versions – I hate dubbed versions, but will lower my standards if left with no choice, I will be most appreciative.

The reason of this post is not to source for suggestions, but just to share my reflection on how reviewing these old memorabilia has helped me realise how our perspectives change with time. I am not talking about a change of taste in genre. I still enjoy them relatively, but I am more interested in how our opinions were shaped by our increasing life experiences.

It is easier to differentiate between right and wrong, black and white with classical conditioning, but once we experience life, opinions can confuse and change dramatically, especially in regards to human behaviour and feelings. Like Akina sings in 北ウィング, “Love is a mystery”, and so is life. Even when we tell ourselves that a feeling of jealousy or rage is wrong or an undesirable trait, there is no toggle switch for us to operate between the two mediums effortlessly. We are not built for these functions.

One important life lesson I learned is empathy and not judge others by the roles we play. Take for example the undesirable and socially unacceptable role of the third party in a relationship. It is a most painful place to be caught in, and most of the time, we enter into such situations without knowing, and only when we have sunk too deep, that we realise that we couldn’t pull ourselves out as easily and be as noble as we previously thought ourselves to be. Life changes when we get caught in experiences like this. We learn to understand, interpret and look from a different perspective that we had never seen before. Life is indeed many shades of grey.

I rediscovered this watching 庭院深深. It’s terribly long and the story a little too wishy washy, but I still enjoyed it because I love 刘雪华. I think she is a great actress. When I finally found this DVD, I was ecstatic because I wanted to rediscover why I liked this series when I first watched it on TV in 1988. What amazed me was how I found empathy for the other (hateful) woman caught in the love triangle and I actually shed a few tears for her at the end. I remember vividly that I did not feel that way when I first watched it. Maybe it is an understanding of how painful it is, when our love is not accepted. Too many people focus on the reciprocation of an act like love. I think that though it is wonderful for love just to be accepted and appreciated by someone. I believe "Thank You" can be a gift in itself.

Onto more superficial discoveries, watching these movies and series has also led me to reaffirm the type of women I like. Talent aside, I am drawn to celebrities with poise. They may not have to be pretty but they must have poise, which means I tend to exclude “cute” and especially burrikos (Seiko is an exception because I enjoyed her earlier songs). Which is why I was especially drawn to celebrities like Akina Nakamori 中森明菜, Momoe Yamaguchi 山口百恵, Imai Miki 今井美樹, Judy Ongg, Maggie Cheung 张曼玉, 刘雪华, 曾慧芬, Cate Blanchett, Meryl Streep, Jane Fonda and Michelle Pfeiffer to name a few.

I wonder if anyone else shares my passion for revisitations and rediscoveries, or am I stuck in the past instead of looking towards the future?

The Smile

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:43:00 +0000

I have often lamented that a smile is practically non-existent in the passing of our every day lives with strangers and this is particularly evident in the city that we live in. I have often heard how country folk tend to be less guarded, and are more likely to strike up conversations than city folk, and I have to take their word since I understand how we are more focused on getting from point A to B, then to stop and be truly concerned with the ongoings of another stranger's daily happenings. I may be a culprit myself but I happen to catch the eye of someone, I will try my best to greet them with a smile.

A very recent incident caused me to ponder on the irony of this wish and perhaps understand why we do not smile as often towards strangers. If others had the same experience as I had, would it potentially cause a shutdown, or should I disregard it as an isolated incident?

John and I were driving back home after a Friday night out. It was only 9 pm, and the roads were thankfully rather free of traffic. We stopped at the lights and nonchalantly, I turned around to the pick-up parked next to my passenger seat, and caught the eye of the Indian driver. He smiled. "Friendly", I thought, and I smiled back, expecting this to be an isolated incident. The lights turned and we strolled along, and then I started to notice soon from the corner of my eye, with the following two traffic lights that we stopped at, that I was being watched. I tried to avoid further eye contact, but it was difficult not to want to verify my suspicions. The temptation was too much, but I did it as discreetly as he would allow.

When the roads widened and he veered two lanes away to the left, finally breaking the invisible bond, I heaved a sigh of relief. I turned around to look at him and there he was, smiling and waving this time. I interpreted that as a Goodbye, so I just held my hand up, without smiling. I figured out that it was a wrong move soon when he drove back into the lane next to us. "What should I do? Should I warn John?".

Just as I was about to make a decision, John popped "Is that driver following us?", and I briefed him on my suspicions. The real test came when we had to turn into the main road leading home, and disappointingly, he followed. There was this crescendo of lights, curtains drawing, and a huge board in front of us reading "Let the games begin!!". We were unwilling participants of this crime drama that we did not ask for, especially considering that it is not even a genre that features on our home TV set or DVD collection ... at all.

He was starting to get rowdier, and he was gesturing and banging on the side of his door, trying to gain our attention because we are not affording him any. We couldn't afford to. We had too much to lose. Deep in my mind, I was wondering how I managed to "lead him on" with an innocent smile. Who was he? What does he want? Do I really care?

He wasn't letting go and we were starting to panic because it was no longer a coincidence. Our ignorance wasn't working. He was taking this as a challenge. There was no way that we were going to drive into our garage because then he would know where we lived, but we were only about 100 metres from home, and we were not equipped for emergencies like this. I tried to make quick mental notes that I need to catch more of these shows to know what to do in such a situation. "Should I jump out of the car to create some diversion? No, that only happens in movies." Where can we go? What should we do? We needed to make a sudden turn and catch him unaware.

We reached the cross junction about 50 metres from home, making a prompt decision to turn into a busier street than the one that we usually took. It was a gamble, but possibly a safer option. We stayed glued to the traffic lights praying for it to keep green, so that we can leave him behind, but no such luck. We were stuck and he crept in behind us. We were not going to signal our left turn. We are just going to pretend to go straight ahead. Our hearts pulsating with every flickering pedestrian crossing signal on the adjacent street, the lights finally turned and we made a sharp turn. Fixated on the rear view mirror rather than the front, we had to peel our eyes away when we finally saw him zooming straight ahead instead. That was a close shave. Too close for comfort.

We were still feeling uneasy as we eased into the lane of our quiet street, mind and heart still cautious from the anxiety, expecting him to draw the curtain with the dagger any moment. He was gone.

Happy Birthday Jen!

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 05:46:00 +0000

Happy Birthday my dearest sister. May you always stay young, beautiful, intelligent, caring and loving as you are.

I have to exclaim, "Isn't it wonderful how our relationship has progressed over the past year as the kids grow older?". You are growing up to be a loving, responsible and wonderful mother who is always ready to place Joy and Joshua above you, and even if they may not be able to appreciate in words right now, I believe I speak for them from my "objective eyes".

I can see how the two of them have blossomed and I thank you for taking on the challenges that I had presented, like a "back seat parent" sometimes, which makes me as an uncle and brother, feel really treasured and loved. I can't always be there, and there have been times when I have been caught in the "heat" too when I am playing with them, and I understand the rationale to vent, but I have learned that these are episodes that take a long time to rewind in the minds of the impressionable.

I totally understand the pressures of "getting it right" and I have to say now that it isn't always black and white, but if we can let the anger past us by, and not blind us, we will always be able to make a more educated decision.

I trust your decision, your parenting, your love and have confidence in everything that you decide as a course of action. This is how proud I am of who you are, not only as a sister, but fundamentally, as a human being. You are strong. After all, anyone who has been through natural child birth without epidural has gone through one of life's biggest and most dangerous challenges, and nothing should faze you again.

I wish you love, happiness, prosperity and lots of joy that causes you to smile from the bottom of your heart. The laughter that brightens up not only yours but the lives of everyone around you. That is the wonderful effect you have on others. Thank you so much for the lessons of life and love I continue to learn from you, and the generosity of sharing two wonderful beings with me. I love you so much. Happy Birthday!

Me@37

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 23:33:00 +0000

I have to say firstly that it is luxury to not have to work for the rest of the year. Work has been rather hectic and combined with other stresses, I have been to preoccupied to blog at all. I have also been spending more time on Facebook and have been uploading most of our Europe trip, very leisurely, hanging to every last thread of memory ...

It is now officially almost the beginning of my 37th year. Every year as I mature, the material things in life become less and less important, and I am reminded constantly of the importance of the relationships in my life.

I have been really so lucky to have real friends. People who truly love and care for me, and are not afraid to be there for the difficult times. I am not be financially well off, but I know that I will never walk alone, or will I ever worry that I will fall and shatter, because my friends will always be there to catch. Thank you all so much for making my life so wonderful and warm.

I really feel my parents love, my wonderful Dad and Mum. Such wonderful human beings whom I love so much, and love me back. What more can one ask for. I may complain once in a while about my sheltered life, but I learnt so many lessons of love from them and my siblings that I spent a good part of my life, learning to live, love, give and share. Now that I have two other darlings in my life, my beautiful nephew and niece, I am still learning how to love and give more.

I am also so lucky to have John in my life. Though it has been a relatively tough year for us both, we are definitely looking forward to a wonderful year next year, and we couldn't ask for a better start. Watch this space!! It has been so nice to be able to share you with my family during my trip and I am sure we will have a fabulous time if and when they visit Sydney again. I love you so much.

A final special mention must also go to my beloved grandma, whom I still miss so much. I wish you were here to see me now. You have always been so proud of me, even when I "loathed" myself, so I really feel like I want to share my happy life with you now. I know that you are there looking over my shoulder and hopefully wearing your warm smile. I want to repay your kindness because I know I would not be who I am without you, but I guess I'll just have to keep living my life to the fullest and making sure that I am happy. I am ... I really am.

Party@37 Photos - It took me a long time to be convinced that it was a good idea to celebrate my birthday at home because I didn't want to work. I succumbed to the idea after I realised how muc more quality time I could spend with my friends, and it was also a great way to say "Thank You" to them.

Full Set of Birthday Party Photos and My Collection of Europe Photos (less Barcelona): Here

Startin ...

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:06:00 +0000

I have so much to share about this trip but am finding it a little difficult to start. What can I also share that is personal and that no one else has already covered?

I have finally decided that I will share my personal highlights and my Top Three favourites of each city. It is going to be tough, and it may be rather general, but John and I had a discussion once, and I certainly hope I remembered what my choices were then. If not, then it will serve as an afterthought, especially after reviewing the photos.

Incidentally, a stranger had also posted a comment on one of my old posts written some time in 2007 titled "Gay Love", which prompted me to think about the significance of this trip, being the first time in our six years union, that we had taken a trip that lasted longer than a week (or four days) with each other, almost 24/7 and how we dealt with relationship and personal freedom issues that eventuated. I will not go into details but they are certainly issues that may help other couples planning on long trip (four weeks) to consider.

If there are any other suggestions, I would most certainly like to hear them.

Free Myself

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:20:00 +0000

I was watching the ABC program "Enough Rope" last night and it was an interview with the comedian Dawn French. She mentioned the following that really struck a chord with me:

"I have never spent my life looking for approval from people I don’t respect, or people whose approval I will never get, I can’t be bothered to waste time doing that, but the approval of people I really love, like Jennifer, like Lenny, like my Father, is the most delightful thing when you get and I did get lots of it which is great"

I have my fair share of seeking approvals in my life, and I know that I have many friends who love me for who I am, but there are always some people whom I will always try my best or way beyond my best, and still feel inadequate.

I am learning to care less about what other people say about me and my actions. I have learnt that there are "battles" worth fighting, and there are some that have the potential to leave me "wounded" and upset, and that I should just leave them instead of trying to soothe my ego.

Only when I can exercise my will to do as I please, with an understanding that I will not harm others, will I be free myself.

I 'm Back and More Coming Soon ...

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 10:38:00 +0000

I am so sorry for the lack of posts recently. I have been back for a week and a half from the trip of my lifetime, but I have not been feeling very well.

It was probably due to my hectic schedule and exercise routine that I kept up during the four week Europe trip, and then not letting nature takes its course by allowing my body to experience the jet lag . Instead, I continued to punish my body further by insisting on keeping the same schedule as my family in Singapore.

I didn't have much of a choice because my stay in Singapore was relatively short (ten days) as compared to the past trips and I feel so guilty about spending so much time away from them, and I do miss them as well. So, I tried to do as much as I can, and I believe that when I finally arrived back in Sydney and went straight back to work in an hour, my body raised the white flag and protested.

Still, there are no regrets at all (if any, it was still too short - especially the Singapore leg), and I had the time of my life.

I have yet to post much photos (except on Facebook) but I want to do proper entries on my blog, because all the memories are still fresh, both as a memorial piece and an update of my wonderful trip.

I have finally finished the bulk of work which I have a deadline at the end of this month, so I am able to steal some time off work to do some blog entries and organise my photos on the web. I was initially thinking of using Flickr again but its not very user-friendly, so I thought of Picasa web albums but the irritating thing is that the software insists on changing all your photos on your computer to the Picasa album, and that takes so much time.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Missing You

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 20:41:00 +0000

11 years today and I still miss you ...

Thank you for your love. I will not be who I am today if not for your unconditional love. It's such a shame that the younger generation will never know my wonderful grandmother who taught me how to live and love.

I Love Tina Fey

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 08:02:00 +0000

This is truly hilarious!

Eight More Sleeps

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 10:39:00 +0000

Can't wait ...

My Father

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 01:22:00 +0000

It seems fitting that I should pen my tribute to my father on the upcoming Father's Day celebration in Australia.

If there was a job that everyone was destined in life, then my father's would be a dad. He is what one could call a 24 hour Dad, never tiring of the role that he was born to play. My father wasn't there in the hospital when I was born. I learned it from a letter that my Aunt Alice wrote to him when he was working in Germany. I chanced upon the letter via incident more than ten years ago and have never been able to locate it since. One of those unsolved mysteries ...

The letter was written by my aunt because the common language between my parents was Cantonese and my Dad would not been able to read the Mandarin characters, so it seemed fit that my aunt would be the one to write. The basic premise of the letter is to announce my birth and my adoption of his unofficial Christian name, James. I do not know why my aunt chose my father's name for me. I guess it could be a way to honour my father's best characteristics most significantly, his integrity. I certainly hope I lived up to that expectation.

Unlike my mother who would share stories of her childhood and youth, my father was a relatively reserved man. We knew that he came from a polygamous family, and somehow I was always under the impression that his father did not feature significantly in his life. I had imagined that it was his father's relative absence that inspired him to be involved in all aspects of our lives. I later realised through my aunt (his sister) that it was not true.

I know that there are many untold stories of my father's childhood that I wish to hear, to know what my dad was like as a child and a young man. To see the similarities or differences we share I also know that I will be the one who will have to take the initiative to dig them out, so I am hoping that this will help ease the first lines of communication.

Growing up, my father was a kind and loving disciplinarian. He played good parent while my mother played Ms Hyde most of the time. Together, they would try their individual best to instill the best values and knowledge, probably due to lost opportunities of their own life. They were very strict, insisting that we place studies above all else, so that we would end up being independent and dependable adults.

Every night, he would tuck us into bed, asking us if we loved him, which can be a little embarrassing at times, but thinking back now, it can be rather sweet too. As I mentioned before, my parents never shied from showing affection, and I can remember the day still that I told him not to hug me in public anymore. It must have hurt, but that is the impulsiveness of youth.

He also had his unique way of instilling his values in us. Besides showing his affection for us, he would make us promise since young that we would:

(a) never smoke
(b) never take drugs
(c) never gamble

It has proven to be really effective because I can still hear from his voice right now as I am typing. My mischievous little brother would sometimes try to get his way when he lost, by shouting to Dad, "Daddy, big brother is smoking" and Dad would storm into the room, and say "Is that true, James?". Such an insignificant but fond memory.

Dad was also rather good at mathematics, so he would sit us all down at the kitchen table every night when I started primary school and go through all our English and Mathematics homework. However, since he was not a teacher, there was only a limit to what he could impart. I remembered failing a Mathematics paper when I was in Year 3, and since I miraculously topped the class for the first (and last time) after the mid semester, my teacher wanted to know what happened. I told her eventually that my father didn't know enough about algebra then to teach me. I can't remember what happened after that, but in some ways, I probably knew that I was going to have to do it on my own from then on.

The other fond and significant recollection that I have is my Dad buying the entire collection (or the remainder) of the Secret Seven series that I lacked. All thirteen or so copies of it from the third book onwards. I knew that we were not rich because we rarely ate out, and we had to help Mum with the sewing as well, so I was astonished when he bought them all at MPH. I can still vaguely remember how proud I was when Dad brought them all to the counter and paid for them. That was his grand love for me.

The other reason why this stood out was because it was also the day that my grandparents moved to their new and eventual home in Ang Mo Kio. We visited them that afternoon immediately after the shop and someone spilled Fanta Orange all over some of the books. I can remember my anger and disappointment then, but nothing could rob me of the joys of owning the entire set, which I still own at home.

During my teenage years, I started to rebel at home. I had a "violent temper", one that Mum was quick to point as a flaw I shared with Dad. My results at school would deteriorate because I found it difficult to adapt to my teenage years as a "nerd" and misfit. I was plump and not as agile or sports oriented as my other fellow students. The only sport I was good at was swimming because Dad paid for lessons, but we never had swimming lessons at School, so I never had a chance to prove myself.

I feared Parents Day because I knew that I had let them down again but there was no way to get out of it. My only asylum was Japanese music, which my mother had no empathy at that time for, because she thought it was a hindrance to my performance at School. She was not entirely wrong. However, the more she objected, the more I rebelled.

Dad shocked me after one Parents Day though when he brought me out, after my teacher's less than favourable review, and bought me the most expensive watch I had ever owned. Even till now, I have no idea why he did it. I can only guess it is a way to motivate me to do better, but I didn't. I was lost.

I guess I didn't find myself until I left secondary school and realised how badly I had done in my "O" Levels, which left me little opportunities in life. I also worked for the first time in my life, lost some weight and gained some self confidence because I realised that I was a relatively fast learner and could adapt to changing demands rather fluidly. It was probably then
that life started making some sense for me.

Dad was an engineer, so in some ways, he probably wanted my brother and I to walk the same path as him. Alas, it was not my calling, but I managed to persevere and graduate with a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering. I made many good friends at Ngee Ann Polytechnic, sadly many of whom I had lost contact with. Thankfully, I found one of my best friends last year incidentally, and though the lines of communication are still rather irregular, we will never lose the bonds of friendship we held.

Dad's love for his children is never more pronounced when I started my two and a half year compulsory Army service after that. Unlike my fellow camp-mates, I was one of the only few that was picked up every Saturday afternoon and driven back every Sunday night by their parents. He never faltered once. It seemed that he would give up all other engagements so that he could be there.

It can get potentially a little embarrassing at times because I didn't want to be seen as being pampered, but strangely, the Army does strange things to immature minds. The absence from home and familial love makes one treasure the bonds of kinship more than ever. I was seen as the lucky one and I never took my parents' love for granted from then on. He is always keen to share his generosity, so my neighbouring friends benefited from the lift as well.

It is always interesting to see my father in the eyes of his friends, because that is the real him, not the familiar role of a father he adopts in our lives. There is an air of authority, integrity and respect that he garners and I can see that vividly in the eyes of his friends. He is usually silent, squirms a little under the praise of his friends, and I see and feel the strong and loyal man/friend they say he is.

He is a worker, not a talker. Through my aunt, I have learned more about my father than I could ever know, because he would never brag. I admire his courage and strength. When my grandma was on her death bed and the doctor wanted the family to make a decision to amputate her legs, it was left to him. The eldest son assigned by his mother and two younger siblings to make the most difficult decision one could ever want to be responsible for. I can not for my life, imagine how one would not crumble at this point in life, but knowing my father, he probably took it as a life decision that had to be made. I wasn't there, so I don't know if he ever wept, but knowing him, he probably did not do it in public.

When my aunt flew back from Australia to attend my grandmother's funeral, it was in the middle of our university Summer Term, and my father told us that our studies were more important, and how she would understand. After my aunt returned, she told us about her half siblings that she was surprised to see at the funeral. They had lost contact for a very long time and since my grandma bore some old grudge against my grandpa's other wives, the relationship has never been warm. So, when they arrived and adopted the deceased 's children identity (it is Taoist tradition that the more children you have, the more glorious you will look in the other world), my aunt was even more surprised. She engaged into lengthy conversations with them, and learned that the reason for them taking this duty was to return the favour my father gave to their mother a couple of years ago. No one in his family knew about it. Since he acknowledged their mother then, it was their turn to acknowledge his. I was moved to tears. I know my aunt was so proud of her brother then.

My father is a very kind man who loves children. I see it whenever I see him play with my nephew and niece. I see shades of my father as a young dad again. I have to say that he was a little surprised when I hugged him for the first time in years when I returned to Singapore from Australia, because he probably thought he would never get that back again. It is good that I am able to hug him now when I arrive back in Singapore and leave, or whenever I want to. I am also happy that we can tell each other that we love each other very much too.

Compared with many other friends and stories of upbringing I have read and heard, I think that though my childhood was relatively sheltered, we have been very lucky to be loved by two wonderful parents who always put us in the first place. We were not rich, couldn't afford as many luxuries, rarely ate out (McDonalds was considered a relative luxury), or went overseas for holidays, I still believe my parents came out tops, and there is not a thing I would change, except if I could have been more mature earlier in my age.

I want to thank my wonderful parents, for the love, patience, care, concern and support they have always provided us. My sister has been ushering me to write this because she says "He is just the best Dad in the world", and it is entirely true. My only wish now is to be able to learn more about the man I lovingly call my father.

I do not know if we make you both proud, but I hope we do. We may not be great achievers in life if you measure things via monetary means, but life is more than that. It is about love, relationships and respect. These wonderful loving lessons that we learned from the best teachers in the world, and in this aspect, we can proudly declare "Thank you for the rich lessons of love and life." We love you both very dearly.

N.E.R.D.

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 01:59:00 +0000

Interestingly, the definition on dictionary.com for nerd reads:

1.	a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person.

2.	an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit: a computer nerd.

I would like to think that I do not fall into the first category but beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so who knows. This thought came about due to a conversation I had with a fellow colleague where we remarked at the "impossibility" of growing up in our old days with the internet and all these technology that we take for granted today.

Since I was not "built for sports" while I was growing up (read: plump and pudgy), I preferred the more leisurely activities like reading and listening to music, the former which I did plenty of. My parents had always advocated reading since young, so we were always brought to libraries and bought books instead of toys.

I also remember when I was first allowed to go out and venture on my own at the age of 13, and how I was given the "green light" to go to the library with my backpack and borrow books for my siblings and I. There was no electronic card system and I had to make sure I had the paper borrowing cards with me so that I wouldn't go home empty handed. I also had to pick ten books for all of us and carry them all back. I wonder now how I managed to pick the books for them as well because there was no guarantee that they would all be good, but I did alright, I guess.

One of my favourite past-times during school holidays was also spending the entire day (at least 5-6 hours) holed up in the reference section of the National Library. The wonderful archive of books and music, most unavailable or unwrapped in bookstores, and mostly unaffordable for a student like me.

I loved spending all that time there reading all the trivia, listening to the CDs that I would never buy or afford to buy and watch the movies that I do not have access to. It was the pleasure of reading for the sake of having fun, and not having to be tested on the material afterwards.

So yes, by this definition, I was indeed a nerd. Today, with the internet so readily available, I rarely spend as much time or visit the library as often anymore, and thinking back, I do miss those days very much. I still crave the trivia and knowledge but I manage to get that online. However, this ease of accessibility and availability makes me realise how much more transient the experience is, as opposed to those days when I just soaked in it. No longer immersed in my own world, with no one to disturb and without a bother in the world.

I wonder if we will ever return to such indulgences? It is a test that I will have to experience and tell ...

Commercials Of Yesteryear

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 01:40:00 +0000

The radio was playing a song this morning that prompted memories that drifted all the way back to the 70s. I believe it could be one of the few memorable advertisements that I remember as a child. The song was "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)".

I remembered the candlelights and the Christmas tree at the end of the commercial and the harmonious melody. It was during the days when my siblings and I would stand in front of the TV when the national anthem is played before the station began their program and if I did not recall wrongly, a scene that we enacted when we managed to get our hands on some candles, and sang along to the catchy jingle.

I did a quick search on Google and Youtube and found the respective Wikipaedia entry and original commercials (CMs). If you click on the link enclosed in the song title above, it gives a very interesting story on how the commercial was created, and how it came back from being a flop when it was first released to being a worldwide hit. Coincidentally, it is also one of the 100 best selling singles of all time in the UK.

The commercial shows how love and song (or rather coke in this case) can connect people of different nationalities all around the world. The Christmas version is the one that I remember and they are both presented here:

The other ad I recall is a Japanese Glico "Pocky" advertisement with a catchy Japanese jingle that started with "季節の風に... (The season/festival of the wind)". The actress snaps off the candy at the end of the commercial with the Japanese accent "Chock-co-lat and Staw-berry". Unfortunately, I am unable to locate the ad on Youtube, but this is the closest version with the late 本田美奈子.:

Do you share these same memories? What are some of the commercials that you remember re-enacting or singing to as a child?

New Outside

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:05:00 +0000

One singer used the title "New Inside" to describe a transition from their old positioning towards establishing new rounds . I have been wondering if my blog is always too serious, too wordy, discouraging any comments. Hence, I have decided that I am going to be entirely superficial today. With encouragement from John, I am going to share some very recent photos (like a progression report), showing that I can be shallow and vain with these self promotional photos.

It started with my last trip back to Singapore in November when my "anorexic" friend exclaimed "You're fat" when we met, and added "When are you going to give up that one pack that you are carrying". It hurts when someone says that because I grew up plump and it was not until I left secondary school that I lost the extra weight and that my self loathing ended. So, it brought me back to the bad old days.

I know that I am not fat but when my aunt said the same thing the trip before that, it is quite difficult to ignore. We are the harshest critics of ourselves and I believe we have all been there. I read my dear friend Danny Bunny's blog and he shows the progress of his six pack and uses circles to highlight the invisible fat that he has gained after every holiday. I know that I suffer from the same "disillusion" but it is difficult not to be totally critical.

Since I am not fond of making New Year resolutions, I made a vow to include more cardio routines to my exercise regime. In addition to my lunch time workouts during the weekdays, which gives me the bulk, I incorporated more running and swimming exercises during the week.

It was difficult putting myself through that routine because it requires plenty of discipline, and though I have sufficient to bring myself to the gym, my army days took out all pleasures associated with running. I hated it, racing against others and time. This time, I psyched myself first by thinking that it is the distance that counts not the time, because contrary to most beliefs, the number of calories burnt is the same regardless of whether you run or walk the same distance.

So, I tried to enjoy it and keep my mind focused on pleasant things instead of the stress, and it worked. With swimming, I was alternating between breast stroke and freestyle every 50 m and just found it difficult not to stop after finishing one of these combined routines. I wasn't getting very far until a colleague came in and said how difficult she found doing that, compared to just swimming freestyle all the way. Now, I can do 20 laps or so without stopping for more than 5 seconds every 10 laps or so, which is quite an achievement for me. Again, I focussed on other things while I am swimming, like singing/playing songs in my mind. If you can list the discography of singers like my crazy mind does, then you may find it easier to count the number of laps completed too. Ha! Ha!

I think I looked a little haggard in the first few months due to the change in routine, but my body has slowly acclimatised to the rigors, so I have to find ways to add variation to my almost daily gym routine. I hate spending more than an hour at the gym and since my lunch time is only one hour, it suits me perfectly, to run about 100m to get my body warmed up, and then do a 45 minute routine. I generally add a lot of balancing and movement to my workout instead of just using free weights to add agility.

When I finally weighed myself for the first time after four months or had the courage to, I was surprised that I lost around 5 kgs. I also changed my diet slightly and gave up all fruit juices and sweet drinks. However, I do sneak in treats now and then because I realise that this is part of the reason for working so hard.

I have resigned to the fact that I am not going to have that six pack that we see on magazines but they can be unreal because these models starve themselves for the past three days before the shoot and they have all the time in the world to exercise, a luxury that I do not possess.

I have been playing around with the camera recently and took some photos last week, and am finally finding the courage to share a couple of them, some more revealing than others. I am sorry there are no before and after shots, but you can possibly find plenty of "before" shots on my archives. This is because I know that it is going to be difficult to maintain that exercise routine when I am away in Europe on a holiday but I am certainly going to try. If I can wake up this morning and still run when it is 6 degrees outside, then I can do it.

The goal is to see my friend's face and prove to him and everyone else that age is not a deterrent towards looking our best.

My Style

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 03:59:00 +0000

I tried a new writing style with my two recent posts to reflect a change, with shorter sentences but I am starting to wonder if it is really me?

My friend and mentor once said that since I have a love for writing, I should write. "Join some creative writing course" he says, because it will be useful for me, but he also quickly added "However, remember not to lose your style because that is what makes you unique".

In my attempt for change, I am wondering if I swayed away from my comfort zone, and if I had indeed benefited from it. Is it still me and my voice? Is it more important to stay within the rules? Did it make it better?

The Visit

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 08:02:00 +0000

Needles, Extraction, Trauma

Entitlement or Hedonism

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 02:02:00 +0000

After much deliberation and "consultation", I have decided to extend my holiday to attend the Judy Ongg concert. It has not been an easy decision to reach because I do not want to be seen as being hedonistic.

There is a marked difference between the Asian and Australian work culture. While it is fine for Aussies to start and leave on time, it is usually frowned upon by the Asian culture. Hence, there is sometimes a conflict of values when I am faced with decisions like this.

I do not think there is anything wrong with starting and leaving on time because working late can sometimes (or should be) interpreted as being ineffective or inefficient during the normal working hours. I dislike working over time just to prove that I am hardworking, but I will put in the hard hours to ensure that I do not lag behind.

My close friend and colleague says that even if I do slack off, that I am still leaps and bounds ahead in terms of work ethic as compared to others. The final clincher - Annual leave is not only a privilege but an entitlement.

To Know or Not

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 01:34:00 +0000

I visited the dentist yesterday. Like everyone else, I dread the experience unless I have those perfect pearly whites that I would just go and let them heap praise on me. Unfortunately, this is not the case with me. I have been told numerous times that I used to brush my teeth so hard that I suffer from receding gums, which is not something that affects people my age.

The previous dentist that I attended just asked me vaguely if I had known about the issue. I nodded, expecting him to provide some pleasant late night reading about healthy and unhealthy gums. He just proceeded with the cleaning, and I was generally quite happy about it all. However, I suffered from an inflamed gum in my right cheek on Saturday which prompted this new visit. After consulting with John, and not being to determine if it was a body imbalance, decided to visit his dentist instead.

The day started off rather badly because I took the wrong bus and ended up more than 1 km away from where I should be. I ended up running for about 30 minutes to get there. After I registered, I was asked if I received a text message from the receptionist. It was then that I realised that she did send me a note that the appointment was delayed by 20 minutes. It was a slight relief because it allowed me time to freshen up.

The dentist did a very thorough job and gave me the full works including a couple of X-rays and late night sleep inducing (not) reading material. He told me that there was a root growing under my right gum causing the flesh to press against my bottom teeth, hence the inflammation. Since we are leaving in five weeks for Europe, he wanted to get it fixed before I leave. He described it as a similar operation to the one I had with my wisdom teeth extraction, which includes the cutting of gums. Ouch!

He also gave me a treatment plan which was going to cost at least $1000. Thankfully, about 70% of this cost will be covered by my Private Health Fund. There is also talk of seeing a gum specialist to get more work done, so that I do not end up like Madonna with wide open spaces. In comparison with the first dentist, he was much more comprehensive in his analysis. It was definitely scarier but it's strange that I feel more at ease, possibly the knowledge of being in safe hands. Strangely comforting.

A Breather Finally

noreply@blogger.com (JameZ) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:05:00 +0000

After almost a month of non-stop enquiries via email, phone and in person from impossible students, I am finally able to surface for a little breather. Time to catch up on unanswered emails and possible coffee, lunch or dinner dates.

I managed to get hold of a ジュディ･オング (Judy Ongg) Best Collection and it just prompted me to do a search on Youtube because I love both her 紅白 performances. I am unable to locate her first for 「魅せられて」 in 1979 but managed to find her second for 「麗華の夢」.

Just as I was looking through the other videos on display, I chanced upon this advertisement for her first Singaporean concert in 20 years. Believing that it was something in the past, I ignored it at first, and then I noticed the 27th October date, and I started kicking myself, in a bad way, because I am probably leaving Singapore either the day before or the morning itself.

Since it mentioned that it will be a global tour, I hope that she will visit Sydney because I would definitely like to see her, though it would be different without my fellow VAMPire kakis like Danny and Eugin, who may like to come along. 残念ね！

Here are some of her performances which I thought were interesting to share:

(1) This includes a recent performance of 「魅せられて」 and then a short clip of her singing after winning the coveted レコード大賞, being the first non Japanese to win the Japanese Grammy equivalent to "Record of the Year" in 1979

西城秀樹 was the hot favourite that year for his cover hit「Young Man - YMCA」but apparently, it could not be entered for consideration because it was a cover song. When Judy won unexpectedly, Hideki showed plenty of grace by escorting her to the podium to receive her award.

Another tidbit from our fellow blogger Jack: Judy was selected to star in the hit series "Shogun" in 1980 but gave up the role when she realised that she would have to give up her spot in 紅白. It was every singer's dream then to be invited to this prestigious event, so she chose 紅白 instead. For her performance at this New Year's Eve event, her outfit and jewellery totalled more than 1 million HK dollars, which set a record for the event. It's a shame that it is not available on Youtube.

(2)This is her 紅白 performance for「麗華の夢」in 1980:

(3) Lastly, here is a special performance by her and Agnes Chan at a Tokyo Music Festival. Our multi-talented and multi-linguist Judy (who speaks five languages fluently) shows off why she is known as one of Asia's most elegant and beautiful women.

I hope I get to see her live somehow ... someday.